To my friend, my twin by choice, Juan Alejandro. Who just left my side physically. I'll try to make 'Matt' look as incredible as you. Thank you.
"From wherever you look at it, Life's beautiful." J.A
"When finding something new in your life, make the effort, change; take risks, live intensely ..."
Anonymous.
CHAPTER 2 The little things.
Have you ever woken up and just stayed in bed thinking about everything and nothing all at the same time?... I do, I suppose many people does as well. The thing is that this time I only see white in my thoughts, like a big giant white room, kinda like the one on the matrix when Neo stepped out of the programmed world and entered the absolute and 'real' reality. Pure white.
That's what I'm seeing right now when I think about my life. Well, speaking of my present and near future of course. Yesterday is full of black and white and colored moments and memories.
I've done this before. I've seen the 'white room' of my mind many times before, sometimes when trying to get my mind cleared or trying to fall asleep by force just to not focus on anything and try not to think when I don't feel like doing it, of course it has never worked. The times when I don't want to think about anything or something in specific are the times when my mind gets more and more crowded, sometimes by a lot of things, other times just by simply one. Those are the worst.
There have been other times… When thinking about love mostly, that I've visited that white room unwillingly, as if going to look or wish for something (someone to be precise) that could represent in my mind what falling in love and living some sort of a love story truly is, and ending up well, finding nothing, emptiness. I can only describe that as 'bittersweet'. Anyway, I don't really hold on to it. I suppose it'll come to me one day, someday, hopefully.
This morning's different though. I woke up with the light of the sun hitting me gently from my window and I decided to stay with my hands tugged under my new pillow and my legs curled up between them with the covers still on me and just watch the sunrays wherever they hit, on me mostly. I started thinking about me, my life, what I've done and lived and what has yet to come, I lingered on that thought for a while… Here I am, standing right in front of the first day of the rest of my life and all I see is white, the white room. And for the first time, I entered unwillingly and didn't feel that bitter sweetness, there was only white and I liked it. I felt a little scared and excited, driven and at the same time frozen, and maybe slightly numb for not knowing exactly where to begin with this 'new time in my life' thing. Each of those feelings combined, but the best and most important part (I guess) was that despite all of that, I feet content. Happy.
With that thought as a conclusion I decided to finally get up and start the day, I made my way to the kitchen to prepare and start the coffee machine while I went to the bathroom. I didn't had anything specific to do because I couldn't really practice my profession yet. All of my degree paperwork was still in the process of being accepted and endorsed here in the US, I'll probably have to get another year or so of studying or doing an internship here maybe to compensate, which I'm perfectly fine with. I do have a certificate to teaching English and Spanish as a foreign language in other countries so I'll have that backup for me there. Maybe I'll apply for a teaching job while everything settles, or just get any good job that can help me pay the bills.
I decided to continue with my morning jog tradition. It's amazing how incredible relaxing it feels to drain everything from you, even if it isn't bad. When I went out yesterday to do my grocery shopping I spotted a park right across the street from the supermarket. I took my keys and iPod I took off heading to that park.
The three blocks walk to the park went by pretty fast as I realized that I was actually right in front of it, so I took a deep breath, did a little stretching, closed my eyes and looked up, opening my eyes to find nothing but a blue sky, clouds and palm trees. It was beautiful, it made me feel at home, where houses are huge and palm trees are everywhere.
I looked on front of me and started jogging, passing by people walking their dogs, others sitting on benches and just chatting, just as I was going to finish my first lap I saw a familiar figure running in front of me, it was Brittany. I thought about catching up to her but then hesitated, I mean I did just met her, how annoying would that be?. I can't just pretend she'd like to talk to me just because she already did yesterday. And I can't expect to go to her every time I see her just because I don't know anyone else, she has a life. It's unfair, so no, I won't go to her, I'll just let her be and have her own normal day. Yes.
By the time I made my final decision I felt my shoulder bump into something, someone.
I turned my head to see and recognized the other shoulder that I bumped into, I looked up and of course, it was her.
Her face seemed a little shocked at first but when she saw my face her expression softened right away.
"Dammit! I am so sorry, I can't believe I keep crashing into you, I'm sorry I wasn't-—" I was forced to stop my rant due to lack of air, she must've notice this and by the look in her face she seemed really amused.
She grabbed me by the arm and made me look at her "Take a deep breath" she said almost laughing
I did, and a moment after I was able to normalize my breathing though it wasn't really that dramatic, she took my arm again and I looked at her, she pressed her right finger to her lips and then pointed to the road and I took my cue to just keep on jogging 'How many times can I embarrass myself?' I thought to myself. I decided to let it go and just press play on my iPod again and hoped that by the time we finish it would be long forgotten.
