Chapter 2 – The letter
Dear Jack,
I can't do this anymore. I can't come to work, night and day, without telling you how I feel. I listened to you, and was patient whilst you spoke about your feelings about everything that happened that day, but that's all I am to you, and the others. I'm just someone to rant at and bring you coffee. I'm just the tea-boy, nothing else.
So that's why I'm writing this, Jack. We won't talk about it, and I just can't bring myself to say it to your face, but I'm falling in love with you, Jack. Every time you say my name, shivers run up and down my spine, and every time you touch me…I can't even describe my feelings then.
And that is why I'm not telling you this to your face. This way, I can just pretend I never told you, and we don't need to feel uncomfortable around each other. You can just tear this letter up, put it in the bin, and pretend you never read it. It won't be so easy for me, but perhaps my feelings for you will fade, in time. I hope so – it hurts too much, being near you, at the moment. It always has been.
I've been there for you after a hard day, or week, and every time I get to hold you in my arms, I wish it was under different circumstances. After Lisa, I wasn't worried about betraying Lisa, like I should have been; I was worried about betraying you.
I remember it, Jack. I remember being dead, and I remember you, dragging me back to life again. You kissed me, and it meant nothing to you. But it meant everything to me. You, holding me in your arms like I'd always wanted you to, and kissing me. Then you acted as if nothing had happened, as if I couldn't remember it. But I could, and the way you were acting…it tore me apart.
I would really appreciate it if you just tore up this letter and pretend I never wrote it. I'm feeling pretty embarrassed right now. I'm going to put this letter on your desk and go home. Tomorrow, I'm just going to pretend that this never happened. I'd really appreciate it if you could do the same.
From,
Ianto x
