Pokemon Truth or Dare 2

Me: Welcome back, I am "Dafuqamireading" (What a name) and I'm making sure these bastards do what you readers suggest in an everlasting truth or dare game. We have received our first few dares, so let's get on with it!

Blaziken: Quick question. When do we leave?

Me: Never.

Blaziken: Bollocks.

Me: Anyway, our first dare is for Infernape. You are dared to eat a pineapple then blow up the moon.

Infernape: ...I'm sorry, what?

Me: Don't ask. I don't know what goes on in this guy's mind.

Lopunny: I'm no scientist, but won't blowing up the moon fuck up the gravitational whatever?

Infernape: Spare me your science mumbo jumbo. I have a dare to complete. Right, I need a pineapple and an FHJ - 18AA.

Me: A what?

Infernape: If you've played the video games I've played, you'd know its a rocket launcher. Anyway, go get one.

Me: Where the fuck am I meant to get to get a rocket launcher?

Infernape: Walmart?

Me: ...Huh. Back in a second then.

(Half an hour later)

Me: (Wheezing) Right, I'm back.

Infernape: What took so long?

Me: Have you no idea how hard it is to carry these things?

Gardevoir: How much did that thing cost?

Me: I got it for free.

Infernape: What!?

Me: I have my ways.

Infernape: ...That's sounds like you banged the woman at the till to pay for it.

Me: What? I mean I grabbed it and ran like hell outside before they could catch me.

Infernape: ...Ah. Let's get this over with then.

(Infernape eats the pineapple after stabbing himself six times trying to figure out how to eat it when its covered in spikes, then locks his rocket launcher onto his target)

Infernape: ...Fuck yeah. (Fires rocket)

(The rocket hits the moon, but it doesn't even leave a scratch. The moon suddenly appears to be alive.)

Moon: Hey, what the hell was that for? I'm a Pokemon!

(Everyone stares at it blankly)

Moon: ...Sixth generation.

Everyone: Ah.

Me: Well, he tried at least. Onto dare number two. Garchomp, you are dared to not be a pervert for the rest of this chapter.

Garchomp: HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

Blaziken: Considering we're talking about you here, it isn't.

Garchomp: Normally I would tell you to shut up, but you're just so right...

Me: Well, we'll see how this goes. Onto dare number three. Blaziken, you must break the fourth wall on any way possible.

Blaziken: Oh come on! You could've given me any dare but you sent with that? I'm the star of this show man! I -

Me: Congratulations, you did it. Onto the next dare.

Blaziken: Wait, what?

Me: That's breaking the fourth wall, by showing the readers that you are a fictional character.

Blaziken: ...Fuck, that was easy.

Me: Anyway, onto dare four. Lugia, you must grab a Submachine Gun and kill the tooth fairy.

Lugia: Was this dude high when he thought up these dares?

Me: Probably. Well, get your gun, it's time to kill another damn fairy type.

Lugia: The bitch is going down. (Gets gun)

Me: But where the hell are we meant to find it anyway?

Lopunny: I think there's a dentist near here.

Lugia: Sounds cliché, but there's a chance it's in there, what with all the teeth and all.

(The gang walk to outside the dentist building. Before anyone can say anything, Lugia jumps through the closed window, gunshots are heard, then Lugia leaps through another closed window with blood over his face.)

Lugia: Nope, no tooth fairy in there! (Deep voice) AND NO SURVIVORS.

Me: ...Okay...

Lugia: I know! I'll had to my grandfather's house and get his false teeth. We'll lure the bastard into a trap!

Me: Sounds like a plan.

(Hours later)

Garchomp: C'mon, how much longer do I have to not be a pervert for?

Lugia: Shut it. The falsers are under this pillow. I'll hide in the wardrobe of my bedroom and shoot the bastard when I hear something!

Garchomp: Well, if I'm not being a pervert then there's no point in being awake. Its late, so I'm heading to sleep.

Lopunny: Sounds like a plan. I'm going to sleep too.

(Everyone agrees to call it a night, and Lugia takes his position in the wardrobe)

(Three hours later)

Lugia: I hear something!

(Lugia bursts out of the wardrobe and shoots the shadowy figure that entered his room. It lies on the floor with blood pouring out of it.)

Lugia: ...Uh... Hi mom? GUYS! Get in here!

(Everyone walks in the room, still half asleep.)

Lugia: ...I think I fucked up.

(The rest stare at the dead woman on the floor)

Lugia: Let us never speak of this again.

Gardevoir: Speak of what again?

Lugia: Exactly.

(The next morning)

Me: Well that was unexpected... Let's just say that dare was completed to avoid possibly killing anyone else.

Lugia: Totally agree. What's the last dare?

Me: Its another one for Garchomp. You need to give Gardevoir money for breast implants.

Gardevoir: Excuse me?

Garchomp: OH COME ON! How can I NOT be a pervert now?

Gardevoir: Well I'm not complaining. DDs would be nice.

Garchomp: Stop... Making me... Think... About... Boobs!

Gardevoir: Well, pay up bitch.

Garchomp: Come on! I'm tempted to think about breasts AND I'm losing money. This guy is evil.

Gardevoir: I said pay up.

(Garchomp angrily gives Gardevoir the money, muttering insults under his breath)

Gardevoir: Thank you! I'll be seeing you poor bastards later!

(Gardevoir practically skips out of the house)

Garchomp: To the guy who thought these up, I hate you. I hate you SO. MUCH.

(Arceus knows how many hours later. Let's say eight, I don't know how long these things last)

Gardevoir: (Bursts through door) So, how do they look?

Garchomp: Must... Not... Be tempted... By... Breasts...

Gardevoir: I'll take it that they look great then.

Garchomp: I bloody hope so, or I will have just wasted a crap load of money.

Gardevoir: Well I understand this is hard for you, so when this chapter is over, you get one free look, okay?

Garchomp: Holy crap, my life will be complete.

Me: Well, that's all the dares we've received so far. Send in your suggestions by PM and -

Garchomp: I HAVE TO END THIS CHAPTER NOW BYE!

(Garchomp grabs the camera and shuts it off)