Steve Warz

Episode [Duality]:

Change of Strategy

Welcome back for this much-anticipated follow-up! Now then, (Hum-hum):

Sylvia the Ssi-Ruuk, suffering from the disappearance of her dear husband Squishy, set out to find him herself and bring him back, with her kids and the other Jedi in tow. After passing through a dimensional rift, our party landed in the realm of Chrono Trigger. There they met the explorer Toma, who told them of Squishy's presence from a week before and the Jawa's desire to return home. Following Toma's information, the Jedi headed north to Truce Canyon where they found a clue to where Squishy went: A guitar string by a cliff. Sylvia and crew took a leap of faith and ended up in SMB's dreaded Minus World.

After escaping the voracious giant cheep-cheep, the group came upon the famed city of Zanarkand. However, their chance to rest was ruined when the all-devouring Sin launched its clandestine attack, and despite the fight they put up, the Jedi found themselves caught and sucked into the behemoth's warpulating rear. What will become of our Jedi heroes? Where will they go? Hopefully somewhere safe… and hygienic.


Verse 4

The Void

— The searchers are lost. All light has gone, save a lone glimmer. Will it survive the darkness for long?


(She falls straight down. There's no wind, but she knows she's upside down. Her eyes are closed)

Sylvia: (Thoughts) Where am I? Where are the others? It's so cold… So empty… What is this place?

You've been here before.

Sylvia: (Opens eyes, but still in thoughts) That voice…

(She slowly flips around until she's upright. She senses another presence)

You were here. Everyone was here. In this plane, you and I were together for the last time.

Sylvia: (Aloud) Squishy?

Heheheh. Think again, sweetheart.

(Shadowy shackles snap onto Sylvia's limbs, holding her in place. As she struggles she sees something)

Sylvia: Who is… No… No it can't. You can't be!

But it is, Sylvia. Don't you… Remember?

(Standing before her with a devil's grin is the cloaked deity of suffering himself. Though he's almost made up entirely of roiling shadow, the shoulder-length hair, pale complexion, and scrutinizing glasses of the Financer are unmistakable, much to Sylvia's immense shock and disbelief)

Sylvia: No, it's not… You're supposed to be dead. Squishy fried you!

(He starts to circle)

Fin: What's that? You actually believed I was gone for good? Utterly destroyed; annihilated; never to return? Pah! How amusingly naive. You choose to ignore the obvious, despite my telling you time and time again as to what I am. Well here's a reminder, darling: (Lunges up to her face) I am a God! Immortal, everlasting, same as your coddling Contractor. (Pulls back) And just as he always returns for another round of self-imposed humiliation, I too will always come back. Over, and over, again.

(Sylvia struggles some more, but eventually stops and glares at Financer)

Sylvia: If you're really a god… Then you must know you've failed. The galaxy's restored; everyone came back.

Fin: Ah yes, I'm aware. Everyone did come back. Everyone… except your precious husband. (Sylvia winces at that) I felt his passing, as he plummeted into darkness. A simple-minded spirit swallowed by the void. A light snuffed out, to shine nevermore.

Sylvia: F*** off! You couldn't snuff out any of us you b*****d, and there's no way Squishy will ever go out either!

(Financer pauses, as though puzzled, then turns away)

Fin: (To himself) Something's different. This isn't how she's supposed to react. Just what... (He shrugs, then turns back around) You have a point, dear. I couldn't erase you all completely. But… (Raises a hand, then clenches it closed) I can still erase you.

(Inky darkness starts to flow over Sylvia's limbs. Fear returns to her eyes as the icy blackness prompts her to struggle again)

Fin: You've fallen into my world, you irksome b****. I have full control over what lives and what dies. And since neither that husband of yours, nor that stupid Waltz, are here to say otherwise, I can take my time as I smother your entire being into nothingness, inch by scaly inch.

(Sylvia's limbs are completely covered in writhing black, which begin to spread over the edges of her torso. She's finding it hard to breathe)

Fin: Such fortune that my chance for revenge has come in relatively little time. Now I have something to tide me over until I can get the rest of your insipid gang of heroes. Heeheeheehee, I'll plunge you into so much fear, misery and despair that everything you felt when I murdered your spawn will pale massively in comparison. And believe me, I'm going to draw it out further than your mind can comprehend. Care to wager as to how long until your soul withers into dust?

(Only Sylvia's head remains untouched, and even then the veil of darkness rises up to suffocate her)

Sylvia: S-Squishy...

(Ripples fill the surrounding darkness. Financer looks caught off-guard and annoyed. The darkness covering Sylvia's body suddenly recedes completely)

Fin: D**mit, they found me already! And before I could start my fun. (Sighs, then to Sylvia) We'll have to postpone our tête-à-tête for now. But in the meantime… (Sneers) I can just let you wander the abyss for a while. Once those a**holes lose my scent I'll swoop you back up. It may take a very long time, but perhaps you'll be a little more pliant by then. Until that time... ciao.

(He waves his hand, and Sylvia falls back, downward into the void. As she falls, voices of others can be heard far above)


(A flash. Salt. Gulls. Sylvia opens her eyes slowly. She is lying atop a large amount of debris forming a crude raft. All around her is endless blue, with no land in sight anywhere. High above, gulls circle endlessly)

Sylvia: An ocean? Am I back on Mon Calamari?

(She gets up and looks around to see other flotsam, mostly parts of buildings of a foreign design)

Sylvia: No. But, what is this place? (Goes to the edge of raft) HEY! IS ANYBODY OUT THERE!? (Silence) HEY! SOMEONE! ANYONE!

(She puts her claws into her mouth and blows, but only makes a weird reedy noise. She takes them out)

Sylvia: Wait, I don't need those to whistle. (She starts speaking in shrill Ssi-Ruuvi, whistling the highest pitch she can. Still, there's no response) Well, this is annoying. Out floating in the middle of nowhere. Alone. But surely something has to come around.

(So she just stands there. Time passes, and she switches positions from sitting to standing to lying on her side to looking bored. Minutes pass, which inevitably flow into hours. As the light of day begins to fade, "Yuna's Ballad" from FFX-2 plays as Sylvia begins pacing around, occasionally going back to yelling at the ocean. She begins to look fatigued as the sky darkens further. At some point she is sitting, still reflecting)

Sylvia: Is there really nothing out here? Just what ocean or planet is this? What happened to everyone else? Are they alright? What about the kids? I just want to do something instead of just sitting here. Sitting here doing nothing… like back home...

(Time passes even further. Sylvia's condition worsens as despair and hopelessness creep in, with daylight lessening and lessening by the second. Eventually the sky has turned to black, and Sylvia is clutching her legs, tail curled around her and shaking as if in need of warmth, her thoughts tumbling over themselves)

Sylvia: (Thoughts) I've never been so alone before. Not since that time I was brainwashed have I felt this way. Just emptiness… Is this truly the abyss? (She tips over onto her side) It can't just be me here. Why would it only be me? (Moans and hugs self more, as the ocean around her begins to darken) I can't feel him. There were traces while we were together, but no more. There's just nothing… What if… what if the Financer's right? What if he was swallowed by darkness? Disappeared without a trace… What would be the point then? Why go on…?

