I have about three J/Ellie stories that I've been working on simultaneously because I keep on getting these various plot bunnies that keep multiplying. They are all partially written stories, each with a few incomplete scenes written here and there.
In this particular story, though all of the interactions are between Ellie and John, the focus is more on Ellie as a sister, rather than a romantic interest for John. This is also a little AU because Chuck has not yet discovered Orion's super secret base.
Ellie vs. the Caged Bird
Ellie looked out her living room window at the familiar sight of Chuck and Sarah sitting on the courtyard fountain, talking intimately with each other, their hands entwined and their heads nearly touching as they leaned in toward each other. Chuck and Sarah were so much in love that the beauty of it sometimes made her own heart both rejoice and ache at the same time.
When they leaned in even more closely to share a tender kiss, Ellie felt her heart pang again and she retreated from the window, sighing a little sadly.
She was happy for them. She really was. They were madly in love and overjoyed to be together as a couple.
However, Ellie could tell that they were not so happy with one significant part of their life. When Chuck had retired from the CIA, Ellie had been surprised and pleased to learn that Sarah had decided to follow his lead and quit, as well. It was such a relief because Sarah was obviously here to stay and Ellie sensed that the further away Sarah was from that life, the better the chances of Chuck not being dragged back into it.
Her thoughts were so consuming that Ellie was almost startled to find herself – without knowing how she had got there – using a sponge to wipe her already clean kitchen counter with firm strokes. She didn't pause in her cleaning when she realized what she was doing. She just kept scrubbing away imaginary food stains as she continued to contemplate her brother and Sarah's new life as civilians.
Even though they never said anything to her directly about it, she knew that they missed being spies.
Ellie loved them both and it would kill her if either of them were seriously hurt or killed in the field, but now she was beginning to wonder if insisting that Chuck quit his job was a little too selfish on her part. It was becoming quite apparent to her that he had obviously found purpose and fulfillment in his work. Sarah, too. Whenever the events of a few months ago were discussed – the topic was quickly becoming one that was best to be avoided – she would often see Chuck and Sarah exchange these pained glances that Ellie and anybody knowing their situation could easily read.
Chuck had already had several job offers from various places, ranging from several start up software companies to conglomerates like Google and Microsoft. While the Chuck of the Stanford years would have given his left kidney for the opportunities with which he was currently being courted, the post-Stanford drop-out, post-spy Chuck was not so enthusiastic. Not matter what he chose, he was going to be pretty much set for life with the kind of stability that people all over the world strove for.
Only Chuck didn't want that anymore and she very well knew it. What he was really wanted was to be the person who protected others, rather than the one who benefited from the hard work and sacrifices made by those who risked their lives daily to make a difference in the world.
Ellie abruptly stopped cleaning, becoming completely still for the first time in a long while, and just let that sink in. All of her life, she had been Chuck's protector, but always believed that she had never crossed the line into being overprotective.
Just like most things in this current period of her life, she just wasn't so sure about that anymore. What if instead of protecting him, she had actually been holding him back for all of these years? What if she was still holding him back from a destiny greater than any one that she could ever imagine for him?
Before her thoughts could go any further, there was a sharp, precise knock on the front door. She stilled for a moment. She wasn't expecting anyone and was immediately cautious as she made her way to the door. Her experience a few weeks ago with the world of espionage had made her feel a bit on the paranoid side lately, a state of mind which she found tiresome, but most likely a necessary reaction for the rest of her life.
She peered through the peep hole and was taken aback at seeing John Casey's face. It had been nearly two weeks since she last saw him, and that had been a brief encounter, since she had been in a rush to make it to the hospital for a work emergency when they had passed each other by.
Ellie still felt terrible about hitting him with the frying pan when she had caught him in her house, though there had been no way of knowing that she was being manipulated by a rogue CIA agent into thinking Casey was a bad guy. At the time, she had only been protecting herself as anyone else would have had an intruder been in their home. Besides, he had told her, himself, that rather than being angry at her for it, he had actually been highly impressed. That barely stopped her from feeling so awkward whenever he was around, though.
After taking a second to brace herself, she unlocked the door and swung it open.
"John!" she immediately greeted him with a shy smile. "Hey. What are you doing here? Are you looking for Chuck?"
