Partners in crime

'Why would you want me to babysit the parasite? Face it Cuddy, we'd set your house on fire,' House was speaking in a very slow voice, as though addressing a little child, as he made himself comfortable on his couch.

'Maybe because no one's available today… not even my currently unemployed sister,' she picked Rachel's backpack from the floor, switching the phone to her other ear in the process.

'Who says I'm available?' He placed his bad leg over the table. 'I could have hired a hooker, or, I don't know, be having a date?'

Cuddy chuckled, compassionless. 'Yeah, right. Don't make me laugh.'

'You already did, Cuddy,' he replied, his voice sombre. 'I'm sorry, it's a no. Actually, I'm not even sorry.' He paused for a moment. 'Now you can start begging or bribe me into saying yes… I can think of a really effective bribe…'

'Shut up House, you're not getting any. I'll give you two hours off the clinic.'

'Just two? Jesus woman, you are really underestimating your kid's ability to get on my nerves. Say,' he frowned '…ten and we have a deal.'

'Five. It would be for a couple of hours, not for an entire week,' Cuddy sounded annoyed.

House rolled his eyes. 'Fine. But I am not to be held responsible if your house has turned to ashes when you return from that moronic fundraiser.'



Half an hour late, House parked his motorbike outside Cuddy's place.

He limped his way towards the door, mentally cursing himself for having agreed to look after the kid. He knocked the door, twice. Any other day he'd just barged in, but he this time he didn't even want Cuddy to open the door.

He should have asked for twenty less clinic hours.

Much to his surprise, Rachel herself opened the door. As far as he was concerned, Cuddy didn't allow her to do that, since she feared she would be kidnapped by gipsies or something equally unlikely.

'You're late,' the small figure dressed in pink flannel pyjamas pointed out, accusingly.

'I know. Where's your mother?'

'Getting ready.'

He stepped into the house, forcing Rachel to move away from the entry, and closed the door behind him.

'I don't want you kidnapped by some weird guy from Puerto Rico under my supervision. But I do want you kidnapped, don't get your hopes up,' he declared. Rachel stared at him, puzzled.

'Mommy said she wanted to speak to you. She's in her room,' Rachel raised her index and pointed in the direction of her bedroom. It's not like it was necessary. He knew exactly where it was. 'You're in trouble,' she added, a very unladylike smile plastered on her face.

House snorted. 'I'm always in trouble when it comes to your mommy dearest, kid. After five years, I thought you'd be smart enough to know it.'

'I am smart. And you are in trouble,' she smiled again and House felt the urge to strangle her. She was too cute for her own good.

House ignored her and headed for Cuddy's room just when she was exiting it, dressed for the fundraiser in a positively breathtaking evening gown.

'You should wear black more often,' he joked, knowing that Cuddy tended to wear black a hell of a lot when she worked. The dress did do her justice. She looked… stunning.

'Save me the compliment and tell me why Charlie Lewis' mother called me out of her mind because Rachel told him one of his friends would kick his ass,' Cuddy's expression was severe.

'Well, that Wilson guy should stop cursing around your little leech…'

'Oh, cut the crap House, Rachel told me you were the one who taught her that,' she spat out harshly, and House was somewhat angry at her.

Once in his life, he had set his mind to help Rachel out and now he was being scolded for that.

'Did she tell you why I taught her that?' He inquired, his voice rather cracked.

'No, but I don't need your reasons…'

He cut her off. 'Trust me, you do,' he hissed.

Something in House's eyes suggested he meant what he had said, and Cuddy began to worry. She entered her bedroom again and House followed, suppressing an insinuating innuendo remark.

'What happened?'

'Apparently, that Charlie kid was making fun of her because she doesn't have, you know, a father,' House explained casually, as though willing to rest importance to the subject. It didn't work, since Cuddy sat on the bed looking appalled and brought her hand to her forehead in a defeated gesture.

'Why did she tell you and not me?'

'I don't know, Cuddy. She was there, sitting on my chair, and suddenly she asked me if she could tell the kids at school that I was her father…'

'What?! Why you?' Ok, Rachel may not share her DNA but she had also succumbed to House's uncanny charm—or so it seemed.

