A/N: I know the prologue was short, but I assure you - this is where the story starts! It changes up a few things in S2E6, so those will of course change their whole path. I'll reply to the reviews soon, promise! And please, let me know your thoughts - I know this idea has been - sort of - done before, but never from this point in the story. I don't really know how many chapters the story will have, but it will definitely follow them for a few years, starting now. Thanks so much for reading!
Chapter 1
November 1918
Anna found him seated by the crates after dinner, his face pensive; a thin line formed on her lips as she realised that he was brooding again. She couldn't blame him now, not really. They had little options. Almost none, even. With the decree nisi withdrawn by the judge, he was still as married as he had been on the day they met. His divorce never seemed as far away as it was now.
But Mr Bates smiled ever so slightly when he saw her, and when she sat beside him and took his hand, his warmth enveloped her cold fingers. Noticing this, he took both her hands in his to warm them up. A sudden sense of sadness overtook her; it seemed almost impossible that they could have small moments such as this between them. Everything they did now was tainted in a way. She couldn't have him, not until that woman could take back any divorce proceedings. He might be hers in their hearts, but he wasn't hers in any other way.
And perhaps his mind was at the same place as hers, for he didn't speak for a long time.
"What is it?" she asked, after what seemed like an eternity.
Mr Bates shook his head. "I was thinking that I should go see her," the name wasn't necessary for Anna to know who he was talking about. "Maybe… Offer her something. Anything."
"She's taken everything you had," Anna told him softly, aware that the walls had ears in Downton Abbey. "I've got some money, you know that."
But he shook his head at once. "Anna, I won't give her your money."
"But we have nothing left," she insisted. "And even if we do pay her… Then neither of us will have anything. I just feel like… She'll never give up, not until she's taken everything we have. I don't mind giving her everything so long as she stops, but…"
"We don't know if she will," he completed his sentence for her. "I'm sorry."
She half turned to look at him. "Don't be. None of us could guess the future, you least of all."
They were silent for a few seconds, until he let go of her hands and pulled her into an embrace. It wasn't improper - or perhaps it wouldn't be, if he wasn't a married man. She felt his warmth surround her and let out a little sigh, wistful, brooding on her own too.
"Maybe I can try to reason with her," he whispered into the darkness. Anna tried to keep her head clear as she breathed in his scent, holding him close, resting her head on the crook of his neck. If they moved any closer, she would be sitting on his lap. "There's no future for us - not even for her - if we remain married."
He didn't mention what they both knew - they both knew that Vera didn't want to be a divorced woman, that she would rather remain married to him even if they didn't maintain a relationship. It was even more than that; Vera simply didn't want to see him happy. Anna didn't know the extent of whatever damage their relationship had caused her, but she didn't want to know either. Ignorance could be a blessing, and she had been denied of his love for too long, for way too much time. Anna was greedy for more time with him, to know him physically as much as she did emotionally. She was selfish for him, she wanted him to be hers. And she was not ashamed to admit it.
And yet, their kisses were the ones that needed to be stopped, and their relationship that couldn't be properly public. Before she knew it, the words slipped from her lips, a cold whisper in the darkness.
"Let's leave Downton."
The slow strokes he had been drawing on her back ceased as her suggestion surprised him. He didn't speak immediately, but she felt him shake his head, and that was enough to make her pull away from his arms. He had a pained expression on his face.
"Anna..."
"I know what you'll say," she interrupted him. "But... We should think about it. You won't be able to reason anything with her. She'll keep finding things to fight the divorce. I want a future with you that involves more than stolen kisses and secret touches," she stroked the side of his cheek softly. He remained silent. "I want a proper life with you. To work with you and be with you and have your children. I know you want that too."
"More than anything," he admitted, but she could sense the hesitation in his tone. "I won't do that to you. You deserve more than that."
Anna shook her head. "We both deserve more than what we're living through right now," she said softly, facing him. "We could go somewhere else. America, or Ireland. I don't care as long as it's far from here. No one would know us. No one would have any reason to believe we're not married."
"I can't do that to you," Mr Bates insisted.
Anna ignored the tingle of tears burning her eyes. "I'm asking you to. Don't go and talk to her again, because we know that will lead to nowhere," she said, her grip stronger on his arm. "Just promise me you'll consider this. It may be the only chance we'll have."
Mr Bates remained quiet, and she could almost hear the way his mind was brooding now. She shook her head.
"Don't consider me, or you, in this," she told him, "just think about us. And the future we may have. Will you grant me that?"
