Sam drinks deeply. The demon's blood fills him with warmth and a peace he hasn't known in years, in decades. Sam drinks and he forgets why he shouldn't. He drinks and he remembers why he should. His fragmented mind starts to slowly knit itself back together as memories reshuffle themselves and slot back into place.
Sam remembers falling. When he first throws himself into the Pit and drags Adam down with him he knows it will be forever. He has no illusions about that. Adam though...none of this is his fault. Sam has to at least try to protect him.
Sam remembers Hell. He is in the Cage with Lucifer and Michael and Adam. Within seconds he gives up his plan to help Adam. It isn't because he forgets all about him. It isn't because he's too busy with his own pain. It's because here, in the Cage, he and Adam are human and Lucifer and Michael are Archangels.
Lucifer is furious and he is enormous. Sam can't see anything but the Archangel. His entire field of vision is Lucifer, and he is beautiful, unholy and terrible. Sam doesn't know if he's being held by Lucifer or whether he's been swallowed up by him. The angel is everywhere. His rage tears through Sam and it's ice, metal, teeth, and fire.
Years pass, or maybe centuries, but Lucifer's attention never wavers- not even for a moment. Sam is the core of the Morningstar and he burns.
The next morning May is surprised to see an orderly coming out of Sam's room. She knows all the orderlies, and she thinks she's seen this one before, but she can't remember his name. He looks young, twenty-five at most. "Hi. I'm May. Sorry, I forgot your name..." she looks at his name-tag, "Josh."
Josh smiles brightly, "I was just bringing Sam his breakfast."
"Oh," May smiles back, "you're an hour early. Breakfast is at seven. "
"Good. Sam's still hungry." Josh says with a smirk, and then he grabs May and kisses her.
May is stunned for a few seconds, then she struggles to pull back but can't. There's a horrible smell. May starts coughing violently as she's filled with smoke.
The blood isn't flowing anymore. Sam doesn't know why it stopped, it shouldn't stop, he's not done yet. The smell is still all around him, he just needs to get closer. Sam tries to sit up, but a small hand pushes him back down.
"Shh...easy boy. There's plenty more coming."
The voice is right.
Sometimes, when he's calmer, the Devil takes the time to torture Sam slowly, thoroughly.
"I've watched you your whole life, Sam. I've been watching you since before you were born." Lucifer says, while he claws into Sam and takes his innards out in messy chunks.
"You're lying." Sam grits out. "You were trapped down here."
Lucifer laughs, "Right, because how could I possibly see further than what's right in front of me?" Lucifer threads himself through Sam's ribs and pulls. "I'm an Archangel. I see everything, even from down here. I watched your mother sell you to me. I watched you grow in her womb. I watched you being born...and the moment you opened your eyes I could see through them."
"No." Sam says. He's not even sure why he's denying it anymore, but he has to.
"Yes. You're my true vessel, Sam. We have always been connected." Lucifer closes around Sam's spine and squeezes. "When Azazel came to your crib and gave us his offering I was there. He was pledging his fealty to us."
"Azazel..." Sam moans as Lucifer cracks his vertebrae one at a time, "destroyed my life."
"He was loyal. He served us well." Lucifer takes a hold of Sam's heart. "I'll teach you all about loyalty. It's so rare these days."
"You'll...teach me?" Sam nearly laughs, but then ice flows into Sam's heart and trickles out into every part of him. It isn't that Sam gets used to the pain, that's not it at all. It's that he just can't process any more. His mind starts to splinter. Lucifer hates nothing more than being ignored, so when Sam stops responding completely, Lucifer, because he's an angel, heals Sam.
After that, Lucifer changes tactics.
When May wakes up again, she's in agony. Her head is throbbing and her arm hurts. She looks down at her left wrist, and wonders distantly why she can't remember what happened. Her wrist is mangled and bleeding sluggishly. It looks like something just bit down and gnawed through her skin.
