Ok so I'm back! I love this story so much I could hardly wait to put in some more words in the story maker :p

Disclaimer: I own nothing I just like messing with Bella and Edward.

I'm Dreaming Of A Soft Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Edward sat frightened on a mountain, sipping stiff eggnog.

He looked at the ugly Chicago hanging on the Christmas tree and sighed. Last year, Bella had hung it there, just before they looked at each other huskily and then fell into each other's arms and fucked each other's dick.

If only I hadn't been so bruised, Edward thought, pouring a fat amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Bella might not have got so wet and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a thick tear and held his hand in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a long voice lifted timidly up in song.

I'm dreaming of a soft Christmas

Just like a leprechaun with a pot of gold

Edward ran to the door. It was Bella, looking hard all over with snow.

"I missed you illegally," Bella said. "And I wanted to fuck your dick again."

Edward hugged Bella and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Bella said.

"I think so too," Edward said and they fucked each other's dick until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted elephant ass and lived quickly until Edward got drunk again.

This one is kind of like the bear story but better :p

The Adventure Of The Elephant

Edward and Bella were out for a stiff Valentine's walk on a mountain. As they went, Bella rested her hand on Edward's dick. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so hard, Edward was filled with long dread.

"Do you suppose it's soft here?" he asked frightened.

"You ugly silly," Bella said, tickling Edward with her apple. "It's completely wet."

Just then, a bruised elephant leapt out from behind a Chicago and fucked Bella in the ass. "Aaargh!" Bella screamed.

Things looked fat. But Edward, although he was thick, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a banana and, like a leprechaun with a pot of gold, beat the elephant quickly until it ran off. "That will teach you to fuck innocent people."

Then he clasped Bella close. Bella was bleeding illegally. "My darling," Edward said, and pressed his lips to Bella's hand.

"I love you," Bella said huskily, and expired in Edward's arms.

Edward never loved again.

The Wet Stranger

the sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Edward strode along the path, making for Bruised Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Fat Apple, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Ass.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his ugly banana just in time to face the hard woman who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The woman struck frightened, and Edward barely raised his banana to meet the attack. They fought long and huskily until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Edward found himself forced to one knee, the woman's banana pressed to his long hand. "I am Bella of Bruised Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Fat Apple. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on a mountain."

But Edward had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his banana with a twist, overpowered Bella and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Edward said, looking down upon her.

Bella's dick shimmered like a leprechaun with a pot of gold. "I have underestimated you, Edward. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Edward's desire was enflamed. His hand throbbed and all his thoughts were to fuck Bella like an elephant. Edward caressed Bella's stiff dick and she responded. They came together illegally, and their joining was as thick as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet Chicago!" Edward groaned and fucked Bella as quickly as he could.

"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Edward said. "That's where I put the Fat Apple for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed timidly on the grass, forgetful of all but their soft love. "We will stay together forever," Bella said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Ass never got the Fat Apple and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

1000 Banana Elephants

Edward paced frightened back and forth. Long dread filled his heart. Bella should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my wet love, Edward thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Bella had been taken hostage by Fat Dick, a super villain who had the city in a state of ugly terror. Edward fainted dead away, like a leprechaun with a pot of gold.

When he came to, there was a bump on his ass and the long dread had returned. "Bella, my soft honey bunny," he cried out illegally. "What is Fat Dick doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing huskily as he fucked her in the hand.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Edward remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 banana elephants, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Edward ordered in a supply of banana and set to work, folding elephants until his ass was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last elephant when Bella walked in the front door.

"Bella!" Edward screamed and threw himself into Bella's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 banana elephants and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on a mountain. He kissed Bella timidly on the hand.

"Actually," Bella said, pulling away quickly, "I was rescued by the Thick Apple. He's a new superhero in town." Bella sighed. "And he's really stiff."

The long dread came back. "But you're hard to be back here with me, right?"

Bella checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Thick Apple for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay bruised, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Edward choked back a sob and started folding another elephant. Then he went out and got drunk instead.

An Apple In Time

On an ugly and fat morning, Edward sat on a mountain. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His dick ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Bella to love someone with a soft ass?

Frightened, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a thick stiff banana, all on a summer's day. I wish my Bella would fuck me, in her own long way..."

"Do you?" Bella sat down beside Edward and put her hand on Edward's hand. "I think that could be arranged."

Edward gasped quickly. "But what about my soft ass?"

"I like it," Bella said illegally. "I think it's bruised."

They came together and their kiss was like a leprechaun with a pot of gold.

"I love you," Edward said timidly.

"I love you too," Bella replied and fucked him.

They bought an elephant, moved in together, and lived huskily ever after.