(The music, the call of gulls, even the sounds of water cease as the world around the raft plunges into absolute darkness. As Sylvia withdraws further into her own mind, the darkness overtakes much of the raft, leaving just a small circle of lit debris beneath the forlorn reptile)

Squishy... You never should have done it. I should have been stronger; talked you more into finding another way. Like how you saved me. Why did I let you go so easily? I thought I could keep it together, wait until you came back. I believed you would come back. But that was a trick, wasn't it? You had no idea what you were throwing yourself into. Yet you did it anyway. To save everyone. Make things right. Bring it all back. All of it but you. The one thing that made that galaxy so wonderful. The one who granted me such beautiful children. That special light… (She begins to cry as the circle of light shrinks) I might have had a chance to save you. But I came too late. I waited far too long. Now you've left us for good…

It doesn't matter though.

I will soon be with you again.

Soon I'll be happy again…

It will all be alright…

For, you see…

I'm finally here, Sq—

(The lonely strum of an acoustic guitar brings Sylvia back to her senses, as well as dispel the darkness that was about to envelop her)

Sylvia: Huh? (She looks around) What was that?

(Another strum. She quickly gets up and looks around, finding that she and the raft are floating in a soundless black void. But she feels no fear at this)

Sylvia: Hello? Somebody there?

(Another strum. She suddenly spots a small glittering silhouette that quickly vanishes)

Sylvia: Squishy?

(Another strum. Another silhouette walks across the raft. It disappears when Sylvia tries to touch it)

Sylvia: Wait! Don't go!

(Another strum. This time the silhouette is hanging over the abyss. Sylvia rushes to it, right as she's encased in brilliant light)


It really was just the sound of a guitar that first drew me to him. Before then, I didn't have a real inkling to know more about the quirky alien besides general knowledge. Instead, my mind was more interested in travel.

My brother had already been away working with our new benefactor for over a year, serving as the first envoy of our race, and a good number of my kind had flocked to Republic space after the "coexistence platform" that served as our jumping-off point was deemed safe and trustworthy. That being Jawa Home, of course. So in light of all this, I felt the urge to go and see just what the realm of the "unenlightened" was all about.

I was still fairly young, mildly restless, and didn't have much in the way of friends, but neither did my brother, given how little socialization was encouraged even within our own caste. Which made this an opportunity to broaden my horizons, to stretch my legs and see something new. Maybe give me an idea of what to do with my life since I was no longer constrained to uphold a military role.

I remember that I had wanted to see oceans different from the ones on Lwhekk, and decided to go to a planet that was practically nothing but ocean. The sight of Mon Calamari from orbit was enough to make me breathless, but I felt the urge to feel those waters on my claws. As luck would have it, a newly-developed island was inviting tourists for a welcoming banquet, so I hopped on one of the complementary shuttles and went planetside.

The air was nothing I've ever felt or smelled before: such fragrant salt and moisture it almost made me dizzy. The party was fine enough, but I decided to explore the island on my own. I might of thought it was a good chance to think up my next destination while taking in the quiet beauty of the exotic flora, which soon gave way to sandy beaches.

It was after some minutes of basking in that glorious sunset that I heard the strumming coming from that rather conspicuous rock. And it was there that I finally met him: the one who delivered the Ssi-Ruuk into the Republic. My brother's keeper. In some ratty robe playing guitar on the beach like a bum.

As you can guess, that's when my life changed.


Verse 5

Flight

— The light had prevailed, and a soul saved. But the great ruins still gave off an eerie aura. What secrets do they hide?


Squishy… Squishy…

?:...ey …..g...s…

You're still somewhere out there.

?: Hey… guys….. akin…..p.!

I'll stay strong. I'll never stop. Not until...

Anna: Hey you guys! She's waking up!

(Sylvia slowly opens her eyes. All she sees above her is a blueish pink sky. As she starts to sit up, little gaseous orbs of light hover through the air. Her friends and family are looking down on her)

Sally: Mom!

Stan: You're awake!

Rick: You're okay.

Sylvia: Kids...?

(Sylvia suddenly reaches out and wraps her three children in a great big hug)

Stan: Wha?

Sylvia: (Muffled) I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have thought like that. Not again. It won't happen again…

Sally: Uhhh, Mom? What are you talking about?

Sylvia: Hm? (After a pause, she lets her kids go) Sorry. I'm just happy to see all of you alright.

Sara: We've been worried about you.

Will: Sara's been looking over you, as well as everyone else.

Cope: Myself included.

Jo: By his own free will, mind you.

Sylvia: (Looks around at the strange surroundings) Where are we?

Cope: We're in the Zanarkand Ruins of the future. Sin's a**hole was actually a time warp, although it should've dropped us at Baaj Temple. Another item on the ever-growing list of things being out of place.

Jo: We got here about an hour ago. You were unconscious this entire time.

Sylvia: It's only been an hour…?

Anna: Yep. You looked like you were having some kind of nightmare from the way you were jerking around. I was about to tap into that head of yours right when you woke up.

Sylvia: A nightmare… I guess it may have well been.

Rick: Do you remember what it was?

Sylvia: I was… alone, on a raft, in the middle of a great ocean. It felt like I drifted for hours. I became very tired, started believing it had been pointless to come out here. I felt like… dropping and giving up completely. On everything.

Will: Yikes.

Sylvia: But, a little something showed me the light. I think it might've been… Squishy. (Firm look) I almost thought he had disappeared for good, but I know now without a doubt he's out there somewhere. And I'll never give up.

Rick: And neither will we.

Stan: Heck no!

Jo: Ditto.

Cope: Hmm. Definitely one of those self-affirming kinds of dreams, methinks.

Sara: It's still good to hear you're okay.

Stan: Ooh, hey Mom, we got something that will definitely keep us on the right track. (Holds up a paperback book) Check it out: A strategy guide!

Jo: We found it lying nearby while looking for anything useful, and I say this thing's real dang useful.

Will: It's neat: It's got a walkthrough on where we should go next. And it's talking about the us.

Sylvia: For real?

Cope: It's the d****est thing, but it's got everything we did since Chrono Trigger written on its pages.

Sylvia: That's… bizarre. Does it say what we should do next?

Anna: It says that our next key objective is at the center of the ruins: The Ancient Blitzball Stadium, waaaaaay on over thataway.

Sylvia: (Gets up) Then that's where we shall go.

Jo: You sure you're feeling up for it?

Sylvia: I've laid around long enough. It's time to hit the road once again.

Stan: Right with you, Mom!

Sara: I take it a walking montage is in order?

Sally: Exercise!

(They all nod, then walk off. The track "Someday The Dream Will End" from FFX plays as we see the troupe trekking over the ruins. At some point, words start appearing on the screen)

One born of a dragon

bearing darkness and light,

shall rise to the heavens,

Over the still land

The moon's light eternal

brings a promise to Earth

with bounty and grace.

What?

Can't a guy dictate here?

With music this deep there has to be a cryptic yet meaningful saying somewhere.

Suuuure, this saying has nothing to do with what's going on, but at least it's there!

You know what? Screw it! None of you guys wouldn't know about symbolic foreshadowing anyway!

I'm outta this joint.

