Being comforting had never been something I was good at. Actually, I was a pretty cold-hearted person. Generally, I was cruel and merciless with pretty much everyone. I mean, not cruel per say, but I pretty much hated most people. I was a mafia boss for crying out loud. I cared almost nothing for most people, especially people who are bitches. Or mess with the world. Or mess with L. Or the laws of physics. Or abuse children. Or act like homophobes. Or are pro-Kira. Or mess with me. Which pretty much narrows it down to I hate everyone.
I was not a good comforter. I was not sympathetic. I never needed to be. And there was only one person that I would ever find the energy to put effort into trying for.
I was just sitting around, minding my own business and watching some random Newscast about - what else? - Kira, and fuming about how they treated him like some sort of god. He wasn't God. I took out my anger on the subject on my chocolate bar, taking angry oversized bites out of the bar.
Then I heard the crying.
I thought I'd heard the noise wrong at first, or that it was something on TV. But the woman on the television wasn't crying nor making any sort of noise, except to report about Kira's reign all over again; the same story every day. Never any tears for the innocent that may have been slain. So what, I wondered, were the choked noises I heard?For a while I just sat and waited, finishing off my chocolate bar and hoping that the noises would go away. Maybe, I thought, it was the neighbors. But the noises didn't stop, in fact, they just got more pathetic; the noises were muffled, as if they were trying to be held back but failing. Who the fuck was crying? I couldn't place it.
Surely it wasn't Matt. It dawned on me that it kind of had to be Matt, since the walls in this particular hotel room were soundproof - a rare feat, especially compared to the shithole apartments we usually end up in, but also temporary, since it was a hotel - but the idea of the redhead crying baffled me. I mean, he was a generally chill kind of guy. He wore his heart on his sleeve, but normally his heart was completely happy-go-lucky. Matt didn't just… cry for no particular reason. As far as I knew, the previous day had been completely fine - we'd worked on the Kira case, hacked a bank, he'd played video games most of the day as usual, we'd had a squabble about something or another like every other day, which somehow resulted in sex on the couch. A pretty good day, if I do say so myself.
So the question was, why was Matt crying?
I slipped off of my chair and stalked towards the bedroom door (it was a two-room hotel suite, thanks to Matt's clever hacking skills.), the cries getting louder with every step closer that I took until I reached the oak wood door. For a second I lingered there, uncertain. I'm not exactly one for hesitation, you see, but I'm not that great with… feelings, per say. Especially things like love or, more importantly, crying. I'm skilled with anger, wittiness, and lust, but that's about it. I've got Matt for the sappy shit.
Which is exactly why I was hesitant to bother him. Matt wasn't a crying sort of guy. He was the sort of guy who hugged and cheered up while you cried, not the type that cried himself. Part of me doubted he would want comfort - I knew that when I cried I liked to be left alone (though I never was left alone, since Matt was always hovering and hugging me out of my sob-moods, which are rare and usually short lived now a day) but, since Matt hadn't cried since Wammys days and I, being a mafia boss now, wasn't used to this kind of thing at all, I was hardly ready to just barge in there and demand explanation for the sad whimpering noises coming from inside the room.
Finally, though, I forced myself to open my mouth to speak. I never got the chance to, though, because Matt beat me to it, cutting me off without knowing it. "I know you're out there, Mello, you're too loud when you pace," he called quietly, his voice strangled slightly. I could tell he was trying to sound carefree, but he was failing miserably. I sighed and pushed the door open, and when it swung out of the way I felt a coldness in my chest. Matt was flopped on the ground, leaning on the wall, staring straight ahead at the blank gray wall. He like a kicked puppy, not even looking at me when I slipped inside the room, hiding his face, hunched over and hugging his knees - a position that children had when they were crying, looking out of place on a young man like Matt, yet somehow making it all the more horrifying to see.
"Matty…" I whispered his pet name uncertainly, shuffling my feet where I stood. I wasn't sure what to do - hug him or yell at him for not telling me he was feeling bad. I racked my brain for reasons he would be feeling this horrible, but I came up blank.
Matt sniffed, letting out a humorless chuckle. "Hey," he muttered with false casualness, still not turning to face me.
