2. The Order

Dumbledore escorts Lily through the hidden staircase to the second floor. He is as delighted as a father about to present his daughter her first bike on Christmas morning I lag behind, nervous at what the old codger has going on inside his head — what he might be planning.

They enter the doorway into a large conference room, magiced to be much larger than the actual house should allow. The witches and wizards seated at the table all look up in shock. I can only assume that they reflect the absurd look on my face from earlier.

"Alice?" Lily exclaims, running forward to seize the hand of her old Griffindor housemate. "And Frank!" She has not seen the Longbottoms since their wedding only a few months earlier. They both smile at her.

"Lillian," says Dumbledore, "Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix."

"The what?"

"A secret society I had the good foresight to establish with the help of all these excellent volunteers. You already know the Longbottoms, and that is Marlene McKinnon, Benjy Fenfick, Edgar Bones, Caradoc Dearborn, and the brothers over there, Gideon and Fabian Prewett, and this is my brother Aberforth. There are more members but they could not make today's meeting."

"Professor." Lily looks quite overwhelmed. "I don't mean to be rude, but what exactly is the Order?"

"We wanted to help Dumbledore fight against You-Know-Who," says Alice quickly.

"Fight?" Lily shakes her head. "But… but what are you doing then in the home of a known Death Eater?"

She glares at me where I stand in the shadows, just outside the threshold of the room. These people have not made it a secret that they do not like me, a favor that I do not mind returning in kind.

"Please calm yourself, Lillian," says Dumbledore. "Yes, Severus has joined Tom Riddle's Death Eaters and taken their mark, but the truth is that he only did so at my request."

She stops dead. For a few minutes there is silence in the room. Then Lily turns to the headmaster and says, "I don't understand."

Dumbledore comes over to me and gently tries to coax me into the room. I seriously consider hexing the old man for putting me in this position.

"Severus may be our most valuable member," Dumbledore continues. "He keeps us privy to secrets and movements that we cannot gain otherwise. It keeps us one step ahead of our enemies."

"A spy for you." Lily sounds indifferent. "Since when?"

"Since, what is it now, Severus? Four years?"

Lily walks up to me, her expression a blank mask. Strange, I have faced the Dark Lord, I have lied successfully straight to the face of the most powerful dark wizard in history and yet I cannot withstand the anger radiating off of her. I have never seen her this angry… ever. Not even when she told me off for the last time. I am unprepared for when she strikes me across the face. Her anger alarms me so that I cannot block the blows that rein down now without mercy.

"You bastard!" Lily screams and continues to hit every inch of me that she can reach.

"Lillian, please." Dumbledore does his best to restrain her.

"Bastard! You've been a spy against You-Know-Who for all these years and you never told me?!" She is close to hysterical now. "You let me hate you and believe that you were one of them? Why?"

"I had to," I say quietly.

"Why? Tell me that!"

"It was the only was to keep you safe!" I shout and she goes still. Then I take a deep breath and begin. "In Hogwarts after our… falling out, I went to Lucius Malfoy and his lot and told him that I would join them. I couldn't officially join the Dark Lord while I was at school, but Malfoy had us do little jobs for him, to prove that we were willing to make a difference. He asked us to make lists of any muggles and muggle-born wizards we knew. I didn't like the sound of that and tried to keep your name clear, but Avery beat me to it. Malfoy said he was going to conduct investigations on the families of the names and… well, all I could think was that if any harm came to Mr. and Mrs. Evans, or to you, then it would be my fault. I couldn't live with the shame of that, so… so I went to Dumbledore."

"You did?" Lily stares at me. "Oh, Sev, didn't that get you into trouble?"

"I might have been killed for it, but I was careful. I told Dumbledore what I had done and how good people were going to get hurt. He said that if I really wanted to help them I had to be braver than I ever thought possible."

"You mean become a Death Eater so you could spy for the Order?"

I close my eyes and exhale. "It was all I could do to make up for the way I treated you, after I ruined things between us. It was the only way I could ever prove myself worthy to you again."

"You… you idiot!" She snarls at me. "Putting your life in the hands of a bunch of psychopaths was your answer? You thought that getting yourself killed would impress me? And you!" She rounds on Dumbledore. "How could you ask him to do this? It's suicide! You-Know-Who will murder him and it will be all your fault!"

The cheerful disposition of the headmaster remains in tack. "Severus and I discussed the risk and yet he still bravely agreed. Besides, he is skilled in defense against the Dark Arts and is one of the most gifted Occlumens I have ever met. He is not without protection, Lillian."

