A/N: Wow, this took me way longer than I expected, and I don't even know why. Just recently I had the right idea to finish this chapter. While the first chapter was slipt this one is more focused on Natalya and how she feels. While the fic's title comes from a Maroon 5 song this chapter was written based on Tove Lo's Not on drugs and Thousand Miles, both amazing songs. Also, one of the scenes were based on one of my favorite Game of Thrones scene, one in between Cersei and Robert, the biggest example of marrige gone wrong. That's all, I hope you enjoy the end and if you like it or not send me a review, it would make me happy!


i.

[Nicole] Nattie, TJ just called looking for you, I told him you're here. Where are you?

[Nicole] No, seriously, where are you? TJ told me you were supposed to arrive Florida this morning.

[Nicole] I'm worried with you! Where are you?

[Nicole] Answer my goddamn messages, Nattie! You owe me one!

Natalya looked at her phone, she should answer those messages. TJ had called her twice, left a voicemail that said Come on Nattie, you're staying at a cheap hotel again? Is Rosa there with you?

No, Rosa wasn't there with her. Natalya looked at the sky, brushing one hand through her hair. There was a part of her heart that was heavy with guilty, desperate to call TJ and tell him what she had done, beg him for his forgiveness. Then she remembered all the times TJ treated her bad when he didn't need to, all the bad words and lack of touches and that part disappeared, giving space to the part of her heart that was happy.

[Nattie] I had an argument with TJ and didn't want to go home. I'm at a hotel, don't worry Nicole, I'm fine.

After making sure that the message was delivered Natalya turned her phone off, not ready to deal with whatever the real world had in store for her. A noise at the door called her attention and the blonde woman turned around.

"Good morning." Cesaro stopped by the door, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Morning."

The mood in between them wasn't uncomfortable per se, they just… Didn't know how to deal with the situation. Natalya left her phone on the nightstand, walking towards Cesaro.

She touched his arms softly, propping herself up to kiss him. That desperate part of her heart thought that if she kissed him now, during the day, she would realize that this wasn't what she wanted, that it was all sadness and vulnerability. That desperate part of her heart was sure that once she kissed Cesaro she would realize that it was a mistake.

And yet when he moved his arms and cupped her face all she could do was smile. When they broke the kiss and she looked at him her smile grew, her heart pounding against her chest. The desperate part of her heart became smaller with each time Cesaro smiled at her.

"I think we should talk." He spoke against her lips, not backing away from her.

Natalya looked at his eyes, not sure of what she saw there. Whatever it was, it made her heart race and she feel lightheaded.

"Not now." There were many things to be said and discussed, but she would need to go back to work, to her life and to her husband in one day, she didn't want to talk about those things. "Not now." She repeated, kissing him again. They would talk, but first they should kiss.


ii.

"I saw you and Cesaro."

The voice surprised her and Natalya jumped on her seat, turning around to see a smirking Naomi.

"Cesaro and I?" The Canadian asked, feeling extremely nervous.

"Yes girl, I saw the way you looked at each other when we were recording that segment." Naomi raised an eyebrow in a gesture that clearly said girl I dare you to lie to me. It couldn't be any other way with her.

It was an overall awkward segment to record. Natalya wasn't the best actress out there, and the fact that she had to be with Tyson only made things worse. They weren't talking and the blonde Canadian didn't feel like making anything to change that.

"Nattie," Naomi's voice was soft as she sat down besides Natalya. "I'm not judging you, you know? I know that it must be a real struggle to be married to Tyson." She stopped talking, waiting for a scorn that never came. To that she looked at Natalya half surprised, half proud. "And let's face it, Cesaro is hot. Don't let Jimmy know I said this, though." Both women chuckled. "So if you two are…" Naomi made a vague gesture with her hand. "You know, I can understand it, like I said, I'm not judging and if you need anything, anything at all, I'm here for you, okay?"