"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice blunt. I was trying to make myself sound caring and worried, but instead I just sounded bored, proving that I was a failure at being sensitive. Matt didn't reply, just shrugging his shoulders in response. Frustrated by his lacking reaction I sighed, taking a few quick steps forward and lingering above him, still hesitant to touch him, in fear that he'd whip around and tell me to fuck off like I always did to him. I couldn't see his face from my position, but he was visibly tense.
When he didn't respond once again I sucked in a breath. You can do this. You can be sensitive and comforting. You are Mello - you blow up buildings, you took over the Mafia, you are a genius, you are - were - an L successor, you are a sex god. You can comfort your own goddamn boyfriend. In my frustration I thrusted out my hand, shoving it a bit too roughly onto his shoulder. He jolted in surprise, the movement that was meant to be comforting making him flinch in discomfort; still he didn't look at me. I relaxed my wrist, making the touch much more gentle than it was before, but the moment was completely ruined by my compulsiveness. Dammit… or not.
"Matt, come on. What's wrong?" I managed to whisper, crouching down beside him. He snorted, shaking his head and refusing to look at me again. I narrowed my eyes in aggravation, scowling slightly. "For god sakes, Matt, I'm your god damn boyfriend, you tell me why you're crying."
"It doesn't matter," Matt replied stubbornly, glancing at me just slightly. Even with just a glance I could see the expression on his face, and I knew that it did matter. Nothing that was nothing made his eyes get puffy from crying, nothing made his lips tremble that didn't truly matter, nothing made his beautiful green eyes get flushed with pain.
Resisting the urge to yell at him I moved the hand on his shoulder to his head, piecing through the red hair there and ignoring the impulse to ruffle it, which he typically enjoyed but wouldn't help in this situation. "Come on, Matty," I demanded, a bit more high-pitched and begging now, using my pleading, whiny voice that only he had ever heard. "Just tell me.""No," Matt snapped, and I saw a blush leap to his cheeks, shaking his head. I blinked in surprise - he almost never simply refused to do something I asked. Then again, this was his business, not mine. Still…
"Well why the hell not?" I demanded a bit louder, dropping my hands away from him. Matt peeked at me again, his eyes blank and sad under the orange tint of the goggles. I met his eyes for a moment, knowing that I was glaring and trying to mask it with a smile but failing. Matt looked away, shaking his head again, the blush still present on his cheeks.
" It's stupid, seriously. You'll just laugh," Matt elaborated quietly. I winced, pained both by the surety in his voice and the fact that he was probably correct in his assumption. I wasn't exactly the most sensitive of people, like I said - he'd once had a pet goldfish, which he named Mario, by the way; he'd bought it despite my arguing that it would just die, since Matt too often forgot to do simple tasks, like brushing his teeth for example, because of his video games. Sure enough, Mario had died - when Matt mournfully reported the news to me, I had laughed at him. Told you so! We had only been eight, but I'm pretty sure Matt was scarred by the predicament - he buried the goldfish beside his first game boy (which had died of pure overuse) and never had another pet again. Looking back now, I'd never really taken any of his problems seriously, minus the death of his parents and the time he'd almost committed suicide when I left him, and that was beyond seriousness. I sighed, frustrated, and slip my hand back onto his shoulder and, careful to be as gentle as possible, nuzzle my nose into his shoulder.
"Come on, Matty, I won't laugh. I promise," I whispered, pleading tone in my voice once again, desperate to prove to him that I could, in fact, be a sensitive human being.
After a long pause, Matt looked over his shoulder at me, face twisted uncertainly. I could tell he wanted to open up and spill what was going on, but was hesitant to do so - understandable, really. I gave him my best sympathetic smile - which probably wasn't that sympathetic at all, but it's the thought that counts - and reached out to brush my hand through his hair. "You can tell me, Matt," I whispered, pleased with how gentle and loving I sounded.
Matt's stubbornness dissipated, expression of uncertainty melting into one of pure misery. "You promise you won't laugh?" he whispered, scooting around to face me completely. I smiled a victorious smile, nodding eagerly.