I enjoy jogging so much, I always feel as if I'm chasing something or trying to catch it. Normally you'd think that such a thing would make you feel completely stressed, as if trying to get something that you can never reach, but curiously that's not the case for me, for me it's like having something in sight and just going to get it, but at the same time enjoying the breeze that hits my face and admiring the view. I tend to take things from the better side, not the good one, just the better one.
By the time we were done I felt awesome, as usual, feeling like you left something that was holding you back behind.
"Well now we can talk" she said after catching her breath "Well that if you're not going to hit me again"
"Gosh… no, no. I'm sorry I seriously didn't mean to. I just… I'll start using my glasses 24/7. I promise"
She laughed at that comment and said "Good, I was starting to think that you might have a problem with me and if it is so, you need to know that even though I'm not really into violence and I never practiced any self-defense sport as a child, I've watched friends too much and I can really pull of all of phoebe's defense tactics. Also, Unagui." She said while making the appropriate gesture with her hand.
I couldn't help but laugh at that one, I'm a huge sucker for friends.
"Well of course not, I don't have a problem with you. In fact, I think I respect you too much now just because of phoebe. But I have to say though, you do not have unagui, I'm sorry."
"What? Don't dare me okay? I totally do"
"Well you sure as hell didn't seem prepared for danger when I bumped into you, you looked like I shocked you and that was it."
"Oh.. well I was, I am. Just that I don't show it" she said giving an excuse
I raised an eyebrow and smiled at her "Yeah sure you are."
"Whatever" she said laughing at me. "So I'm guessing you like to go out for a run from time to time huh?"
"Oh yes, I love it. Im guessing the same for you... Right?"
"You got it right! Well this is cool, it means we'll be seeing each other around here. What do you usually do after running?"
"Well just go home and do whatever it is that I have to do in the day, or just hang around if I can… Though right now I don't really have anything to do particularly"
"Well I'm having a few of my friends come over to the apartment over the weekend, since none of us can really make any other plans because of work or classes, we thought about watching movies and getting dinner and hanging around together… If you're still free, you should come!"
"Really? Is it okay if I stop by?"
"What? Of course! I wouldn't tell you if I thought it would be a bad idea.."
"Well awesome! I'll be there.. What time should I come? Should I bring something?"
"uhmm around 4 or 5.. ish? Maybe? Haha no, I don't think so… We'll probably just order in"
"Good then… I'll see you around"
We kept seeing each other in the mornings to go to the park together, it's totally better if you have company, and of course back home to do pretty much nothing, she had to take some time off from the studio due to some reparations that the owners of the building are doing, and they've been doing it by part to not cancel all the classes, so now it was her turn and now she had the free time, which was completely fine by me. I liked the company. I also got ahead with my degree stuff and soon I'll be starting a new designing course that I just found out so I'm happy about that too.
I appeared in her apartment that Saturday afternoon a little after 4, I brought a bunch of junk food too cause well… There's never too much food right?. She opened the door and greeted me with a smile.
"Hey, you're here! Come on in.." as I walked into her apartment I was amazed by the great atmosphere everywhere, she had an amazing couch that seemed like you could fall asleep there eternally with a brown carpet, a small bar, a flat screen, a play 3, and a stereo… simple but it covers everything, it made me feel comfortable right away. I could tell that she liked art and everything related to dancing from the pictures and canvas she had placed around the living room.
"You have a nice place, I like this"
"Yeah?, well I haven't really made much, but coming from you it's an awesome compliment!"
"Well it's homey and relaxing.. Me gusta"
"Haha you'll have to teach me Spanish if you're gonna do that ok?" She said while guiding me to the couch and heading to the kitchen "Do you want anything to drink? Soda? Beer? Water? Major Booze?" she said giving me a million watt smile from her fridge
"Uhmm you know what? I don't wanna do this, I'm terrible at deciding what it is that I wanna eat or drink, everything always sounds delicious or refreshing so if you don't mind I'll take whatever you're drinking"
"Haha then beer it is!" she grabbed two and proceeded to close the door with her hip and joined me at the couch.
"So am I super early or are any of the others on their way?
"Well actually you're on time, but it turns that my friend who works with me at the studio had a problem with her timing, and she said she'd be here as soon as she finishes practicing for a presentation she has next week, so.. yeah she'll be here,. Oh! And well Matt who's coming too, he lives on the 5th floor actually."