(Foosteps, door slams, and car driving off are heard over the music. By this time the Jedi arrive before the great structure that used to be Zanarkand's Blitzball Stadium. They stop before the entrance, now closed off by a great fallen pillar)

Will: How do we get in?

Anna: We won't need to. (Whips out guide) It says here that our objective is right where we're standing.

Will: That's freakishly convenient.

Sylvia: So is it invisible or...?

Anna: Nope. We just need to do some things to move on.

Sally: Like what?

Jo: First, if my looks into the guide are correct, we need to sketch grooves into the ground.

Anna: That's right. We'll need the "Great Plowing Staffs" which just happen to be…. (Scans book) Piled neatly to my left.

(Show a neat pile of poles to Anna's left. Cope goes over and picks them up, then hands them out to everyone except Anna)

Rick: What now?

Anna: Now you all have to sketch out a great cryptic symbol of power into the ground. And for some reason there's these 6 pictures of what exactly must be sketched.

(The pics are passed around)

Sara: Doubly freakishly convenient…

Cope: Right. Let's get to work.

(They spread out and begin running the poles through the soft earth. After several minutes they are done)

Anna: With that done there's one final step.

Cope: (Nabs guide) "The expert gamer is to play the song of power with the indicated wind instrument that was found on the trail." (Pulls out an ocarina) It also says that the notes to the song can be found by completing individual puzzle and endurance rooms, each one holding a cryptex with letters written in Manchurian Chinese and whose answers can be found by finding the lost spirits of the ruins and performing tedious fetch quests to appease their tormented souls. But the notes are also shown here in a screenshot sooooo... (Puts down guide and begins to play "The Oath to Order" from Majora's Mask, which causes the scrawled lines to resonant with light, revealing the symbol as the numeral VII) Huh, where have I heard that tune?

(There is a tremendous stomp, followed by another, then another. Arising into view from behind the stadium stomps in a towering leggy giant from Majora's Mask as its grand theme music plays. The Jedi are awed by its massive size)

Anna: Whoa… It's Meatloaf.

(The giant stops before the clearing in front of the Jedi. After a few seconds a large metal airship is dumped onto the clearing a metallic thud)

Cope: Holy crap! It's the Highwind!

Jo: You mean that FFVII airship Highwind? B***hin'!

Sally: (Waving to giant) Thank you Mr. Loaf!

(The giant gives a return wave, then dons some sunglasses as "Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul" starts to play. It then strides over to an immense motorcycle and has somehow adorned a leather jacket, a gargantuan biker helmet and a saxophone. It hops on, revs it up and tears through the ruins in a thunderous roar, taking the music with him. Once everything quiets down)

Anna: Well let's go check this piece of work out!

(They head for the airship. Soon they're onboard and enter the bridge, marveling at the swanky steampunk-like setup)

Will: Cool beans; our very own Final Fantasy airship. And one of the more iconic ones.

Cope: Don't get too excited. Airships don't come around until the last third of the game, so we must be close to the end.

Stan: That's a good thing, then. We're bound to find Dad with this thing, which means we get to go home faster!

Jo: Then let's fire this thing up. Alex, start the engines!

Cope: I don't think that's gonna happen.

Sylvia: Huh? Why not?

Cope: Normally there's an NPC at the wheel you'd talk to to do that, buuuuut he's not here soooooo we're more or less stuck.

Anna: Then let me be that NPC. (Goes to main control wheel)

Sara: You think you can fly this thing, Anna?

Anna: Of course I can. What'd you think I've been doing to support myself before becoming a Sith? I worked for a high stakes courier service for some years. Did the Kessel Run practically every other day.

Cope: But this rig is mid-97 tech. I highly doubt you've flown anything nearly as out of date as this ship.

Anna: Hey hey hey! I've flown things far clunkier than the Millennium Falcon; I can handle this! Besides, I've had far too many passive roles since becoming a good guy. Now's my chance to get the active part and show you a thing or two.

Will: She does make a point.

Anna: Glad you agree, Will. Now shut up and let me handle this bird.

Cope: Alright, since there's no other choice. Everyone assume positions! (Runs into a nearby closet and slams the door closed. The words "Happy Closet" are written on it) You may fire when ready.

Anna: Pfft. Whatever. (Cracks knuckles and grabs throttle) Here we go.

(Rams throttle forward. Outside, the propellers of the airship begin spinning and soon reach a speed that gives the craft lift. As it slowly rises, it begins to sway and tilt dangerously towards the ground and surrounding ruins. On the bridge, things are rattling badly and everyone's losing their balance. Stan takes a bad tumble)

Will: What's wrong with this thing?

Anna: I don't know! She's fighting me for some reason!

Jo: (Pounding closet door) Let me in Alex! Open this friggin' door you coward!

Cope: Find your own shelter!

Rick: Anna! Use this!

(Tosses her the guide, which she flips through)

Anna: Ohhh! Square makes this thing go backwards. Now I know what to do. Sit back, guys!

(She moves some levers, and the ship starts to level out. The Highwind then ascends higher into the sky before stopping and moving forward. Its theme music kicks on as everyone recovers and looks out the front window)

Anna: HA! Told ya I'd get this rig going!

Sara: Wow... It's so pretty down there.

Stan: (Looking queasy) Oh dude… I didn't think we'd be this high… (Runs off, only to puke and collapse)

Sally: (Laughs) Stan can't hold it together! Nah nah!

Sylvia: Don't talk about your brother like that.

Sally: Sorry, Mom.

Sara: (Goes over to Stan) You okay, Stan?

Stan: Urgh. Shakier than a starship…

Sara: Hang on; I think I have some airsick tablets on me.

Stan: Thanks...

Will: Guess that singles out Stan as the team Yuffie.

(Everyone cracks up at this. Suddenly the closet door slams open, smashing Jo into the wall. Cope steps out)

Cope: What's this about Yuffie? Toss that thief overboard! (Walks over Stan in the direction of the forward window) We're flying?

Anna: Yep. We're flying in style!

Cope: Not with this music we're not.

Sylvia: What's wrong with it? It sounds really nice.

Jo: (Crawling out from behind door) You know it's a built-in theme song, right Alex? Guh…

Cope: We'll see about that. Where's the sound system? (Marches over to a wall console)

Anna: What do you think you're doing?

Cope: Seeing about mixing up our flying music. Let's see... (Turns on console. A screen blinks on, showing a DDR select menu)

Cope: What do we have… (Selects FFVI airship music) No. (Chooses FFX airship music) Not feeling it. (FFIV airship) No. (Chrono Trigger airship) No. (Ace Combat 5 music) Maybe another time. (FFVIII airship. "Ride On" plays and Cope is pleased with a most smug grin)

Cope: Oh yes. Much more suitable.

(The tunes roll on as the Highwind flies over the ruins. At some point they reach empty ocean)

Anna: Hey Alex. This monitor thingy says we're entering FFVII airspace, on approach to a… Cosmo Canyon?

Rick: Seriously? We can just jump between games like that?

Cope: Just hold steady. Make sure not to hit—

Anna: Yeah yeah. The guide says what not to fly into so don't get all fussy.

Cope: Pfft.

Sara: So what do we do now? We have an airship and stuff.

Sally: Find Dad, of course!

Will: But how? We still don't know where he is or where we should be right now.