"He's barely out of school!"

"As are you, my dear, and here you stand ready to join your life with another. Is that not also a life-altering decision?"

Lily stares into my eyes, imploring me to see reason. "Don't do this. Please, don't do this. I couldn't bear it if you died. We can leave the country, go into hiding. I'll go anywhere you go. We can be together. Please, Sev."

I hate her for doing this to me. Coming here tonight was practically a declaration of love, I realize, and now she is willing to risk dying for a beggar like me. She is so close to me now. The edge of her dress brushes against my fingers. Her perfume fills my senses, making them swim. I struggle through her pretty words, relying on my self-discipline to keep me strong. "Despite what people may think of me, Lily, I am not a coward. I will not take that route, even if it means I must give up the one person I love in this world."

She sobs and throws her arms around my neck. Unsure of myself, I put my arms around her as well. A human being, especially Lily, so close to me is unfamiliar, but I cannot seem to push her away.

"Why must you be so bleeding noble?" she weeps.

"Someone has to uplift the reputation of Slytherin House. Griffindors can't always have all the glory."

She lifts her eyes to mine, her face so sad and beautiful and determined. It scares me almost as much as attracts me. "Dumbledore," she says, "I want you to marry us."

I blink in disbelief. She did not just say what I thought I heard.

Dumbledore's eyebrows go up under his hat. "Why do you ask for that?"

"I'd like to know that, too," I say.

"You are sacrificing so much to protect others," she says. "But who will protect you, Sev?" Who will be there to keep you from falling into the abyss? Severus, I love you and I will not let you do this alone."

I hold her at arm's length. It's all I can do not to shake her till she comes to her senses. "You must be mad. You are not going to go through with anything of the sort. It would not be… prudent."

Lily laughs. "That is your best argument?"

"When I went to the Dark Lord, I knew that he would see straight into my soul to find the truth. So that is what I used. I told him how devastated I was that the girl I had fancied rejected me for a worthless wizard, and how I wanted to revenge myself against them and all blood traitors and muggle-borns. The Dark Lord would understand this kind of hatred, and he believed me. If you did become my… wife…." The word was so strange on my tongue. "How could I maintain my façade when I'd be the happiest man alive? The Dark Lord always knows, Lily. You'd become a target!"

"I am an Auror. I'm already a target."

I look to Dumbledore for assistance. He gently pats Lily on her shoulder. "I am sorry, Lillian, but Severus cannot break cover now. It would put many lives at stake, including his own. You must leave tonight, and tomorrow you will marry James as planned. Severus will need that pain to keep within Tom's inner circle. Isn't that correct, Severus?"

"Certainly, sir," I say. "Why, just now, the thought of Lily and James together is enough to make the bile rise up in my throat."

She smiles at me. "Then you won't be the only one leading a double life. I will marry James and behave like a proper wife to the world, but in secret I will be yours, Sev. Always."

Before I can think or even stop myself I take her face in my hands. "Lily, you cannot… I won't let you."

She puts her hands over mine. "And I won't abandon you. Not again." She looks at Dumbledore. "Will you do us this honor, sir?"

"Delighted and honored as I am, my dear," says the headmaster, "I'm afraid that my authority will not make it official."

Lily shakes her head. "I don't care. I just want to hear the words. Please, Sev?"

The Order members, forgotten in the background until now, are on the edge of their seats, awaiting my answer.

I finally break down, as I always do whenever she is involved, as she knows I will. My fingers dare to touch the silky tendrils of her hair. She sighs and puts her head on my chest.

Dumbledore kindly performs the ceremony, and as he waves his wand over our heads, a shower of silver stars entwine our figures and our joined hands glow golden.

"Well…" Dumbledore is as surprised by this as any of us. "Well, now. I've always said that the power of love is the strongest force in the universe. Congratulations, my children, the both of you!"

The Order members cheer and give a round of applause and for one glorious moment in my life I allow the joy to claim me. And this frightens me more than anything I've ever known.

Author's Note: Just in case anyone was confused, I chose only the Order members that we knew had died in battle not long after this time period. Aberforth is the exception, but I figured he was someone who knew how to keep his secrets hidden.

Also, the silver stars and glowing hands were supposed to mean that the magic accepted Dumbledore's wedding ceremony, and that Lily and Snape actually became husband and wife. I almost feel sorry for James, but it's my small way of leveling the playing field for all the injustices he had caused Severus.