'…because that Charlie kid was bugging her,' he finished the sentence, ignoring her comment. 'And I told her the obvious, that I am not her father…'

'And when does the kick ass thing barges in?'

'And she was all teary, and blah blah, so I told her she could tell that idiotic Charlie Lewis that I would kick his ass,' he resumed his explanation.

'Why didn't you tell me? If she's having doubts about that, she should talk to me.'

'It was supposed to be a secret. Too bad Charlie's mommy blew the whistle,' he said mockingly.

They were silent for a while.

'House? What else did you tell her?' Cuddy asked, worried that House might have said something incredibly nasty to her little girl.

'Nothing. Seriously,' He glanced at the clock placed on her night table. 'You are gonna be late. You are late.'

'So were you,' Cuddy retorted, rising from the bed and straightening her dress. 'Get out and go look after my child.'

'Oh, come on, you're not even gone yet!' He whined in his usual way.


'You little parasite!' House sat next to Rachel on her bed. 'Why didn't you tell your mother why I told you I would kick Charlie's ass?'

Cuddy had left five minutes ago, after having given him a bunch of instructions he had forgotten by the time she left the house.

'I don't know,' the girl was facing away from him, clutching onto a tiny teddy bear he was sure Wilson had bought. At least it wasn't a blanket. That would have been incredibly clichéd and corny. 'I wanted you to get in trouble,' she turned around in order to face him, a wide smile lighting up her features.

If the girl hadn't been Cuddys and adopted, a stranger could have thought House and her were related.

'I was trying to help you and you wanted me to get in trouble? No wonder Charlie makes fun of you!'

'Shut up,' Rachel narrowed her eyes in fake anger.

'What makes you think you can actually make me stop talking?'

'I'm hungry?' The girl tried.

House, for the eleventh time in an hour, rolled his eyes. 'Fine. If you die of hunger, I will have to work for your mommy until my ninetieth birthday,' He stood up in one fluid motion, wincing from the pain it caused.

'You OK?' Rachel asked, concerned, as he rubbed his leg in a futile attempt to ease the pain away.

'I'm fine,' he replied, limping in the direction of the bedroom's exit. 'I'll see what your mother left for us.'

Rachel rose from the bed and swiftly joined him as he walked into the kitchen.

'You don't want to,' she confided, whispering.

'I don't?'

The little girl shook her head, her face showing disgust.

'Uncle James always orders pizza,' Rachel informed while House inspected the weird and probably horrible stuff they were supposed to eat. If he was going to babysit the bloodsucker, at least she could have left him money to order some takeout. It wasn't like he'd buy drugs with her money.

'I'm not surprised. Does she always make you eat this veggie awful stuff?' He pulled a face.

'Not always, but a lot,' she defended her mother. 'It's good for me.'

'Yeah, right. What do you like on your pizza?'

'You sure? Mommy will be very angry…'

'I know. And it's fun; Wanna be my partner in crime?'


Cuddy turned up at home passed midnight, weary and even depressed. Two potential donors had hit on her, and she had been forced to play along with them so that they wouldn't develop a Freudian complex and refuse to help her build the new Paediatrics wing. And the two men in question were so hopelessly boring!

Coming home was a relief after having endured their behaviour for an entire evening. And House and Rachel hadn't burned down the house, which was also great… but the household was too silent, too still. It was surprising, since she had thought House would increase Rachel's sugar intake considerably, only to piss her off.

The muffled sound of the TV that reached her ears meant they were probably in her room, so she literally dragged her feet in its direction. The pumps she had worn were killing her, and were left discarded somewhere in the hall.

She entered her room, almost expecting her daughter and her nanny (if House found out she had called him that even in her thoughts, he'd kill her) to be wide awake and waiting for her comeback. Instead, she found the two of them deeply asleep on her bed. If House had been the first one to fall asleep. She'd scold him for that later, but at the moment, it didn't matter—Rachel was resting her head against his chest, and one of his arms was wrapped protectively around her tiny frame. She looked so small, and House looked so big and tall. Five years ago, when she had decided to foster and adopt Rachel, she could have never imagined such a scene. House had been reluctant to accept the fact that her daughter was there to stay… she knew he was capable of connecting with children, and for some strange reason, Rachel was very fond of him. Maybe it was because House indulged Rachel's every whim, driven by a fierce desire for pissing Cuddy off…

But still, he had been even nice to her with the Charlie Lewis issue. Maybe he cared for her. Cuddy smiled at the thought.

