Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. The title of this fic belongs to Fistful of Mercy. The lyrics in this chapter belong to Panic! At The Disco. I do own a lot of Panic! merch though.
Author's note: Adam will make his appearance in the next chapter. This chapter is kind of meh, but again, these are the exposition chapters so... yeah.
ALSO: I disabled anon reviews because of some person who decided to attack me here instead of saying it to my face. I know several of you don't own ff accounts and like to review, but no worries. I know that you are reading, and that's enough for me. I might enable anon reviews again sometime in the future, but I'm not sure. Thanks for understanding.
"This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital. It's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional, it sure as hell ain't normal but we deal... we deal."
- Camisado, Panic! At The Disco
Clare
She parked her car and sighed deeply, running her fingers through her still-wet hair. Clare glanced at the building in front of her, the intimidating hospital, and she tried hard not to panic. After the ambulance rescued them, after talking to some local reporters who had shown up at the scene, she had gone back to her dorm and taken a shower, still shaken by the events.
Clare felt glad that Alli wasn't there, she didn't feel like explaining. She didn't want to answer questions about anything, and especially not about the reason why she had been at the river when the young man almost drowned.
"Clare, we need to talk."
Clare closed her eyes as she remembered K.C's words, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"What's wrong? Is everything okay?"
"Do you remember Jenna Middleton?"
"Yes, she's in that sorority, right? The blonde one? Why?"
"She's pregnant."
Clare was surprised at the pained moan that escaped her lips, but the words were still piercing her heart. K.C's face, his hesitation, the way the sweat was running down his forehead...
"Oh. Oh."
"I'm sorry, Clare. We hooked up one night and now-"
"You cheated on me? How could you? After I gave you everything?"
Clare opened her eyes and glanced at her ring-less finger and the pain became almost unbearable.
"I was drunk, Clare."
"Stop it," muttered Clare to herself, trying to forget about the conversation. She had broken up with K.C, and she had decided to skip classes after that. She remembered about her childhood, when her dad used to take her to the river whenever she felt sad, and it had made sense to go there and forget about everything.
And then she saw him drowning, his arms trying to scratch the surface, and something told her she needed to save him. Clare jumped in right away, and it surprised her how light and non-responsive the young man was when she reached him, and for a moment she feared that it was too late.
She got out of the car, wondering if the guy was doing all right, and if she would be able to see him. Clare walked into the hospital and looked around, hiding her hands in the pockets of her jacket.
"Excuse me... I was here earlier... with the young man who almost drowned..." she said timidly as the nurse sitting at the welcome desk raised her head.
"Lady, do you have any idea how many drowning victims we get?" drawled the nurse. "What's his name?"
"Um..."
A paramedic walked by and smiled at Clare. "There's our hero. I still can't believe you went in and saved that guy, that was really amazing."
Clare blushed and shrugged. "Is he doing okay?"
The paramedic nodded and pointed at a man sitting in the waiting room. "That's his father. You might want to talk to him... we told his parents about you, but you just left suddenly and we didn't get your name."
"Thanks," said Clare shyly and the nurse just rolled her eyes. Clare walked over to the man, who seemed to be dozing off, and poked him gently in the shoulder.
"Honey, is he- Oh." The man blinked and stared quizzically at her. "Sorry, I'm not in the mood to give out autographs..."
His voice sounded slightly familiar to Clare, and she shook her head. "Um, I'm not looking for an autograph. My name is Clare Edwards... I... um, found your son in the river."
The man's eyes widened and he stood up quickly, giving her a bone-crushing hug. "You saved our Eli, you little piece of awesomeness," the man said, and Clare couldn't help but smile. The man pulled away, placing his hands on her shoulders and Clare's heart broke at the look of gratitude on his face.
"You can call me Bullfrog by the way," he said non-chalantly. "Man, wait until Cece -my wife- knows you're here."
"Actually... I just came back to make sure your son is doing okay," admitted Clare. "That's all I wanted to know..."
"Eli is doing fine... given the circumstances," said Bullfrog darkly. Clare raised an eyebrow and felt that there was something the man wasn't telling her, but she knew it was none of her business to pry.
Clare knew that she could have called the hospital, but it was likely that they wouldn't have given her any information over the phone. And for some reason, she wanted to see Eli again. She thought about the way he was muttering after he started breathing again, the way his eyes opened suddenly, full of sorrow, and Clare felt haunted by them.
"You need to come see him... he needs to see you," said Bullfrog cheerfully, his face lighting up. "Cece wanted some time alone with him, that's why I was here, but I'm pretty sure they're done now. Come on."
Clare had no time to protest; Bullfrog grabbed her by the sleeve and pulled her down the hallway, still chattering excitedly, and Clare heard him say something about "-maybe you can help him."
"Sorry?" started Clare, but they arrived to a door and Bullfrog stopped talking. He knocked softly on the door and a gentle voice replied from the other side. Bullfrog looked at Clare and gave her an encouraging smile as he opened the door.
They walked in, and Clare saw a woman sitting next to Eli's bed, wiping her tears with her sleeve.
"Cece, Eli, this is Clare... Edwards, right? She's the one who rescued Eli."