(Anna walks over to them)

Anna: I got this ship on auto-pilot. What breeze yall be shooting here?

Sylvia: Anna, what does the guide say about our next stop?

Anna: Well let's see. (Looks through it confused) That's weird. The rest of the pages are blank after the Highwind instructions.

Cope: What marvelous timing!

Anna: Maybe I missed something from earlier. (Flips through book a bit until) Oh! There's a bio about Sin at the start of the book.

(Jo snags guide)

Jo: Scourge of Spira; armor of the dead; created by Yu Yevon; defeated by Tidus and crew in FFX.

Cope: All that we already know.

(Sara takes guide)

Sara: There's more: It says that some time ago, Sin was revived and continued to be a menace. However, it somehow harnessed the power of the Heartless and gained the ability to warp dimensions.

Will: What about dimensions?

Sara: He can alter and cross different realities.

Cope: What? Give me that! (Snatches guide) "For unexplained reasons, the very body of Sin has become the focal point for multiple dimensional rifts. As it glides along it periodically moves through different dimensions to wreak havoc on places it normally would never exist in. As a result, all the worlds it has gone through have begun to—" (Looks harder at writing, then looks up befuddled) Gradually fuse together?!

(Anna takes it back)

Anna: "Due to this phenomenon, travel between dimensions can occur without the need of portals or iconic airships. However, this new benefit has created many repercussions. The fusion of wholly separate realms has led to the denizens of these realms to behave differently, oftentimes radically. Furthermore, though the native denizens of a dimension never seek out other dimensions, some denizens are randomly plucked and fired through dimensional warps when they get too close to Sin. Sometimes a person or object could wind up in a separate dimension hours before Sin ever gets there."

Rick: What sort of strategy guide is this anyway?

Sally: Bizarre, indeed…

Cope: Are you reading it right? (Snatches it again) Am I reading it right?

Anna: You're fine, Alex. Everything that's there is there.

Cope: It just makes no sense! (Tosses away guide) Why does a strategy guide know so much about us, and about whatever the freak is going on? Who even made this anyway?!

Sara: Did you happen to check for the author name or publisher perchance?

Cope: I completely forgot! Gaaahh!

Jo: Calm down, Alex. Sure it's wiggy as all Hell, but we shouldn't sweat the details too much. That guide has been our best lead so far.

Cope: Was our best lead: the final pages are all blank. You have an idea what we should be looking for at this point?

Sally: Our D—

Cope: (Aggravated pointing) We got that already, Sally!

Sylvia: (Quietly) Hold on… could it be…?

Stan: (Getting back up) Huh? What's that, Mom?

Sylvia: It just might be. It's possible...

Will: What might be? What's possible?

Sylvia: The place we need to go next; our final destination. I might know what it is.

Sally: You do?

Rick: Where?

Sylvia: Sin.

(Le Gasps!)

All: WHAAT!?

Cope: Sin?! Are you serious?

Jo: Are you out of your friggin' mind?!

Will: My thoughts exactly I mean WTF!

Anna: Ain't no way I'm going anywhere near that fish a**!

Rick: Ludicrous!

Jo: Unbelievable!

Stan: I don't know what we're YELLING ABOUT!

Anna: OMG! He said it! The kid's actually said it!

Jo: Strike up the band!

(Fanfare plays as confetti and the cheers of our heroes fill the bridge and the words "First Anchorman Reference Ever!" begin flashing on the screen. Then some random interns with push brooms come in and sweep up the mess, leaving the Jedi in peace and quiet)

Jo: That was just super. Anyways, what the h**l are you talking about Sylvia?

Sylvia: We head for Sin. Right now.

Cope: You saw what he did to Zanarkand, didn't you? And all that asinine written in the guide? Where is that thing, anyway?

Anna: D**n! The interns must have swept it away.

Sylvia: We don't need it; Sin is the only place left for us.

Rick: Why, Mom? What could Sin have that's worth risking our lives?

Sylvia: Your father.

All: Huh?!

Sylvia: It makes sense, taking into consideration what's in the guide about Sin.

Will: Hold on. That thing about people being sent to different dimensions. You're thinking—

Sylvia: Squishy might have run into him, and wound up in a different dimension. I can't sense his presence in the Force, so that has to be the explanation.

Cope: Not to sound overtly pessimistic—

Anna: More than usual?

Cope: Please. Anyway, not to sound negative, but what if Squishy is, well, dead?

Sara: For shame, Alex!

Jo: Ehhh, it's still a possibility.

Sara: Yeah, but even so, shame!

Sylvia: He's sill alive; I can't feel him, but I just know it deep down. And our best chance to find him is to get up to Sin and get warped to wherever he wound up.

Rick: But Mom, even if that's the case, there's no guarantee we'll end up going to where Dad is. The warping is randomized, from what the guide hinted at.

Sylvia: It's still the best possible course for us to follow. Otherwise we'll just be flying around aimlessly.

Will: Well as much as I'd love taking a little air cruise across Video Game Land, I'm all up for tackling giant world-destroying fish monsters. It's been a long time since we fought any one of those.

Cope: We have to be certain about this, everyone. Sin is quite the obstacle, and having the Heartless at his beck and call will make him more so.

Anna: Ahhhhh we can take him. (Waves around her) Especially with this beauty at our fingertips.

Sally: Yeah! We'll whup him!

Stan: For Dad! Oh man I'm getting dizzy again… (Stumbles, but Sara rushes over to hold him up)

Cope: I suppose a rematch was unavoidable. So you have my (begrudging) approval.

Anna: Then let's get this show on the road! (Heads for the steering wheel) I'll fly us outta here and right up to Sin's face in a jiffy.

(Jo comes in carrying a tray laden with several bottles of fluid)

Jo: Since we're about to charge into battle once more, I say we prepare by cracking open some of these soft drinks I just found in that cabinet over there. The fizz might actually help you out, Stan.

Anna: Hey, buddy, those labels say soft "potions", a.k.a. SOFTS!

Jo: Oh… (Looks them over) You know, they do seem to have the consistency of hair gel. (Idea) SAAAAAAAAAAAAaaay—

Cope: Give me those! (Snatches tray)

Jo: My new product!

Cope: Softs are for the weak and slow-footed! (Opens a port window) Anna, fly us out of here.

Anna: Aye aye Mr. Sulu!

Cope: (Tosses out bottles) What did you call me!?

(Outside, the bottles tumble and freefall as the Highwind turns and flies away. The bottles continue falling some distance before smashing and splattering all over a lion statue atop a cliff. As the fluid spreads over the stone, it begins to glow. The glowing grows and spreads all over the statue until it's engulfed in a brilliant light, which then becomes a great ball of light and—)

To Be Seen In

Some Other Series…..


Verse 6

Clash

— The sky grays with foreboding. The lone fly seeks to conquer the zapper. It will be quite the show.


(The Highwind speeds through the gray-blue sky. Something ominous can be felt. On the bridge, everyone is tense with anticipation)

Will: There is an ill wind blowing…

Jo: It's probably just me. Too much of those stowed Chocobo rations has left me pretty—

Will: No, that's not it. The world below isn't right.

Anna: These sensor thingies are picking up paranormal vibes from the ground.

