Here's a new chapter lovebugs! Not too sure if it's good, or not, partly on the fence about it as I feel like I didn't do any of it justice! But hopefully you like it. You know what writers are like. I was going to have either Abi's full point of view in the next chapter? Or Jay at the hospital waiting for news? Or possibly both of their point of views? Either at the hospital or something. GIVE ME YOUR IDEAS! I need them trust me. Also, please check out my new story 'Home Again' which is based on a new member of the Carter family. Read Review and Subscribe both of them please! Lots of love, Essy! xx
You know the first thing you feel after a fresh beating? Shame, and yes that's a stupid thing to feel, but Abi just couldn't help it. She was ashamed that maybe she wasn't being good enough as a girlfriend, she was ashamed that she didn't hide that letter better. She was ashamed of how she looked, how much of a disappointment she must be. But that's not the only thing that you feel or have to deal with. There's the questions too. Whether you like it or not, you end up with countless questions. Did I deserve it? Could I have done something to prevent it? What if someone sees and asks? What if I don't have enough make up to conceal it? What if next time, he kills me? And surely you'd think Abi wouldn't feel the same way every time, but she did. She really did.
All through her life, she had believed that someone was fighting for her. Her mother, her father, or her sister and now, everyone was gone. She had no one. Her dad was in jail because of her, because she wanted to protect Ben, the Ben she believed she was in love with. When now, she hated him. But still, her mind was going over excuses. Maybe it was her fault. Maybe she angered him? She should keep her mouth shut and stay out of his way. Easier said than done, really. Especially now she lived with him, and had to stay in the same room as him. She was like a magnet to it all.
It wasn't that Abi didn't want to leave, of course she did. But when it came down to it, it was like she forgot how. How she could possibly find the strength to leave? How had she forgotten her will power? The strength her parents always told her to have? Maybe it was because she missed them, her mother and dad that is. She was so weak, well that's how she felt. She felt like she had no energy when it came down to it. She was alone. Who did she have that she could turn to? Someone who would understand. She felt like Jay didn't want to speak to her anymore, even though she never saw how he looked at her. Abi was completely oblivious to how Jay looked at her. How if you looked close enough, you could see how much he missed her by the lingering feelings in his deep blue eyes.
When she finally came around, Abi looked up, from her spot on the floor of the hallway in the Mitchell household. She knew how she got here, her mind flipping back to what must have been moments ago when Ben knocked her into the banister of the stairs. She didn't remember passing out though. Did she actually pass out? Or had she been so consumed by her thoughts that her mind and eyes were blind as she worried over everything.
Her hand reached up as cries left her lips, finally finding the banister, she pulled on it to somehow gather her strength and managed to get up, although it took a lot, she managed it. It must have taken her at least a few minutes to be back upon her feet again.
Eyes began to scan hastily around the room as she made her way up the stairs to her bedroom, crying with each step, she wasn't sure if she'd broken anything or maybe she was just hurting everywhere, even emotionally. Sometimes you just don't know where the source of hurt was, because you can't recognize how anymore, simply because you are hurting too much.
Being in an abusive relationship did that to a person, you didn't know whether you were coming or going, or whether you were just treading water continuously as you hope and pray that it was all a bad dream, and you were in a happy relationship. Not a shambles of one like this.
After what felt like forever, she had made it upstairs, and to the bathroom, her hands gripping toilet paper as she began to dab at the cut on her forehead, but things began to become fuzzy, like her vision was that of a fuzzy television, or as if she was on some kind of drugs and she found herself swaying. Her body moved side to side as she rocked on her heels, feeling her body falling backwards and she just didn't have the strength to catch herself or at least grab onto something, her back hit the bathroom door, shutting it as she fell and suddenly blackness was all she knew.
Walking in, Jay slammed the door to the Mitchell House behind him. Ben was doing his head in, talking about how he and Abi were talking about moving out and settling down in a flat, the whole thought made him sick to his very stomach. He knew he had, had his chance with her and it was his own fault for letting her slip through his fingers but his problem was, that he never thought he was good enough. Abi would be going off and doing different things, things were she could show how intelligent she was and she was meant for greatness.
Jay? He was meant for a dead end garage working as a mechanic, with a girl who never left his side, and a few little ones. Maybe that's what he first thought when he saw himself gravitating toward Lola? And now look what happened, he wasn't cut up over the fact that she had dumped him because now he had realized he didn't love her, not like he had been so convinced he had. No, this kind of love was purely friendship, or maybe like a sister. Of course, yes, he had found her attractive, and Abi's plans for Uni had made him try and seek comfort in the young mother, but he knew now how wrong he was. What irked him was the fact that Lola had decided to dump him on his birthday and had even forgotten that it was his birthday. Who does that? Even Ben remembered, and he was as thick as two short planks on times.
It was funny though, it was only a few short weeks ago that he realized that there was still a spark there for him and Abi, they had sat and talked over breakfast, and she had given him a smile, something he hadn't seen her wearing in a while. It wasn't just a smile, it was a smile that she only ever did around him when they were together. One that made her hazel eyes light up with happiness, or amusement, something he had managed to awaken within her. Some how lately, he never saw her smile, but maybe that was just work weighing on top of her? He wasn't sure, he didn't like to ask. It wasn't his place, it was Bens. He didn't have the right, not anymore, anyway.
Ben was really taking the piss too, not just with the snide Abi jokes, but because Jay was fairly certain that he was still sleeping with the Coker's grandson, Paul and if that was true it not only made Jay's blood boil because he was hurting Abi, but because Ben had no remorse for it. He was a right sleazy git, and he just wanted Abi to be with someone better, even if she never looked at him, or wanted to be with him, Abi deserved the world. If he ever got the chance again, and things were like they once were, he would be the one to give her the world.
