This chapter will start the same as it did before, so bare with it, I'm sure all those who read it previously will notice the change pretty quickly. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy :) To the guest reviewer: Yes this story has been posted before, sorry that you read it before the update had been uploaded. Thanks!
Time Heals Nothing
Every part of her hurt, her body ached and cried out in pain as she woke that morning. Heavy eyes lids, a raw throat and a sensitive stomach brought with them understanding of what she'd done last night whilst the whirling and beeping of the machines that surrounded her caused her to realize where she was.
"Fuck," she breathed out in a whisper. Being back in the ER was not her preferred place to be, especially when she was no longer insured. She began to panic then, another medical bill would clear out the rest of her inheritance and she'd have no more money to get her next fix. She didn't know when she had reached this stage in her life. She was unsure of how she'd allowed her pursuit of reckless behaviour to go this far. She sighed at the thought of her life, and ran a hang through her hair in an attempt to detangle with the strands with her fingers alone. An obviously unsuccessful venture, until she could shower and change, she was destined to resemble the homeless junkie that she was. She was appalled at what she had become, but she simply couldn't stop herself anymore.
The sink of vomit and bile reached her nostrils then and made her want to retch. Little tremors of need began as she pulled herself into a sitting position. Her hands usually trembled whenever she craved a fix, and with her stomach contents removed and her blood stream now free of containment, she would need a fix soon. Right now, she craved whiskey and a cigarette. Not the worst of her favoured poisons, but cheaper and easier to get a hold of. As soon as she was freed from this prison, she would stop by the store and get a bottle. Thankfully, she already had half a packet of cigarettes in her bag. As she thought on cigarettes, a nurse wandered over to her bed.
"Good morning," a blond male nurse spoke to her, "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," she lied, refusing to meet his gaze fully, "when can I go?"
The nurse sighed at her dismissive attitude. She was used to this reaction, she'd received a similar response last time. Care professionals often sighed in disappointment at her, most of her 'friends' received the same treatment. After all, you couldn't help someone who didn't want to be helped.
"Soon," he replied, "you're brother just arrived to collect you. We'll discharge you into his care as soon as we are satisfied that you are ready to leave."
"Brother?" she questioned, brows knitted together in confusion, "I don't have a brother."
"He said you might say that, Miss McCarthy, but he's here and he just wants to help. He's even settled you're bill for you."
Bella wanted to protest further, but at the mention of a paid bill she clamped her mouth firmly shut. Maybe, if she played along with their mistake long enough, she'd be out the door before they realised the mistaken identity and charged her anew.
"Ok, I understand," she said simply, doing her very best to appear guilty, it had to appear as if her previous comment had been a lie. "I just want to get out of here."
"I can understand that," the nurse replied with a sympathetic edge to his tone, "well, like I said, as soon as you're ready to go, you'll be discharged. The doctor will be round shortly, but in the meantime, I'll tell your brother you're awake."
Ok maybe I won't get away with this, she thought towards her lie as the nurse left her bed side. If he brought her 'brother' onto the ward then she would be caught out instantly. She could picture it already... a young man being directed towards his 'sister' and immediately declaring that there had been some mistake. It would be rather funny to witness as the nurse realised he'd made a mistake, but it would also be embarrassing and then she'd be landed with the bill! She tried not to think on it too much. The doctor would be round shortly, and then she'd be free of this retched place. She spotted the cannula in her hand then and began to feel queasy. Blood had congealed around the port, just the sight of it was enough to make her feel faint. She had to look away and instead focused on taking a note of her surroundings. The ward she was on currently housed herself and another five patients; they were all women of varying ages. One of the older women looked over at her in obvious disapproval and Bella realised that, most of the people here probably knew exactly what she'd been admitted for, their sleep had probably been disturbed by her arrival. She was more than a little tempted to raise her middle finger, but the lack of alcohol in her system prevented her from acting on the impulse.
Her mind drifted to alcohol then, she really craved whiskey above all others, but she'd settled for whatever she could get her hands on once she was released. It was as she was making a mental plan that the doctor entered the ward, she didn't notice his arrival until he spoke.