(Looking out the front window they all see a panoramic landscape spectrum. Rolling hills, deserts, plains, lakes, icecaps, high-resolution, pixels, LCD. It's a great mish-mash of both biomes and console generations that blurred beneath the ship)

Rick: The worlds really are fusing…

Sally: The guide wasn't kidding: Sin's doing a number on them.

Cope: I can't believe it, but he's become a truly universal menace. Unless stopped, all this will only worsen.

Anna: Hey guys! I'm picking up something, and it's big!

Sara: Where?

Anna: One kilometer ahead.

(Outside in the far distance, hanging in the sky is a great misshapen object of oblong proportions)

Sylvia: There he is!

Jo: Get up to him quick!

Anna: Gotcha!

(The ship speeds forward. But as it's closing in, the distant blob shoots off like a bullet)

Stan: What the heck?

Cope: He's on to us. He's making a run for it!

Sylvia: Step on it, Anna!

(The ship increases speed, but the persuee is getting farther and farther away)

Will: Can't this thing go any faster!?

Anna: It's going as fast as humanly possible, Will! Or inhumanly possible for that matter!

Cope: It's still not good enough! You have to hit Limit Break!

Anna: What?!

Cope: You have to get emotional fast! At an aggravated enough state you'll achieve max power!

Ann: I'd be happy to, but I'm feeling more hyped than pissed right now!

Jo: Then it's hopeless!

Sara: Hold on. I know what to do! (Pulls out a basket of baked goods) Oh Anna~, look what I got.

Anna: (Gasps with glee) Brownies!

Sara: Mmmmm. These brownies sure smell good. Maybe I should put them over here and—Whoooops!

(Pretends to trip and drops basket into a "Random Food Shredder". Anna gasps in shock)

Anna: Nooo! My fudgie goodness! (A limit bar over her head fills half up)

Sara: Such a shame, but I think I spotted some dangling underneath Sin.

Anna: Quuuuuuuuuuuuuuué!? (Her eyebrows raise as her limit bar hits max. She dons a wild look) Those brownies are MINE!

(She Limit Breaks and slams the throttle. The ship bursts forward, tearing through the sound barrier like a bat outta Hell. Everyone on the bridge is hanging onto various fixtures for dear life, yet Anna keeps steady looking crazy)

Anna: Brownies brownies brownies brownies brownies brownies BROWNIES!

Jo: Such an insatiable lust for dessert!

Skullface: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?! (Gets smacked away by Sara)

Sara: Never underestimate the inescapable allure of brownies!

Sally: Wheeeeeeeeee!

(The ship continues to rend the air asunder)

Cope: We're almost near him! Slow down!

Anna: NO WAY! I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Rick: For the love of God slow DOWN!

Stan: (Pressed against a wall) Oh crap I'm gonna—

Anna: IAMTHEVERYMODELOFTHEMODERNMAJORGENERALIHAVEINFORMATIONVEGE—

(Sara tosses a brownie into Anna's mouth. The ship comes to a standstill and everyone but her is thrown into the viewing window. The ship resumes a nice steady speed while everyone tumbles into a heap)

Anna: (Chewing) Mmmmmmm. Moist richness of heart's desire. Mmm nom nom nom...

Jo: Is everyone's skeletal system intact?

Stan: Yeah, but I'm not so sure about my digestion: Look what's out there!

(They look out. Slowly approaching them is the great flying fish-zilla of evil that is Sin. Its very size brings about a dramatic musical sting, and its several dozen massive luminescent eyes glow and swivel around the top of its amphibious head)

Anna: Hooly crap…

Rick: That's one big, ugly mother-f**ker…..

Cope: It is, indeed, Sin Revived.

(They still maintain course toward the groaning behemoth)

Sally: It's like a sky whale…

Sylvia: A whale that's our ticket to your father.

Jo: If you say so. Anna, get us near him so we can bust up out of here.

Anna: Hold on a sec. I got to check it with these "Dimensional Phenomena" goggles.

(She pulls out and looks through some goofy binoculars. After a sec she slams them down)

Anna: D***it! It's all green!

Sara: What does that mean?

Anna: There's no dimensional rift of any kind around him.

Stan: You mean we're gonna crash into him instead of getting teleported?

Jo: Well that's as dandy of a pickle as I've ever seen.

Sylvia: Alex, you know more about the game he's from. Do you know what we need to do to open a portal or rift around him?

Cope: I can't tell you anything, to be honest. Everything's so out of whack I'm uncertain if anything still operates like it should. And all that rift-teleportation is utterly new to me, and the guide didn't mention any mechanics as to how it works.

(Yellow projectiles fire past the Highwind, making it shudder)

Sara: What was that?

Will: Sin just fired on us!

Sylvia: Darn. We'll have to figure this out later. Right now we've got a bigger problem!

Jo: You got that right.

Cope: Then we better go on the offensive for the time-being. Anna, get us close to Sin's right frontal fin.

Anna: What? Are you nuts, Alex?

Cope: Trust me on this. Everyone else, follow me!

(Runs off as "Assault" from FFX starts playing)

Sara: Awww yeeah! It's go time!

Anna: Hey! I need one of ya to stick around in case something blows up. I can't fight fires and fly at the same time, incredible though I am.

Sylvia: I'll stay here, then. Go with Alex, kids.

Rick: Gotcha.

(Everyone but Sylvia follows after Cope. Outside, the group arrives on the observation deck as the ship nears Sin's wing-like fin)

Cope: (Into collar) Anna, can you me?

Anna: Alex? How am I hearing you? Where'd this communicator come from?

Cope: The game always provide these things. That's the way it has always been.

Anna: Oh. Well, sure.

Cope: Now Anna, bring us in nice and slow toward the fin. Once we're in range, we'll engage it in standard turn-based combat. Do you copy?

Anna: You don't have to say copy, Alex. I can just as easily read the subtitles.

Cope: Subtitles? How'd you, ugh, nevermind! Just get us close!

Anna: Roger.

Cope: Alright guys, here's the plan: We're gonna clip this sucka's wings. First we need to soften them up, then take them out with this ship's missile payload. Afterwards, we attack the weakspot on his back, and that should bring him down. Any questions?

Jo: Aren't we supposed to be playing a song to keep him placated first?

Cope: Normally yes, but we'll just have to make do without it.

Jo: Okay.

(They get close enough to the fin so that they can see the flower bud-like object at its base)

Cope: That bud thing is our target. Here's how we're gonna break it down: Sara will start off by casting Haste on us all. Then we'll switch in Sal to whip us up a Hyper Mighty G. Will, you'll then use Lancet to learn a new skill and Sara can back you up with healing spells. Jo can be the hyper-androgynous protagonist, while I play the Black Mage who wipes the floor with some Ultima spells.

Stan: What am I supposed to do?

Jo: Dude, do I even look androgynous to you?

Cope: (Ignoring them) Rick, when we get close enough, you'll use Armor Break on it so we can lay on heavier physical damage.

Rick: I could do that, or I could do it my way.

Cope: Which is?

(Rick steps back, runs, leaps off the deck and falls toward the fin. He lands close to the glowing bud)

Will: That's Rick for ya.

Cope: Dang fool! What's he thinking?