Placing down his keys on the table by the door, he pulled off his jacket and hung it up on the stairs, before walking toward the kitchen, it wasn't until he saw what looked like blood in the corner of his eye on the floor, that he stopped, his eyes widening for a moment. Who's blood was that? Phil's keys and coat weren't here, so it wasn't him, and neither was it Sharon's. Ben was over the arches, and he had just left there, and that left Abi. Turning on his heel, he began to look through all the rooms, until he got upstairs and checked her room. He almost stumbled over his feet in the process of all of this, his mind throwing multiple questions at him.
What had happened? Why was there blood downstairs? And why couldn't he find Abi? Was it to do with one of those geezers Phil had pissed off? If it was, Jay would flip, he didn't want anyone hurting Abi, just because she now believed she was one of the Mitchell's, didn't mean she was as strong as them. The Mitchell family had always been involved with some right dodgy people and Ben and Jay were used to it. God knows Jay grew up with it from his dad, Jase.
"ABS?"
He began calling her, but stopped as he saw the bathroom door shut, normally it was open just so everyone knew that there wasn't anyone inside using it. Walking closer, he felt his hands begin to shake, worrying what he might find after seeing the blood downstairs.
Pushing on the door, he managed to get it open just a bit for him to slip his head around the door, it was clear something was leaned up against it, and he felt his stomach sink when he saw her. Abi sprawled out, with a clear cut that was dripping with blood on her forehead, it looked a little deep, like a deep scratch than a life threatening one, but one that needed to be cleaned up, it seemed like that's what Abi had been planning to do when he saw the tissue paper in her hand. Kneeling down, he began trying to wake her.
"Abi? Abs, can you wake up for me, please?" He asked her, sitting down, so her body was rested against his, he began to dab at the cut softly as her eyes began to flutter. Part of him wanted to know how the hell she ended up passed out over a cut, or was he underestimating it's severity?
"Jay?" Was all he heard her say before she started whimpering, and began to sit up. He felt his eyes widen as he tried to figure out why she was in so much pain? Was it the cut? Was that the source of her agony, because he was positive that she had dealt with much worse in the past.
"Is it your head that's hurting?" He questioned, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he looked over her, wondering how he could possibly help her.
Abi's hazel eyes looked up at him and she shook her head. "It hurts, but that's not it, I feel like I've wet myself. How embarrassing is that?" She joked, her hand moving down to touch the trousers she was wearing, before lifting her hand up and Jay's eyes followed hers.
BLOOD
A lot of blood.
God, why hadn't he noticed before? He had been so fucking oblivious and he could have helped her sooner.
He could hear her crying now and asking herself questions, and he couldn't seem to tune back in, it was as if he froze, trying to comprehend, how she was bleeding between her legs. Jay knew Abi like the back of his hand, when she was with him, she was very rarely on her period, simply because she was on the pill, well more so after the little pregnancy scare they had. This wasn't normal for her to be bleeding.
"Why are you bleeding? Did you stop taking the pill?"
"No... no, I'm still on the pill." Her reply made his heart sink, her voice was a cloud of confusion, like her voice was really far away and as it sank it, he realized. He shot to his feet, pulling his mobile out of his pocket. Lots of blood, that could mean anything, and he couldn't let her get worse, his blue eyes scanned and caught sight of her face which had visibly become more pale at their new information.
"I'm gonna ring an ambulance, Abs." He called over his shoulder, ignoring her pleas for him not to.
Stood at the top of the stairs, his mind began to run over time as he punched the three digits into the phone and pressed dial. What could possibly cause her to be bleeding? All that he could think of was that she was pregnant and had, had a miscarriage. His dad had told him about a friend of his years ago, who had a miscarriage and how she had bled. The ambulance was the only place he thought of calling, Ben didn't even come into his mind. In fact, he didn't want Ben there. The thought of Abi possibly having been pregnant with Ben's child made him feel physically sick, but right now he had to think of her. He had to keep her safe, and healthy.
"Hello, yeah, ambulance please. 55 Victoria Road, Walford." When he heard the operator begin to ask him questions, his mind became a flurry of confusion, and so many answers he could possibly say.
"Are you calling for yourself? If not, who for? And why?"
"My girlf ... friend. She's hurt, I came home and she was on the bathroom floor and and she's bleeding from between her legs and she had a head wound but I didn't think it was that bad. Can you just just hurry please?"
When the operator said they'd be there as soon as they could, he muttered a quick thanks and ended the call, rushing back to the bathroom, he kneeled back down, and saw Abi's face a mask of pure fright. It must have been traumatic for her, but all he could do was be there for her. It was only then that he realized he had called her his girlfriend on the phone, but he didn't care. Because they were Jay and Abi and they always found their way back to each other, and where was Ben anyway? Abi was always his, and she always would be.
"I'm scared, Jay."
Pulling her close, into his arms, he held her close, his head on top of hers, as hers laid in the crook of his neck. He was scared too, it wasn't until a tear rolled down his cheeks that he realized he had been crying all this time. Petrified that he was going to lose her. He wouldn't, he refused to let that happen. It was now clear how much Abi truly meant to him, losing her wasn't an option.
"I'm here alright, nothings gonna hurt you. I'm here and I'm not leaving you, right? Don't you worry. I'm here."
Oooh! So I hope you liked this chapter.
I used songs to inspire me for this and they are:-
I was here - Beyonce.
Turn your face - Little Mix.
Breathe me - Sia.
So if you like this, please review and fave and whatever else you wish and please go read some of my other stories!
Lots of love.
Essy!
(I'll try and update sooner.)
