DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own the world of VA or any of the recognizable characters. I just own THIS Fanfic's plot. All other credit goes to the lovely Richelle Mead
Chapter 2: Sweet Dreams or Nightmares?
DPOV
SHE WAS gone.
She left. Just like that. How did I know? By the letter she left in my room. She left one for all her friends and me. For Vasilisa, for Christian, for Eddie, Adrian, and me. Each one was individualized for each person.
I numbly reached down on my bed and picked up the sheet of paper that I had found slipped under the crack of my door. I decided to read it again, knowing it would bring the feeling of emptiness I received whenever I read it or thought about Rose gone.
Comrade,
The main reason I have written this letter is to make you aware that I have left. To where? I will not say, but no one will find me here. (Not that you'd care or look.) But, don't worry. I am helping you by leaving. You wanted me away from you, gone. Your wish has been granted.
Now, I'm not going to make this very long because I know you probably have better things to do then read this. All I have to say is that you were right. Love does indeed fade, and soon, mine's will too. I can promise you that. I only have one thing to ask of you: take care of Lissa. Protect her since I can't. I know you already promised her that when she restored you, but I am asking you this sincerely. Keep my best friend safe. When I return, (if I return, anyways), and if she is perfectly fine, I will find a way to repay you, with whatever you need. Just protect her, make sure nothing bad happens to her.
Before I finish this longer-than-originally-planned note, I want to thank you. For helping me become the Guardian I am today, even though me leaving is practically throwing that life away. I will continue to hunt Strigoi, though not actually protecting a specific charge. That's really all I have to say to you, really. Along with a thanks for showing me that love really will just leave you with a broken heart, I wish i'd known that before. But I will not make the same mistakes I made at St. Vlad's, because of you. So thanks for that, comrade.
That's it, I guess,
Rose Hathaway.
That was it. She just left. And did she really think that I didn't care for her at all? Did she really believe that I wouldn't wonder where she had gone, or worry for her safety? Though none of the letter was easy to read, the last paragraph hit home.
Did she think that we were a mistake? Did she truly think that she meant to little to me? Honestly, I hadn't really given her a reason to think otherwise these past few days, and that day in the church... I'd really hurt her. I didn't want to, that wasn't my intention. I just needed her to understand that I couldn't love anyone anymore, let alone her. I didn't deserve Rose and her love. Not after what I'd done to her while I was... In Russia with her. That was unforgivable. I was a true monster.
The words had flown out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I couldn't take them back now. The damage had been done. Hurting her even more made me hate myself much more than I already did. Even though I meant the words, (Or not. Rose leaving was a wake up call for me), I had never wanted her gone. She had to stay here. Rose had such a promising future as a Guardian, and she'd worked so hard to get where she was today. Now she was gone, to God-knows-where, and I didn't know if I'd ever see her again.
I was pushing her away to protect her, to make sure I could never hurt her again. Now I had hurt Rose and she left. It was all my fault. Everything was all my fault.
Now I was left to battle with the horrible, empty and numb feeling that hit me like a blast of wind when I found out Rose was gone. I felt like half my soul -the one i'd just got back- was missing. Gone. I felt like I was missing half my heart. Half of me. I had to find her. Things between us couldn't stay like this. Maybe... Maybe there was a chance that we could be friends? Atleast friends.
Dimitri Belikov! An inner voice scolded. Don't forget the reason you pushed her away in the first place. Being around her would only bring her danger! You will hurt her more than you already have!
No... I couldn't have that. Not after everything I've done to her. I didn't deserve Rose. I didn't. But I knew that being without her would be extremely difficult, especially if all I saw when I closed my eyes was her. Me doing those horrible things to her when I was... When I was Strigoi. I had once promised her I would always protect her. That I'd never let anything happen to her. It was on the night of the cabin, where we had finally gave in to our love. That was the single greatest night of my life, but it had to be ruined by the attack and the rescue mission, that robbed us of mine and Rose's possibilities for a life together, of happiness. Maybe her leaving was for the best. It was what was best for both of us.