Jo: I don't know, but it looks like he's getting the job done.

(On the fin, Rick has whipped out his saber and begins stabbing the bud, scoring thousands of points of damage)

Cope: It's real-time? Excellent! Alright, new plan: me and Jo will go down there and help Rick, while three of you go for the other fin simultaneously. It's three because that's the party limit in this reference we're making.

Will: Dang Square…

Cope: (Into comm) Anna! Bring the Highwind around to the other fin! (To others) You'll have to decide who stays behind, but make it quick. Come on, Jo. (Leaps off deck)

Jo: (Follows Cope) Tali-Hooooooooo!

(After they land on the fin, the Highwind swings around the front of Sin and gets up to the left fin)

Sara: Me and Will are definitely going, so just one of you is coming.

Stan: Guess we should Roshambo this one, sis.

Sally: Sure thing.

(They prepare for Rock Paper Scissors)

Stan: Alright: Rock Paper Scis— (Gets shoved off deck by Will)

Sally: Good luck, Stan!

Will: Let's go!

(Will and Sara leap off after the yelling Stan. On the bridge)

Anna: Alex? Alex! What's going on?

(Sally walks in)

Sally: Hey Anna!

Anna: Sal? What're you doing here?

Sally: I'm here to help. The others are out on the fins.

Sylvia: On the what?!

(Back on Sin, the Jedi commence their stabbing attack. On the left fin, Stan recovers from his sudden fall but gets greeted by the inky Heartless Shadows)

Stan: (Leaping back) Waah!

Will: Stan! Cover us!

Stan: What!? I got to face these things alone?

(A Shadow leaps at him, but gets struck down by Stan's claw out of fear reflex. On the other fin, the other three Jedi face the same nuisance, with Rick and Jo alternating defensive stances)

Cope: Keep those things of my back!

Rick: Yeah yeah yeah.

Jo: Man, Rick, you're acting like you're used to this.

Rick: Aren't you? (Cuts down a Shadow) You're older than me, more experienced.

Jo: Yeah, meaning I know when not to pull off crazy stunts when it's unnecessary. Than again, it's been awhile since I got to have an epic moment of my own.

Rick: Eh, it's bound to happen. For everyone.

Jo: Even for your brother?

Rick: Maybe?

Cope: (Still stabbing bud) Guys! In case you forgot, we're in the midst of an epic boss battle here!

Rick: Right! Back to it, "gramps".

Jo: What? Dag-gum whipper-snapper!

(They continue the attack. At some point the fin buds turn gray and the Heartless stop coming)

Cope: This bud is toast, guys, and the other one should be too! (Into comm) Anna! Fly in and pick us up!

(On Highwind)

Anna: Roger!

(Gives steering wheel a great spin. The vessel swings around and flies close to Sin, so that as it passes the fins the Jedi attackers leap onto the observation deck. Afterwards the ship moves away as the Jedi regroup on the bridge)

Cope: Anna, the fins are weakened.

Ann: Uh-huh. So what, he's gonna start sinking or something?

Cope: We need to blow those things off with missiles first. Get us far enough away so you can fire like crazy.

Anna: Got it! Big booms here we come!

(The Highwind flies a good distance from Sin before turning around to face him)

Will: Oh yeah! It's Double Whammy time!

Jo: Nothing like front row seats to fireworks. I say we're far enough.

Anna: Yup. Now how do I sic this puppy?

Cope: Do you see the shiny red button?

(Show large button by main wheel)

Anna: Yeah.

Cope: Push the shiny red button.

Anna: Ha ha! There we go! (Holds palm over button) Say goodnight, ugly!

(Slams button. Outside, dozens of missiles fire from the Highwind and go screaming at Sin. They go 90° up then slam straight down before exploding all at once. An immense fireball forms that quickly blackens into smoke clouds)

Sylvia: Bullseye!

Sally: We got him! Yay!

Jo: Now we can go home and brag about our— (The clouds disperse to reveal Sin still intact) Oh God-D***it, I was just about to finish my awesome line!

(An invisible barrier blinks away from Sin)

Cope: A barrier!? That's not supposed to be there!

Anna: Denied my sweet fiery carnage, blast it all! (Slams fist on console)

(Outside, the desecrater of souls lets out a slow, condescending chortle)

Anna: (Getting ticked) You laughing at me? You think yer some kind of comedian, don't ya? (Whips out a purple disk with "AR" written on it) We'll see who's laughing after some of this s**t!

(Puts disk into a hard drive, then she pulls out a PS2 controller and starts mashing out a long string of button presses. Outside, two metal arms pop out of the ship and bring up a metal cylinder. The cylinder shoots out a ginormous lightsaber beam, and the arms start swinging it around in a flashy display. Sin's ugly face makes a rather hilarious surprised look)

Cope: Where the H**l did that come from?

Anna: Action Replay. High quality. Never leave home without it.

Cope: You're using CHEAT CODES?!

Jo: Anna! How could—

Anna: Not now! I've got payback to render!

Rick: Oh man…

(Outside, the arms and ship makes a threatening saber pose)

Anna: (Loudspeakers) Alright wise-a**: Let's try that AGAIN!

Sin: *meep...*

(The arms raise the saber high and bring it down with guillotine force, cutting off Sin's right frontal fin. The left-side fin is sliced off just as quickly, but then the screen starts glitching out, causing the arms to lose their grip and drop the Mega-Saber. The arms retract back into the ship, which causes the screen to normalize. On the bridge)

Sara: What happened to Mega-Saber?

Anna: The game's resisting cheat codes. It was gonna crash if I didn't deactivate them.

Cope: Serves you right for such a dishonorable tactic. Only the terminally lazy and unskilled would sink to such lows.

Rick: Gaming integrity aside, how are we going to finish off Sin? He's still floating out there.

(Show the dismembered beast with glowing lights pouring out of its wounds)

Will: Left one heck of a scratch on it, though.

Cope: We stick to the plan and move on to the next phase: Striking the back. Fly us over him, Anna.

Anna: I'm on it.

Jo: Everyone to the observation deck, again!

Sylvia: And I'm coming along this time. If that's okay with you, Anna.

Anna: Yeah yeah, I don't think there's gonna be any fires at this point.

Sally: Sweet!

(Our combatants leave. On the observation deck, the Highwind goes into position high over Sin)

Cope: That's good, Anna, keep it steady. Now who'd like to jump first?

Sally: (Running) Banzaiiiiiiiiii! (Leaps off deck)

Jo: Hey! Senior members first!

(Everyone leaps after her. One by one they land on the great, dry, scaly back of Sin, though Stan faceplants)

Stan: (Getting up) I'm okay.

Sylvia: Sally, you know you're supposed to pick out a landing spot before jumping off like that.

Sally: Sorry Mom. Just got caught up in the moment!

(Everyone runs forward. They stop before the base of Sin's two topside fins)

Cope: There it is: The Back Core.

(Show large bud thing in-between fins)

Sara: Doesn't look different from the others.

Stan: Shouldn't those Heartless things be sprouting up now? (Something rises up before the bud) Oh crap on me.

Will: Stand ready!

(They hold ground as a plant-like dome forms before them. It pulls back its leafy coverings to reveal: A paper-thin Onion headed person in a karate gi)

Jedi:...!

