Failed giftfics for The Layman

L.g. fail 2

A Kingdom Hearts / Rurouni Kenshin crossover fanfic by Raberba girl

Something was different when Roxas woke up, but he could not figure out what it was. After sitting in bed staring for a while, he finally gave up and shuffled sleepily to the bathroom. Where he saw Lexaeus.

"...Oh. Your hair's spikier than usual, Lekuseusu. And your chin's kind of pointy." Roxas said this in Japanese rather than the English he had actually intended, which surprised him a little. Oh well.

The Silent Hero glanced at him, then away again without speaking. This might have had something to do with the fact that he was brushing his teeth, but then again, maybe not. Roxas shrugged and continued on his way.

In the kitchen, Axel and Xion were putting together rice, miso, eggs, and fish, which was a rather unusual breakfast but for some reason strangely appetizing to Roxas this morning.

"Ohayô gozaimasu, Rokusasu-kun!" Xion called brightly.

"You're speaking Japanese, too," Roxas observed (in Japanese).

"Yeah, something's up today," Axel said (also in Japanese).

"Your hair looks weird today, Akuseru. And Shion looks cuter than usual."

"I what?" Xion gasped.

Axel chuckled. "Yeah, you do." He ruffled her hair as she blushed. "Softer, kind of, and your hair's more flowy. Not to mention both you guys' eyes are even huger than usual."

"I...I think you look nice, too, Akuseru-san..."

"What's going on?" Roxas asked Axel.

"Try saying something in English."

"Something in English." Roxas frowned. "Something in English," he tried again. Once more, it came out in Japanese. "I'm saying something in English," he said determinedly. In Japanese.

Axel grinned a little. "See?"

"Why can't I speak English!?"

"No clue. I'll ask Saikusu when we go check in."

When they got to the Grey Area, Larxene was screaming (in Japanese) for Demyx to shut up, but of course he was ignoring her and kept right on strumming and singing, "Shitaaru ga suki da, shitaaru ga suki da, shitaaru ga suki da, suki da, dokoka iku, oheyo!"

"Geez, that song is annoying enough in English," Axel grumbled.

Vexen was yelling at the smirking Xigbar, "I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault this time!" Zexion had apparently roped Luxord into helping him compare data feeds ("No, leave the dice there, you're supposed to be holding my place on those charts"), and a fed-up (and rather girly-looking) Saïx was growling at Xaldin, "We can't call a meeting until we have more to actually report on, which is why everyone is doing recon today."

"The issue," Xaldin rumbled, "is that you're wasting resources and thus slowing down the process-"

"I'm not going to fling lone individuals into such a complete unknown and risk them getting killed-"

"D'aww, Sai-kun, you care," Axel laughed.

Saïx glared. "If anyone gets lost, you're the one who'll pick up the slack. Where have you been?"

"Eating breakfast. Which I'm going to guess you were freaking out too much to bother with today; HAH, who's the 'irresponsible anorexic' now, huh?"

"I don't have time for your nonsense. We've somehow ended up translated into an alternate universe, and have not yet discovered how to set things right. Vikusen and Zekushion have managed to provide us with a few preliminary details. You, Akuseru, are to accompany the Keybearers to Meiji Tôkyô and collect as much information on that world as you possibly can."

"Hai, hai," Axel sighed, adding in a very quiet grumble, "Aiza wouldn't have been too busy to banter..." He glanced at the very curious Roxas and Xion. "Never mind. Let's go, kiddos."

As they were prepping their panel arrangements and then heading into the dark corridor, they heard Saïx telling the others, "Demikkusu, cease at once, today is not one to be wasting. I need you and Lakushiinu at Seiso Academy-"

"Whaaaat?"

"I am NOT going on a mission with him!"

"Or I could send you to Neo Crystal Tôkyô," Saïx threatened.

"Eep!"

"NO!"

"We'll be good!"

"Hmph. To continue: Vikusen and Lukusôdo, I'm sending you to Amestris; and Zekushion, you will be accompanying Maaluusha to Ouran Academy..."

The dark corridor ended in a pretty world close to the sort of old-fashioned civilization Roxas had seen in some parts of the Land of Dragons, or an un-sandy and not-as-unbearably-hot version of Agrabah. "I think our coats stand out more than usual here..."

