I just can't live a lie
Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you. Maybe turning our backs would be that much easier. Hurtful words are all that we exchange but I can't let you walk away. Could I forget about the way it feels to touch you? Could I forget about all the good times that we've been through? Could I wake up without you everyday? Would I let you walk away?"
Rosalina was sitting on her roof thinking. She felt awful about breaking up with Nat. However she also knew that it was something that had to be done. Ever since Mr. Wolf had picked her up at the docks the only words that had been said between them had been hurtful.
She looked at her watch and realized that she would have to see Nat at school in a few hours and she needed to go to sleep. She walked back inside the house and tried to go to sleep. When she woke up in the morning she had convinced herself that she didn't need Nat. She was ready to let him walk away.
Later at school Nat was thinking about Rosalina. He had never had an awkward conversation with Rosalina. He couldn't forget about the way it felt to touch her. He needed to talk to her and figure things out. Cooper came over to Nat's locker and said "Nat you ok? Alex said that last night was pretty rough for you. You aren't going to let her go right. You guys have been through everything together. So what if she kissed another guy. That was six months ago you need to let it go."
Nat sighed and sadly said "what choice do I have Coop? I'll always love and miss her that's the only thing I know right now."
Cooper said gently "Nat you know that if you let her walk away you are saying goodbye to all of the good times that you've been through not just the bad."
Nat didn't say anything he just stared into space. Cooper shook Nat's shoulders finally Nat sadly said "I know Coop and that's what hurts the most right now. We can talk more later I have to get to class."
Cooper said "Nat talk to her it's not over yet. Rosalina is just a little hurt right now. She'll come to her senses soon enough. Don't give up on her just yet she needs you more then you know right now."
Nat walked into class just before the late bell rang. He sat down in his seat and tried to focus on what the teacher was saying but he couldn't think about anything but Rosalina. When the bell rang Nat saw Rosalina walking to her locker. He walked over to her and said "can we talk? Last night was a little awkward Rosie. I can't stop thinking about you. I don't want to fight anymore. Please hear me out for just a second."
Rosalina spoke gently and said "Nat we talked about this already. I'm sorry but we can't be together. I still want to friends but we aren't going to be anything more."
Nat said "don't walk away Rosie. I'm not done talking yet. Cooper said you needed me what is that about? I'm here for you no matter what. Even if we are just friends you can still tell me anything."
Rosalina took off at a run. Nat couldn't see her face but he knew that she was crying. He followed her and said "Rosalina I don't know what I said but I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about what's wrong or should I just go?"
Rosalina grabbed Nat and buried her face in his shirt. Nat put his arms around her and gently said "Rosie let's go somewhere we can talk privately. Then people will stop staring at us."
Rosalina nodded into Nat's chest and the two of them went into the lunchroom. Nat sat down with Rosalina in his lap. He waited until he was sure that she'd stopped crying. Then he softly said "Rosie do you want to talk about what's wrong? You don't have to but I'm here if you want to someone to listen."
Rosalina said "thanks Nat I know I can always talk to you. I'm not mad at you any more. You were upset and I wasn't listening. Now that I look back I was being really rude. I don't hate you."
Nat said "good to know Rosie. Why were you crying? Was it something I said?"
Rosalina said "I was crying because Cooper told me how upset you were. I don't want to fight anymore either. When you said you needed to talk to me I was afraid that you'd say you didn't want to be friends."
I can't learn to live without I can't give up on us now. I know I could say we're through and tell myself I'm over you. Even if I made a vow a promise not to miss you now it's hard to hide the truth inside the fact is I just can't live a lie. Can I forget the look that tells me that you want me? Can I forget the reasons that make loving you so easy?
Nat said "Rosie I would never stop being your friend. I can't live without you in my life."
Rosalina started to cry again and Nat hugged her tight. Rosalina sobbed into Nat's chest in between sobs she said "I can't give up on us Nat. I know I said it was for the best but sometimes what's right and what's easy aren't the same."
Nat said "Rosie take a deep breath. I can't understand you when you cry. There that's better. What were you trying to say?"
Rosalina said "I know that look Nat."
Nat laughed and said "my legs fell asleep. I don't know what look you're talking about."
Rosalina said "the look that says I want to kiss you so badly it's not even funny. Loving you is so easy Nat."