"Hey, Ellie," Casey responded shortly with a terse nod, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other and not quite meeting her eyes. She wondered, not for the first time, how this man of very few words could have ever had a successful, twenty plus year career as a spy if even the simplest of human interactions made him this uncomfortable. "I was hoping if maybe we could talk for a minute?"
"Of course. Please, come in." Ellie moved out of the way and closed and locked the door securely after them. For a small, uncomfortable moment, they just stared at each other before Ellie mentally shook herself out of it and remembered her manners. "Is there anything I can get you, John? Something to drink?"
"No, thank you," he responded with a shrug, glancing around the room with exaggerated interest. She knew he wasn't trying to be rude or anything, so she took his avoidance of eye contact in stride. If they were going to get to the point of his visit by the time the sun set, she figured that she would have to steer their conversation until he could take over for himself. "I'm fine. I probably won't stay long, anyway."
"Okay, then. Why don't you have a seat?" she asked, sweeping her hand in the general direction of the sitting area of her living room. When Casey was seated on the couch, she sat on a chair across from it, her curiosity making her lean forward slightly in anticipation. "What are you doing here, John? Chuck said that you'd left already. That you've been reassigned elsewhere."
John cleared his throat before making eye contact with her for the first time since he had arrived at her doorstep. She hadn't really been expecting that, so she straightened a little in surprise. The serious nature of the expression on his face made the alarm bells ring in her head.
Instead of answering her question, he responded with a question of his own.
"What exactly has Chuck told you about his years with the CIA, Ellie?"
Ellie stared blankly at him before what he asked really registered. Surely, he wasn't suggesting that Chuck had revealed any national security secrets to her, was he?
'Don't jump to any conclusions, Ellie,' she silently admonished herself. 'You know how well that has worked out in the past.'
"Not much, really. But I haven't really asked for a whole lot of specifics, aside from anything pertaining to what happened a few months ago," she admitted quietly. "I know that a lot of what he did is so highly classified, he could be imprisoned for revealing it without permission... John, where exactly are you going with this?"
"Chuck wasn't just some ordinary CIA agent, Ellie. He was a very special case."
"A special case?" Ellie repeated in exasperation, her hand unconsciously reaching up to briefly rub the ache that was forming in her forehead. "And that means... what?"
"Chuck has a certain... skill set that is extremely unique. To our knowledge, there aren't very many others who can do what he does. If fact, he is the only one we currently know of who can do what he does. Successfully." Casey paused, his eyes drilling into hers with an unfamiliar intensity that held her captive and challenged her to figure out just where he was taking this on her own. "Over the past three years, I have seen Chuck use these skills to save hundreds... perhaps even hundreds of thousands of lives."
Ellie was definitely beginning to see exactly this conversation was heading, to understand why Casey was here, talking to her about things she really shouldn't and didn't want to know. And the terrible thing was, she knew if she continued to let him speak, she would eventually give in.
"And I suppose what you're going to tell me next is that Chuck quitting has been a great loss to the intelligence community," she interrupted warily, sinking tiredly down in her chair.
"That's not exactly what I was going to say," John answered with a slight smile that could quite possibly be construed as a smirk. "But you aren't that far off the mark." His tone changed to one of earnestness as he continued, "I have been a spy for the better part of three decades, Ellie. I have had many partners over the years and I've worked with many different teams. All of them excellent in their own right. But I consider Chuck and Sarah to be, by far, the best partners and teammates that I've ever had."
Ellie could feel herself start to choke up, tears burning in her eyes at his words and the earnest way he spoke them. In all the time she'd known him, he had always been a bit gruff, more than a little bit stoic, and extremely reserved. She had never seen him speak so much in one go, let alone with such conviction and sincerity before.
Ellie didn't know why it hadn't occurred to her before, but she was now seeing irrefutable proof that John, too, was being strongly affected by Chuck not being a spy anymore. For some reason, this belated understanding was beginning to open her eyes further to the good that Chuck could do for the people outside of their family circle.
John said it. Chuck had saved lives. Many lives. Possibly more lives in a mere few years than she might ever personally save in her entire career as a doctor. And he could save so many more.
She was so proud of her brother and wanted him so much to have purpose in his life again. But she didn't know how she was going to be able to him free to pursue that purpose without feeling something die inside her every time he had to go out on a mission that could end very well end in his death. God forbid the last of her family die. She didn't think she would ever be able to recover from it.
