If I'm going to be totally honest, I don't even know what on earth this story is supposed to be- just kinda went wth whatever I thought best... whatever best means ( o v o;)
After a long day of burning villages, kidnapping princesses and getting killed and sealed away by a certain twink, Ganondorf fell back in his recliner and prepared himself for a long nap. There should be a good few hours before some of the others retur-
Dark Link came crashing in through the hallways, dragging a boy in a rabbit suit behind. Just great- the little bastard didn't even wipe his feet before coming in!
"Oi Ganondad- 'dis mah man Ravioli, can 'e stay over?" Dank Link said with a heavy cockney accent.
"N-"
"Thanks man, you da best!"
Ganondork didn't even get a chance to retaliate when Dank Link ran down another hallway with the poor boy who was just bearly standing. Shortly thereafter you could hear crashing, a cat yowling and a dragon breathing fire.
Ganondwarf had to find a place to nap, or else tomorrow there would be no one there to destroy Hyrule. Unthinkable!
Gannyman picked himself up and headed for the master bedroom(where all the magic happens), surely nobody would disturb him there! It was at the top of the highest tower, had many traps to evade and smelled like chocolate. When GamingDwarf finally got to the top, he smashed his head right into a pillow and was about to sleep when-
"THAT WRETCHED GODDESS DOG IS AT IT AGAIN!"
Ganondorf snapped his head up at the window.
Right there, perched on the narrow windowsill of the only window at the top of the highest tower that had many traps to evade and smelled of chocolate... was Ghirahim. In a dress-up fairy costume that you'd find in a store. Skirt and wand included.
"MASTER YOU MUST HELP US- SHE MADE RAISIN COOKIES INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!" Ghirahim was screeching so horribly loud you could hear him all the way to the Mushroom Kingdom, it's a wonder that nobody got deaf or turned into a pile of ash right then and there.
This was a serious situation. Normally Ghirahim would tell him trivial things like Zant snapped his neck or Cia was swinging from a chandelier, but this time, it was urgent.
"That's it- this the third time this week she's done it, and I've HAD IT!" Sir Bacon jumped of the bed and dashed to the windowsill. "But how do you plan to get us down?"
"SIMPLE, WE CALL TINGLE!" David Bowie's voice was starting to crack by this point.
"BING DINGADING, TINGLE DO YOUR THING!"
All the birds in the area- loftwings with riders included, immediately flew off in the direction of Death Mountain, and willingly threw themselves into the crater of the volcano to end their suffering- and all before you could say spaghetti.
Somewhere off in the distance, you could see Tingle rising up high into the sky- but unfortunately he was speared on the beak of a loftwing who was headed to Death Mountain, and thus perished the firey pit.
Ganondorf didn't give the scene so much as a glance.
"Oh no, he died- WELL THAT'S NOT IDEAL!"
"Never liked the bloke anyway- never payed his taxes." Ganondad was picking his ubsurdly short nails, eventually he got frustrated with being unable to pick them and turned to his sparkly lieutenant. "Now, how do you suppose we get down? I am not going through all those traps again."
Suddenly the demonic male powerpuff girl snatched the King of Evil's hand. Black eyes stared into golden ones. Without warning the drag queen flipped Ganondorf outside, dangling.
"Brother, why?" Gannyman pleaded, a bit OOC for him but meh.
Ghirahamsandwich began to slowly lean over, and whispered into MufasaGanondorf's pointed ear.
"Long. live. the. kiiing." he rew out his words and his voice was lower than Ganondork had ever heard before.
And with that, he let go.
He let go.
...and GamingDwarf was still clinging onto Gigi's wrists. Gigi promptly shook his wrists and viola- off fell the Gerudo King!
"Hm, high time I examine his diary. I bet he has a recipe for chocolate chip cookies there!"
Meanwhile good ol' porkchop here was falling from about four hundred and twenty stories, screaming at the top of his lungs.
"Ooooooh- another one, and this time it's shiny!"
"Oi lemme see it."
Yesterday Stritch and Agitha set out to collect the finest bugs in all the world, but unfortunately complications arose when Demise threw a hissy fit about them searching in his garden and teleported them right in the middle of the Lost Woods and thus they couldn't get back home. But that was all good, after all, with nobody around to catch these bugs for years they must have grown noice and big.
Stritch clambered up the tree to join Agitha. Infact, he had unkowingly just climbed up the corpse of the first Deku Tree. They could see everything from up here. Including a shooting star falling from the top of Ganondorf's Super-duper Huge Fortress that's over fourhundred and twenty stories high.
Agitha gasped, and pointed at the falling object.
"Look Stritch- a shooting star!"
"Eh, where?"
Unfortunately, due to the fact the castle was really far away, the "star" in question looked very small and there was a significant height difference between the two, Stritch couldn't see where she was pointing.
Agitha tried to scoot up right beside him so she could see it from his point of view.
"There!"
"Where?"
"I said there-" Agitha was starting to get frustrated at her accomplice.
"I can't see it-"
"IT'S RIGHT THERE YA TWIT!"
Stritch angled himself a bit, and then, FINALLY he saw it!
"Oh. Noice." he said nonchalantly, and went back to searching for bugs.
Agitha was gobsmacked. He got to see a shooting star(apparently she didn't know shooting stars usually aren't visible during the day and don't fall directly from huge four hundred and twenty story high buildings), and all he could say was noice?
"DO YA NOT KNOW WHATTA DO WHEN YA SEE A SHOOTING STAR?! YA MAKE A WISH!" I have no idea how she managed to make her statement both bold and italic, but somehow she did.
Stritch briefly cast her a glance.
"Where I come from, we wish upon bugs."
Ganondork was still falling, and still yelling. Three minutes in and he was already halfway down the length of the complex.