Cope: What... The… F***…?

(Master Onion makes some karate moves)

M. Onion: Hyyyyyywoochebuchebede CHAAA!

Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind.

If you wanna test me, I'm sure you'll find

That the things I teach ya is sure to beat ya.

Nevertheless you'll get a lesson from teacher now

Kick

(Head gets lopped off by a surprise rushing slash from Rick. The body crumples and sinks back into Sin)

Sara: What was that about?

Rick: We don't have time for rap battles.

Sally: Ohhhh, but it sounded real catchy!

Cope: You did the smart thing, Rick.

Will: Yeah. Now we can—

(The surface starts rumbling)

Sylvia: Now what?

(Juices start shooting out of the spot Master Onion was in, then bursting out with sickening noise comes a really tall, vicious plant monster! 15 feet tall, it has two blades for arms and one nasty bug head atop its stalk. The thing rears back to deliver a screeching roar that covers everyone with its putrid breath. Stan turns and flees like a little girl)

Rick: What, Alex, is that exactly?

Cope: The actual guardian, whose name escapes me at the moment…

(The plant starts slobbering with glowing eyes)

Sylvia: Guys…?

Cope: Fall back! Regroup so we can strategize!

Sally: Wait up, Stan!

(They all turn and flee except for Jo, who just stands with arms crossed and a smug look on his face)

Jo: Heheh… Seems my moment's arrived.

(Grabs his robe and tears off the upper half, revealing a chest covered in a ludicrous amount of hair. God of War battle music kicks on as he runs at the plant thing and goes Kratos on it, dodging its scything strikes and punching its limbs away barehanded in time to on-screen button prompts. The Jedi turn around and are stupefied by this action)

Cope: What the freak is he doing?!

Will: Whooping his a**, that's what!

(At this point some button commands lead Jo to ramming one of the plant beast's arms into the ground, grabbing and ripping off the other one, then slicing off the other arm with it. Green fluid sprays everywhere as he grabs hold of an arm and starts climbing)

Sara: Go Jo Go! Go Jo Go! Go Jo Go!

Sylvia: You can do it!

Rob Schneider: Tear his frickin' head off!

(As Jo climbs the monster, the button commands get more complex in order for him to punch and kick his way up. There's analog stick commands, trigger commands, algebraic equations, fill-in recipe ingredients, The Meaning of Life= 42, all of them being inputted or answered correctly. He gets to the head, where he whips out a thermal detonator and rams it down the monster's throat. He leaps off it, lands, and runs past the others)

Jo: Run for it IT'S GONNA BLOW!

(The others run hurriedly with him. Seconds later, a ginormous blast that can be seen far from Sin goes off and sends the Jedi flying off him. Fortunately the Highwind flies by and land on it. The immense blast continues to rock the fell beast's back, causing him to steep downwards with a pained groan. He plummets faster before hitting the ground and creating a massive dust cloud from the impact, the sound of which reverberates several seconds after. Back on the Highwind, the Jedi re-enter the bridge again)

Stan: Man that was close.

Anna: You guys actually did it! Sin is down!

Jo: Correction: I did it.

Anna: Yeesh, Jo, put on a shirt or something. I did not sign up to see your lack of manscaping.

Sally: It was cool! He was all wham bam Macho Man-like!

Sara: He was amazing. He did it all with his bare hands.

Rick: A most impressive display of impromptu manliness… Wait, did I really just say that?

Sylvia: What's important is that Sin is on the ground, so we can breathe easy.

Will: (Looking out window) Yeah, although he smooshed the entire Star Tropics franchise in the process.

(We see the site of impact where Sin's bulk is stuck in the ground amidst the wreckage of a criminally-underrated franchise)

Cope: Surely a loss that will be felt by hipster retro fans everywhere… But no point dwelling on the past. What's important is that we're still here and victorious.

Anna: How bout we all chill a bit now that it's quiet. Jo, let me knit you up something decent at least. I'm sure there's something here I can use.

Jo: What is up with everyone hating my chest hair? It's manly, d***it!

(After some rest and a quick knitting, the Jedi discuss their latest development)

Jo: This robe feels pretty nice, Anna.

Anna: Thanks, Jo.

Will: Alright: we defeated Sin, but no portals have popped up. What do we do now?

Cope: In the original game, the heroes entered Sin through a portal beneath his mouth.

Sylvia: How come it wasn't just the mouth?

Cope: No idea.

Rick: So the portal is just somewhere around Sin's mouth?

Jo: Which means we got some digging to do. Time to get messy again, guys.

Sara: But I don't have nearly enough medical gloves on me.

Sylvia: It won't matter if we're quick enough. Take us down, An—

(The entire ship begins rattling)

Anna: What in tarnation!?

Sally: Uh, guys, something's happening to Sin!

(On the ground below, the fleshy hulk shudders a bit before four great pink scaly wings sprout from its back. Then slowly and gracefully, Sin rises up off the ground and toward the heavens before hovering in front of the Highwind, dirt falling off his gargantuan underside. The immense visage of the reawakened beast is both striking and grand in the most intimidating way)

Stan: (Waving arms wildly) Ah F**K, he's entered Angel Form! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! YAAAAAAAAAAAA— (Gets slapped silent by Cope)

Cope: Get ahold of yourself, man! I refuse to have another drama queen like your father in our ranks right at this critical moment!

Jo: I think his reaction is justified, Alex. I mean just look at that!

Cope: It's nothing to fret about. In fact, this was expected.

Sara: Really?

Cope: Sin's supposed to sprout wings and look more bad-a** after his crash landing. I'm actually quite surprised he waited this long to do it.

Will: And you were gonna tell us this when?

Sylvia: That's not important! What do we do?

Cope: What else? Partake in the final battle, which we'll need to fight on the very top of the ship.

Anna: Then I'll come along. A pop-up here says the captain's presence is needed to open the top hatch.

Cope: What pop-up?

Sally: Everyone's going to fight together for this!

Jo: Excellent! (Air guitars) Now move up!

(Everyone leaves the bridge. Later, a hatch on top of the ship opens and the Jedi climb up onto the Highwind's top. They hurry over to the most forward point)

Stan: I really don't like this!

Will: Bite down on some jerky and stay focused!

Stan: But I don't have any—

Jo: Here we go, gang!

Sally: Yeah!

Rick: We're coming for you Dad!

(They enter an FFX battle screen. The first action of the fight has the Highwind drawing closer to Sin, as though pulled towards him)

Cope: We have to beat him before his Overdrive meter fills!

Anna: Alright! (She casts Thundaga on him, but it does only about 1000 damage) I got him!

Cope: That's great, Anna. Now just 139,000 HP to go in 7 turns.

Anna: What?!

Jo: Alex, I can't hit him! He's out of range!

Stan: I got that covered! (Pulls out a soccer ball and tosses it at Sin, but it bounces off doing 1 HP damage) What the freak?

Cope: Stan you moron that was just a regular soccer ball!

Stan: What difference does it make?

(The ship rumbles as it is drawn closer to Sin)

Cope: Haste us, someone!

Jo: Got it! (Casts Hasteaga)

Cope: Sara! Bless his a**!