Nat said "what?"
Rosalina sighed and said gently "you know what I mean Nat. Oh here are the guys I should go put on fresh mascara. I don't Tomas thinking that you made me cry. I'll be right back."
The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe oh you know what I mean. I can't learn to live without so don't you give up on us now. I don't want to try I just can't live a lie.
Rosalina came back in the lunch room and Nat kissed Rosalina on the cheek. Rosalina started hyperventilating. Nat said "Rosie are you ok? Don't pass out on me ok."
Rosalina said "Nat your kiss makes it hard for a girl to breathe that's all. I'm fine I promise."
Nat said "Rosie you are something else. I don't understand you. One minute you say you just want to be friends and then you almost pass out when I kiss your cheek."
Rosalina said "I have to go to class. I see you later ok Nat. I'm not coming to rehearsal tonight. I have too much homework to do and I have a test coming up so I should study."
Nat followed Rosalina and said "Rosie what is bothering you?"
Rosalina started to cry again and said "I'm tired of living a lie. I want to be more than friends but it hurts Nat. Obviously you're still mad. I can't live without you Nat please don't give up on us."
Nat hugged Rosalina and said "I'm not mad at you. I still love you. I'm glad you feel the same way it was getting really hard to keep it hidden from you."
Rosalina laughed and slapped Nat on the back. Then she said "Nat why would you break up with me if you still loved me? Was I around the world for too long and you thought we just couldn't do it or was it something else?"
Nat looked around and then said "Rosie I got a new girlfriend while you were away. I only dated her because I missed you. Please don't get mad. I'm going to break up with her right after school."
Rosalina said "save it Nat! I don't want to hear it you cheated on me for six months and then have the nerve to break up with me! I don't ever want to see you again Nat!"
Nat said "so does this not mean that we aren't friends anymore?"
Rosalina said "quit while you're ahead. You're lucky I haven't kicked you yet. If you don't let go of me and shut up I might change my mind."
Cooper heard the racket and saw Nat holding Rosalina in one place. Cooper said "Nat what is going on?"
Nat said "I told Rosalina about Kayla. Now she wants to kill me."
Cooper said "Nat why didn't you break up with Kayla before Rosalina came home? You said that you didn't really love Kayla right. Breaking up with her should have been easy."
Nat sighed and said "it's never easy to break someone's heart. I'm going to break up with Kayla but I need to find a gentle way to do it. Rosalina I never meant to hurt you."
Rosalina said "Nat you have two weeks to break up with Kayla. If you're still with her in two weeks you can consider her your new girlfriend. I refuse to be the girl that waits on the sidelines for you! I'm not going to be your backup plan Nat! I'm too smart for that I might have kissed another guy but I at least told you about it!"
Cooper put his arm around Nat and said gently "you ok? Don't worry I'm sure she doesn't really feel that way. If she did she would have punched you by now. All you have to do is break up with Kayla and you'll have Rosalina back in your arms again."
After school Kayla met Nat at his locker Nat knew he had to tell her about Rosalina. Kayla moved closer to Nat not noticing that Nat looked uncomfortable. Kayla said "hey honey do you remember what today is?"
Nat said "yeah I do it's Tuesday. I have to go home for band practice so I'll see you later Kayla."
Kayla started to cry. Nat moved closer to her and asked "Kayla what's wrong?"
Kayla sobbed "how can you not remember that as of today we've been dating for six months?"
Nat said "Kayla look at me. I haven't been honest with you. I have a girlfriend and I've been dating her for two years."
Kayla screamed with fresh tears rolling down her cheeks "why would you do this to me? Am I not pretty enough for you? Who's the girl you're dumping me for? She must be very beautiful and much smarter than I am."
Nat spoke gently and said "Kayla this has nothing to do with beauty or brains. I'm breaking up with you because it's not right for me to lead you on like this. If you must know the girl I've been with for two years is Rosalina."
Kayla sobbed into her hands and tried to get away. In between sobs she said "just – let – me – go – Nat. I'm – sure – that – you – and – Rosalina – have – things – to – do."
Nat gently removed Kayla's hands from her face and said "not until I'm sure that you understand something. There is someone out there waiting for a smart, tall, blonde haired beautiful girl like you. Just because I'm not that guy doesn't mean you should think there's something wrong with you."
