Booth was much more bothered by the conversation he'd had with Brennan than he'd let on. It'd weighed heavily on his mind all throughout the drive to work. It remained as the main focus of his thoughts all throughout his morning in his office. The work day was really just a technicality. He'd gotten all his paperwork in order the previous day to ensure that nothing would keep him from missing out on his vacation. Therefore, his mind had all the time in the world to free flow. He still wasn't sure how to think or what to feel about Brennan's confession. Everyone had fantasizes. Well, everyone except him, apparently. It was the shock factor that he couldn't quite grasp. If she'd told him she'd wanted to make love concealed underneath the brush during an African safari or during a tribal chant in one of her remote anthropological villages, that would have been much easier to swallow. And almost expected. But bondage?
Then again, what did he really know about bondage? He knew he'd dealt with it during his investigations of numerous sex crimes. He knew of couples tying one another up. He'd just never seen the point. It was a gimmick. Nothing more. Nothing less. But now here he was in a position where he had the possibility of experiencing it himself; of being entirely in control of another person's pleasure. He had to admit the idea of it was exhilarating. But also frightening. The truth was no matter how cool he had tried to play it she'd hit the nail on the head. . He'd simply seen too much and been through too much to ever be comfortable with the idea, even if he would be the one holding the reins. Unfortunately he couldn't associate her requests with anything pleasant.
But he loved her. He was willing to do anything for her. What did it mean if he refused to do this? He didn't want her disappointed - especially not sexually. But it was difficult for him to relate. Their sex life fulfilled him. He'd never needed anything more than her. So what did that say about him? Was he not pleasing her? She certainly didn't act like it when they were rolling around between the sheets together. Seeing her bedroom eyes and expressions of ecstasy vividly flashing through his mind had him pulling himself closer to his desk to conceal his body. Arousal really didn't seem to be a problem for either one of them.
He glanced out now through his office windows into the bullpen. Agents were bustling about. Their daily duties and assignments kept them hopping. No one was paying attention to him. No one could have cared less what it was he was involved in. It was no secret he was leaving for paradise in the morning. It appeared as if his colleagues had already mentally checked him out.
Because of this he was employed by bravery. He scooted in closer to his computer and accessed the internet. Into a search engine he typed in his request. Bondage. Within moments he was provided with thousands upon thousands of pages all relating to the activity, including images which simultaneously intrigued and disgusted him. He scanned over the results before finding a Wikipedia entry. "That ought to be safe," he muttered to himself. God forbid he click on a site that contained a video…
The next hour was spent educating himself. He learned more about the subject than he'd ever cared to know. By the time he was finished he felt more unsettled than he had. Some information in particular downright sickened him. "Rape fantasies?" He softly recited out loud. There's no way I could ever do this. I don't care if it makes me a bad lover. I could never do that to her, even if its just pretending.
He was so involved in his research that he never heard Sweets enter his office. He didn't glance away from the screen until the young therapist was practically right on top of his desk. "Whatcha doing?"
Booth exited out of the browser as fast he could. "Nothing!" The evidence was gone but his eyes gave him away. Deer in the headlights wasn't an accurate enough expression to describe him. "What are you doing in here?" He snapped as an after thought. "Don't you knock?"
"I did. I just came to visit. I know you're leaving for Bora Bora tomorrow morning so I wanted to see if you needed help with anything."
"I'm fine. Everything's done. I'm not even sure why it is I'm still here."
"Looks to me like you were looking something up. Everything all right?"
Booth exhaled deeply. On one hand he would have liked to bounce his problem off the young man to receive some outside insight. On the other hand he had no desire for Sweets to know and meddle in his business. Especially considering the topic. "I'm helping a friend," he muttered against his better judgment.
"Oh? Anything I can do to help?" He sat down in a chair.
Reluctantly Booth fed him bread crumb details. "Yeah. He's having a problem with a friend of his. See, he uh, he loves this friend. And he would do anything for them. But the friend has… has indicated an activity that they're interested in that he's not quite sure he's comfortable with, but he doesn't want to let his friend down. He's kind of confused how this came up in the first place. He thought things were fine between them."
Sweets grinned. "This is you and Dr. Brennan, isn't it?"
Damn. "No! I told you, it's a friend of mine. Anyway, does it make him less of a man or a friend if he refuses?"
For a second Sweets thought it over. "This favor… is it dangerous?"
She just wants to be tied up and blindfolded. Nothing extreme. "No."
"Is it illegal?"
"Just what kind of friends do you think I keep, Sweets?"
"Sorry." He grew quiet again. "You want my advice?"
"That's why I'm telling you about this."
"I would say… if your friend loves his friend… and is really willing to do anything, then he should just do it. I encourage him to step outside his comfort zone and take in a new experience."
Booth snuck a peek back at his darkened computer screen. "Yeah?"
"Since I don't know what the favor is, it's hard to say. I would imagine there would still be an element of refusal, a chance to still back out if he really was uneasy engaging in whatever it is. But I think your friend just needs to relax, and keep an open mind."
Booth still wasn't too sold. "Thanks. I'll pass on the advice."
Sweets took that as his dismissal. He rose to his feet. "Let me know how it works out with Dr. Brennan." He smirked on his way out the door.
"I told you, the friend isn't me!"
That evening Booth continued to be subdued; silent and unlike himself. He took it upon himself to fix dinner. Both Brennan and Christine sat with him in the kitchen to watch. He did little to acknowledge their presence. Only just as he finished did he kiss Christine's forehead while setting a plate down on the tray of her high chair. She giggled and cooed at him. "Dada."
It was the first time Brennan had seen him smile in hours. Throughout dinner her pressing attempts for conversation were met with silence. Finally, she sighed in frustration. "I'm sorry I ever told you about that fantasy."
"Why?"
"Because it's bothering you."
"No, it isn't. I've just got a lot on my mind right now. Vacation stuff. Making sure everything's together."
"Booth," she left her dinner sitting cold to join him on the opposite side of the kitchen counter. "Yes, it is. Stop lying. I seem to have given you the impression that you aren't enough for me. That couldn't be further from the truth. I love you, and you keep me more than satisfied. That fantasy was dreamed up back during a time when I was unhappy."
"But given the chance… you'd still want to act it out? Honestly." He looked into her eyes with earnest.
"I'd be curious to try it. But Booth, my needs are-"
"And you wouldn't want to like…" He couldn't hide his anxiety. "You wouldn't want me to like… act like I was… um." He couldn't say the word. "Hurting you or anything, right?"
"What? No. Of course not." She took a loving hold of his hand. "Please, just forget it."
But he couldn't seem to. By the time Max arrived (since their car was coming at four in the morning Brennan's father had opted to spend the night) Christine was the sole beneficiary of Booth's focus. He merely said hello to Max with a stained nod on his way carting her upstairs. "We're going to make you a bath and get you in your pajamas. Then daddy's going to read you a story." He promised.
Max waited until the pair were out of earshot before looking at Brennan questioningly. She shook her head. "I said something to him I shouldn't have, I guess. All day he's been rather quiet since the conversation."
"Well, is everything all right between the two of you?"
"I think so. He's not upset with me. It's more like he's dissatisfied with himself." Knowing this crushed her heart. Booth meant more to her than anyone else ever had. But he seemed to be unreceptive in hearing her out. "I've tried to be reassuring but it's as though he won't listen to me."
"Starting tomorrow you'll have six days and seven nights to figure it out."
"Yes." She just hoped they could.