Clare's eyes fixed on Eli, who glared at her and immediately looked away, making her feel uneasy. Cece stood up and walked over to her, giving Clare the warmest hug she had ever received. Clare wanted to hold on to the woman and cry, but she merely gulped.
"Thank you, lovely. We are so grateful, and we think that you were very, very brave. I have no idea how to thank you," whispered Cece into her ear before pulling away.
"Um... no problem," said Clare embarrassingly. Both Cece and Bullfrog were staring at her as if she was the solution to all their problems and Clare felt extremely uncomfortable.
"Eli, honey, we're going to step out for a moment..." said Cece meaningfully, and Clare's heart started racing. "Maybe you can talk to Clare and... thank her."
"Bye," snapped Eli.
"We'll be right back," smiled Cece, grabbing her husband's hand. Eli's parents walked out of the room and Clare just stood there standing awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Flashbacks of Eli laying on the grass, his dark clothes clinging to his body, how defenseless he looked... Clare remembered running her hand through his hair before giving him mouth-to-mouth, trying to revive him. She felt terrified when she noticed that he wasn't breathing, even though she didn't know him...
"I... I just wanted to check on you. After what happened."
"That's nice of you," said Eli dryly, still not looking at her.
"Are you feeling okay?" asked Clare.
"Oh, yes," he replied sardonically, and Clare frowned. "I feel great."
Clare was slightly annoyed by Eli's reply, and she moved closer to the bed. She noticed the bruises on the left side of his face, and she felt tempted to touch them. Her eyes then trailed down to his right arm, and stifled a gasp when she saw the scar on it. One vertical, botched scar, horribly visible for everyone to see.
"Enjoying the view?" asked Eli, and Clare realized that he was finally looking at her.
"I... I was just..." Clare gulped as she realized that Eli's almost-drowning had been no accident, and she didn't know what to say.
"Spare me the pity," said Eli coldly, hiding his arm under the sheets.
Clare nodded, and she felt a lump in her throat. She couldn't wrap her mind around the idea of someone trying to commit suicide, and the misery etched on Eli's face broke her heart. Clare touched his hand and clutched softly, but he still remained distant.
"If you ever want to talk," said Clare softly. "I'll leave my number with your parents if you want to... If you ever need someone to listen to you."
Eli looked back at her, his eyes fixed on her, and Clare trembled slightly. His eyes were filled with resentment and bitterness, reflecting some of her own emotions after the talk with K.C.
"I don't need salvation," said Eli finally, moving his hand away from Clare's.
"Excuse me?" asked Clare, feeling confused.
"You're wearing a cross around your neck," pointed Eli. "I don't need you and your god telling me that everything is going to be all right, so save it."
Clare's hand touched her cross absentmindedly. "Do your parents know that you tried to kill yourself... again?" she asked scathingly. She wasn't sure why she felt a sudden hatred toward Eli, she just knew that his attitude was infuriating her.
"I slipped," said Eli furiously. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Sure... sure," retorted Clare. "You don't have to be mad at me, you know? I just did what I thought was right."
"Nobody asked you to," snarled Eli, his green eyes flashing with anger. "I didn't ask you to go in and save me. You're not my hero, so if you want me to be eternally grateful to you, don't hold your breath."
"I don't want to be a hero," said Clare bitterly. "Do you think that you're the only one with problems? You just used the easy way out."
Eli sat on the bed, and for a moment, Clare feared for her life. "Shut the fuck up," said Eli, his voice quiet yet filled with fury. "You don't know anything about me. Just get out of here and forget we ever met. I will sure as hell try to forget."
"Fine," snapped Clare, and walked away.
"Stop trying to be a savior!" called Eli after her as Clare slammed the door behind her. She stomped down the hallway, angry tears stinging her eyes. It had been a mistake, going back to the hospital. Eli had just made her day worse.
"Clare! Clare!"
She could hear Eli's parents calling after her, but she didn't want to stay. She didn't want to tell them that Eli was hopeless, that he wouldn't stop until he killed himself...
Clare reached the parking lot, her heart heavy with sorrow, and broke down as soon as she got into her car.
Later
"Edwards, a 20 year-old college student, modestly played down her actions when interviewed about the rescue at the river.
Clare frowned as she walked into the room, and saw Alli staring intently at the TV. Clare glanced at the screen and saw her own face, her hair dripping with water, her lower lip trembling.
"I... I wouldn't say I'm a hero... I was just here."
"The name of the male individual will remain private, but Miss Edwards' actions will not," the reporter was saying, a bored tone in his voice. "Just proof that good people are still out there. Joseph Hunter, reporting live, Channel 6 News."
Alli turned to look at Clare, a look of awe on her face. "You saved someone today?" squealed Alli, running over to her and giving her a hug. "You're famous! How did that happen? And what were you doing there? Was he cute? Does he owe you his life? Of course he does, he better-"
"Alli, stop," said Clare sadly, and Alli frowned at her.
"Are you okay?" asked Alli worriedly.
"No," admitted Clare, and started sobbing.
Alli wrapped her arms around her tightly, stroking Clare's hair gently. Clare just held on to her, thinking of K.C, of Eli, of her very messed-up day. Alli sighed and pulled away, an encouraging smile on her face.
"Tell me everything."
