Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Hermione trudged through the doors of the Superdrug with a prescription in her pocket and sad determination in her heart. She had a list, and she was going to fill it if it killed her.
According to one of those pregnancy websites on the internet, she should buy pain meds, though she figured a simple numbing spell would probably be more effective. She did, however, plan to buy lots of chocolate along with the necessary sanitary supplies, and a new notebook.
The notebook, she hoped, would be her saving grace. Ever since Luna had finished helping her write the article about her experiences and the importance of giving voice to bereaved mothers of invisible losses, she had been feeling listless.
For months she had prepared for a new addition to their family. When the pregnancy detection spell came up pink for positive, she and Draco were overjoyed. Her mind was consumed with planning and imagining what life would be like as a family of five. Now, as she stared at the remainder of those dreams shattered on the floor, she wasn't sure what to do with her brain.
She had been overwhelmingly relieved when Draco had posed the idea of a family vacation.
"We could go in May," he had said, "which should give your body enough time to recover from the physical aspects, and your mind plenty of time to plan everything."
Hermione had nodded at his reasoning. "But where will we go? It has to be someplace happy, but also someplace with history. Someplace I can research relentlessly to distract myself, to feel in control again."
"Love, I will take you to the happiest place on earth if that's what you desire."
And that was how Draco Malfoy unwittingly signed himself up for a trip to America, where he would be surrounded by hordes of Muggles and put himself at the mercy of their technology.
Hermine blinked at the woman behind the pharmaceutical counter. While she was distracted thinking about Space Mountain, her feet had robotically carried her to check off her last to-do. She swallowed her hesitation and handed the slip to the pharmacist, who studied it with wary eyes.
"I'm so sorry, but I am required to ask: are you pregnant?"
She recoiled as if she had been slapped. "I'm having a miscarriage. It's for that. To help…"
The pharmacist's eyes softened. "I'm sorry. I hate that question—I don't want to bring up painful things. Obviously, this medication can cause miscarriage, so women who are pregnant shouldn't take it."
She typed something on her keyboard before looking back up. "I've been there. It's awful."
The tears were just on the verge of spilling. Hermione hated crying in public, even if she did have a good reason. Just a few more minutes, and then she could bury herself in her King-sized bed with a Starbar and a box of tissues.
She morbidly imagined telling the cashier off should they dare to comment on her purchase selections before opting for the self-checkout counter and hurrying back to the safety of her home.
After a week of mainly hiding in her bed under a heating pad and filling her notebook with interesting facts about Disneyland history and a down-to-the-minute touring schedule for their upcoming trip, Hermione dragged herself to the shower to prepare for yet another doctor's appointment.
She was really beginning to hate clinics, and ultrasounds in general. But hopefully, with this visit she would be given the all clear and a clean bill of health. Then, maybe they would be able to start trying for their rainbow baby—the baby that, according to all the online pregnancy forums, colored the sky against the storm of sorrow following a loss.
Being an only child, Hermione had always dreamed of having a few children close together in age. She had always felt a bit lonely, as had Draco, growing up without sibling playmates. Scorpius and Leo were almost exactly two years apart, and while she hadn't been quite ready for baby number three when Leo was one, she was anxious to add a new one to the family now. But, she couldn't do that until her body was properly healed from the failed pregnancy.
A knock sounded at the door and Hermione walked over to answer it but was overtaken by her enthusiastic children.
"Can I get the door, Mummy?" Scorpius was bouncing on his heels and giving her his best puppy eyes.
"Of course, sweetheart."
"It's Grandma Granger!"
Hermione's mother was enveloped in two tiny pairs of arms as she tried to shuffle through the door.
"Thanks for doing this, Mum. We shouldn't be too long."
Dr. Granger reached out to wrap her daughter in a tight hug. "Take as long as you need."
Before she knew it, Hermine was sitting on the ultrasound table again with Draco standing next to her, his hand over hers.
"So, what we really want to see here is a nice, empty uterus," the ultrasound technician said. She pointed to a dull gray spot on the screen. "Unfortunately, the miscarriage is still incomplete. Your body just doesn't want to let go."
Hermione ran her hand over her belly; empty, but not empty enough. She would hold on to that little one if she could, if it would make any difference. Was that why her body wouldn't let go? Because her soul wouldn't, either?
As they waited for the doctor in one of the exam rooms, Hermione put her fingers into the bird's nest that her weeks of mourning had created out of her hair. "I just need it to be done. I need to be able to move on. Why isn't it done?"
Draco wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I know, love—I'm so sorry. Do you want me to take you to a magical healer? Maybe they have a better solution."
Hermione's curls flopped limply around her shoulders as she shook her head. "That'll just add more waiting; we'd have to find a specialist, set up an appointment, which could be weeks away if they're booked. Let's just finish this the Muggle way."
The Muggle way, as it turned out, involved another round of the same pills and a lot of finger crossing. If this didn't work, surgery was the last resort. Hopefully it wouldn't come to that after everything she had done to try to avoid it.
The day after her appointment, Draco came home from his day managing the Malfoy family investments with a slight twinkle in his eye. "Come out to the back garden. I have a surprise for you."
Next to the little circle of moonstones in the yard, Draco had placed a beautiful young sapling on top of the soil, its roots wrapped up in sturdy burlap. "A cherry tree," he said, "for our tiny child."
The bark was shiny and smooth under her fingers. "It's perfect. Shall we plant it tonight?"
They waited until the boy's eyes were heavy with sleep before heading back to the garden by the light of the stars and their wands. The scent of freshly unearthed soil hung in the air, like newly-dug graves and newly-planted seeds. After they placed the final shovelful of dirt over the roots of the tree, they stood back and pondered its branches.
Finally, Hermione spoke. "I don't know where you are now, baby. Sometimes I wonder if your soul is out there, wandering the universe, sad and alone. Did you go back to heaven, where Great-Grandma Granger rocks you to sleep? Is someone there to soothe your cries?" She sank to her knees and touched the moonstones with her fingers. "What happens to babies when death steals them from their mothers? I wish I knew. I wish I knew that somebody is keeping you warm, wherever you are."
Draco sunk to the ground and pulled Hermione's head to his chest, allowing her tears to soak into his robes.
Later on the couch, Hermione snuggled into his side with a box of tissues and a chocolate bar. "Get ready to cry," she said. "Dumbo is just about the worst possible movie to watch right now. But I felt it was appropriate—and you should try to get a little familiar with more Disney movies, since we're going next month."
She was already crying from the planting ceremony when the movie began, but her tears grew into a full-on sob as she watched the stork deliver bundled baby animals to all the other expecting mothers, while Mrs. Jumbo stared wistfully at the sky.
AN: Thank you to your kind response to my first chapter of this fic. I appreciate all of your kind words, and want to assure you that I am writing this piece reflectively. It represents many things that I experienced, but those experiences were many years ago and I have had a long time to heal from them. Also, this work is a fictionalized version of the events, so not everything in this story happened exactly.
Also: this piece has been nominated for the Judges Pick award in the Quidditch Leauge short story competition that I wrote it for. If you love this story and would like to vote for it, you can do so here: topic/218720/177054764/1/Season-7-Judges-Pick-Round-3