"John, I..." .
"I'm not here to try to convince you to give Chuck your blessing to return to the spy business, as much as I would truly like for that to happen," He interrupted, speaking honestly. "My intention, rather, was to give you a warning."
"A warning?" she asked tersely at the ominous statement. Or a threat, perhaps?
"The CIA let Chuck go without a fight because they knew they seriously screwed up with the Ring situation and felt they owed him something for saving their asses..." John's unwavering gaze was threatening to burn a hole into her, but it would not allow her to look away. "Ever since Sarah and Chuck quit, I've been keeping my ear to the ground. It's already happening, Ellie. They want Chuck back. They want all three of us back in the fold – together – because we've been one of the most successful teams that the CIA and NSA has had for years. They're willing to use whatever means necessary to get him back."
The undertone of his words wasn't at all subtle; it was immediately very clear to her.
"Are you seriously saying that they might force him back? Force all of you back?"
"It is only a matter of time," he confirmed with a grunt. "But before they go that far, they're going to try their damnedest to convince him to come back willingly. For now, they are willing to wait, though they'd rather have him back sooner than later."
"What makes Chuck so important that they'd resort to forcing him back into service? What exactly are these unique skills he has that you were talking about earlier?" Ellie was still trying to wrap her mind Chuck being a CIA agent, even after all the sleepless nights she spent contemplating it. Chuck was just too sweet and gentle and trusting,... All traits she would never have associated with spies before.
And yet, he survived three years without changing the core of who he was.
"Unfortunately, that is something that I can't reveal," he said, giving her an apologetic look. "Perhaps, one day, you might be cleared to know, but for now, we shouldn't even discuss it."
"Right," she said. Growing restless from all the tension she had been holding in for the majority of the conversation, Ellie stood up, but had no sense of which direction to move her body. When Casey stood up after her, they both simply stared at each other for a long time. Then, at the same exact moment, they both tried to speak again.
"Look, Ellie, I'm..."
"John, please be..."
Ellie couldn't help but smile and laugh a little at their simultaneous attempts. Some of the tension eased from her shoulders.
"You and Sarah..." she began after a slight hesitation. "You are good at what you do? You can protect him?"
"Yes," Casey stated, simply. "We are and we can. And your brother? One thing I think you need to understand about Chuck is that he is more than capable of taking care of himself, and us, in the field. I trust him with my life."
"Really?" she asked, dubiously. "You trust him with your life?"
'Yes," he answered with a wry grin. "Though don't tell him I said that. I don't want his head to grow too big. And please, never reveal that I said that he and Sarah are the best partners I've ever had. I'll never live that down, either." For some reason, this caused the floodgates to open wide. When the tears burned her eyes, Ellie didn't blink them back; instead she allowed them to fall. There was no use in holding it in any longer and strangely enough, she felt safe enough with him to show this kind of emotion. Imagine that. Once upon a time, not too long ago, she had been terrified of him and now she trusted him. "What are you thinking, Ellie?"
She saw him lift his hand to reach out to touch her, but like a man unused to offering comfort, he pulled awkwardly back. His gentle concern caused her words to come out in a flood.
"I'm scared for him, John. I've already lost my father and I don't know what I would do if I lost Chuck, too," she confessed, sniffling as the tears kept falling. When a tissue unexpectedly appeared before her eyes, she smiled gratefully, taking a few seconds to use it to dab her wet cheeks and eyes, then wipe her nose. The actions gave her the silence she needed to gather her thoughts once more. "This spy stuff... It's something I can't protect him from. And I promised my father, a long time ago, that's what I'd do. Protect him."
"Believe me, Ellie, I know how you feel," John said sympathetically. "Can I let you in on a little secret?"
"Of course."
"I have the same fear for Alex that you do for Chuck." John paused, obviously thinking about his daughter, whom he had been granted the privilege of getting to know after twenty plus years of absence from her life. "She called me a few days ago with the news that both the FBI and CIA are both asking her to work for them, potentially as a profiler. They are also offering to fund her education all the way up to PhD."
"John," Ellie breathed. "That's good news, isn't it."