At last, he nodded. She let out a deep breath; it was most likely a futile attempt, but perhaps he could be won over tiredness. They were both so tired of all this - of waiting, of hoping. Perhaps it was time to take matters into their own hands.
"I'll think about it," he said. "And think of whatever other choices we have."
Which weren't many, they both knew that. But this was more than the no he had told her all those years ago in Kirkbymoorside, so she took it gracefully, nodding and offering him a small smile. He leaned down to catch her lips in a quick, awfully chaste kiss, and he tasted like peppermint. Before long, their moment was over and they needed to get back to their duties, though not before exchanging a look as they entered the servants' hall, merely five minutes later.
Whatever would happen, it would be their decision together.
They stood together in the dark courtyard, his cane resting against one of the crates and he could taste the wine on Anna's lips as they kissed; he could feel her relief at the news within every touch and when they pulled away she was smiling; he wondered how she could get more beautiful every day. As her arms sneaked from his chest to embrace his middle and she settled her head against his shoulder, he took a deep breath. These little stolen moments together could be dangerous, but they were also an enormous exercise in frustration. He slipped his arms around her waist as her slight frame leaned against his. She had taken her cap and apron off and he took a deep breath, inhaling her scent.
"I'm so happy this is over," Anna mumbled against his neck. It was cold out and he stroked her back softly, trying to keep her warm. "I hate to think of how many families lost someone in this war. It's a nice comfort that that's over now."
John didn't tell her that there will be other wars in the future, that other people will die because of them. Anna had the gift of seeing the good in almost every situation, and they should feel grateful that this war in particular was over now.
Still, not all wars were physical or literal. In his case - their case - it looked to be far from over. And it didn't seem like they were winning.
He hadn't gone to talk to Vera, and despite a letter that he sent just a few days ago, he heard nothing from her. It didn't sit well with him, her silence, and a small part of him wondered if talking to her would help matters. They were still married, by all means, since the decree absolute was never declared, and he truly couldn't see what else could be done to help them. Vera didn't even bother to reply to his latest letter, never mind arrange a meeting - which wasn't something that he was sure Anna would take very well.
He was brought back to the courtyard as Anna moved against him, now slipping her arms inside his jacket - probably due to the cold, and yet he had never felt warmer. The way her small palms rested against his back and her bosom brushed against his chest was almost too much, and he gave her temple a kiss, just before she turned her head towards him.
"Are you cold?" he asked.
She pulled a few inches away, touching the cold tip of her nose against his chin. "Just a little."
"We should go back inside," he suggested, one of his hands letting go of her waist to stroke her cheek. "It's late."
Anna nodded, but made no move to walk away. Rather, she made to raise herself on her tiptoes to kiss him; he stopped her, however, and leaned down towards her instead. She hummed as their lips moved together, and he was enamoured by that sound. Her arms brought him closer and he thought he heard the tiniest moan coming from the back of Anna's throat. It was hard to focus, to know that they had to stop. They always did. And she had always known that; but later… It seemed like she wouldn't have stopped at all, not until he did.
"Anna," he breathed as they parted. Anna's eyes opened slowly, her lips were red and he had dishevelled her hair a little. She looked perfect.
But he thought he saw a trace of tears in her eyes. "I know," she nodded weakly. "I just wish…"
"What?" John asked when she spoke no further.
"I just wish we didn't have to go to separate beds, and not see each other until morning," she revealed. Her eyes left his; he knew what she was thinking about. The suggestion she made, just a few days ago. He felt his hands sweat just at the thought of discussing that subject again with her; he wasn't sure if he would be able to refuse her yet one more time. So he remained quiet, and waited for her to speak. "I'm just so… I'm so tired, Mr Bates."
He knew exactly what she meant, and nodded. He was worried about her tone - how hopeless she looked right now. He didn't like it.
"Let's go inside," Anna said at last, simply. She pulled away but reached for his hand.
They exchanged one more quick, chaste kiss before they parted upstairs, each to their own room, but he couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that they encounter had left him in.
Perhaps it was time to consider something else, after all.
Anna chatted with Jane, about to enter the linen closet; with the house serving as a home to so many officers, work was more than doubled up, and even if they were used to it now, it didn't make her any less tired. Today looked like a long day; Lady Edith would be heading to London and Anna needed to pack for her, besides cleaning and supervising the maids and dressing Lady Mary during the day, as she was to go to Ripon in the afternoon. On top of that, she hadn't been sleeping well for the past few nights. Surely now, with the war technically over, at least the house would be returning to normal. But that still wouldn't be for a few weeks.
