AN: Sorry this is so short. My semester just started so I don't know if longer chapters are in my future right now since I need to focus more on studying; I have more classes (and a bucketload more work) than last semester and I'm not trying to breeze through this one.
and for the guest that left me a review: I'm really touched that you shared that with me. You are NOT untalented, and you shouldn't feel worthless. I don't know how it feels when other siblings get star treatment because since I'm the youngest, I get most of the burden rather than the 'quality' attention; however, they should be able to pay some more attention to you if you're feeling this way. Talk to them about it. You can contact anyone close to you if you need a friend, or talk to me (I'm available; trust me I will put off studying for a few minutes to help someone in need) or, even, call the suicide hotline (or the depression hotline, I'm not really sure what it is) Anyway, onward to the chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the bed I'm lying down on.
Chapter 2 - Regret; Holly Vega
I've never felt so heated, in the moment, to actually put my hands on my daughter like that. I understand why she's angry; her biggest sister, my first born, decides to take her own life. Now I'm the one to blame; she's my daughter, my late daughter, and I've given up on her at the worst time.
No one knows that we always thought that Trina would just be a failure, but maybe they do now considering that David denied the right for Trina to have a funeral, or a wake, or anything at all. At a young age, Trina always strived for attention, since Tori was born and we had to take time in sharing the care with two daughters. As they got older, Trina seemed more like the little sister; she was bullied and harassed and I've done nothing to her but tell her to suck it up and help her little sister Tori, who barely gets picked on. After the bullying, neglect, and heartbreak, she develops an attitude that I basically saw coming: she's conceited, self-absorbed, prideful, selfish, narcissistic, materialistic, everything that would make a person immediately hate someone. She became the victimizer after being the victim.
I give up on her the minute she tells me she's accepted to Hollywood Arts, since I know that she would just get bullied again for her lack of performing arts talent. I became the mother that walks away from Trina's problems since they were the same everyday, the mother that wishes that she would just graduate and get the hell out of my life already, the scathing mother that I wish never to be.
Just recently when Tori screams at the phone about Trina's suicide, I realize that I'm a horrible mother. I regret everything; I regret having her deal with the rejection from her father, the bullying from the other kids, the resentment from the people from her school, and letting her defense mechanism go so far. The fact that she hides it so much and makes everyone believe that she's intolerable, proves that there's more than meets the eye than a narcissistic personality.
"I regret everything," I sigh, staring at my hands that feel so dirty right now. "I've should've seen it coming; the switch in personality, the lack of friends, the sudden depression weeks before the suicide—"
"Don't you dare start blaming yourself, Holly," David points at me with a menacing look; "She was old enough to know what she was doing that day. Look, we both know that she was just... a failure, and that she would be off to college far away from us and Tori—"
"So we did condone her suicide," I whisper, in the fit of the moment.
David frowns, "No we didn't. We never wanted her to die. We wanted her to go away."
"No. I didn't. You did," I point out in anger. "You just wanted her out of the way because she was tarnishing your image! And even if she was killed, or put in jail or something, it wouldn't matter because as long as you can be happy with me and Tori."
"That's not the case—"
"Yeah right," I snarl. "I can see right through your 'we're not planning a funeral for her and that's final' act. I always had my doubts about Trina, yes, but you never liked her at all. You never liked your own child."
"Holly, what—"
"I'm such a horrible parent!" I exclaim, and I start to sob into my hands. "I slap my own child, and I pretend that Trina never had a problem but she did! She was neglected and rejected everywhere, and - no, she ended her life so shortly because of us, and we have the audacity to not put her to rest."
I dry up my face, and stare at the stuttering man before me; the man that helped father my kids, the man that equally neglected Trina and requested—no, enforced—that she go to a far-away college, the same man I'm falling out of love with due to his insensitive nature over the whole suicide of our first born daughter. I've realized that the more our kids grow up, the more he stopped showing up due to his 'job' while I was there, while not emotionally but physically.
Trina should have never killed herself, but even if she didn't, the man before me would never think twice to give her a single hug.
I grab my jacket, and drape it over my arm. "I have to make some decisions. I can't let my first born be disrespected even after her death."
"You are not using your—"
"Yes I am," I interrupt. "You can't admit this right now, but you personally hated Trina. But that's fine, at least you got your wishes for her to be far, far away. But I will not sit there, and let guilt eat me alive for your idiocy." I grab the car keys from the coffee table and leave the house, making the decision I should have made a week ago.
