Hi guys! Thanks for persevering through my rambling again. As the story progresses, I will put these notes here less and less. Ok, now read!
Chapter 1: You are a Doctor, No?
An hour before Perry went into his lair to receive his mission, Penelope was looking through the pictures on the platypus profiles on the I-Pad. She felt more bored than before. This seemed like a fool's mission, something that shouldn't be heeded. She was just about to give up entirely when a platypus looked more than a little familiar. She zoomed in on the picture and looked into the platypus's eyes. She nearly dropped the I-Pad when she realized it was true. He was alive. After all these years, he was still alive, but how? Just then, the cell door opened. The woman from one hour before stepped in and put out her hand.
"There is one of two reasons as to why you have stayed put on this one profile. Reason one is that you really like him, and reason two is that he is someone that you truly recognize, well?" asked the woman.
Penelope growled at the woman and made her eyes go into a sneer. She handed over the I-Pad with as much a look of disinterest as she could muster. Little did the woman know, but there was actually a third reason as to why she would be looking at the profile for so long. She would never tell though.
"Well, you'll have plenty of time to decide, because you are going to meet this platypus. Boys, why don't you come in, introduce yourselves," said the woman. Into the room came two giant gorillas, each barely fitting into the door, even when they went one at a time. The gorillas didn't need to introduce themselves though, Penelope knew them as Stomp and Crush. These two gorillas were lackeys to the woman before her, the woman known as the Silver Viper. These two gorillas were so obedient to the Silver Viper that they would have given an opposable thumb for her, and that's exactly what had happened to Crush on his left hand. All that remained as evidence of the thumb was a poorly healed stump. How that happened though, is a story for another time. Stomp and Crush each gave a toothy grin and they each took one of Penelope's arms in their big fists. She knew that a broken arm was more likely than escape, so she slumped down and remained silent. I might as well cooperate and see what will happen. I might be able to find the meaning behind the madness. Penelope thought this, and held onto it, until she realized where they were going and what the plan was.
They had taken a ride in a huge semi trailer with little air. Penelope's first vision of the outside when the doors opened was a large purple building that looked much like an awkward t shape. The inscription above was also in purple, but it was on a green background. It said: "Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc." Penelope gaped at the utter monstrosity of the building. It seemed imposing, dark, and yes, even evil. What kind of sick, twisted mind waited in this building? Who was Doofenshmirtz? These questions clouded Penelope's mind like a fog and filled her with dread. Her gorilla handcuffs had to carry her since her legs had become too weak to walk.
They finally reached the door to Doofenshmirtz's apartment. Needless to say, Penelope gave an audible gulp, but regained most of her cool when she heard singing coming from behind the door. "I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz and I wanna have fun, I wanna, wanna, wanna have fun, fun, fun!" The Silver Viper knocked on the door and Penelope heard a high-pitched Drusselstinian accent say, "Just a minute, let me disable the traps." There was a lot of clanking followed by some swearing in German, the Drusselstinian tongue. Then, a tall man with a major slouch, burn marks on his lab coat, dark circles under his eyes, and an amusing brunette palm tree hairstyle answered the door. Penelope could have laughed, but she was wary of the fact that many people were never as they appeared. She remained cautious and made her face a blank slate before the Silver Viper began talking to the hilarious-looking man.
"Hello, are you Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, the evil scientist whose nemesis is Agent P of the O.W.C.A.?" asked the Silver Viper in a provocative tone.
"First of all, his name is Perry the Platypus, second of all, yes, I am Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, evil scientist, third, who are you? Are you that Silver Viper girl that I was talking to over the Internet about the best hunter in the world?" asked the man, Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
"Indeed I am, and these are my compatriots, Crush and Stomp. Won't you let us inside so that we can... make business arrangements?" asked the Silver Viper.
Penelope shuddered. She's talking as if she wants to mate with him. Yuck! There is hardly anything more disgusting in this world than evil love. Besides that, what does she mean by best hunter in the world? What is her game? Before she could ponder further, she was being moved again by the gorillas into the evil scientist's apartment. It certainly was a wide open space, perfectly fit for an entire crowd of people. The man clearly has no social life, I only smell him in the entire apartment. Well, I know where my next party is going to be... Wonderful sarcasm and no one to share it with, is there anything more unjust?