Sara: Okay! (Casts Holy, but it does only 2000)

Sally: Hey! Maybe we can scare it away with money! (Uses spare change but only does 100 damage)

Anna: My retirement fund you dintz!

Jo: More like fudge money.

Anna: What was that, Dirty Hairy?

(They're drawn closer to Sin so that he's just meters from them. His Overdrive meter is a little over a quarter full)

Cope: Give him all you got, guys!

(He slashes down but only does a few hundred. Rick uses Armor Break but Sin is Immune. Will uses Fire Breath by downing a bottle of Tequila and spitting a fireball for little damage. Jo uses Quick Hit, Anna Double Casts Flare, Sara Prays, Stan uses the Hide ability, Sylvia uses Cut and Cope uses Slice & Dice. After all that, Sin's HP is still over 100k and his meter is nearly full)

Sylvia: It's nearly there!

Anna: What do we do?!

Will: Well, I say now's a good time to give a few parting words or get some things off our chests.

Cope: Alternatively, I could do this: (Walks back a bit, then runs past the others)

Anna: What are you—?

Cope: (Leaps off ship) Alex MoMEEEEEEENT!

(He soars through the air and lands on the tip of Sin's snout as "Revived Power" from Shadow of the Colossus blares on. Cope draws his lightsaber and dashes up Sin's face between its many eyes. Sin backs up a bit and starts shaking and bucking as best a fish-zilla can do. As Cope runs along, Heartless rise up to intercept him, but are just as quickly cut down. He parries, leaps, slashes, hilt smacks and upward thrusts through Shadows, Soldiers, Wyverns, Mages, Pirates, and Big Fat Fatties, while on the sidelines a group of perky Asian cheerleaders cheer him on. Occasionally the behemoth's motions cause him to stumble, but he recovers quickly and keeps sprinting upward)

(Finally he reaches the group of buildings on Sin's shoulders, and in the middle of them is a glowing sigil in the ground. Cope leaps on top of the symbol, grabbing flesh and hanging on against the rocking of Sin. When things settle he raises his saber, and after charging a bit he stabs the symbol, causing 34,000 damage and Sin to groan. Blood sprays from the wound as Cope pulls out his saber and stabs again. Half of Sin's HP goes away and he continues to shake more violently as his Overdrive Meter steadily fills. Copes lands a third stab, but this time he loses his grip and is tossed away. The Meter becomes full and Sin readies his ultimate attack, but Cope runs at the symbol, leaps and delivers a falling thrust stab, finishing off the monster's HP at the song's climax. Sin screeches and gives one great head toss that sends Cope flying back to the Highwind. He lands among the awed Jedi in a crouch, stands up, claps his hands and holds them up in victory, all while maintaining composure)

Cope: Bow to me, for I have just saved the day. Me and me alone. Hail the Copeland.

Jo: Yeah, you saved the day, but you also killed Sin!

("The End of the Battle" from SotC plays as Sin writhes around in his death throes, slowly getting paler from the fountain of blood still shooting up from his head)

Cope: Oh right… The Shadow of the Colossus method is always a guaranteed fatality.

(Sin begins to slowly descend, the Highwind keeping pace)

Will: He's not opening his mouth.

Sylvia: What happens next, Alex?

Cope: Let's see... After being fully defeated, Sin would plummet and explode in a marvelous blast.

Anna: But we haven't been sucked in or anything.

Rick: Meaning once Sin explodes—

Cope: There'll be no portal, yes.

Sylvia: What? No, that can't be it. After all that work, we get nothing? No! I'm not accepting that! Not after coming this far, and with EVERYTHING we did!

Jo: Sylv, calm down—

(Sylvia runs to the edge of the ship)

Sylvia: Hey you ugly bulbous scaly son of a b****! Open your God-D**n mouth and let us in you fish-f***er! Do you hear me you Fat-A**hole?!

Stan: Oh man, Mom's gone mental.

Sally: Totally…

Rick: Can you blame her?

Sylvia: Let Us In! You're not doing this to me! I've gone through too much s**t to just be left here with nothing to show for it! Do as I say or I'll gouge out every one of your fugly eyes while you can still feel pain!

Murrrrrrr…

(Everyone looks around for the strange sound)

Anna: Did anyone else hear that?

Will: Like something throbbing in my head.

Muuuuuuuurrrrrrrr…..

Cope: Is, is that Sin?

Sin… Is what I am…..

Stan: Holy crap he's actually talking to us!

Sally: Freaky that it's in our thoughts.

Who disturbs me….. In my time…. Of final solace…?

Sylvia: Sin! Tell me: did a small creature in a brown robe come to you? Was he named Squishy?

I have… Taken a great many….. But a Squishy… Was one of them…

It was special… It wasn't like the rest… It was… Different….

Sylvia: What did you do to him?

I consumed him… His will… His being… Opened my maw…..

It was…. Peculiar….

Rick: So Dad did come to him. Or bumped into him, probably.

Sylvia: Sin! Open your mouth! Let us all in!

… What….?

Jo: (Goes up to Sylvia) Sylv, take it easy. This may not be— (Gets shoved back)

Sylvia: No! I want you to open up! Let us inside you!

But why…? For what reason…. Would you risk yourself….

To enter the core of a dying beast….. What is it that you seek…?

Sylvia: What I seek… What I seek is… wholeness.

("At the Bottom of Night" from Chrono Trigger plays)

…..?

Sylvia: That small creature, Squishy, was someone very special. Someone who left us some time ago. He was an important part of our lives. But, he was most important to me. He gave me the most happiness in all my life, gave me a family, and saved my life several times. When he left, I became incomplete. It felt like my world had gone gray, that the light in my life had faded. Nothing seemed right, to the point it practically became unbearable.

Stan: Mom...

Sylvia: So I, all of us, have come here to bring him back. We have been through much… so much… and I just want to end it and go back home, with him. You're the only one who can do that for us. For me…

… You hold… The same essence as him…. A sense of determination… Longing…. You seek the same thing he does….. And show the same will to get it…

Jo: Good job, Sylv. Way to sucker him in for us.

Anna: (Pulling back Jo) Uh, Jo, ixnay on the insensitay.

Very well… You shall enter me…. Know that once you are in… You cannot go back… For my time….. Is almost up… Will you still go…?

Sylvia: (Firmly) Absolutely.

Good…. What lies beyond….. Nothing is certain… The Nether Realm… Has no foreseeable form…. But if you remain certain… Harbor no doubt….. The path… May be revealed….

Will: Eyes on the prize, got it.

Now go…. Face the unknown… And possibly… The one….. Most precious to you all…..

(The dying hulk stretches open its gargantuan mouth, lights and gas gathering within to form a huge shining ball of blue. The Highwind is drawn in, only to disappear along with the ball. Sin then hits the ground, and in a great thunderous roar he goes off in a megaton blast of fire and tormented souls)

But that's enough serious stuff.

Time for Happy!

(Ending credits music from "Not Another Team Movie" plays as the credits roll. Then it stops as we're shown a door with a shadow over it. There's some knocking)

Interior Voice: Just a minute!

(The door opens to reveal a certain red-haired lion dog)

Red XIII: (Gasps) Father?!

(The music and credits blare on again, but soon come to an end)


What awaits us now…?