"Vikusen keeps saying stuff about it being a stealth operation," Xion said, "but I don't think it's very stealthy to go around in these big black coats when no one else is."

"You have a point," Axel agreed. "You wanna go steal someone's laundry?"

"What?"

"No!"

"Guess we're stuck being sore thumbs, then."

Roxas rummaged through his backpack until he found the notebook he used for recon missions, and started taking notes. "No snow, so it's not winter; grass is still green so it's not dead of summer; ummm..."

"We don't have to do the analyzing part right now, do we?" Xion ventured. "We can wait 'til the end to try to make it mean something..."

"Yeah."

They wandered through town, earning weird looks and taking more notes. Someone tried to pick Xion's pocket at one point - she whipped out her Keyblade and Strike Raided him into dropping the handful of munny before he got far. After that, the townspeople seemed to warily keep their distance except a group of random thugs who stepped into their way to pick a fight. They only made it about a quarter of the way through their preliminary arrogant boasting before Axel got bored and casually Flip-Footed them.

The thugs didn't realize what had happened until they charged at him and found themselves running in the opposite direction. Roxas and Xion were nearly crying with laughter as the thugs first furiously, then with growing confusion and horror, kept trying to stab Axel with illegal blades and even just straight-out punching him, but every single one of their movements were reversed.

"Had enough?" the Flurry of Dancing Flames asked cheerfully. "Because we can actually fight if you want, but I'd hate to have to kill you in front of the kids here..." He couldn't help glancing at said kids to make sure they assumed he was joking (they did).

The thugs yelled for him to quit playing dirty and fight like a man.

"Oh, he's the one fighting dirty?" an annoyed young voice piped up. Roxas and Xion watched curiously as a boy, younger than them and with hair that was spiky but less wild than Roxas's, pushed through the crowd and faced the thugs with a strong stance.

"Butt out, kid," one of the thugs started to growl, but then another elbowed him uneasily.

"Oi...it's that Myôjin punk."

"What?" Thug #1 said in irritation.

"The one who's always hanging out at...That Dôjô."

The whole group of thugs suddenly looked as if the wind had dropped out of their sails.

"Forget Kenshin," the boy snapped. "I could take on all four of you losers by myself.

*permanently incomplete*

Author's Notes: Sorry if I failed at translating Dr. Bombay's "My Sitar" into Japanese... *sweatdrop*

Seiso Academy is the school where the music-heavy series La Corda d'Oro takes place.

Marluxia would totally fit in at Ouran. XD XD

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L.g. fail 5

A Maximum Ride fanfic by Raberba girl

Okay, THIS is why I never let the boys (or Angel) go grocery shopping.

"What exactly do you think is even the tiniest bit nutritional about this?" I asked, waving the bag of cheese puffs. I mean,

*permanently incomplete*

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L.g. fail 6

A Rurouni Kenshin / Kingdom Hearts crossover fanfic by Raberba girl

Summary: Rurouni Kenshin characters written into the plot of Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days.

o.o.o

The boy woke up.

He sat there for a while, blinking around at the silvery-white room. Then he slowly got out of bed and stood up. 'Where...am I...?' A pause. 'Who am I?' He couldn't remember. A boy, that's all he knew. And...pain...green...voices...a salty sweet taste...and the sun...that was it.

"..." He had the feeling he should be more worried about his failure to remember, but he didn't actually care much about anything right now.

The boy finally left the room and wandered around until he reached a room with other people in it. All of them wore black coats, just like he did.

The woman with the most unzipped zipper wrinkled her nose when she saw the boy. "Eww...it's awake."

"Hmph." The man with hair like a bamboo curtain glanced at the boy in shrewd assessment, then away again in disinterest.

"Good morning, Number XIII," the woman at the head of the room said politely.

The red-haired man standing by the window near her turned to face the boy and smiled. "It is good to see you awake, Yahiko, that it is."

The boy's brow furrowed a little. "Ya...hiko...?"

"He doesn't even remember his own name," the unzipped woman grumbled.

The lady at the front laid her hand gently on Yahiko's head. Her voice was quiet as she said, "The Superior told us that he named the boy himself only seven days ago, and that the child has been mostly unconscious in the meantime. His sense of self-awareness is still developing."