"You gave us all quite a scare last night."
Her body felt like it had been doused in ice water at the sound of the doctor's voice. Her breathing swallowed, but her heart rate sped up. She hadn't heard that voice since her 18th birthday. Her eyes lifted to meet the gaze of Carlisle Cullen. She felt sick and she could barely breathe. Her voice was absent as she stared up at her past in abject horror.
"How are you feeling?"
A question, shit! She thought, fighting for control over her voice box. She needed to reply, needed to say something, but nothing happened when she tried. He seemed to notice her discomfort and something akin to guilt clouded his expression at the sight of it.
"I suppose, your throat is a little sore?" he asked then, allowing her a reason to not reply. Thankfully, the nurse she had spoken to a few minutes ago was absent and she could simply nod in reply as opposed to speaking. The nod was forced and still a little difficult to carry out but she managed it.
"I'll get one of the nurses to bring you some water," he said simply, before moving away.
Panic set in then. If Carlisle was here then so was he! She needed to get away, needed to run as far away from here as possible. He couldn't see her this way! She couldn't allow him to see what she'd been reduced too. Her bag was within reach and she was only connected to couple of machines. She scanned the area around her, three nurses and the doctor that had caused her distress stood within a foot of the entrance to the ward. If she was quick, she might just be able to get away. It was unlikely, but in her state of mind she had to try. Just as she thought up a plan, she noticed Carlisle checking his cell phone and looking in her direction. Alice! She thought bitterly, as her plan was foiled before she could even move an inch towards escape.
She was close to hyperventilating when the nurse came over to her bed side and offered her a little plastic cup of water. She took what the nurse offered and sipped at the cup, it wasn't whiskey but it helped calm her nerves just to have something to do with her hands and mouth. The cup was almost empty when the doctor from her past appeared in front of her bed once again, this time he was not accompanied by nurses, but by the man who she guessed had claimed to be her brother, Emmett. She rolled her eyes at the sight of them both. Her anger and irritation was already building at her situation.
"He's not my brother," she said the moment they had approached, her irritation seeping into her tone.
"Your words, Bells," Emmett replied, "They hurt me."
She could tell almost instantly that he was trying to be funny. She was so not in the mood for funny. Coming down off the bliss of a high to find herself in a hospital (very much not her favourite place) and face to face with Cullen's (very much not her favourite people) did not result in the ability to tolerate humour.
"And you haven't hurt me?" she muttered bitterly, moving her gaze to face away from their stares. She had wanted her words to inflict hurt but she didn't have the courage to face it. When no reply came, she was tempted to look up. The sound of the curtains closing around her bed caused that temptation to be successful. She looked back up to find only Carlisle remained, she had almost forgotten how quiet they could move and how they conversed at a level too low for her to hear it. Carlisle met her gaze then and moved to sit in the chair opposite her, placing her small rucksack on the floor to do so. She was glad her bag had made it here with her since it contained pretty much everything she owned.
"I know that we caused you immeasurable hurt by leaving, but we did so because my son convinced us it was in your best interest to do so," Carlisle explained simply. As if everything they did to her would ever been that simple.
"My best interest?" she spat, her anger building at his comment, "that worked out so well didn't it."
The doctor visibly flinched at her reply, but quickly regained composure.
"I understand with hind sight that we were very wrong about that," Carlisle replied, keeping his voice calm and level. Seeing his third daughter in this fragile condition made him want to inflict pain on his son for all he'd done, but he could never do that to Edward.
"It would probably be best if you spoke to Edward about it," he continued, until the machine monitoring her heart rate and vitals began to spike at the mention of his eldest son.
The panicked look in her eyes was accompanied by an accelerated heart rate and decreased oxygen levels. He didn't need to be a doctor to understand what was happening to her as she pulled her knees up to chest and began to hyperventilate. She was having a panic attack at the mere mention of his son. His guilt was all consuming, but he did his best to support her through as a nurse pulled back the curtain to make sure all was ok. Carlisle looked toward the nurse, and requested she find Bella's brother. The woman nodded and vacated as quickly as she'd appeared.
