Chapter 2. Originally this was supposed to be a one-shot however I just can't seem to leave it alone and have at least two more chapters planned out. I think Reckoning is definitely up there with my top 5 episodes, it blew me away!
Thank you to everyone who followed, favorited and reviewed the last chapter. Reviews make me smile and any constructive criticism is always welcomed. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Not mine and never will be. This is just a small hobby.
They had made it through the first night. It had been rough and not without nightmares, but they had made it. Castle was the first to wake which was strange in itself because he would usually be the one to sleep in as Kate readied herself to face the day ahead. However this morning he found himself wide awake and staring at his sleeping wife. The nightmare she had had last night had taken them both by surprise, she had not had that reaction in a long time and it worried Castle, he prayed that it was just a onetime thing, a mixture of the cocktail of drugs she had been pumped with, mixed with her adrenalin and the events of the past couple of days.
Kate had curled herself into Castle's body, her head softly resting on his chest with one arm wrapped around his torso. He knew she didn't like sleeping in but this morning he didn't have the heart to wake her. His mind drifted to everything he could have lost yesterday. She was his future, the morning before she had been abducted they had been discussing having a child together, not that this was new, they had each been making comments about it for the past two years, but now they were married and settled and with Bracken behind bars it seemed the right time. He didn't know if this would change things, he knew it would take time for them both to feel ready again but knew they had each other to help them through.
He gently began stroking her face with his thumb, a subconscious movement that he barely registered he was doing. He had nearly lost that beautiful face yesterday. Kate hadn't told him everything, just briefly mentioned what had happened the moments before Nieman had tried to kill her. He remembered her words so clearly, 'she told me she wanted my face'. He didn't even know what to make of that, he knew that Nieman had always had an obsession with Kate, ever since that first meeting with her she seemed fixated on Kate and he knew the type of plastic surgery that Nieman did. His mind began to run away with him, images of Kate faceless on an operating table as Nieman tried to replicate his wife's face onto her own, a sadistic plan that would ensure he would see Kate, but it wouldn't be her, that would never be her.
He was brought out of his thoughts by Kate shifting beneath him, her eyes beginning to flutter open. He continued to stroke her face, leaning down so he could see her face fully.
"Kate" he whispered, his voice quiet and soft.
The reaction was not what he expected. He eyes quickly shifted to the hand that was near her face, and when Castle tried to run his finger across her face again she quickly jerked her head away, the contact too much, too similar to the way Nieman had petted her when she was unable to fight back.
"Kate?" he questioned, as he watched her eyes scan the room and check where she was before they met his concerned gaze, similar to how she had reacted on the floor of their bedroom last night, confirming that she was back at home.
"I'm sorry, I just. She just, and I tried to but I couldn't…" she lets out an exhale, seemingly annoyed with the way she just tried to explain why she jumped when Castle touched her face.
It wasn't him, she knew that much, it was the action. Waking up to someone stroking her face had seemed all too similar to when she had woken up on the cold metal table. Restrained and unable to do a thing to stop Kelly Nieman's hands from stroking her face.
"It's not you" she concluded, burying her face back into his chest, bringing her hand to her mouth, feeling guilty for even needing to explain that it wasn't him, she couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes.
She relaxed back into him and as he leaned back in the bed. Both of them sitting in a comfortable silence, taking in the fact that each of them was still there, still breathing life into the world.
Castle waited for Kate to speak, he knew he couldn't push her and that if he tried she may close in on herself. It was better for him to wait until she was ready to open up. Last night she was vulnerable and had opened up slightly which he took as a huge step for her, but he knew that she understood he needed to know the full story. He hadn't read the statement she had given yesterday, he had only heard what she had told Lanie when she had checked her over and even then that wasn't much. Two full days she had been missing, two days of wondering where she was and what was happening to her. He knew she had been drugged so she wouldn't remember some of it and maybe that was for the best. When they had found her she wasn't wearing the clothes she had been taken in, instead the other woman, the woman he thought was Kate, who was shot right in front of his eyes was wearing them. The thought of Kate having to go through Nieman and Tyson undressing and redressing her whilst she was helpless to stop them was all too much to think about, but it seemed impossible to get the images out of his mind.