"Not a child," Yahiko managed to protest in a mumble.

The red-haired man smiled. There was something familiar about that smile. And something sad about it, too. "No one here is a child, it is true."

"Do you think he'll be able to attend the meeting?" the woman asked him in a low voice.

"We shall bring him along and see. This one will be happy to take charge of him, Tomoe."

"Thank you, Himura-san." She started to turn back to her clipboard, meaning to mark the attendance sheet, but she caught the way Kenshin was looking at her. "What is it?"

"It makes this one uneasy to hear such an address from you," he said softly.

*permanently incomplete*

Author's Notes: The "unzipped woman"/Larxene was Yumi. :p

Kenshin meant that he doesn't like hearing Tomoe use honorifics for him. And seeing as how AkuSai is my OTP, and their roles are being played by my favorite romance pairing ever, there would obviously have been lots of Kenshin/Tomoe in this. XD

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L.g. fail 7

A Kingdom Hearts / Rurouni Kenshin crossover fanfic by Raberba girl

Axel paused in the middle of the dark street, listening to the very faint sound of distant screams. His brow furrowed, but just as he was making up his mind to go investigate, he was startled by a high-pitched shriek bursting out behind him. "Hitokiri Battousai!"

"What the-?!" Axel turned to find an adorable young girl, about thirteen or fourteen years old, glaring at him with ferocity to rival a hawk's. Her grip on the weapon pointed at him was firm and experienced, despite her youth and small stature.

"I will not let you kill another soul! Surrender NOW, murderer!"

"...What the freak." Somehow, the raging death threats made her even cuter. "Does your mom know you're breaking curfew?"

She gasped as if injured. "You heartless-! Thunder!"

Axel, distracted by trying to figure out why the term 'heartless' was giving him a vague sense of déjà vu, dodged a bit too slowly, and yelped as a bolt of lightning sizzled through him. "You little brat! You don't know who you're messing with, do you." He flung out his arms to summon a ring of fire, and then his flaming...reversed-edge katana? What?

Axel stared at the chakrams he held and thought that there was something very wrong here. He had battled through the Bakumatsu with a samurai's blade, nothing like these weapons. He didn't remember ever seeing them in his life. Yet they fit in his palms as if he'd been born holding them, and he knew exactly what to do with them...

"I don't care who you are." The fire in the girl's eyes had faded, leaving a grim resolve. Her grip on the giant gold and silver key had not wavered. "I will stop you, Battousai."

"Stop me from what?" He'd just walked into this town, and hadn't done a thing other than rest for a little while.

The girl suddenly lifted her head. Axel realized that the cries were closer - she must have heard them.

"What's happening over there?" she demanded.

"As if I'd know!"

"Hmph. You stay put, Battousai!" She cast an ice spell at him and then took off in the direction of the commotion.

Axel easily melted the level 1 ice trapping his feet and then glanced in the direction his opponent had raced. "Lively town, huh..." He shook his head, then dismissed his weapons and loped off toward the cries, wondering (as always) why it felt like there was a faster way to travel that he'd forgotten.

o.o.o.o.o

Sanosuke followed the magic creepy tunnel and found himself in the sleepy sunny world. To be more precise, in the woods outside the mansion. "Sooo...is this another mission, or...?"

No answer from the spiky-haired kid, who just stood there silently with his head bowed, swaying a little. "...You got a name, at least?"

"..."

"...Well, whatever. Let's call you Yahiko. You look like a Yahiko to me."

"..."

"...Hm. Kenshin likes to hang out here, doesn't he? Maybe he'll know what to do with you." Sanosuke didn't like the idea of dragging an unprotected zombie kid through the creepy magic tunnels, so they went the long way, through town and up the steps until they reached the top of the clock tower. Sanosuke soon got impatient with the kid's zombie pace and ended up carrying him. "Yo, Kenshin."

The red-haired assassin looked up and smiled at him. "Hello, Sano."

"Heh, I shouldn't let you get away with callin' your boss nicknames..." He sat the kid down beside Kenshin. There was a long pause.

"Would you like to stay?" Kenshin asked half-heartedly, already knowing the response.

"I don't think I should, but..." Sanosuke suddenly frowned and plopped down on Kenshin's other side. There was another pause.

Then both men sighed. "How can something feel totally right and totally wrong at the same time?"