So, it wasn't a surprise when Anna heard Mrs Hughes calling for her. Probably some family room that needed to be cleaned or a visitor that would be staying with the family. But as Anna turned around to answer to her calls, Mrs Hughes appeared by the door, and her expression was quizzical, to say the least.
"Anna," she said in a low voice. "I wouldn't call you, but Mr Bates has gone to Ripon for his Lordship."
Anna frowned. "What is it?"
"His... wife is here," Mrs Hughes said carefully. "She's in my sitting room. I told her Mr Bates wasn't here but she said she would wait."
"He won't be back until tea," Anna said, shaking her head slightly, ignoring Jane's look upon her. "I'll go talk to her."
To say that this visit surprised her was an understatement; she wasn't looking forward to seeing Vera or hearing what she had to say. She had never have been, but lately even more than ever. Mr Bates hadn't told her anything about a reply to his latest letter, and she knew he hadn't mentioned anything about her coming here to discuss whatever divorce proceedings they had to discuss. Mr Bates was doing absolutely nothing wrong. Anna wasn't his mistress, he didn't marry her while still married to Vera. By no means, he was never even unfaithful, even if they were indeed engaged. Still, as Anna walked towards the sitting room, she felt terribly self-conscious and straightened up her apron and made sure her hair looked all right. She didn't fear Vera, and she never let herself be intimidated by her. Today would be no different.
Vera was sitting when Anna opened the door, and her icy glare didn't seem surprised to see Anna there. She held her head high and smiled - not a friendly smile, but Anna never expected to see that.
"Since John isn't here, I thought you would come and see me," she commented. Anna noticed the fur she was wearing around her neck and the fancy hat she also wore. All with Mr Bates' money, and Sir Richard's, no doubt. It really was amazing how money still couldn't buy a good taste.
Anna wasn't in the mood for small talk. "What are you doing here?"
Vera lowered her eyes and looked at her in disdain. "I'm here to see my husband."
How she loathed those words. "He won't arrive until late this afternoon."
"I'd like to speak to him," Vera said dryly. "I'm sure he would like to speak to me too. From his latest letter, I could see that he wasn't too happy with the judge's decision to withdraw the decree."
Anna said nothing. Of course they weren't happy. But she couldn't imagine what Vera could possibly want by coming all the way here. The decree may have been withdrawn, but the process wasn't over. They were still trying to divorce. Anna couldn't think of a good reason for her to come here. It had to be trouble.
But Vera stood up, and Anna raised her head to meet her eyes. She didn't like the way the older woman stared her down. For the hundredth time, perhaps, she wondered what Mr Bates had seen in her.
"You tell him his wife will expect him at the Grantham Arms by tomorrow morning," she said rather loudly. "And tell him to come alone, because I won't say a thing if I see you around. He's my husband, after all. Not yours."
Anna bit back a reply and simply opened the door for her. Vera left without even bothering to look her in the eye and barely heard the back door slamming from the corridor. She tried not to let Vera's words get to her - she really did. But she couldn't help thinking that there was some truth in them, at least.
Shaking the tears away, Anna left Mrs Hughes' sitting room and managed to smile politely at the servants she passed by on her way back to the linen closet.
"I won't let it go," Vera said a little loudly, making the people sitting next to their table look up at them. John shifted uncomfortably. "I am your wife."
He took a deep breath. Arguing with Vera had never been something he enjoyed doing, nowadays less than ever. He had come straight away once Mr Carson said he could be spared, and he left after sharing one look with Anna, who stood at the end of the corridor to bid him goodbye. Her smile had been unsure, and he could understand why. Vera had only come to stir things up.
"I won't go back to London, and I won't go back to you," he said lowly. "What else can you possibly want? I've already given you all I had. What else can you?"
"I can prove that you've been planning to marry that floozy," Vera said, and he did not like the triumphant tone in her voice. "I can prove that she tells everyone you're her fiancé. You don't think I've been in London just sitting and waiting, do you, John?"
"We're not married, and we won't be unless I'm a divorced man."
"Maybe, but considering your history with the law, I'm sure the judge won't hesitate on to end the divorce process at once," he stared at her icy eyes, trying his best to control his temper. "I've more than enough to sustain that. How everyone in the house knows you're to marry, how everyone in this village has seen you walking together."
John closed his eyes.
"I've done nothing improper with Anna," but he frowned as he took in her words. "How would you know all of that?"
Vera leaned back in her chair, and took a slow, tentative sip of tea. "I have my sources, John, same as anybody. You gave me your money and I have plenty from the newspaper man. I can buy connections. Indeed, I can even say that your precious Anna has caught some people's attention."