She reached out for Natalya's hand and squeezed it softly. Looking at that gesture, Naomi's hand holding hers, Natalya wanted to cry. She looked back at her best friend, seeing nothing but kindness in Naomi's eyes.

"Thanks." She muttered, looking at her own feet. Listening to advice from Naomi would be good, but she wasn't certain about where she stood with Cesaro, where Tyson fit into that equation and what her life would be from that point on, so all she did was hold Naomi's hand.


iii.

A part of her still hoped.

It still hoped that she would magically go back to the days she didn't have eyes for any other man besides TJ, it still hoped she wouldn't keep remembering the way Cesaro kissed her, it still hoped she wouldn't feel the ghost of his touch on her skin. But she did. And it was killing her for all the wrong reasons.


iv.

To Cesaro it seemed like an eternity.

From the moment he realized he was indeed in love with Natalya to the moment she told him to start the car and drive them somewhere he felt like a lifetime passed. Moments of anger, hesitation and some sort of sadness passed by until that day, and yet when he looked back he wouldn't change a thing.

Her kisses were shy at first and he could feel a small shaking in her hands as she touched his shoulders. All the time Cesaro was paying attention to her reactions. If she showed the slightly discomfort he would let go of her, but there was only nervousness.

He too was nervous, thinking about how wrong that thing was. It wasn't like him to do that to a colleague, to let himself be caught into this kind of situation. Cesaro was a rational man, he should let his mind take control of his feelings. And yet when he looked at Natalya all he could think about was how many other times he could kiss her.

It turned out to be many times, but not enough for him. With Natalya nothing was enough for him; not enough kisses, not enough touches, not enough time together. Inside that hotel room he could satisfy his craving, keeping her closer to him all the time, kissing and touching her as she smiled. He just wondered if that would always be like that.


v.

Kissing him was strange.

Before Natalya cherished the moments she could hold TJ's hand and kiss his cheek after he won a match, but now she felt like her hand didn't belong with his, she shouldn't be kissing him, not when Cesaro was there.

"So you're still giving me a cold shoulder?" TJ asked as soon as they were back at backstage. Cesaro quickly disappeared and Natalya wished he were there.

The Canadian crossed her arms in front of her chest, sighing. If this was before the fact that TJ was the one to make the first move would make her happy, she would see it as a sign that he wanted things in between them to be back to normal. But Natalya wasn't the same, the part of her heart that longed for TJ to be back was smaller.

"I'm not giving you a cold shoulder, TJ." Even her voice seemed different when she talked to him and Natalya asked herself if TJ noticed it too. "I'm just treating you like you treat me."

His eyes widened. TJ obviously wasn't expecting this. "And what exactly does this mean?"

He noticed, Natalya realized. TJ was caught up in his own work but he noticed and decided to ignore it. Maybe he thought that she would always forgive him, that no matter what he did Natalya would come back to him, begging for any small piece of love he could give her.

She would. Her lips were pressed on a thin line, fingers trembling in anger. She would always come back, begging for him to love her, to be with her because if not TJ who else would love her?

"I'll let you think about it." She answered, a good feeling in her heart once she looked at his face. "Until you discover don't waste your time on me. Our relationship will be solely business."

He called her name, but Natalya didn't look back. As she walked back to the Divas locker room the Canadian smiled, feeling incredibly good. Who else would love her? She would love herself.


vi.

"Going to the hotel?"

His lips curved on a smile as soon as he saw her. She looked so beautiful, blonde hair over her face as she leaned against his rental, a playful smile on her lips.

"I thought I saw you arrive here with Rosa." He commented when he got closer. It was so difficult to stay on a respectful distance now that he knew how good she tasted, so difficult not to kiss her now that he knew how it was.

"She's out with Paige and Alicia and I just want to get some sleep." She didn't move from his car, blocking his way. "Can you give me a ride?"

Cesaro walked over to the trunk, opening it to store his bag. He raised one arm, gesturing for her to bring hers. "You don't even need to ask."


vii.

Kissing him was easy.

