By Reason of Mental Disease or Defect
Chapter 2
"'I will do whatever you say,' Ruth answered. So she went down to the threshing floor and did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet."
Annie felt like she was swimming through quicksand. It was dark and she felt cold. Her eyes were closed, she realized. She tried to open them, but they were too heavy. She wasn't in pain, but her breathing was slow and labored. She could hear distant sounds but couldn't make any sense of them. Then she realized that she recognized the sounds of soft footsteps walking up and down hallways, of voices murmuring, and somewhere nearby she could hear the sound of a blood pressure machine. She felt pressure on her right arm, and then it eased. There was a distinctive odor that took her a moment to place. Of course, it was antiseptic. She had spent the last fifteen years of her life surrounded by these sounds and smells. She was in a hospital.
"'Who are you?' he asked.
'I am your servant Ruth,' she said. 'Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer.'"
Bobby? She had been surrounded by this sound for ten years. It was the sound Bobby's deep voice, soft and low. But his words didn't make sense to her. What was he talking about and who was he talking to?
"'The Lord bless you, my daughter,' he replied. 'This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character.'"
Boaz? Ruth? Kinsman-redeemer? Now she recognized Bobby's words as well as his voice. This was the book of Ruth in the Old Testament. Bobby was reading the Bible. But why? This didn't make any sense. She lay there listening to Bobby's voice reading from Ruth. As she focused on his voice, she began to remember.
She remembered being grabbed, she remembered the pain throughout her body, and she remembered falling. She was attacked in the church kitchen, and now she was in a hospital. She tried again to open her eyes and this time they obeyed. She was in a semi-reclining position. Without moving her head, she tried to look to her left. She saw the rail of a hospital bed, and an IV pump. Now she could feel the blood pressure cuff on her right arm, the sticky feel of heart monitor electrodes on her skin, and the nasal cannula for oxygen in her nose. She knew that she must have an IV in her left arm, but she couldn't feel it. She shifted her eyes to the right, and there he was. Bobby. He was sitting next to her bed, holding her worn leather Bible in his large hands, and reading aloud from it. He was reading one of her favorite Bible stories. She wondered how long he had been reading to her; his voice sounded hoarse. He looked tired, as though he hadn't slept in days. His face had at least two days growth, and his clothing was wrinkled.
Annie tried to lift her hand to touch him, but it felt heavy and clumsy. Her movement caught Bobby's attention and he stopped reading. He laid the Bible down, picked up her hand, and held it to his lips. He kissed her hand and smiled at her.
"Hello Sleepyhead. Are you planning on spending the entire day in bed?"
She tried to speak but her voice was cracked and scratchy from dryness and disuse. Finally she was able to form words and asked, "Did I scream?"
Bobby looked at her for a moment in silence.
"Did you what?"
"Did I scream?"
He leaned close to her and asked softly, "Did you scream when, Babe?"
Annie tried to swallow. "In the kitchen. I thought I screamed, but I'm not sure. Did I scream?"
Without letting go of her, Bobby pulled his chair closer with his free hand. He covered her hand with both of his and rested his elbows on his knees. His expression was so full of sorrow that Annie wanted to cry.
"No, I don't think you screamed. Your friend Sarah said she heard a crash in the kitchen and thought you dropped the tray of dishes. She went to help you pick them up, and…….and found you on the floor. They called the paramedics and you were brought here."
Bobby stopped and let her digest this much of the story. Annie thought about it for a moment, remembering the scream and someone yelling to call 911.
"Was anyone else hurt?"
Bobby said, "No. Sarah saw the man going out the back kitchen door, but he didn't threaten anyone else. He just ran off down the street." He hesitated before adding, "Sarah recognized him. They found him the next day, Annie. He's in custody now."
Annie closed her eyes. She hadn't seen him, but she was sure she knew who it was.
She struggled to take a deep breath, but it was too painful. She wanted to ask about the baby, but she was afraid of what Bobby would tell her. She knew that if the baby were alright, Bobby would have told her as soon as he saw she was awake. He was watching her face intently.
"How bad is it?"
"He stabbed you three times; once in your lower right back, once on the right side of your stomach, once under your left breast. The one on your left caused your lung to collapse, so you have a chest tube in. You had surgery to repair your liver and one of your ureters. You lost a lot of blood and they've given you three transfusions. You have an IV for fluids and pain medicine, and you have a catheter."
The pneumothorax and the chest tube explained why it was so hard to breathe.
"Where are the kids?" she asked.
"With Janey." Their next door neighbor and Annie's good friend. "I told them that Mommy got hurt, but the doctors are taking care of you. Your grandfather is here. They have only let him in for a few minutes at a time. He has spent almost every minute away from you in the chapel. Your pastor and quite a few of the people from your church have been in there with him off and on."
Grandpa came from Connecticut. He must be so frightened. He had spent much too much time in hospitals, waiting for bad news.