Then why'd it hurt so much?
When I had been restored, I had told myself that I would have to sacrifice my personal desires and needs for Rose's safety. I couldn't hurt her. I refused to let that happen. Maybe there was the smallest chance that the demon still lurked inside me. I would only be putting her in danger if I was near her, because God knew that woman knew how to test my control.
Looking over the letter one more time, the realization that I just lost the best thing that ever happened to me dawned upon my being, and all the air was knocked out of my lungs. Something inside me shattered and I cursed myself for letting my guard down for that split second in the battle at the caves. If I had fought harder and stronger, none of this would've happened. I would've been able to be with Roza after graduation and things would've turned out so differently. The number of possibilities were endless, yet.. The worst happened and here we were. She was on a plane, or car to who-knows-where and I was stuck here with my self-loathing, cursing and hating myself for not being there for Roza. For being weak for just that one second, and because of my actions and decisions, we both payed the price.
She had asked one thing of me, though. It was to watch over Vasilisa, to protect her. I had already intended on doing that, because of the promise I made her after Vasilisa restored me. But now, another motivation took place. The request Rose had made me. After everything i'd done to her, after all the hurt and results of my actions, words, and decisions had affected her, after all the promises i'd made her that i'd broken... After all she'd done for me, after she risked everything to bring save my soul and/or bring me back to a dhampir, protecting Vasilisa was the least I could do for her.
Until then, all I could do was wait.
[….]
I COULDN'T do this.
It was only day two post Rose's departure and I already felt like I was losing my mind without her. During this past week, I had avoided Rose to keep the promise I'd made what seemed like so long ago, but at least I knew she was okay, that she was alive and well. Now? I didn't know anything on Roza. I didn't know where she was, if she was sick or dying or in a deadly fight with Strigoi right now.. And while that was highly unlikely, It wasn't impossible. And the lack of assurance that my Roza was okay was killing me. Literally driving me insane. I was sick with worry, and something told me that Vasilisa knew something about where Rose was or that she had a way to keep in touch with her. How did I know? She didn't seem as affected by the worry over Rose like I was, or like how the rest of Rose's friends were. Don't get me wrong, she was devastated by Rose leaving, but she also seemed to have something keeping her going - a reassurance that Rose was fine.
I knew it couldn't be the bond, because it was only one-way, but I did know that Vasilisa could feel if Rose was in grave danger -Thank God she wasn't- and whenever I asked about Rose, Vasilisa turned evasive and tried her best to either ignore or change the subject. She knew something on Rose's location or still kept in touch with her, I knew she did.
And I was more than determined to find out what she knew on Rose.
[….]
IT WAS hopeless. It had been six days since Rose had left and I felt like I was literally missing my other half. The one who owned everything I had. My heart and soul. I had tried to get Vasilisa to give me information on Rose but she always refused. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be without my Roza. And I had lost her a second time, and it was all my fault.
All I dreamt about at night was her. It had been that way ever since I was restored. Except, then it was about the horrible, disgraceful things i'd done to her in Siberia, now, (most of the time), it was about our time at St. Vladimirs. Every stolen kiss or moment we'd shared came back to haunt me - out of all these, the Cabin was the most popular. I would dream about the events leading to the cabin and the dreams would always end with Rose being taken in the caves, not me. And it was always my fault. Either I had distracted her, or hadn't been quick and strong enough to save her. Every time I shot up in bed, I could feel my heart ripping apart in my chest at the mere thought of Rose... Dying. It was driving me crazy with worry and concern, not knowing if she was alright. Safe. Her safety had always been my #1 priority, no matter how wrong others said it was. That constant worry for her safety had only grown after Spokane. It had taken a giant-worthy climb when Rose was struggling with seeing... ghosts. Mental, physical or emotional, her safety and well-being would always be the most important thing to me.