"So, where is the "World's Best Hunter"?" asked Dr. Doofenshmirtz.
"Do you have my money?" asked the Silver Viper.
"Why should I have to pay you up-front if I don't even know if you've got what I want? You know, you're starting to sound like one of those "Fly by Night" things that are all like, 'Ooh! What an interesting thing, I will pay money and give away my personal information to something that isn't even credible.' Just who I ask, who do you think you are to come into my apartment and ask for pay up-front? I mean, who is paying who here?" the evil scientist ranted.
"All right, that's enough! Very well, I will show you the hunter. I really do appreciate an honest business deal, even if we are both evil. This is your hunter," the Silver Viper said casting a hand in Penelope's direction.
Ah, so that is how I am involved. I'm the hunter, but for who? Oh no, she wouldn't ask me to...
"This platypus will bring in your Agent P tied up tight in ropes like an evil Christmas present," finished the Silver Viper.
Oh man! Penelope then began chattering and gesticulating wildly just how much she didn't approve of this situation.
"You know, that platypus looks pretty angry about all of this, and if she works for you, why isn't she free?" asked Dr. Doofenshmirtz.
"One, her name is Penelope; Two, nothing, my dear doctor, nothing in this world is free. Is the Tri-State Area free for the taking? NO! Evil men and women like us have to take it because that's the only way things get done. I must admit this, Penelope is here against her will, but it is also with her will," explained the Silver Viper.
All right, that's enough of you evil scientists and your noise! Penelope finally had her chance, Crush had loosened his grip (due to the pain in his thumb socket from healing in such an ill manner) and Penelope took out the hand that was in his fist, used it to grab her dagger and stabbed Stomp in his fist. Stomp let go howling in gorilla speak a long string of obscenities that were not at all proper to say when a lady was in the room, but Penelope didn't mind. Penelope then ran forward, leaped into the air in the direction of the Silver Viper, but was caught in the evil woman's grasp.
"Feisty Penelope, that was simply feisty of you. I should be amazed at your tenacity, but we have known each other long enough that now I am simply annoyed. Where were you even keeping that dagger?" asked the Silver Viper squeezing Penelope's dagger hand tighter with emphasis.
Penelope's free dagger-less hand made its way to the front of her beak and made a sealing motion. I'll never tell, what's the point in being your nemesis if I don't happen to have a few tricks up my sleeve? She couldn't say this though, being a platypus, so after the "my lips are sealed" motion, she just evened her eyes and gave a victorious smirk.
"Well, it seems you wish to make this day difficult. Crush, Stomp, you two are dismissed, do something about those wounds. I can't have gorillas bleeding everywhere," said the Silver Viper.
The two gorillas grunted their obedience and began stomping out with their great feet and fists. Before they left though, Penelope gave them a piece of her mind. "Hey boys," she called to them in her platypus chatter. When they turned around, she stuck out her tongue at them and made a rude raspberry at them. They began to come back, but the Silver Viper bid them to obey her. Obedience beat dignity; the gorillas left grunting about how much they wanted Penelope destroyed.
"You have a lot of sass in that little body don't you?" asked the Silver Viper.
Penelope shrugged. Oh, I don't know.
"Penelope, you are only making it harder on yourself, now, you will give the dagger to Dr. Doofenshmirtz with the blade facing you, go on." The Silver Viper moved her hand down to Penelope's forearm, like how she had the other arm.
Penelope chattered a protest under her breath, but complied.
"She had a dagger and she just stabbed a gorilla to the point of bleeding and you are treating this as an everyday occurrence!" said Dr. Doofenshmirtz, while taking the dagger.
"That's because it is an everyday occurrence. Sometimes, it is to a greater or lesser extent, but somebody always gets hurt at the end of a fight. I mean, what do you and your nemesis do, slap each other in the face with leather gloves? Oh no, wait, you two play cards don't you? A dangerous day for you must be a paper cut from a card," the Silver Viper said laughing at the absurd notion.
"No, that is not what happens, do you see these burn marks? There is an explosion everyday on this floor. It had become such a common occurrence that I have been talking to some lawyers about a possible explosion insurance!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz exclaimed indignantly.
"I would be willing to bet that your nemesis is over-qualified for you. Why he would stay with a nemesis as incompetent as you is beyond me. The statistical probability of an accidental explosion everyday is extremely low. This must mean that all of your explosions are on purpose! Now the question comes to mind of why would a man make explosions on purpose? Do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to tell you why?" asked the Silver Viper.
