Finally updated :) Sorry it took so long for those of you who have read chapter 1 and were eagerly waiting the next installment ;) As this is still my first story I'm trying the best I can to do a good job and not rush things, so if things take a little longer that is probably why. I only got two reviews for chapter 1, but they were both positive so that makes me feel encourages to keep going with this. Yeah, ok, enough of me yapping. Here you go :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs. Yes, I think we get that now. Onwards we go!
The Janitor continued to glare at the terrified patient with contempt
The Janitor continued to glare at the terrified patient with utter contempt. After a few moments, he finally said, "You're lucky you're bedridden," with a cold roughness in his voice. "Because if you weren't, I would have to torture you until your brain snapped itself in half."
"I wasn't the one who did this," Rachel said boldly, though uncertain of where the boldness might have come from, as she was absolutely terrified. The Janitor laughed lightly in disbelief.
"I don't see anyone else here," he said. "Unless it was the monkey people. They can turn themselves invisible at will, you know. They've been following me around for years, always lurking, always waiting, until they finally POUNCE!" He gave a sudden lunging motion that made Rachel flinch.
Ok, it's obvious this guy's insane and there's no way to reason with him logically. The best thing to do now is play along. Hmm, what should I say…?
"No, it wasn't the monkey people; it was the…super ninja fighting squad. Yeah, they just came in here, and in the blink of an eye they knocked my trey to the ground and left. I tried to stop them, but well, you know. I'm kind of chained to this bed."
The Janitor looked intrigued. Not once in all the time he worked there had somebody actually played along with his charades. For once he was at a loss of what to say or do. He then finally decided to concede. "Fair enough," he said, and held up his hands in defeat. "I can plainly see that it's not your fault. Those super ninja fighters are merciless."
Rachel was shocked at his response. Whoa, that actually worked? Wow, this guy's crazier than I thought. Maybe I should come clean. But if I do that, he might lash out…eh, it's worth the risk.
"Actually, it was really my father who did it... and he's neither a monkey nor a ninja. He's really just an irate attorney who has trouble keeping his temper in check. He really is a good guy at heart, but sometimes when the stress gets to him he tends to… well; act out his anger in inappropriate ways. I know he doesn't mean it, but sometimes it-"
"What, so you lied to me just now about the ninja fighters?" Asked the Janitor, who cut her off. "Just because you said that I was planning on setting special traps around the hospital, but no, it just turned out to be one big lie! You should be ashamed!" he boomed.
"Everybody lies sometimes," said Rachel casually. "Besides, you didn't really think there were ninjas running around here, did you? Surely you would have seen them." Again, the Janitor was surprised by this revelation. Yes, everyone did lie at least sometimes, especially him, who never squandered an opportunity to spread falsehoods about his family history or his abilities to control people's minds. As for the ninjas, he at least wanted to believe they were real, as he had finished his daily work routine of pretending to clean the hospital followed by torturing various employees, though he doubted anyone, let alone some random patient, would play along with his antics for this long. After thinking this over in his head, he paused and then finally said, "Fair enough. You win again. You are a worthy adversary…random girl patient."
"You can call me Rachel," she said, astonished that she had somehow managed to calm him down.
He shook his head. "One of the nurses I torture is named Rachel. Or Jennifer…Andrea…Mary Sue? I don't really remember. As you can see I'm not very good with first names. And I really can't get away with calling you Random Girl Patient either. There's too many of those already. What's you're last name? Maybe I can make something out of that."
Rachel cringed at this question, but finally gave her answer. "Hug. Not even joking."
The Janitor laughed out loud at this. "Hug? Are you serious? Ha! I bet Dorian just loves having a patient named Hug!"
"He does," she said. "It's getting rather annoying, although I am used to it. Still, you wouldn't believe how many times people misspell it. They always add an extra g. And sometimes they even mispronounce it! It's unbelievable."
"People are idiots," said the Janitor. Rachel nodded in agreement. "You have no idea how easy it is to trip up people around here. And when I say trip up, I mean I literally trip them up. Certain people may slip on a wet floor from time to time or, oh I don't know, get tiny wheels installed on the bottoms of their shoes when they're looking the other way. They never learn from it either. Pulling stunts like these may seem pointless to some but hey, it gets me through the day," he said heroically while grinning a little. "But I also manage to outsmart a lot of the people here too. Especially Dorian, he's fun to mess with. Started torturing him his second day of work, and it's been like that ever since. Wouldn't have it any other way."
Rachel smiled at this. Though there was no doubt that the Janitor's sanity was clearly in question, Rachel couldn't help but laugh at his witty anecdotes. At least talking to him was better than her father spilling food everywhere in response to a simple thank you. The Janitor then took a step closer towards Rachel. "So, what are you in here for, anyway," he asked.
"Don't know yet. But they're running tests to try to figure out what it is.
"Yeah well, hopefully it isn't life threatening. It would be a shame to lose the only other intelligent being in this dump."
"Ah, well, thank you," said Rachel with a hint of a smile. She then decided to push her luck. "So tell me," she said playfully, "Who's the other intelligent being here, then?" The Janitor gave a stern look.
"You did not just ask me that."
"I did," she said, confidence wavering now. Damn it! You just had to open your big mouth, didn't you?! And then the Janitor said what neither himself nor Rachel had expected.
