Phil's POV:
Dan's breathing was slow and deep as he lay unconscious on the sofa, his face heavily shadowed in the pearly lilac light that was streaming through the window. I watched anxiously as his chest rose and fell, imagining with regret how in a few hours I was going to destroy his peace of mind with the three photos I had on my IPhone. He'd already been mentally drained by the death of Elle – and if I was honest, so was I.
As much as I'd disliked Elle, I hated the fact that she'd just… died… In a weird way I sort of missed her. She'd been part of mine and Dan's life for so long now, it was like a hole had been ripped through the centre of everything and the seams that held normality together were falling apart.
I could already see traces of the sunrise hovering above the city horizon outside, dusting the floorboards with hazy lavender light. It hurt me to realise that by the time the sun had fully risen, Dan would be awake and his life would be turned upside down. Not only had his girlfriend been killed, she'd also been cheating on him and the love he'd thought he shared with her… it had all been a lie. A horrible, dirty lie.
Dan had been through so many failed relationships in the past it made my eyes sting with tears, imagining the crushing sadness he was about to go through… He would blame himself; I knew it. Although, if I was honest, I was sure it was my fault that Elle's body was alone in the mortuary, her heart no longer beating.
If I'd gone out into the road and pulled her from the car's path, none of this would have happened. But I'd panicked, I wasn't brave or courageous like other people in situations like that, I'd just stood and watched as her body was flung across the road like a ragdoll, paralyzed. I didn't know how I was going to explain the situation to Dan when he awoke…
He would hate me when I showed him the photos; he would blame it all on me that I hadn't run out into the road to save his girlfriend… I felt tears sting my eyes, but I forced them away. I had to stay strong, not for myself, but for Dan. He was going to need every bit of support he could get for the next few months before he could even contemplate moving on.
After ten long minutes of black thoughts, Dan's eyelids flickered and his breathing pattern shifted. I inhaled, preparing myself for the worst.
Dan's POV:
Blinding pain hit my head like a wall as a blank canvas of grey-ish white swam blurrily into focus before my eyes. I felt lightheaded and drained of my life force, as if someone had sucked out all my energy and replaced it with dull grey paint – even my eyelids felt heavy and thick as I forced them up.
For a second I didn't know where I was and using the last dregs of energy I had left I sat up, the space around me blotchy and cloudy through my exhausted vision.
Phil.
I could see him sitting weirdly upright in the armchair, his hands clutching around something that gave off a surreal white glow… Oh, it was his IPhone. Why was he here, in the lounge, watching me so intently? Why was I in the lounge? Why was it so dark? I felt confused, my short term memory weirdly blurred and muddled. Faces, pictures, images flashed through my head at an alarming rate; events I had no memory of, actions I didn't remember carrying out – then a softly blurred image of a girl with poppy-red cinnamon hair hit my mind like a wall of pure shock.
Elle.
How had I forgotten – Elle, my girlfriend was…was…
I couldn't say it, I couldn't even think it, the truth stung too badly to confront. I felt something hot and wet slip silently down my cheek and onto my lips.
Don't cry – not in front of Phil, don't cry, you bitch!
'Phil,' I choked, the lump in my throat making it almost impossible to speak. 'Where's…Elle?'
I knew the answer, but maybe I'd just imagined it? Maybe I was being stupid and had just woken up from a particularly vivid nightmare, maybe it was all imagined. In just a few hours I could go over to Elle's house and once more be safe in her arms – I would take her out, buy her Starbucks – we would walk to the park and lie back in the grass, just like we always did. I wanted so desperately to feel Elle's lips enveloping mine in a kiss, I wanted to feel her hands on my chest; I wanted to feel her heart beating against mine… I wanted her so much it hurt; a deep, ripping pain that tore through my chest like a knife.
'Um Dan, don't you remember what happened?' Phil mumbled.
So it was real. My Elle, my beautiful Elle was… gone. I felt empty and cold as if someone had just tipped a bucket of cold water over my face.
I would never see her again.
I would never feel the warmth of her skin, the beat of her heart. She was… No, no, it couldn't be true.
'But… No, Phil, she can't be…' I could feel tears scarring my cheeks with hot salty water and my voice wavered unsteadily. I stared desperately at him, willing him to tell me everything was okay; I wanted him to tell me that she was alive, that she was waiting for me to ring her, but he just sat there, looking right back at me, his eyes filled with the cold burden of reality. 'I want… I need her with me.' I sobbed and instantly winced. My voice sounded so alien, so broken and raw.
Phil grimaced and stood up. He came over and sat down next to me on the sofa and I felt the warmth of his arm slip supportively around my shoulders. Despite the warmth of his presence next to me, I still felt helplessly, unbearably alone, trapped in my own scorching agony.
Phil's POV:
The IPhone seemed to burn a hole in my skin as it sat waiting in my trouser pocket, as if taunting me, reminding me of the pain I was about to deliver to my already destroyed best friend. I could almost feel the photos, smell the hurt that they radiated off like poison – I didn't know what to do… Dan was crying so openly now, his sobs fraught with pain. I could feel his whole body shaking as he cried into my shoulder, his tears soaking the sleeve of my jumper, wet and cold against my skin.
As the rising sun soaked the room with more and more biting white light, Dan's sobs became so distressed and agonised that I had to pull him into a hug. I hated seeing him like this, it almost hurt me as much as it hurt him – I dreaded to think what the photos would do to him… How was I supposed to tell him? He was already clinging to me like a child would their mother; there was so much desperation in his tight, almost pleading embrace that I felt tears sting my eyes again.
This was so wrong.
I'd never seen Dan break down like this before. He'd been wallowing in his own tears for hours and the grief he was suffering was showing no signs of relieving him.
I began to hate myself and what I'd done – or rather what I'd failed at doing.
If I'd jumped out into the road and saved Elle, then Dan would be his normal, happy, (if extraordinarily cheeky) self.
But no, I reminded myself, he wouldn't, because Elle's love for him was purely a thick web of lies – the truth of her would have been revealed whether the car had hit her or not… There was no escape from the reality of the situation. Either way, Dan would still be sobbing uncontrollably into my shoulder.
Finally, he fell into an empty, dead silence that seemed to haunt his face with a pale, almost ghostly pallor. The only colour remaining in his almost lifeless face was the soft pink of his lips – even his eyes had turned a dark, watery black that I wouldn't deny, haunted me somewhat.
He just sat, staring into the air, barely blinking or moving – I had to double check to see if he was breathing – he was, thank god.
'Do you want any water or anything?' I asked, my voice cutting through the heavy silence like a wire through clay.
Dan shrugged and let his head fall into his palms. 'Everything was so perfect…' he began. 'How could it all go wrong, what did she do to deserve that – why did it have to happen to her.'
I didn't say anything – I didn't know what to do, he seemed so helpless, vulnerable. But as I looked across at him and once again saw the pain and anguish in his eyes, I knew I had to show him the photos, he couldn't remain so agonizingly oblivious any longer.