"Of course, it's good news, and I'd be proud of her no matter what she does..." John's lips quirked into a smirk; he appeared as if he were recalling a particularly funny joke. There was humor to his tone, which reinforced that thought. "Even if it was the CIA she chose to work for."
Ellie couldn't imagine what that was about. "Not a big fan of the CIA?"
"Let's just say that there has always been a rivalry between the CIA and NSA. We haven't always played nice in the past. But my estimation of the CIA has definitely grown over the years, especially since I've discovered that it has actually turned out some pretty decent agents. Like Walker... And Chuck." John grunted thoughtfully. "Anyway, as for Alex – she doesn't know it, herself, yet, but I can tell – she won't be content to just be a simple profiler. She'll want to train as an operative, as well. And the thought terrifies me."
"If that's what Alex decides she wants to do, will you try to stop her?"
"I will try my best to make certain that she makes an informed decision, that she has a basic understanding of what she might be facing in the future. And if she decides to follow that path, then I will support her." John glanced away from her in silent contemplation, before quickly renewing eye contact. "There are no guarantees in this business, Ellie. Any mistake can get you killed, if you're not careful. If I lost Alex, especially after all the time I've already lost with her, it would break me in ways I've never been broken before."
"Even knowing this might happen, you still would support her?"
"Yes. I can't guarantee that something won't happen to Chuck. We are all human and we all make mistakes. But I can guarantee that we'll be a team that will look after each other to the best of our abilities. It's almost indefinable, but we have something special that other teams do not have, and that is, in part, why we've been so successful. You have my full guarantee that both Sarah and I will have Chuck's back. I take my promises very seriously."
Ellie believed him.
She still had strong, negative feelings about Chuck being a spy, but she had to admit that her talk with John made her feel a little better. The things he said about Chuck saving lives and being competent in the field, and most importantly, his confession about his feelings about the possibility of his daughter becoming a CIA officer...
Well, they made a big difference. All throughout their conversation, she had been weakening in her determination that Chuck be kept away from the CIA. A determination which, she had to admit, had already been weakened significantly long before John came here.
"I believe you do, John. And I will hold you to that..." She straightened her stance, trying her best to appear as intimidating as she could to a man who probably had his picture next to the definition of intimidating in the dictionary "...because if anything happens to Chuck in the field, and I find that it happened because of negligence on your part, I don't care how good a spy you are; I will make it my life's work to make you pay."
"If it happens like that, Ellie, you won't have to come looking for me. I'll come right to you and face whatever suffering you wish to inflict."
"Good," she said shortly before allowing her expression to soften and her voice to lose its hard edge. She implored wearily, "Just do your best to not make me regret this."
"Yes, ma'am," was all he said in response to that.
And that was all that needed to be said on that subject. Ellie inquired about Alex and Kathleen and for a few minutes that was all they talked about. It was kind of endearing how much Casey seemed to really love his wife and daughter. According to him, Kathleen was still furious with him, but like her daughter, was a person who always chose to forgive at the end of the day. Ellie silently prayed for his chances of reconciling with the woman he had left behind all those years ago.
Before they knew it, Casey needed to leave, and Ellie found herself disappointed. At the door, Ellie surprised them both by pulling John into a big hug.
"Take care of yourself, John," she said in his ear, squeezing him once more before letting him go.
For half an hour after John had gone, Ellie sat on the couch, sipping some iced tea and both dreading and anticipating the moment in which she would give Sarah and Chuck her blessing to return to the CIA.
Her breath caught when she heard Devon and Chuck talking outside the apartment. Her stomach roiled with anxiety, but her determination to do what she knew was right never wavered.
"Hey, Ellie," Chuck greeted her as he and Devon entered the living room. "What's going on?"
"Chuck, hey. Listen, there's something very important I need to discuss with you. Do you have the time?"
"For you, sis, I have all the time in the world."
I really have a bad time with endings. They always come out rather weak.
And, wow, this turned out a lot longer than I am used to when it comes to my writing. Usually, I struggle to get out more than one thousand words per chapter. This one is nearly four thousand.
Probably should have waited until after the to post this. I really hope this chapter doesn't get missed because of the insanity of Memorial day weekend.
Let me know what you think. Like it? Love it? Dislike it? Hate it?
Constructive criticism is much welcome.
Thanks.