May isn't in the hallway anymore. She's in one of the patients' rooms, next to a bed. She reaches up with her right arm and grabs onto the bed rail, pulling herself up. She looks at the bed and knows instantly what room she's in. Sam is gone, but his sheets, his pillow and parts of the wall are all blood-spattered. She screams, or at least she thinks she does, and then she collapses, slumping back down onto the floor.
Dean runs out of the hospital and back to the Impala. His mind won't stop projecting the image of Sam's bloodied room over everything. He pulls out of the parking lot and onto the highway.
"So. You gonna tell me what happened?" Bobby asks. He grunts a bit as he shifts in the passenger seat.
"No." Dean keeps his eyes on the road, "I shouldn't have left him there, Bobby."
"We got any leads?" Bobby asks.
"No. You sound like crap, you know that? You sure you don't want a doctor?"
"To do what? Tell me I'm old and stupid?" Bobby coughs, "You patched me up plenty. I just need some rest."
They drive the rest of the way back to Sioux Falls in silence, Bobby drifting in and out of sleep.
"We can't keep doing this." says Josh. "You're crazy."
"Am I?" says Meg. "So tell me...what should we be doing?"
Josh stops glaring at Meg and looks down at the floor instead. "I don't know, but not this! How much longer do you think he'll let us keep him in there? Any day now, he's gonna snap out of it and then he'll kill us all!"
"He might. Then again," Meg glares upward, "Castiel definitely will."
"Don't say his name!" Josh hisses.
"He's not Voldemort, you ass." Meg rolls her eyes, "Just keep Sam fed, keep him happy and he'll protect us. We're safer than you think."
"Safe." Josh sneers, "You're insane. Sam kills us! That's what he does! He killed Lilith and Alistair! He threw Lucifer back in the Cage- and Michael!"
"That's right. Sam did all of that, and he can do so much more. I've been inside of him. I've seen how much power he has, how much more he can hold. My father-" Meg laughs bitterly, "Both of my fathers were obsessed with Sam Winchester. I know everything about him. Believe me, he is our only chance."
From behind them, someone coughs.
Meg turns to face the demon- Jeff? Jack? Bob? She can't remember, not like it matters. He's holding a fast food bag and the smell of French fries is overpowering. "Go on in. I'm sure he's starving." Meg pulls open the door to the main room and lets the demon bring Sam his dinner. She pushes the door shut again and smiles when less than thirty seconds later, the screaming starts.
That's the eighth one today. Sam's appetite is growing.
The smell of fast food makes Sam's lips twitch into the memory of a smile. "Dean." he says, but it isn't Dean. It's never Dean.
The demon walks up to Sam, stops about three feet away from him and holds out the bag of food. Its arm is shaking.
Sam watches the demon shift its weight from one foot to the other nervously. It's amusing and annoying in equal parts. Come here. Sam thinks and then watches as the demon finds itself, to its utter horror, kneeling by Sam's side. Sam tilts the demon's head just a bit, leans over, and bites down.
Lucifer tells Sam everything. He teaches Sam everything he knows- about Heaven, about Hell, about Earth and about Sam. Sam is a good student- he has to be. Lucifer won't let Sam's mind drift, not even for a second.
First, Sam learns everything he ever wanted to know and everything he never wanted to know about demons. Demons are human souls, twisted around and reshaped by their own sin and Lucifer's hate.
Lucifer made demons to spite God. God in return denied Lucifer a human vessel. Cain's bloodline was already in place, so Lucifer had his vessels, but if he took one it would decay and collapse under the weight of his fury. This was fact, and as immutable as God's will- until Sam.
Sam was different. Not because of Azazel's gift, but because Sam was conceived in Lucifer's name, and born of Lucifer's grace. Lucifer gave a sliver of his grace to his most devoted. Azazel passed it on to Mary Winchester with a kiss. Her first son was promised to Michael, but her second was always Lucifer's. Sam's soul grew from Lucifer's grace and became something new, something entirely his.