She wasn't up for logical explanations at 1 am, when a man she was sure she loved was comfortably resting on her bed next to her daughter. She sat on the edge of the bed, hoping House, a light sleeper, wouldn't wake up. He surely was tired and he could spend the night there if he wanted… she'd sleep on Rachel's bed. At least it was better than the couch. He stared at the two of them for a brief second before standing up in order to turn off the TV.

And then, House woke up. She knew it without even having to look; his breathing became more noticeable, she heard him stir…

'So, how was the fundraiser?' He inquired, his voice slightly hoarse from sleep.

'Horrible,' she replied without even bothering to look at him.

'How many guys made a line in order to…' he began, but Cuddy cut him off.

'Not now, House. I'm really tired and I just want to go to bed. And I know you are raising an eyebrow suggestively, and the answer is no, again,' her tone was bossy and determinate.

'Killjoy,' House mumbled and sat back on the bed, pushing Rachel aside carefully. Cuddy caught a glimpse of his tender movements out of the corner of her eye. Rachel didn't even flinch. 'I guess I better go now,' he uttered in between yawns.

'You don't have to leave,' Cuddy turned around.

'Talk about mixed signals…'

'I meant you don't have to drive home if you are tired. It's late,' she didn't even have the energy to argue with him. 'I'll take Rachel's bed,' she resumed while searching for a pair of pyjamas in one of her drawers.

'Never mind,' he stood up and grabbed his cane. He had left it resting against the bedside table. 'I have to go.' He walked out of the room and Cuddy followed him.

'Are you sure?' She took a few steps closer to him.

'Yes, it's fine. I can't show up at work with the same clothes, can I?' The tone he employed made perfectly clear that was not his real reason. 'Half of the hospital thinks we've been sleeping together for years, wouldn't want to give them reasons to believe it's true.'

'Since when do you care about my reputation? You did nothing but start that kind of rumours.'

'Hey, it wasn't me!' He lied 'It was the weird six fingered nurse!'

'Yeah, right. I know you ordered pizza. I expressly told you not to. Rachel should be eating healthy stuff…'

'Oh, come on Cuddy, she's only five. It's not like she eats pizza all the time. You are her mother, after all, even if she's adopted. That crap we were supposed to eat smelled horribly and she likes vegetables on her pizza. Most 5 year olds don't even go near vegetables by themselves unless you threaten them with a gunshot.'

Cuddy rolled her eyes. 'It better be the last time.'

'I love it when you get all maternal with me, Cuddles... so Oedipus-like…'

'Shut up,' she spat out, angrily.

'Oh, there, you did it again,' he brought his hand to his heart mockingly, but this time she smiled softly.

They were silent for a little while, standing in the doorstep, two uncertain figures.

'House?' Cuddy spoke up.

'What?' He replied, almost rudely.

'Thank you,' her voice was soft, free of its usual bossy manner.

'I can't believe you are thanking me even if I taught your spawn a bad, bad word!' He made fun of her, but his tone suddenly got serious. 'I must've done something right, then.'

'You did.' Before leaving for the fundraiser, she had had a small but revealing talk with Rachel. The little girl had reproduced exactly what House had said. If he had been any other person, she'd have hug him or kiss him on the cheek. But it wasn't the case. And if she kissed him… well, he'd make fun of her for the rest of her life.

His hand came to rest on the doorknob.

'Well, then, you're welcome.'

And with that, he left.


A/N: Wow. This is the longest chapter I've ever written! I've been stuck for weeks with my other House fic, but this one was quite easy to write. I know you were probably looking forward to a bit of House/Rachel interaction, but since I think this story will end up becoming a multi-chaptered fic, I thought there'd be plenty of chances for it in the future.

Please, DO review and let me know what you think. Shall I continue with this story?

Love you all :)