"Another neighbor? That's nice"
"Yeah, im sorry if I didn't tell you that you could come later but I figured that maybe you didn't have plans and we could still hang out…"
"Yes… sure we can, anyway I still don't know what to do with myself at home.. I mean I didn't brought with me so I can't do anything that I would normally do when I have free time so… You practically saved me"
"Well glad I could help!" I looked at her and smiled and then started playing with my fingers feeling a little insecure.
"Everything okay?"
"Yes, all good. It's just that it's weird you know? I've never been the type of girl who just knows how to talk to everybody so, maybe I get a little nervous from time to time about meeting new people, specially if I wanna like them."
"Aw, you want my friends to like you? How cute!" She said making fun of me. I rolled my eyes ather "Well yeah duh, I mean you're the only person I know here and you're great" I said shrugging and feeling slightly awkward.
"Well you're not so bad yourself" she said sweetly "So tell me, how are you feeling this far? Or what are those things that you usually do or like to do, I don't know spill something.. anything!" she asked while resting her head against a cushion and well I told her the basics about me, how I just graduated and was looking to expand my career.. how I actually used my career as an excuse to get to know and see other places, I mean I love it I do don't get me wrong, but I don't think I'll never be someone who just has her work as her life.
She told me about how she moved here to pursue dancing as a career and how it's being hard to get something just because it's a hard business.
Then we started talking about how funny she found the fact that I was terrified of elevators and how she's paranoid about spiders and she thinks they could kill her just for standing too close.
I just couldn't believe how comfortable and easy it is to just talk to her. I like her, for some reason I just can , like I can just be me without being awkward or something…
Matt and lexie arrived just about an hour after, bringing all types of food and movies, we decided to order pizzas and I had the time to talk to Matt and lexie, I really liked both of them, lexie its all kinds of awesome and Matt actually always had something cool and nice to say, they were all great, at one point I went to get some water from Britt's fridge because I didn't really wanna bother her, she was so into whatever was on the tv that I didn't feel like it, Matt was there he went to get another beer and we bumped into each other.
"Hey, you want one?" He said offering me his beer
"No actually I just want water."
"Okay, water it is" he took out his beer and put it in the counter and went to get a glass to give it to me, after he gave me a full glass he closed the door.
"So I take that you haven't been living here for long huh?"
"Nope!, barely a few days"
"Well a few days living here and yet here you are, I have to say we don't really let much people in this little group of ours so, talk about socializing skills!"
I laughed and made a dismissing gesture with my hand "Oh, no no. definitely not. But yeah, I think I'm pretty lucky, it's not easy to just move to another place and start any type of social life, and yet I feel so comfortable with you guys.. it's nice."
"Well that's because you're cool so, it's easy!" he shrugged and smiled genuinely
"…You guys make it easy" I said smiling like a kid
"Ha-ha! Well now you know about Britt and about lexie and me too, it's good that you're around"
At that point Brittany stood up and joined us in the kitchen; she put her arm around my neck and said "Well what does a girl have to do to finally see a movie with her friends? I mean I don't know about you guys but I'd like to see it today" she said in a sarcastic joking voice "Oh you were waiting for me? Wow I feel so important, well guess to you I am huh?" Matt replied back making Brittany punch him in the shoulder lightly
"Hey stop cornering Santana over there and get over here you guys!" lexie yelled from the couch
I laughed and we all turned around and went to the couch to get comfortable for the movie, Before we got there she stopped me and said in my ear "And you were worried about not liking them, just remember you met me first okay?" She said and winked at me.
After placing all the food in all the nearest places possible to avoid getting up during the movie, Matt threw himself in the couch right next to lexie and both of them stretched their legs and started eating. "Well I guess we'll share!" Brittany said making room for me in her spot and we both got under the blanket and watched American pie the reunion which was Brittany and I chose.
I don't think I could've had a better time in any other place in the world than being with Matt, lexie and Britt sharing food, movies and blankets.
Yeah, I definitely fit in this place…
A/N: Hello there, just wanted to say thank you for the alerts, faves and everything! it made my heart all warm and fuzzy, i actually have a lot to write about so it shouldn't be hard (i think, although i'm definitely not a writer) i wanted to upload earlier but then life happened... I lost a friend and well... You know. So, i apologize for anything wrong, boring or... I don't know.
If you feel like there's not enough fluffy brittana yet, then i'm sorry but i'd like you to bear with me. It's just that i don't want to put it as a perfect and first sight love story, i have a different view of it all, sometimes love happens when you weren't asking for it or expecting it and that's where i want to go. Hope you can relate to it in some shape or form.
Thank you for sticking around and thank you for indirectly helping me. :) lots of smiles for you! ;)
"La vida es Bella."