Lucifer had spent eons shaping human souls into demons. He taught them how to take vessels, how to corrupt both the mind and the body they possessed. Lucifer taught them all of this with Sam in mind. Demons existed because one day Sam would exist, and Sam would need them.
"Do you understand?" Lucifer asks again. Sam does. He doesn't want to, but he does. Everything that happened to his family happened because of him. Everything that every demon has ever done happened because of him. Sam understands far too much, and he breaks just a little more.
It's getting more difficult for Lucifer to fix Sam. He weaves his grace through every fragment of Sam's shattered psyche, forcing it back together even as it struggles to break free. Sam has never felt more broken. Lucifer has never felt more whole.
The flow of blood slows and Sam comes back to the present. The slaughterhouse stinks of sulfur and iron, and it just makes Sam hungrier. He doesn't let go of the body. He keeps drinking, searching for something more. When Sam finally finds it, the demon lets out one last gasp and Sam remembers everything else.
After making sure Bobby is as comfortable as he can be, given the circumstances, Dean heads out to the shed and starts summoning everyone and everything he can think of that might have any information.
Balthazar doesn't answer. Dean doesn't know if that's because he doesn't feel like answering, or because he's dead. He's probably dead.
Dean tries to summon Crowley next, even though he's fairly sure that number's been disconnected too.
After that, Dean tries to summon Meg. The summoning works, but it isn't Meg that answers.
The demon's soul is far more potent than it's blood. Sam feels the demon struggle, despair and die inside of him as he takes it apart bit by bit.
Lucifer is done with his lessons. He wants more participation on Sam's part, so he demands Sam ask him questions. Sam has so many, but it's hard to keep his mind together long enough to form a sentence, let alone in Enochian.
More often than not, all he can ask is "Why?" That one's easy of course- and the answer is always the same.
"Because I'm not done with you yet. Because you're mine. Forever. And because one day, we're going to get out of here and we're going to break this whole world apart."
Some of Sam's questions infuriate Lucifer. "Where did my body go?" makes Lucifer so angry that he forgets about trying to keep Sam coherent enough to participate, and spends a month tearing his soul into tiny, little strips.
This time around, healing Sam requires even more of Lucifer's grace. He can't stitch Sam back together because the pieces are too small. He envelops what Sam has become in his grace and breathes power into him. Sam starts to reform into a cohesive whole, but his mind is still absent. Lucifer tries to coax Sam back into consciousness, but doesn't succeed. He fails again and again until finally- he makes himself flesh. In the end, Lucifer's blood is what calls Sam back.
Sam wakes up with a new question, "How did I beat you? You're so much stronger than me."
"You didn't." Lucifer answers.
Sam knew that was the answer, but he can't stop himself from saying, "I did, but only because you let me, right? I felt you let go of me. Tell me why."
Sam thinks he hears Lucifer sigh, "Because after everything you did, after everything we made you do...after betraying Dean and gorging yourself on the blood of filth- after unleashing the Devil, your brother still stood by you and I needed to know why. So I looked." Lucifer glares at Sam, waiting for a response.
"Why do you care?" Sam asks, knowing that he's dooming himself even further.
Lucifer's fury flares up and around them, illuminating everything in a painfully bright light, and he screams,
"Because your brother still loves you, and mine won't even look at me!"
Lucifer stares at Sam quietly for what feels like hours, maybe days. Time is impossible to measure here. Finally Lucifer smirks and says, "You're not getting out. I'm not letting you out. Not the way you are."
"What makes you think I'm getting out?" Sam asks.
"I've been watching you your entire life. I know you. I know your brother. Your brother will do something, he'll find some way-"
Lucifer's right, but Dean promised he wouldn't, he promised.