Now, at this point, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was already backing away, shocked by this woman's harsh approach. Penelope watched on and began to feel pity for the poor Drusselstinian scientist. This better not be a ploy, because he genuinely looks as if he is really getting hurt by this. Penelope took a breath and gave the Silver Viper a kick to the chin. This shocked the woman into dropping the platypus. Penelope, however, was trained for this, she landed on her feet and began to beat up the Silver Viper. The woman offered some rebuttal, but very little. Penelope then pinned the Silver Viper's wrists to the floor and chattered harshly in her ear, "Get out, you slimy snake." Penelope released her grip, gave the Silver Viper another kick for good measure, and began doing acrobatic flips onto the furniture, and then onto iron bars as she blended into the ceiling.
The Silver Viper got up and wiped some blood from her mouth with her left hand, then called out: "This isn't over, Penelope, you will hunt down that platypus and you will do that which you cannot." With that last foreboding statement, the Silver Viper left, but not once did she take her eyes from the ceiling until she was completely out the door. Penelope came back down the same way she had gone up, bent down, grabbed her knees, and breathed a chattering sigh of relief. She stood up straight and looked at the evil scientist in front of her with squinting, distrusting eyes. What is his game? I am glad I saved him from whatever the Silver Viper was about to say. Even though she often uses the truth, she uses the hurtful, insulting truth, a truth that I rarely abide by unless in a case of emergency. Despite this, I can't stay here, but I also can't leave. Either way I would most likely be walking into the mouth of a lion. While these thoughts cycled through Penelope's head, Dr. Doofenshmirtz and she looked at each other and nothing but an awkward silence was exchanged.
Finally, deciding that platypus speak wasn't getting her anywhere when she wanted to get somewhere, she took out a pad of paper and a pen and began writing. It really wasn't all that amazing where she was getting her dagger and these writing tools from since she had on an outfit where every crevice and pocket could hold something, lethal or otherwise not. She gave her finished note to the evil scientist, going out on a limb that he was possibly trustworthy, even if they were on two separate planes of life. The note read: "I understand and respect the fact that you have evil intentions for the Tri-State Area, but my instincts are telling me that I can trust you. If this is true, then please, allow me to stay here awhile. I don't eat much, and I swear that unless it directly affects a life, I will not interfere. If you believe yourself untrustworthy, then I understand if you turn me away, you wouldn't be the first and you most certainly wouldn't be the last. Whatever decision you make though, I respect it to the fullest. So, what's it going to be?"
When the evil scientist has finished reading it, he said, "Wow, you have way better hand-writing than Perry the Platypus does."
Penelope gave a chattering laugh and continued to look up at him with hopeful eyes.
"I suppose you can stay here awhile, it would be nice to have the company. The only people I see are my nemesis, Perry the Platypus, and my daughter Vanessa, who I only see on weekends. I also see a delivery guy occasionally for inator parts or food. Hey, since you can write well, could you tell me what platypuses eat? I never really found out from Perry the Platypus."
Penelope took the pad and pen back from the doctor and wrote: "Technically speaking, we can eat just about anything you humans can eat, but our normal diet is grubs: big, juicy ones."
"So you can eat just about anything?"
"Anything except things that are pickled that were not originally cucumbers. I mean, pickled herring, pickled eggs, pickled ham, what's that all about?"
"Don't I know it! You know, this might be fun hanging out with a platypus everyday. I mean, I already do through my schemes, but to just have a roommate be a platypus, that will certainly be interesting."
"Don't push it too hard, I may only need to be here for a week, just until most of the steam is cleared out of the Silver Viper's system. She can be a real hothead."
"Well, we'll see how it goes."
Thus, the half-written, half-spoken conversation ended and a mutual tolerance on Penelope's part and a hopeful new friendship on Dr. Doofenshmirtz's part were born.
At the end of their conversation, Penelope couldn't help wondering, You are a Doctor, no?
*Gasp* What's going to happen now? Tell me what you think is going to happen (no cheating). Also, if you can pick out what the chapter title and the last line are referring to without the use of a search engine, you get 20 points for being a smart cookie :) Mmmm Chocolate Chip... but I digress, keep reading and commenting please.