She looked at Bobby and tried to think of another question, any question, other than the one she needed to ask the most. Bobby was still watching her closely. She realized that he was not going to say anything until she asked. He was waiting for her to be ready to hear the news. She delayed it just a bit longer.
"What day is it?"
He told her that it was late Thursday night, which meant it was two and a half days since the attack. Bobby said, "You came around a couple of times, but only for a few minutes, and you didn't seem to realize what was going on." She didn't remember anything since those brief moments in the church kitchen.
She couldn't stall any longer. "What about the baby?"
Bobby kept his eyes locked with hers and his hands covering her hand. He leaned closer and spoke so softly that she had to strain to hear him.
"There was nothing they could do, Baby. They said….." He paused, lowered his head, and exhaled. "They said that she died instantly."
Annie pulled her hand from his and laid her palm on his face. She felt the scratchy stubble on his cheek, and then moved her hand to his head, entwining her fingers in his hair. She closed her eyes and felt the hot tears slide down her face. She cried softly, afraid to move. After a few minutes, Bobby looked up at her, his own eyes red and wet. He got up and pulled the curtain around the bed. He lay down in the bed next to her, being careful of all the tubes. As big as he was, somehow he fit in the small bed with her. He put his left arm around her and cradled her head on his chest. They were both silent, just holding one another. Annie finally drifted off to sleep.
The pain woke her up. It was early morning, still dark. She moaned softly and Bobby woke up instantly. He sat up next to her, put his hand on her face.
"Are you in pain?"
She whispered, "Yes", and Bobby reached for the call button to summon the nurse. Annie couldn't tell where it hurt the most. The pain seemed to encompass her entire body. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe slowly and deeply, but the chest wound made that difficult. Bobby got off the bed and stood over her, with his hand on her forehead. A voice came from somewhere over the bed, asking what she needed. Bobby said, "She's in pain" and the voice said the nurse would be right there.
The nurse came in with a syringe in her hand and injected the Morphine through her IV. She told Annie that she would give it a few minutes to work before she came back in to check her. Annie recognized the nurse and realized for the first time that she was in her own hospital, in the Intensive Care Unit. It didn't take long for the Morphine to take effect and she relaxed. Bobby relaxed, too, and sat down, holding her hand. The nurse came back and quietly and efficiently performed all the early morning routines of patient care; checking her blood pressure and heart rate on the monitor, taking her temperature, emptying the catheter bag, putting up a new bag of IV fluid, making sure the suction on the chest tube was correct, checking her bandages. It was getting light out now. The nurse said that the doctor would be making rounds soon.
They brought her a breakfast of clear liquids; Jell-O, clear broth, apple juice. Annie took a few bites at Bobby's urging, but she wasn't hungry. She did, however, drink some water and it soothed her throat. The day shift had begun and her new nurse came in and said that her grandfather wanted to see her; she said that he could come in for just a few minutes.
Grandpa came in and hugged her, holding her tightly. The feel of his strong arms around her soothed Annie. He finally let go of her and sat on the chair next to her bed. Like Bobby, he looked as though he hadn't slept in days. She could see the worry in his face.
Annie only had dim memories of her grandmother and of her illness and death when Annie was five. She had much more vivid memories of her parents' deaths after their car was hit by a drunk driver. Annie was eleven when they died and she went to live with her grandfather in Connecticut. It was just the two of them until she went back to New York to go to nursing school, and they were very close. At eighty-five, she knew that the trip was not easy for him, and she knew Bobby probably tried to convince him to stay home. But there would be no keeping Grandpa away.
They didn't say very much, and Grandpa didn't mention the baby. His silent presence was familiar and comforting. The nurse let him stay longer than the five minutes allowed, but finally came in and told him that he would have to leave. Grandpa hugged her again and kissed her forehead.
Dr. Silva was making rounds with three residents. She knew that he was an excellent surgeon and was glad he had been there to operate on her. He asked the residents questions about her injuries and treatment, and they vied to show him how much they knew. Annie recognized all three of them from their rotations in the Emergency Room. Dr. Silva explained the extent of her injuries to her and told her that he expected her to make a full recovery. She thought about her baby who would not have the chance to make a full recovery, but she pushed the thought from her mind. She was not going to break down and cry in front of all these doctors, especially since she had to work with them at times when they were needed to consult in the ER. When she could trust her voice, she asked Dr. Silva to please have the catheter taken out and he said that he would now that she was fully awake and alert. After they left, the nurse came in and drew some blood for tests and then she removed the catheter.
The morning's activity left Annie exhausted and craving sleep. She tried to convince Bobby to get something to eat while she took a nap since she suspected he had eaten little or nothing in the last two days. But he refused to leave and told her he was fine. He said that after her nap he would call the kids and let them talk to her, because they would not be allowed in the ICU. He also said that the detectives from the 27th Precinct who were investigating her case had been checking in on her, and would be in later to take her statement. He sat down next to the bed, picked up Annie's Bible, and began reading to her. The soothing sound of his voice and the words of the Gospel of John lulled her to sleep.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
End Chapter 2