All the hurt she had housed within her for the last two and bit years was making itself known to her then in that moment. Most people that she spent time with either didn't know him or they knew not to the mention him. She hadn't experienced a panic attack this bad in over 18 months, but then she hadn't been entirely sober during that time either. It took over her whole body, she could barely breathe, barely think. She felt cold hands on her forearms that were wrapped tight around her calves, but in that moment she couldn't react. She vaguely registered voices discussing her and the feel of icy fingers encasing her hand.
"It's just a light sedative," Carlisle explained, not realizing she was mentally out of his reach in that moment.
Before she could move to stop it, she realised what her doctor was doing. The liquid spread through the back of her hand and was quickly absorbed into her blood. She was grateful for the drug induced haze, she always was. Her arms relaxed around her and she found herself growing light. Such a blissful feeling. It was this feeling of freedom that she sought out with drugs and drink. Medically induced was almost better, she thought as she looked over at Carlisle. She realised she was smiling like an idiot, but did nothing to stop it. There was a reason she wasn't supposed to be happy, she knew that, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything in that moment.
"Thank you," she spoke then, her voice slurring just a little, "You're so kind."
"You are more than welcome, Bella," he told her, his features clouded with an emotion she couldn't recognise in her state of mind. He turned then as Emmett reappeared in front of her. She knew this wasn't a good thing somehow, but the drugs he'd given her were really good. The more time that passed the more drunk she felt. She was even swaying slightly, as the two men conversed. She couldn't make out exactly what they were saying at first till the volume of their voices raised deliberately.
"I've given her just a light sedative, she might fall asleep in the next couple of hours, but it should have worn off by the time she wakes."
She frowned slightly at their words, she didn't understand why they were talking as if they didn't know each other. Everything that was happening was entirely too confusing.
"I'm going to discharge you now, Bella," Carlisle spoke to her this time, "You're going to go home with your brother."
"I don't have a brother," she replied then, the haze of the drug making her question her own words. Did she have a brother? She couldn't remember that happening. She had a sister, she remembered that, but then it was recent in her memories. The half-sister that she wasn't allowed to see after her mom had found that small bag of coke in her coat pocket. She really wanted some coke, and whiskey, and a cigarette. Her mind branched off in the direction of the substances she craved. Distracted from the thoughts of her family once again, just the way she liked it.
Emmett looked directly at her as he spoke, "Yes, you do."
She half smiled at his comment. She didn't remember in that moment why she shouldn't be smiling. This sedative was something wonderful, she thanked Carlisle again then.
"Again, you're welcome, Bella," he replied, feeling a little sick with guilt at what he'd done to her. He'd medically induced her compliance for what was about to happen and he felt terrible. They only wanted to help her, he reasoned with himself, they owed her that much.
"Can I go now?" she questioned him once again, her eyes appearing heavy in her sockets.
"Of course," he told her, "Your brother will take you home very soon."
"Okay," she answered, with a slight smile.
She wasn't entirely aware of everything that happened in the next few minutes. She watched as Emmett signed some forms and discussed her recovery with Carlisle, like they weren't going to see each other later. It was very confusing to see their exchange, but she didn't make a watched curiously as Emmett's eyes darkened a shade as Carlisle removed all the wires and the cannula from her hand.
"You ready to go?" Emmett asked her then, his voice slightly strained. She nodded in way of reply.
He held out his hand and she frowned at it. She knew she shouldn't accept his help, she knew it, but after a moment of confused deliberation, she did it anyway. With his help, they made their way out of the hospital and into the car park. She vaguely recognised the jeep as they approached. Once again her mind raised the alarm but it was muffled and she was unable to really register why she should be concerned. Emmett helped her into the passenger seat and clicked the seat belt across her chest. She felt her body slump slightly into the seat. She wanted to right herself but lacked the ability to do so. Her mind lacked complete control over all her body was doing. It was a disconcerting yet wonderfully familiar feeling.