He sighed and pushed his goggles up long enough to rub his eyes, pulling them back over his eyes and meeting my eyes. I waited for a long time while he seemed to think of the right way to put what he was trying to say, a searching look swimming in his deep eyes. Finally, he took in a shaky breath; I braced myself for the worst, trying to think up all the best Hallmark-sympathy lines I could in my mind but coming up short.
"It's… Steve. He… died," Matt whispered, his voice trembling just slightly. I stared at him, eyes widening. Steve? I didn't know anyone named Steve, but all I could think of is the fact that someone Matt seemed to obviously care about had just died.
"Awh, Matty…" I murmured, opening my arms to invite him in for a hug. Actions spoke louder than words, after all. He seemed to get the message, climbing into my arms and hugging me around the waist, letting out a miserable little sigh.
"He was so awesome…" Matt murmured sadly, shaking his head. "That god damn Alexia just had to kill him…" He sniffled, squeezing me tighter for comfort. "It's so unfair!"
I wrapped my arms hesitantly around him, racking my mind for faces to attach to these names. I was fairly sure there were no Steve's in Wammys house, and Matt didn't really have that many friends. And the friend had been murdered? Holy shit. This was major.
"I'm so sorry, Matt," I murmured, petting his head quietly. He let out a shaky sigh, nodding into my shoulder before pulling away, giving me a lopsided smile.
"Thanks," he replied appreciatively, running his hands through his hair in an awkward fashion. I managed to smile back at him, though the uncomfortable tingle was still there in the back of my mind not knowing who he was talking about. "Even if you don't get it, you still comforted me, so… thanks."
"Yeah. No problem?" I replied uncertainly, but in the back of my mind I was thinking don't understand? What's there not to understand? I've worked in the Mafia for years - people I know die all the time. Still, I didn't voice my thoughts, unsure of what to say.
"I can always go back to the other parts with him anyways, so it's no big deal, I guess. I'm just a crybaby," Matt continued sadly, shaking his head.
I froze, stopping my comforting measures, staring at him with widening, disbelieving eyes. No fucking way. He couldn't possibly mean…
"A video game character?" I cried in surprise, glaring at him without really meaning to, disbelieving. Matt blinked, looking shocked, a blush reappearing on his cheeks again.
"What did you think I was talking about?" he asked uncertainly, looking embarrassed. I gaped at him in disbelief. I knew he was obsessed with video games, but… "He's the resident evil guy. The sexy one."STEVE. OH! Resident Evil of course… But… oh my god…
My gape cracked into a huge grin, lower jaw shaking in effort to hold back the bubbling up emotions, biting hard onto my lip as I looked at him. He had looked so miserable, because of… a video game character?I couldn't take it. Going back on my pervious promise, I burst into wild, hysterical laughter, throwing my head back and setting off on a giggle-spree. Matt gasped angrily, an infuriated blush making his entire face go red with embarrassment and anger. I tried to stop, but it was impossible to keep a straight face - every time I tried I just started laughing all over again.
"Dammit, Mello, you promised you wouldn't laugh!" Matt cried, giving me an angry, betrayed look. This only made me laugh more, though, hands coming over my mouth in effort to make the sound stop but failing miserably, laughter-tears coming to my eyes.
"I… I'm sorry but…. Oh god!" I exclaimed through my laughter, unable to stop it from bubbling over. I was cracking up helplessly now, and all effort to stop and hold to my promise once again was out the window.
Matt glared at me and got to his feet, the pout still on his face, crossing his arms over his chest. "Fuck this, I'm leaving to mourn somewhere else!" he snapped at me, storming away in a stubborn, irritated fashion. I only continued to wail with laughter, unable to stop myself , falling to my side as I cramped up from giggle-overdose.
Like I said - I've never been much of a sympathetic person. Especially when the reason is completely and utterly ridiculous.
A/N: I don't own Death Note or Resident Evil. XD Obviously. If you haven't played Resident Evil, you should know that Steve is the sexy character, and Alexia killed him. Obviously. XD I was ready to start bawling when he died in the video game, so I couldn't resist but make this story in response, even though it's been a long time since this happened for me XDD I could just see Matt doing this. Anyhow… yeah. :P