Was this the end? Was he going to die? I mean, he's been killed like seven plus times already and shouldn't be contemplating the end of his life by this point, and he can't be killed by anything other than the Master Sword- but hey, let's have him contemplate.
He sincerely wished he could have told Cia how to bake chocolate chip cookies- but alas, with him gone, who will teach her now?
And then Sir Bacon here remembered he had the Triforce of Power. Like seriously dude, you could have gotten yourself out of this mess earlier if you took a good look at your right hand while you were picking your short stubby nails.
But unfortunately he was too late and came crashing down into the comedically small backyard surrounded by a white picket fence with one of those round blue kiddy-pools with a yellow rim that never have enough water and what water there was had been splashed out by your little cousins... and landed on poor Ravio.
Not much remained of the kid after the collision, but he would always be remembered.
"Ganondaaaad- ya keeled Ravio! Aw, bummer." said a disappointed Dank Lonk.
He had just been playing a game of frizbee with the heat-stroken boy in a rabbit suit when Ganonman just crashed down. Apparently none of them heard the loud yells and decided to actually get out the way.
Impa came rushing out into the backyard, tripped down the stairs from the patio, then kept running. She miraculously tossed the beefy nine foot tall black man aside and checked for Ravio. All that was left was his nose. That's it.
Impa slowly looked up at the window of the highest tower in the castle, and found a certain demon skimming through Ganondorf's diary. She leapt up and began to scale the four hundred and twenty story building.
What followed afterwards... was not very pleasant. After he returned from the hospital, Ghirahim was told to sit in his room and think about what he did and Impa was fired for lacing the cookies with raisins.
Dank Lunk buried Ravio's nose in the cemetery to commemorate him. Within three days of being buried, from the seed that was his nose Ravio- the almighty bunny boi rose from his grave... and proceeded to search about for his rabbit suit.
Dank Lank had come to visit the grave once more, with a boquet of wilted dandelions because he read somewhere that rabbits like those, when he saw a truly glorious sight!
Ravio himself rising from the grave infront of his own eyes, dressed in a chicken suit and looking absolutely astonishing.
"Ravio!" Dank Link was beyond thrilled to see his friend of five hours that he barely knew alive and well.
Ravio looked at him liked he was the sun. And by that I mean his face contorted to look like a raisin. There was a long pause and the sound of crickets chirping.
"Mah name's Jeff."
Silence once more.
"Wha?" he scrunched his face up a bit, trying to make sense of what he just heard.
"I said my name's Jeff." Ravio began muttering something under his breath. "Mah mama named me Jeff, it was only after she left me in the custody of a pasta maker I was named Ravio- after ravioli, of course."
"Oh, then hi Jeff- I missed ya!" he just acted like nothing happened at all.
"Bruh, we didn't even know eachother for five hours. You just brough me to your house and we played frizbee- before I got killed by that beefy bloke landing on me."
"Ah yea mate, sorry 'bout dat- mah homie Ghirahamsandwich kinda threw him off the building- the guy's a bit odd if I'm honest with ya."
After that weird conversation, Dank Lonk returned Ravioli- I mean Jeff, to his house; and as it turns out Jeff's legal guardian is none other than Mama Luigi himself.
After an awkward conversation and having Ravio- I MEAN JEFF- being scolded with the typical "that's Mama Lugi to you" quote when he simply called him Luigi, Dankiest Lunk made his way back home.
And as he did, out of the woods sprang Agitha and Stritch- the police had been searching for them for days since they were declared missing.
"Oi where the 'ell 'ave ya been- the entire town's looking everywhere for ya!"
Both of them looked like an utter mess.
Stritch's trousers were now practically shorts, he had a literal birdsnest woven in his bowlcut and his cloak was now a bib.
Agitha's dress was missing it's sash and sleeves and a good chunk of the skirt, her shoes and tights were absolutely drenched in mud and if you thought Stritch's hair was bad, then Agitha's is beyond horrendous. Leaves and twigs were strewn about it, it was beyond knotty, most of it was stained brown with mud and there was a small pink ocarina wedged into one of the pigtails.
They also smelled horrible too.
"We went on a quest to find the best bugs ever," Stritch explained. "when we ended up in Demise' garden. Long story short, he got pissed, teleported us in the middle of the Lost Woods. We ended up falling down some tree, there was a bendy corridor, some creep with a mask was there, we got changed into these wood people, made our way out, the guy who sells those tacky masks around Halloween was there and asked us to get something for him. At first we thought 'okay, so we just needa get sumthin' for this fine gentleman' but then it turned out he wanted this weird heart-shaped mask- I think it was called Margaret or something like that?"
Stritch took some time to breathe, before continuing.
"Yeah- then we said 'hell naw', made our way out, found this village of kids, got changed back, managed to anger this green-haired girl and she threw an ocarina at us and now here we are."
"Wow- sounds like something mah man Link went through-"
"Which Link, there's like a million Links in this town." Stritch asked.
"I think it was mah man Time, yea-"
"CAN WE JUST GET TO THE POLICE STATION ALREADY?!" Agitha had it up to here with these dweebs- she wasn't too keen on being out here any longer.
They brought them to the Police Station, filled out all the necessary forms and whatnot and got the pair back home. An arrest warrant had been issued for Demise Mauison, but he threatened them with calling his bud Magaret or something to bring down the moon- they were about to carry on when a Link Time came running, begging them not to do it.
It was a complicated affair and eventually, much to the chagrin of Agitha's mother, the great fairy Cotera and essentially everyone else in the town, the arrest warrant was appealed.
Dark Link returned home, told the rest of his housemates about the news, and afterwards promptly sat down and played Mortal Kombat for a good while.
All in all, it was a good day.
This is a mess, a *beautiful* mess in my opinion, but still...
