Olivia realized she needs to tell him her reasons for showing up at his house so late at night unannounced after eight years of no contact but all she can do is think about Elliot kissing Dani and as much as she hates it those thoughts make her cry.
"Brian can I use your restroom for a moment, she asks him.
"I just need to get myself under control and then I can tell you everything, trust me there's a lot for me to tell you."
"Sure go right ahead first door down the hall on the right." He steps back to let her pass through into his apartment.
As she walks down the hall he realizes something major must have happened for her to have come to him and for her to be crying. She has always been the tough-takes-no-crap cop and for her to break down like that means Elliot must have hurt her bad. Brian knew when they slept together all those years ago that she was only in it to have one night to be able to forget that she was in love with Elliot Stabler, to forget that he had someone else to sleep with every night, to forget that he had a family with someone else and that he could never have that with her.
Olivia looks into the bathroom mirror and sees the tear streaks down her cheeks. She realizes that as much as she loves Elliot he has someone else. Sure he is currently separated from Kathy but they are still married until he signs the papers and the divorce becomes legal. Even if that wasn't enough tonight what she had witnessed between Elliot and Dani was the final straw she had to accept. Nothing could happen with Elliot because he had chosen Dani not her. Though she even doubted if he knew she loved him so much she felt like her life would end if she were never able to see him again.
"I gotta get a grip he's never going to want me, I just have to move on from Elliot and get over him." She whispered to her reflection in the mirror.
Walking out of Brian's bathroom into the living room she realized maybe her heart needed to see him again to help her move on from Elliot. Maybe she could be with Brian now and not feel as much guilt from breaking the no dating coworkers code she had promised herself years ago. Now that Brian was no longer a Manhattan SVU cop she could see where this relationship had the potential to go she just knew she had to take it slow.
"Brian, Olivia says his name in a hesitant voice, I am sorry I woke you up tonight I'll go, goodnight and thanks for letting me intrude on your hospitality." She grabs her coat and purse and starts to walk out the door, just as Brian grabs her arm gently but enough to pull her to him and crushes his lips to hers.
As they kiss all she thinks is that his lips aren't Elliot's, though she's never actually kissed him she knows his kiss would not feel like this his kiss would make her weak at the knees all the clichés about love you see in movies that would be how she would feel from one kiss with Elliot because that's how she feels every time he looks at her.
"As Brian kissed Olivia his hands moved down her body and when she moaned from the contact his tongue entered her mouth. They kissed each wanting the power to be in control. As Brian's hands went below her waist Olivia's brain went into overdrive of fear she pushed him away. Her instinct was to run, she had run when they had slept together and now all she wanted to do was run again.
"Brian wait we can't do this not tonight, you don't understand I didn't come here for this tonight I came here needing someone to talk to. Look I like you I do really but I can't sleep with you tonight, there's too much at stake, too much I could lose. If we ever let it happen then I want it to be awhile from now not tonight." She looked in his eyes and realized she missed Elliot's beautiful blues eyes. "Please" she whispered to him he needed to understand what she was feeling.
"Olivia, I am sorry, your right I shouldn't have kissed you I just couldn't resist, you're so beautiful, I mean I doubt any guy could resist you." He wanted her to understand that he didn't want to go faster then she was ready for, if she was willing, he'd wait for her forever.
"Elliot can resist." Not realizing she said that out loud she was surprised when Brian spoke next. "What do you mean Elliot can resist? Are you two together or something?" With those questions all the floodgates opened and Olivia spilled her heart out to him. "It was horrible Brian I saw him kiss her, I mean I thought if he ever turned to someone else after Kathy it might be me but he didn't, he turned to her, his new partner in everything now, I am no longer the one to have his back when stalking a perp I am no longer the one he turns to when a case gets to him, he has chosen her and shut me out for good." Olivia pressed her head to Brian's chest and cried she didn't care that she was becoming one of those women who allow a man to turn her to mush she wanted Elliot to much to care. Brian guided her to his couch inside his apartment and shut his front door, as he sat down next to her he just waited for her to really tell him everything, what caused Elliot to chose this other woman in the first place why he had a new partner, all that was causing Olivia this pain. Olivia looked at Brian through her tears, she realized he wouldn't judge her or say anything negative he would just listen.
"It started when we had a particularly difficult case, the perp had a gun to Elliot's head and I couldn't shoot the perp for fear that he would shoot Elliot. I chose Elliot over the victim. After that I asked for a new partner and I ran. Then Elliot got assigned with Dani Beck, a female cop who is everything I am not apparently to him. I just wish I could talk to him, but he hates me for leaving I'm sure of it. I want him to know why I left, why I didn't tell him. I can't lose him and my job in one fell swoop it's too devastating to deal with. I want him back as my partner but over the past few weeks I realized I couldn't distinguish between him as my partner and him as my best friend anymore."
Brian saw how all this tore at Olivia's heart so he offered her friendship. "Olivia you are too emotional tonight why don't you sleep here tonight I have a guest room I won't bother you, you can stay here for a few days even as long as you need.
Olivia's first response would be to say no but she realized she didn't want to go home to an empty apartment and though the one man she wanted most to be with was the one to cause her this pain in the first place she decided she needed to be around someone else to take her mind off of Elliot. "Sure Brian thanks, I'd like that but promise nothing happens tonight right?" "Of course I promise Olivia, you say you don't want anything to happen I will respect your wishes. I have clean towels in the closet by the bathroom and I have sweats and a t-shirt that you can sleep in tonight. Whatever you need I will get it for you, I'll even order some Chinese food, still your favorite right?" Brian grabs the phone off the receiver on the table and starts looking for a Chinese place to order from.
"Brian, you are so nice why are you doing all this for me? I mean aren't you a little mad I came here after all this time and piled all this on you?"
Olivia wasn't sure what his motives of kindness were but she wanted to know. She knew she could trust him he was still a cop after all and a good one at that. She may have never contacted him but she had heard bits and pieces about what he was up too the last few years, she was starting to realize why she slept with him in the first place he was cute kind and generous. He would go out of his way to make sure what was going on between them was what she wanted.