He didn't know how long they had been quiet for, how long Kate had been looking into his eyes, as if she could read his thoughts entirely.
"Castle you don't want to know" she said softly, her love pouring out for him. She wanted to protect him. She knew he had been through a similar trauma to her, not knowing where she was. He had been held hostage by Tyson as well, he had enough thoughts spinning round in his head.
She didn't want him to have to know what happened, it was bad enough that she went through it and then had to give a statement, she didn't know if she was strong enough to relive it again. Not that way Castle would want to know it, when giving her statement it was all about detaching her emotions, it was just another case, one that had now been solved, but here, with Castle she knew she wouldn't be able to explain what had happened without it becoming more than a statement.
She watched as he took a breath, forcing the air out of his lungs.
"Kate, I need know." He pleaded, no longer able to hide the seriousness of his voice
"What if you can't handle what you hear?" she asked, her voice still small and full of concern.
"What if you don't let me try?" His words ringing in her ears similar to those that she had asked him nearly two years ago. At a time when she needed answers he was there for her and now she needed to do the same for him.
"Ok. Why don't you go and make us some coffee and I'll just go and freshen up and then we can talk", a smile appearing on her lips, trying to convey that she was ok with this, they needed this, they needed to get back to some form of normality, whatever that was.
Castle gave Kate a small soft kiss before heading to the kitchen.
Beckett took a moment before moving. She felt safe in their bed, but she knew she needed to put more cream on her wrists, Lanie had warned her about the risk of infection what with that place not being exactly sterile and the fact that when they had found her she was covered in Nieman's blood. Kate pushed back the covers, lifted herself from the bed and slowly made her way towards the bathroom.
She stopped in front of the mirror above the sink, taking in her reflection. Dark circles had appeared under her eyes and the corners of her mouth had begun to chap from the thick fabric that Nieman had forced into her mouth. She ran the cold water before splashing it on her face, using her fingers to wash away the sleep from her eyes. The water felt good bringing a sense of awakening to her. It still didn't feel real. It still felt like a nightmare that she was trapped in.
"They are dead. We killed them. It's over" she told herself, repeating it in her head as if trying to convince herself that it was real. She knew Nieman was dead, she killed her, she watched her struggle and beg as the life drained out of her. Her blood on her hands.
Kate washed her hands again, noticing that the wound on her finger had reopened slightly, but nothing that wouldn't heal with time. She had lost count of the amount of times she had washed them since they had found her. Even when Castle had brought her wedding band back to her she had insisted on washing them again before he placed it back on her finger.
It wasn't the fact that she had killed Nieman, she had killed people before, it was the way she did it. She stabbed her, multiple times and something about that didn't sit right with her. It may have been the fact that it was so close, so personal, her hands had been on Nieman as she died, with a gun there was a distance between her and the criminal. However she knew in the back of her mind there was another reason she had found it so disturbing; her mother had been stabbed. She had done to Kelly what someone had done to her mother. Beckett looked at herself again in the mirror, not wanted to believe it.
'It was self-defense' she told herself, knowing she was right, the DA had cleared her, she was not a murderer and she was nothing like her mother's killer. But the thought had been planted, the idea seeded in her mind. She knew it would take time to overcome that, but she knew she could, she was strong and she had Castle with her. She quickly drained the water in the sick before patting her face dry again, taking a moment to steady herself, preparing for the conversation she was about to have.
Moving back to the bedroom Castle was still in the kitchen so she climbed back into the bed and began rubbing the cream into her wrists. They were still soar, still raw from her constant struggle against them. Nieman's voice sadistically telling her, 'there's no point resisting detective', the use of her title, as if this woman really did admire her. She began to work more cream into her wrists, determined to get them to heal quicker so she didn't need to look at the constant reminder of what she went through.
Her intentions were clear. She would explain what happened to Castle. Get it all out in the open, then they could work through it. She didn't want to go back and see Dr Burke if she could help it. He was there for her when she and Castle weren't together, now she had Castle and she knew he would be there to support her every step of the way. After everything they had been through together, he deserved to know the truth. If she was still struggling after that, then maybe she would go and see Dr Burke, but right now she just needed Rick.