If before Natalya couldn't even think about kissing any other man now she couldn't even think about not kissing Cesaro. The way he cupped her face and the way he brushed his fingers through her hair made her tremble, pushing her body forward so he would keep touching her.

"I think we should talk." His voice was hesitant, eyes looking away from her as he sat straight.

He was right, Natalya knew it. They couldn't go on kissing in parking lots, hiding from everyone – if anyone was as smart as Naomi they would soon notice how Natalya's eyes were always looking for Cesaro, how he would always sit closer to her, how they were always talking.

"This," he motioned towards Natalya and back to himself. "What exactly is this?"

People would see it. They would see through the cracks of her marriage and they would realize that Natalya had another reason to smile.

"I don't know." She bit her lower lip, closing her eyes for a second. "All I know is that whatever it is I don't want to give up." It couldn't end, not now that it had just begun.

There was happiness in his voice when he spoke. It was small and he still sounded suspicious, but it was there. "So, what you are saying is…?"

Natalya smiled, unceremoniously grabbing his shirt and kissing him. It was different from before because this time there was something else on that kiss, there was a promise.

"We will find out what this is. Together." She kissed him again just because she wanted to, because she needed to.


viii.

They talked.

The more Natalya talked to Cesaro the more she realized how much she had neglected herself. A marriage should be about two people being partners, not only about one individual. The more they talked the more she understood what had been going on between her and TJ.

It wasn't pretty. It was difficult to look at her past year and see how ugly that relationship had become. There were deep scars that she refused to see, refused to believe they were real because of him, believing he would change, he would be better. She always believed in a better future and forgot to look at the present.

Now, looking at it, Natalya saw the ugliness, the scars and the cracks on the shell of her perfect marriage. There were no fairytales, she learned, all thanks to Cesaro. And she liked him even more for it.


ix.

They sat face to face and she looked at him.

Natalya looked at all the details on his face, a face she spent so many years loving. There was love for him still, they had a story, it was impossible to erase the past, but she wasn't sure about what their present and future would be like.

"You are turning." He said after clearing his throat as if he needed to call her attention, Natalya had been looking at him for the past ten minutes. "Are you happy you're getting more to do this time?" She just shrugged. "Nattie, talk to me, I want to understand what we did wrong."

"We?" She raised an eyebrow, challenging.

"I," TJ corrected. "I want to understand what I did wrong. I miss you."

Natalya just looked at him, her face void of expressions. She had changed so much on the prior weeks and he didn't seem to notice. Was it because Cesaro actually paid attention to her? Because he listened to her and asked how she felt?

Maybe. And maybe it wasn't.

"I missed you for so long." She said, a sad smile on her lips. "I waited for you to say it, TJ, I waited for it for months."

"Good! I did it, I just said it. So… How that makes you feel?"

The smile was still on her lips. "It makes me feel nothing."


x.

The complete lack of emotions made the decision easier.

Holding TJ's hand, kissing him after matches, being by his side during interviews, it didn't make her feel anything, not a single thing at all. Natalya was just there, going through the motions, doing what she was told to do, but with no emotional involvement whatsoever.

Yet one look at Cesaro was enough to make her fight a smile, fight the urge to touch him. She knew when he was watching her move around the ring, she felt him looking at her when they were giving interviews; it was difficult to not look back, to not smile and kiss him, but Natalya promised herself one day she would do it all. One day.


xi.

"Do you know what this is?"

His voice startled her and Natalya turned around to look at him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at her own feet, she didn't know who long she had been there, staring at nothing in particular.

She blinked, trying to bring herself to the present. The blonde-haired woman knew what he meant and she knew he deserved an honest answer. "I do now."


xii.

"I talked to Mark Carrano today."

Natalya crossed her arms in front of her chest over the table, staring at him. If she looked away, she wouldn't be able to look at his face again and he deserved at least that.

"About what?" TJ looked at her, curious. How long they had been without talking to each other? Natalya counted three weeks, but it could be more, after some time she lost track of it. That part of her who longed for TJ had died somewhere on the road and Natalya didn't make anything to bring it back to life. She didn't want to.