"I'm going to make you regret ever asking a question where the answer is so obvious that it is literally staring you directly in the face." Rachel gave a surprised little snort and a look of flickering fear. Surely he could come up with a better response than that. Still, she decided not to say anything further to anger the clearly insane man standing before her. There was an awkward pause before Rachel decided to try to rectify the situation. "I was just joking, you know."
"Sure, you say that now," he said, though he knew she was being honest. He then eyed the dragon adorned bag Rachel's mother had brought her. "What's in the bag of tricks?"
"Oh, nothing that would be of interest to most people. Just some random items from home." She took the bag and started pulling the contents out of it. The Janitor stopped her when she pulled out the notebook.
"Ooh, that reminds me, I need to write down the itinerary for the next Brain Trust meeting." Rachel gave him a puzzled look but he ignored it. "Got a pen?"
"Yeah," she said, and after rummaging through the rest of the stuff in the bag she pulled out the one object that least resembled a writing utensil. "Here, use this."
The Janitor gave her a blank stare. "This is a spoon."
"Ah, but it's not just any spoon," she proclaimed, though it certainly looked like an ordinary spoon. It was standard size and made of plastic with a white base and metallic colored spoon attachment. Rachel proved her point, however, by pulling the spoon part off and attaching it to the other end, revealing a usable pen. The Janitor gasped in surprise.
"Spoon-pen!" he declared. He gently took the almost magical eating utensil from her, cradled it between his fingers and examined it carefully. "Incredible balance and precision!" The Janitor exclaimed. "It's practically perfect. And I didn't invent it!" he gave off an angry growl and a defeated motion. "How could I ever replicate such greatness?"
"You can have this one if you want," said Rachel in a gesture of good faith. "I've got about ten others at home." The Janitor looked over at her skeptically.
"Really?"
"Sure. I doubt it's even copyrighted. I'm sure you could make millions off it," she said, laughing a little.
"Oh I will make millions off it, you can be sure of that. But before I forget," he said, opening up a page in Rachel's notebook and writing the words 'Brain Trust Meeting: Today's Itinerary – Find new ways to capitalize on novelty pens'. He cleanly tore the sheet of paper out of the notebook and handed it back to her. "Thanks for this," he said before excitedly leaving the room as if he were a child who was just given an all day sucker. "Oh, and I can't guarantee what will happen, but I'm pretty sure of one thing: This is one gesture you won't regret." Rachel stared after him, pondering what those words could possibly mean. That guy may have a few screws loose, but by goodness I think he's the only one who's helping me forget my own misery.
A number of hours passed and Rachel was still thinking about her encounter with the enigmatic custodian when J.D reentered the room and was now accompanied by a new figure. J.D was looking at the newcomer excitedly and began to speak with increasing amounts of enthusiasm. "See, Perry! I told you! Just look at her chart! That IS her name!" Doctor Cox grumbled slightly in defeat.
"Fine, you win, Newbie. But if you make one more annoying little comment about how ah-ha-MAZingly adorable the word Hug is as a last name, or tell me that if you had that last name on Valentines day you would pass out Hershey's kisses to eh-eh-EVERYONE you know, or keep reminding me of just how lovely it would be if by some God-awful coincidence her mother's maiden name just happened to be Kiss, I swear Newbie with every fiber in my being I'm going to…"
"Kissinger, actually…"
The irate senior doctor and his protégé turned in the direction of the weak little voice that had just uttered those fateful words. Doctor Cox gave her an annoyed look. "What did you just say?"
Rachel immediately regretted speaking up, but continued anyway. "My mom's maiden name…was Kissinger." She looked up at them fearfully, but was temporarily reassured by J.D excited reaction.
"Really?! Aww that's AWESOME…"
"NEWBIE!" Doctor Cox then began to speak to J.D as if he were a hyperactive 10 year old who didn't know the meaning of the words 'self control' and as such spoke to him very slowly. "Now, let's tell her what we came to tell her, okay there, Melody?"
"Fine," J.D said in a defeated tone. "Still, you have to admit-"
Doctor Cox gave off an angry growl.
J.D took the hint and finally turned towards Rachel. "Alright, alright. Miss Hug, I'm afraid you have-"
Just then the fearful and disgruntled figures that were Rachel's parents entered the room. Doctor Cox and J.D turned to look at them. Rachel could only look down in despair.
"Ah, you must be the girl's parents. I'm Doctor Cox." He stepped forward and stuck out his hand in greeting.
"Chris Hug. And this is my wife Mary." Rachel's father also stepped forward, stuck out his own hand and shook Dr. Cox's.
"Pleasure to meet you lovely people," Dr. Cox said casually. "Your daughter has become the talk of the hospital."
Chris looked over at his daughter suspiciously. "She has?"
Rachel was shocked. I have?
"Yeah she has!" said J.D, finally choosing to speak up. "For one thing, her last name is-"
"That's enough, Tina!" J.D instantly shut up at this admonishment. Dr. Cox continued.
"Yes, she has. And as such I came in here to talk to her myself. You see, her test results came back, and I'm afraid she has-"
Both Rachel and her parents leaned in to hear the shocking news that left Mary weeping, Chris unable to look at anyone, Rachel in deep despair, and J.D with nothing to say for the first time since he had discovered that the word Hug could mean more than just a sign of affection.
There you go. I hope you are enjoying it so far. Please review! Thanks :)