His blood rushed against his ears. "What do you mean?"
Vera laughed. "She's young, and I have to admit it, she's not bad looking. A little plain, if you ask me. I'll never know what you saw in her," she added bitterly, eyeing him up and down. "More importantly, she's with you. A married man. It would be a shame, indeed... If something were to happen to her."
He pressed his fist against his leg, trying his best not to cause a scene. Anna would want him to keep his calm. He couldn't lose his temper.
"Keep Anna out of it," he said between his teeth. "This has nothing to do with her."
"It has everything to do with her," Vera hissed, slamming her palm against the table. Several heads turned towards them. "Don't underestimate me, John Bates. I'll make you as miserable as you've made me. Even if that costs you that silly girl."
"You're not half the woman that Anna is," he spat at her. "I despise you."
At this, he felt her palm hitting his cheek loudly, a chair screeching and Vera's angry steps walking away. Her touch stung against his skin and he saw blood on his fingers as he stroked his cheek. A few stern glances at the people around him made them go back to their conversations as he stood up, paid the bill, and left the Grantham Arms for Downton Abbey.
"Will you tell me how this happened now?"
Anna's question was careful and raw, and he knew he would have to tell her. He had arrived at Downton in time for supper and to dress his lordship, but the small injury on his face was enough to let people talk. Anna knew more than to ask any questions, and only now, alone in the servants' hall, with the house asleep around them, he felt comfortable sharing the details of his conversation with Vera. Anna listened intently as she cleaned his wound and applied some alcohol onto it, making him wince. But her touch was soft and healing, and he wished all their problems could be fixed that simply.
"There. It's not too deep," she commented after a moment, once he explained it all to her. "It should be better in a few days."
He didn't tell her the nature of Vera's threats and how much he feared them. Anna's eyes were full of love as she admired her work and leaned down to place the softest of kisses upon his small injury. She smelled of roses and soap and of Anna. When she pulled away and sat on the chair beside his, he managed a smile.
"Now that was what I needed to heal," he said, meant as a joke, but Anna only smiled. Her blue eyes shone against the candlelight. "Thank you."
She shook her head. "I'm only sorry you had to go through that," she sighed. "Do you think she's put someone to follow us around?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"We haven't done anything wrong. She can't prove anything," Anna said. "Can it really annul the whole process?"
John exhaled slowly and nodded. "I have a criminal record, and she has proven I've paid her for the divorce. At this point... I don't think she'll need much."
He saw as Anna took a short intake of breath to take these news. He felt his heart break as he saw her blinking rapidly, and her bottom lip quivering slightly. He took her hand in his, and she looked up at him. He wasn't sure what she expected to hear. If he were honest to himself, he wasn't sure either.
"I love you," were the first words his lips let out. "We are going to be together."
She nodded, her fingers gripping his hand tightly, waiting for him to continue.
"We're out of options," he sighed heavily. "But I... I thought of something."
"Go on," her voice was weak.
"Do you remember Sergeant McMichael?" Anna nodded. Of course she would; she had been the one to encourage him to talk to the Scottish officer who spent a few weeks in Downton to recover from an injury in his left leg. The officer almost lost his leg, similarly to John's war wound, but thankfully an operation managed to take most of the pain away. When he left, Sergeant McMichael only limped slightly, and did not always need to use a cane. "He wrote me, I told you about it. He's living in Canada now. His brother opened a pub there."
"Canada?" Anna's eyes widened.
"It's far from here, I know. But... Perhaps we should consider it," he hated to even have to consider this. "I haven't replied. I thought that maybe I could... Ask him, about emigrating. About jobs and a place to live. Just... To consider it."
"Do you mean it?" Anna asked. He saw tears behind her eyes.
He nodded, weakly. He thought about Vera's threats. He thought about Vera's threats against Anna. "Yes. I do."
Anna drew in a breath, leaning closer to him. "I never thought you would consider it."
It wasn't ideal; far from it. It would go against their reputations and Anna's religion. It would be a scandal, one that they would likely not be around to face. But a scandal nonetheless.
"I will if that's what you truly want," he said softly.
Anna replied to him with a full kiss on the lips. Tears left her eyes. "It is. I want us to be together - no matter what. I don't care anymore."
He suspected she never truly did, not in the way that she should, but it was too late for that now. Wordlessly, he wiped her tears away, and his arms embraced her tightly against him. It wasn't much, but it was hope. They were going to be together.
Even if they had to leave the country for it to happen.
Next chapter: With Vera very much alive, Anna and Bates orchestrate the plan that will change their lives forever.
