A/N: Thanks to all that have followed and reviewed/favored…. It is much appreciated. It's always nice to know what people are enjoying (or not) about my story.
Disclaimer: Still not mine. Just borrowing them and some of their words
Timeline: About 3 weeks post-accident
Chapter Two: The Letter
Dear Kate,
For a writer I am having a difficult time putting my thoughts into words. Perhaps it's because I know that if you're reading this it's because I can't be there for you, not by choice, never by choice. But there are a few things that I need you to know to set my heart at ease.
Kate. I am truly, completely, over the top in love with you. I have always loved you. I love all of you; from the beauty mark under your eye to the tips of your little toes and everything in between. I love everything that makes you- you. Your compassion, your strength, your beauty, there is no comparison. I know that I have told you this before, but I think that you're extraordinary.
And the short time that we have had together has been the best time of my life. I say a short time because a lifetime with you would not be enough. In you I have found a partner, a best friend and a lover. I will never understand how I got so lucky. My ruggedly handsomeness aside, you are way above my league.
I know I told you once that all my dreams come true, but every morning when I wake up, I keep expecting you to be gone, for it to be some cruel hoax. But then I see you smile at me and all is right with the world again. You rock my world, KB.
I know that things between us have been complicated at times, with all the innuendos and subtext. Nothing has ever been what it seems. The challenges, the lies, everything we've overcome to be together has made us stronger. Kate, you have to know, I have no regrets. Because everything I've ever done, every choice that I've made, every terrible thing that's ever happened, has led me to you.
I am a better man because you loved me. Every minute with you, every adventure together has been a dream come true. You saw me for who I truly was. You believed in me when no one else did. You held my hand and stood by me when even my father let me down and you reminded me what a family truly was. You taught me to follow the evidence, to seek the truth and that not every story is what it seems. But that if you just dig deeper the answers will come. You never give up, Kate. And that's all I can ask from you now.
Never lose faith. It's all that has kept me going these past few years. The faith that we would one day be together.
Take care of Alexis and Mother for me. You are part of the family now.
Until tomorrow, Detective.
Always,
Rick
She finished the letter wiping her face with the back of her hand. God, she was so tired of the tears. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to re read it three more times. For some inexplicable reason she had a feeling he was trying to tell her more. But in the end she gave up trying to decipher it, maybe she was just looking for answers where none could possibly be found.
Dropping the letter on her lap, Kate tried to fight back the anguish trying to over take her once again . She wasn't the only one grieving. They had lost him too. She would not let him down. She would be strong for Martha and Alexis. He was right. They were her family and she would do whatever it took to get them through this- to give them an opportunity to get on with their lives. Even if it cost her a little of her soul to be near them each day, a constant reminder of all that she had lost.
Because no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't picture her future, not without him. Not when he had embedded himself in her world, blasting through her walls, bending her will until she had at last caved and let him in.
God, she was a fool. So much time lost. Four years he had stood by her as he waited for her to get her act together, waiting for her to see what was before her very eyes. Four more years that they could have had together if only she hadn't been such a coward. And yet, through it all he had believed in her, believed in them. Even when she pushed him away, when she lied, he still stood with her. Her rock, her light in the raging storm that was her life.
Through it all, he had been with her. Without him she would have never solved her mother's case. The case that defined her for most of her adult life. And when it was over, it was him that she turned to. It was him she thanked for showing her the world through his rose colored glasses, showing her that her life was more than her mother's murder, showing her that she could be more, hope for more... love.
And she had, she had loved him with all her heart. She had known joy and happiness in a world where only loneliness and self perseverance had prevailed before.
Her old self would never be in this situation. Her old self would have never let anyone in, let anyone close enough to risk this hurt, her heart was encased behind a steel fortress.
But he was right, no regrets. The short time they had shared together was worth all the heart break now. Better to have loved and lost… and all that. God she was such a sap, smarting off clichés now. Another sign of his influence over her. She almost laughed out loud at the thought as she pictured him teasing her about it. No, she had no regrets. Their partnership, their relationship was the greatest gift she had ever received. She would always treasure it.
But he was gone. And now she would never have the opportunity to tell him what an amazing man he was. How much he really meant to her. All she was left with was this shell of a person she had been and all the hopes of what could have been.
She closed her eyes and depressed the plunger on her medication welcoming the reprieve that only sleep could offer.
In her dreams she could still envision him smiling at her and cracking jokes.
In her dreams she could still kiss him, hold him, and breathe him in.
In her dreams he was still alive.
However, the dreams today came in sharp images assailing all of her senses at once- bright lights, loud noises, something burning.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop the cacophony of images flittering past.
"Hang on, Kate. Don't leave me, Kate." Castle was urging.
She could see his blue eyes calling to her, pleading with her.
She loved his eyes. The way they crinkled around the sides when he laughed.
But he wasn't laughing now. He was crying-the blue in his eyes stormy. "Help's on the way, Kate."
She woke startling up in her bed and falling back with a gasp as the pain ripped through her ribs, a thin sheet of sweat covering her skin.
She could hear Castle's voice continuing on in an endless loop through her waking mind.
"Hang on, Kate. Don't leave me, Kate."
She couldn't get the images of him staring down at her, the feel of his hands in hers, or the sound of his voice to leave her.
And she had the realization that this was because these were not dreams, these were memories. She was almost certain of that.
She'd heard those words before, during another life altering occasion. Was she actually remembering the accident now? Or was her mind playing tricks on her by super imposing previous memories of past tragedies over this event?
She mulled this over as she unconsciously rubbed at the scar in the middle of her chest.
It wasn't possible that she had heard his voice. Surely, he wouldn't have been kneeling over her. He'd been badly injured. Had he died at the scene or on route to the hospital?
These were morbid thoughts. But she couldn't shake them.
The fact was that she didn't know. No one had mentioned it to her. Actually no one had given her any of the details.
The only thing she knew was that Castle was gone and she was stuck in this world without him. She had to know, for her own piece of mind, for closure. And so she resolved herself just to ask someone.
A/N: Once again, things are not what they seem. All will be revealed in time. This is not a character death story. I promise. I'm too much of a shipper to do that. Please review, let me know your thoughts. This chapter was hard to write, it's where I got stuck last time. In the end, I hope I did it some justice this time around.
