Disclaimer: This story is a fan-fiction based on 'Durarara!' by Narita Ryogo.

The story will be a bit slow perhaps because I want to spend around three chapters focusing a little on Izumi's background. Enjoy the story!


Chapter 2. Despair

"You are a natural Izumi-chan!" Hiro grinned.

"Uh, thanks?" I said with furrowed brow.

"Well, we all think that way. But you should work on your nervousness. It is so obvious." Tatsuya pointed out.

"I think she will do just fine as we show up in gigs often." Ryo said. "You know, just like Hiro when he started. He gains confidence as we progress."

Toru just listened and sometimes nodded as he was plucking his guitar.

"Guys, do not talk about me! We have to focus on Izumi-chan!" Hiro slammed the coffee table in front of us.

"Okay Izumi-chan, let me explain about Despair." He started. "As you know, we are a member of five now including you. Our band's philosophy is anonymity. During our gigs we would conceal our original appearances with wigs, contact lenses, and masks. So all of us are living double, separate lives. We only perform in underground venues to deliver our songs. We do not have to worry about people knowing about us. Is not that interesting?"

I nodded. I was glad that I could still return to my normal life. I would only be someone else when I was with them.

"And for a bit about our band's history. Originally, we started a year and a half ago, but then our ex-vocalist Alex left after a year because of uh... some problems. So our band was on hiatus for months." Tatsuya continued.

"Yup. We have quite a number of fans but I am not sure how it is now since our hiatus." Ryo shrugged and gulped his cola.

"Anyway Izumi, now that you are officially in Despair, you can start writing lyrics for us." Hiro grinned with his right hand propped under his chin.

"What kind of lyrics do you want?" I asked.

"The dark ones. Just like your blog posts."

"Do I have deadline for that?"

For a moment they were silent and abruptly laughed loudly. Even the quiet Toru was shaking because of the laugh. Did I just say something wrong?

"Oh dear Izumi-chan. You cannot force inspiration to come to you right?" Hiro said still laughing. "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. When we perform, we need to address each other with different names too to keep our true identity a secret! Mine is Ichi."

"Ryuu." Toru said.

"I am Toshio." Ryo grinned.

"And mine is Takao." Tatsuya finished.

"So... Hiro is Ichi. Toru Ryuu, Ryo Toshio, and Tatsuya Takao?" I reconfirmed.

"Yeah. Try not to mistake us okay? It will be hard at first but I am sure you will get used to it." Hiro or Ichi assured me.

"Then Izumi-san, what do you want for your alias?" Tatsuya or Takao curiously asked.

"Hmm... to be honest anything is fine with me."

"How about Rei?" Toru or Ryuu suddenly suggested.

"It rings good in my ears." Hiro nodded.

"I agree." Ryo or Toshio gave his thumb.

"Sure." I gave a small smile.


My life in the band finally began. It was kind of refreshing considering how mundane my days were. So, our band practiced two or three times a week, depending on our schedules. I had improved these past weeks and the pointers they gave me were very helpful. We grew closer too, already calling each other with our first names. Well, Hiro was an exception of course since he already called me Izumi the first time we met. And also, I did not have problem switching from calling their actual names to aliases.

"Hmm... Do you think I should play it like this? Or this?" Hiro asked, strumming his electric guitar.

"I prefer the latter." Toru replied.

We were currently in the middle of creating the music since I gave them five drafts of lyrics yesterday. Hiro said he could not wait and asked us to practice the next day. Sometimes I would give comment to make the music match with the meaning of the lyrics but not too much because they knew their stuff. Week by week passed and we completed all those five songs.

"Finally! Thanks for the hard work guys" Hiro said looking so thrilled.

"Yeah, we should go to venues soon." Tatsuya nodded.

"Where did you guys usually perform?" I asked.

"There was this cafe located in a basement. Also sometimes we held our gigs with the other indie bands in abandoned buildings." Ryo answered.

"We should hit the cafe this Saturday night!" Hiro looked even more excited.

"But how about Izumi?" Toru glanced at my direction.

"I am fine with that?" I tilted my head in confusion.

"If you asked about that stuff, well you have nothing to worry about! I already prepared for it!" Hiro scrambled out of the studio.

"Stuff?" I asked to the others but they kept me in the dark.

Hiro returned and brought a cardboard box.

"Here Izumi-chan." He put the box in front of me.

"What is this?"

"Just open." He shrugged and gave me a cutter.

I opened the said box and inside it, there were white wig, five packs of yellow contacts, and a leather mask.


The building was packed with the youngsters. The sharp smell of cigarette smoke hit my nose to the point that it made my eyes watery and throat hurt. I was so not used to it.

"Are you okay Rei?" Ryuu asked with concern.

"Ah yeah. I am just not used to this kind of place." I said while coughing.

"Do not worry Rei-chan. You will get used to it soon." Ichi patted my back.

It was Saturday night already and we were going to perform in an abandoned warehouse today. I was clad in black for my first gig, with sleeveless shirt, leather jacket, ripped skinny jeans, and combat boots. I also donned the white wig Ichi gave me. It was slightly longer than my original raven hair that fell in the middle of my neck, while the latter was just around my shoulder. I did not forget to wear the yellow contacts as well, along with the leather mask. Everything was new to me. I had a bit of difficulty to put on the contacts, I even accidentally poked my right eye. The leather mask was more comfortable than I thought. I did not have difficulty breathing. There was also a zipper that I could open so I could talk easily.

After another band finished their performance, it was finally our turn. We set our instruments and ran a sound check first. Then again, I could feel my nervousness spread throughout my body. I tried to take deep, slow breaths but they did not help until Ichi called out to me.

"Hey Rei!" He smiled behind his black cotton mask. "Just enjoy it okay? Let all your emotions out."

I just nodded and opened the zipper for my mouth.

The sounds of Ichi and Ryuu's guitars started to fill the building, followed by Toshio's bass and Takao's drums. Closing my eyes, I embraced all the dark feelings I had put into the lyrics and let out my voice...


Author's Note:

1. Whenever on stage, they would refer each other with their respective aliases. Izumi = Rei, Hiro = Ichi, Toru = Ryuu, Ryo = Toshio, and Tatsuya = Takao

2. Their aliases in Japanese katakana along with the meanings: Rei レイ (black, dark), Ichi イチ (one), Ryuu リュウ (dragon), Toshio トシオ (brilliant man), and Takao タカオ (respectful hero).