Kayla sniffed and said "thanks Nat Rosalina is very lucky to have a sweet and sensitive guy like you. I should let you go to rehearsal. I guess I should give my backstage pass back."
Nat said "you ok Kayla? I'm sorry that I hurt you. I should have told you sooner but I didn't want to hurt you until I had to."
Kayla said "do you want the pass back?"
Nat said "keep it I want you to come backstage and hang with me and the band. Just because we aren't dating doesn't mean we aren't still friends. These past six months would have been unbearable if I hadn't met you. You're a great friend and I don't ever want to loose our friendship. Oh shoot! I'm late Cooper is going to kill me. I'll talk to you later Kayla."
Nat ran to his house and found Rosalina sitting on his bed crying. The rest of the band wasn't there. Nat crept over to Rosalina and said "hey what's the matter?"
Rosalina sobbed "Alex- said – you – had – plans – with – Kayla."
Nat said "Rosie look at me. I broke up with Kayla right after school. That's why I'm here so late. I love you Rosie if I'd stayed with Kayla I'd be living a lie."
Rosalina gently said "sit down Nat. I need a hug from the best boyfriend in the world."
Nat hugged Rosalina and said "Kayla didn't take it well. She thought there was something wrong with her."
Rosalina said "oh my god you convinced her otherwise right. Girls who think that a break up is their fault tend to become really depressed
Nat said "yeah I talked to her. I told her that it wasn't fair for me to lead her on. Then I told her that there was a guy that would love to date her out there somewhere. I also let her keep the backstage pass I gave her."
Rosalina said "you gave her a what?"
Nat said "Kayla is a good friend. I don't know if I would have made it six months without you if it wasn't for her. I let her keep the pass because Tomas was always saying that he thought she was cute."
Rosalina sighed and put her head on Nat's shoulder. Then she said laughed and sang "do you love me?"
Nat smiled and sang "yeah"
Cooper came into the room and said "this is how things should be. Tell me you broke up with Kayla for real this time."
Nat said "I did and it was worth it. Now I have the girl of my dreams sitting on my lap."
Cooper said "good to hear Nat. If you guys are ready we can start rehearsal."
Nat said "I'm ready Coop. You ready Rosalina?"
Rosalina smiled at Nat and got off his lap so he could stand up. Cooper said "Nat what song do you want to rehearse?"
Nat said "let's work on girl of my dreams and curious. If there's time Coop I think I feel alone needs work."
Rosalina said "wait I don't know I feel alone or curious."
Nat said "we'll slow the songs down a little bit so you can pick up the chords. Don't worry I'll help you Rosie. The tempo for I feel alone is really easy to follow."
Alex said "Nat if you slow it down then I loose my drum solo."
Nat snapped "Alex Rosalina needs to learn her part. You are selfish Alex! I don't think you understand what it means to be a real friend!"
Alex ran from the room crying. Rosalina started to get up but Nat put his arm around her. Cooper said "Nat I'll be right back. I'm just going to go check on Alex he seemed really upset."
Nat said "Rosalina let me show you those chords while Cooper gets Alex to calm down. Grab your bass and come sit next to me."
Rosalina said "Nat you shouldn't have yelled at him like that. Alex isn't selfish he's just a normal thirteen year old boy."
Nat said "all he cares about is his drums. I wasn't going to give him a solo because it would go to his head. Now come here so I can teach you the chords that you need to know for I feel alone."
Rosalina brought here bass over and sat down beside Nat. Nat said "you start playing first in curious but in I feel alone Alex has a small drum solo. I'll play your part for curious on the keyboard so you can hear it."
Nat played Rosalina's part and then kissed her on the cheek. Alex came into the room his eyes were red from crying. He walked over to Nat and said "I'm sorry I shouldn't have let the solo go to my head."
Nat said "hey Alex it's ok. I over reacted you're not selfish. I'm sorry now let's try this again. I showed Rosalina her part in curious so let's work on that first."
After practice Nat walked Rosalina home. Before she walked into the house she kissed Nat on the lips and said "I'm glad I'm not living a lie anymore. It was too hard to keep doing that I love you Nat."
Nat said "I love you to Rosalina."