Pain cuts through Sam- pain so deep he almost shuts off again. Lucifer forces Sam's eyes open. The Devil is wearing his face. "Sam. I mean it. You don't get to go back. If I lose, you lose." Lucifer pauses for a moment, takes a step back and starts pacing. "I'll give you two options. You can be mindless, broken, and keep your brother. You'll be a burden. He'll have nothing but you and he'll want nothing but to be rid of you. Or...you can be what you were meant to be and forget about him."
Sam laughs. He laughs for the first time in decades, "Forget- are you crazy? He's my brother!" Lucifer grabs Sam by the throat and Sam wonders again how that can be, how he can feel so flesh and blood when he's nothing but a soul.
"Yes. He is. He's your family- your blood, right?" Lucifer's anger shines through his false skin. "You have another family, Sam. You have me. You are made of me." Lucifer is light and sound and fury, and Sam burns. "I don't care how much you fight it, how much you refuse to accept what you are. I'm going to take you apart, molecule by molecule, and if you do put yourself back together, it'll be on my terms. Your brother will be nothing to you. You won't even be able to see him."
This time, the pain doesn't even register. Sam just ceases to exist for a while.
When Sam can think again, the first thing he notices is that he's drowning. He doesn't understand how that's possible without a body, but it is. Lucifer has trapped him in a sea of red. Sam feels everything around him pulse like a giant's heart beat. He doesn't know how long he's in there, struggling for air that doesn't exist, but finally he's torn back out into the vastness of the Cage. Sam finds himself at Lucifer's feet. The angel is sitting, and there's a huge gash right where Sam thinks his heart must be (if angels have hearts). Sam watches it close. A single drop of blood runs down Lucifer's side and lands on Sam's chest. When he looks down at himself, he can't even tell where it landed. His body- his soul- is soaked in red.
Lucifer looks different- smaller somehow. Sam doesn't know if that's because Lucifer has changed, or because he has. What he does know is that he doesn't fear Lucifer's anger anymore, he welcomes it. So the next question he asks is, "Do angels have souls?" Lucifer doesn't answer right away, which is unusual. When he does answer, it's in Sam's voice and he says, "I do."
The next question is one that never even occurred to Sam before this very moment. "Do angels take power from their vessels' souls?"
Lucifer raises an eyebrow and answers, "Yes."
"Why? Because they don't have their own?" Sam nods, "You did. You used my power. I could feel you-"
"No, Sam. We're not like every other matched set. Your power and mine are the same. You just didn't know how to wield it." Lucifer tilts his head, "After everything we've been through together down here- you still believe the same lie you told yourself over and over the whole time I was inside you? You think I was forcing your power to the surface? You think I was making you feel what you felt?"
"No, I don't." Sam says, and he's far, far calmer than he should be. "I just know that I made you stronger, which never made sense until now."
Lucifer looks at Sam with an unreadable expression.
"If my body isn't here anymore, then why am I still so hungry?" Sam expects Lucifer to lash out at him again, he expects rage. He doesn't expect laughter. Lucifer laughs so loudly that the Cage echoes with it. When he finally stops laughing, he whispers, "Like our Horseman friend Famine said- Hunger doesn't just come from the body, it comes from the soul- and your soul, Sam, our soul, will always be hungry. That's why we're going to win."
The rush of power is heady, and Sam feels his reach go so much further than before. He can sense every demon- not just in the building, but in the whole state, further. He hears all of their thoughts. Most of the ones Meg has gathered here are terrified- with good reason.
Meg is changing. She used to reek of fear. She feared for herself, she feared Crowley, she feared Castiel. Sam knows that he's a last-ditch effort on Meg's part. Her god is trapped again, her king has fled (which in Meg's case is a blessing), but she's still determined to survive. It's strange though- Meg isn't afraid of Castiel anymore.
Sam lets the door open again. He's still so hungry. More than one this time..., he thinks.
92 miles away in Sioux Falls, Dean is trying to summon Meg. Sam shakes his head, smiling.