She could see he was stressed, she knew each and every one of his quirks, from the way he moved around the ring to the way he turned his head when he was nervous. "About leaving Total Divas after this season." His eyes grew wider and Natalya knew that he didn't know what to say.

"But that is great for your career Nattie, why would you even do that?" He crooked his head, one hand reaching for hers but Natalya didn't give in. They were past this, way past this.

The blonde woman didn't want to touch him. Maybe if she did she would feel doubtful again, she would believe that things would go back to normal, that they still had a chance. There was no such thing as normal for them. Not anymore.

"Because I want to divorce you."

Her voice was soft and yet decided. Natalya had her hands crossed over the table and she looked straight at TJ's eyes. It was different this time, she thought. The first time that word came in between them she could barely look at her husband, she couldn't imagine a life in which TJ wouldn't be there. Now she could do it. Because the thought of living in between fights, humiliation and pain was too much.

There was a long moment of silence and Natalya didn't break it. TJ had to be the one to speak, he had to be the one to say something.

A faint voice in her head was praying for him to ask her for another chance, beg her to stay. But if he didn't do that she would survive. She was unbreakable, not even he could take that away from her – not after everything he had already taken.

"Are you for real now?" He asked, looking more serious than ever. "This… Us… We can't make it work, can we?"

That small part that prayed for a pledge was upset, but Natalya was decided, eyes still on him as she thought about what could be going on inside his mind. Was he planning not to give in? Was he planning to let her go so easily? "I'm afraid so." She answered. "I love you, TJ, and I think I always will, but there's so much pain I can handle."

There was hurt in his eyes, hurt and something else she couldn't understand. He looked away for a second and Natalya asked herself if he too couldn't handle that situation. She closed her eyes, trying not to cry.

And then she realized there were no tears in her eyes, she didn't want to cry. TJ had taken the tears away too.


xiii.

There was silence. Hours of it.

Natalya didn't feel the need to speak, which was something so out of character for her, but she appreciated the lack of words. What could possibly be said anyway? She was there, she had made her choice and she was hurt, of course, but by choosing him the Canadian knew she would get better.

It was a slow process, she knew it. 17 years couldn't be forgotten on a month or two, but gradually her heart would stop waiting for TJ, it would understand that the circumstances changed and they no longer could be together. Little by little her heart would learn to love herself first.

Then, of course, came Cesaro.

"And?" He asked, eyebrows raised on a gesture Natalya knew he was impatient; a couple of months working together and she already knew a lot about him. Maybe she was paying too much attention.

She didn't answer it right away, instead she only smiled, tapping on the place besides her, gesturing for him to come closer. He sat down by her side and Natalya held his hand. Hers seemed small and delicate compared to his, but somehow they just fit.

For her that gesture probably meant a lot more than for him, because it reminded her of the first time she felt something for Cesaro. It wasn't love, not yet, but it was something more than just liking him as a friend. He gave her a comfort she couldn't find anywhere else, not even in one year of marriage and meaningless kisses.

Natalya looked at him, the smile still on her lips. It was so easy to smile when he was around, the way he looked at her was already enough to make her lips curve up and her cheeks become red.

The thought of starting a new relationship was scary, mainly because Natalya had never thought she would need to do it. But life can't be planned and although it hurt and angered her, she couldn't be in control all the time, things were what they were, she had to adapt to them.

She was scared, but not enough not to try it. Looking at their hands she knew it was what she wanted to do it. Maybe she wanted it since the moment they almost held hands, maybe after. She wouldn't know exactly when it dawned upon her, but now, sitting besides Cesaro, holding his hand and looking at him, now she was completely sure of what she wanted.

"A future." She finally answered. "It's a future for us." Simple as that, a future for both of them. When he kissed her Natalya knew that it was just one of the many kisses they would share. For the first time in which seemed like forever she could see a bright future for herself. All because of him.