"This one wishes he knew... So we shall see each other at the next meeting, then?"

"Guess so." Sanosuke hopped back to his feet. "See you later, Kenshin."

"See you later, Sano."

"By the way, I've been calling him Yahiko."

"All right."

"I guess I can ask around and see if his family here is looking for him." It was a more appealing prospect than going to visit the creepy heart-shaped moon. It already invaded his thoughts enough, he didn't need to go asking it things.

"That sounds like a good idea, that it does." When they were alone, Kenshin smiled down at the boy. "Hello, young one."

"Not a 'young one,'" the boy mumbled.

"Of course. Yahiko. Are you satisfied with that name?"

"..."

"...This one suffers from a strange compulsion to buy sea-salt ice cream that he has little taste for. Would you like to have this, instead?"

Yahiko did not speak again that entire afternoon, but he did eat the entire ice cream bar Kenshin offered him, and licked the sweet salt off his fingers afterward.

o.o.o.o.o

"Fang! For the last time, put the ninja comics down, and enough with the video games, Gazzy."

"They're samurai, not ninja," Fang said, frowning at me over the top edge of the comic book. "Kenshin's not even a samurai, anyway."

"Whatever. Gasman, let's go!"

"Five more minutes!" he cried frantically. "I've almost beat this stupid Ruler of the Sky!"

"Whatever. Nudge found some new info, and we need you guys' help..."

*permanently incomplete*

Author's Notes: Xion got upset at Axel because her mother passed away, and she mistakenly thought he was taunting her about it. Sanosuke was playing Xemnas's role, since I could not think of anything better for him. *sweatdrop* And the AkuShi in this would have been platonic.

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Authors Notes: Although I'm never going to finish these stories as originally intended, I still might play around with or reuse some ideas I had for them; I dunno.

In the summer of 2012, I took it into my head to write giftfics for my seven best friends at the time (I now have an eighth one XD), and Layman was second on my priority list because I've known him the second-longest. Yet his fic ended up being the penultimate one to be posted - it took me eight tries and an entire year before I was finally successful ._. I still have no idea why it was so difficult; even my aversion to writing for RK doesn't fully account for it.

The original request was for a canon-based Rurouni Kenshin humor fic, with a specific Kingdom Hearts scene as an epilogue. It failed before I even started writing it, partially because I hate writing for RuroKen and partially because, even when I did love writing RK, almost every single one of my stories was AU. I just don't feel comfortable writing a period piece based on real history, I don't know enough about it.

The second try was a Kingdom Hearts / Rurouni Kenshin crossover, since we both figured I'd do better with my beloved KH. So I started writing, and did all right through the KH opening, but almost as soon as it came time to write some RK stuff, I got writer's block. X'D Once again thwarted by Writing For RK Sucks + I Have No Clue What I'm Talking About.

The third and fourth tries are not posted here, since I actually like them enough to try to eventually (likely in the faaaar future...) finish them. The problem with those was that they felt too much like R. girl Fics, not Fics R. girl Wrote For Layman. One is canon-based AkuSaiRokuShi, the other is AU AkuSaiJazRokuShi, both non-crossover KH.

The fifth try was when it occurred to me to take a totally different approach and write a Maximum Ride fic for Layman, so I asked him for ideas. They were good ideas, but unfortunately, I wrote about two lines before realizing that I can't write MR fanfiction. XD

The sixth and seventh tries were KH/RK crossovers again. I wanted to write the RK characters into the KH Days plot; and I also tried writing both sets of characters into each other's plots (though in this case, the switch was actually in-universe, and they would have figured things out and fixed everything by the end). I think both of those failed because I realized I wouldn't have the time, motivation, or patience to make it through the entire plot. *sweatdrop* And they both would have been a bit lame as giftfics, anyway.

The eighth and only successful try came out of nowhere, after I'd given up and was considering a story for The Light In Their Eyes. I'm not even sure what inspired the idea - I think I was considering that Layman likes Sano/Megumi, and I thought of a wedding, and making it interesting by having it invaded by monsters or something, and of course my thoughts jumped pretty quickly to Heartless, and then the rest of the plot became obvious. I started the story without high hopes, and was pretty surprised both when it flowed well, and when I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT. Yaaaayyy, success at last. X3