Emmett hooped up into the driver's side then, and within mere seconds they were heading away from the hospital. She knew this was not a good thing, but she couldn't understand why. Her mind became distracted by the city merging into wilderness, buildings morphing into trees. She wasn't aware of how long they'd been driving when they pulled into a driveway. The house at the end of the lane was stunning. It appeared both old and new all at the same time. It looked centuries old, but with modern assets.
As the jeep came to a halt a short distance from the front porch, a new figure emerged in her line of sight. Esme was exactly as Bella remembered. Despite her minds attempt at protest, she smiled at the sight of her. The other woman approached the passenger door and opened it. She reached up and helped Bella down from her seat.
"It's so wonderful to see you again," she told her, her words happy but her smile sad.
"Is it?" Bella questioned then, unsure why she did.
"Of course," the older woman replied, her smile brightening just a little, "now you need food, a bath and a change of clothes."
Bella wanted to protest at being told what she needed. What she needed was… she couldn't think. Her protests died in her throat and she nodded slowly. She was lead into the house and very swiftly offered food. It had been days since she'd eaten, something she remembered once the bowl of cereal was placed in front of her. The contents of the bowl disappeared within a couple of minutes, and she received a smile from Esme in return for the empty bowl. Once she had eaten, she was offered a bath and even the idea made her face brighten. She hadn't bathed in over a fortnight, and she was very much aware of how she must have smelled.
The transition between the kitchen and the bathroom occurred too quickly for her to full comprehend what was happening. She had moved from the sitting at the kitchen counter to sitting on the toilet lid watching the bath fill. She was aware of Esme's presence during the whole process. It was strange not to feel comforted by the other woman's presence, but she couldn't fully grasp at why she didn't.
"I'm going to have to stay in the room," Esme explained once the bath was adequately filled, "I am sorry, but with the sedative Carlisle gave you, it wouldn't be safe to leave you. Do you understand?"
Bella nodded once, she didn't fully understand but it was easier to just nod. She should have cared more about this, but she didn't in that moment. Esme turned away as Bella removed her heavily dirtied clothes and sank into the hot water with a sigh. She pulled her knees up to her chest once submerged, just seconds before Esme turned around and crossed the room to fetch various soaps and products. As she knelt down beside the bath and offered a bottle of shower gel and a wash cloth out to Bella. She took it and washed as best she could. Accepting Esme's help to scrub and rinse her hair. It had been a while since she'd felt this clean, it was a comforting feeling.
Esme left her side to fetch a towel, but was back before Bella could attempt to stand alone. With Esme's assistance she rose and was engulfed into the large luxuriously soft towel. It was as she was drying herself that she heard a small intake of breathe, she turned to Esme and frowned.
"That's an interesting tattoo," Esme spoke then, her face regaining composure after the shock of seeing the tattoo on the back of Bella's thigh. Green leaves and red roses surrounded the phrase 'Time Heals Nothing'. Esme was certain that those words would stick with her for a while to come. She swallowed back the feeling that those words brought forth and returned her focus to Bella, with the thought in mind that her and her family could prove those words wrong.
"Is it?" Bella questioned then, she vaguely remembered her tattoo.
"Never mind that now," Esme told her gently, "let's get you to bed. I'm sure you're very tired."
Bella nodded at Esme's words, and followed the older woman into the next room. It was bedroom with little furniture, in fact it appeared to have been stripped clean leaving only an inviting double bed in the center. Bella dried herself and redressed in the clean cream tee and navy leggings Esme offered her. They were slightly big for her but comfortable all the same. Esme sat her down on the bed and disappeared from her view for a moment, before returning with a hairbrush and bands. Bella had become so tired and so utterly compliant that she didn't even wait for Esme to ask, she just simply nodded at the suggestion. With each stroke of the brush, her tangles acquired from sleeping rough began to disappear. Soon after she felt Esme's gentle hands manipulating her damp hair into a braid. Once done, Esme pulled back the covers and assisted her into bed. Bella was sleeping soundly within minutes of her head touching the pillow, despite the nagging thought in the back of her mind telling her to do anything but.