Keeping her safe was the main reason I had pushed her away in the first place! Now, I had no idea where she was, how she was doing, or when she was returning, (if she was returning). But if Lissa wasn't going crazy like I was, I knew Rose was okay. All I needed was to see her... Just one last time?
Oh, Roza. Where are you?
[….]
Nine months later
ISTANBUL, TURKEY
RPOV
"DAMMIT, ETHAN! Where are they?" I growled and Ethan, a friend of mine that I met here in Istanbul smirked. "Tell me what I want to hear and I'll give them back." he bargained and I scowled at him.
Ugh. I really wanted my donuts back, but Ethan wouldn't give them back until I told him he was the "Bestest Friend Ever." Ethan was a good friend, he had managed to slip through the protective walls I had around my heart and he earned my trust, using his funny, charming and charismatic personality. He was also very protective of me; and was there for me during my first months in Istanbul, comforting me when he saw I was sad. Ethan was my one of Abe's hired bodyguards and a dhampir like me. He stood four inches taller than me, at 5' 11". Ethan had a lean muscular built from years of training and was three years older than me at 22 years of age. Unlike most dhampirs, Ethan's eyes were a deep blue color, that went well with his really dark hair and lightly tanned complexion. He was handsome, and he seemed to have a crush on me. Nonetheless, I wasn't interested in a relationship. And I wasn't sure if I ever would be.
Ethan was a good friend, and had provided me with comfort, support, and company when I needed it. But right now? He was being a pain in the ass. "Ethan Caleb Anderson, give me back my donuts right now!" I warned and Ethan crossed his arms over his chest and pretended to think. "Hmm... Nope. Not until you say-"
"Fine!" I grumbled, interrupting him. He smirked and looked at me expectantly. "You are the bestest friend ever." I muttered grudgingly. "Oh? What was that? I didn't hear you." He said innocently and I growled lowly. "You are the bestest friend ever." I repeated, louder. "There. Happy?"
Ethan looked very satisfied. "Very. Your donuts are inside the plate cabinet." he revealed and in a flash, I sped to the cabinet, reached up to open it and low and behold; there were my chocolate donuts. I quickly took the small box in my hands and placed it firmly on the table. After putting a donut in my mouth, Ethan came walking into the kitchen.
Before he could say anything, Abe walked in to the kitchen as well, holding what looked like an envelope. "Ethan." Abe greeted my friend with a nod of his head. "Good afternoon, Mr. Mazur." Ethan said politely. Abe turned his dark eyes over to me and smiled. "You have a letter, kizim." he informed. Intrigue and wonder peaked my mood. "Oh really? From who?" I asked, taking the envelope in my hands when he extended it out to me.
I immediately looked down and I smiled when I saw the front.
Rosemarie Hathaway
6103 Übsebek Avenue
Istanbul, Turkey
Okay, so it's obviously for me. But it was the sender's information that made me smile.
Vasilisa Dragomir
Moroi Royal Court
Pennsylvania, USA
My best friend had written me. During the past nine months, Lissa had written me letters, asking me how I was doing and updating me on what was going on in the Moroi-dhampir-Strigoi world. She would also tell me how much she missed me and how our friends kept asking for information on me. Adrian, Eddie, Mia, Christian, (shocking, right?), and..
Dimitri.
I didn't know how to feel about that. I just knew that Dimitri had been badgering Lissa constantly for information on me. I knew this because I often 'slipped' into Lissa's head, or he would send me letters. Usually, I ripped them right after reading what he had to say and I tossed them. I didn't want anything to do with him and I hoped there wasn't a letter from him enclosed in this envelope.
"Who is it from?" Asked Ethan curiously and I glanced up at him, and then back down to the white envelope. "Lissa." I replied and ripped the top of the envelope so I could take the letter out. Ethan knew about Lissa and all my other... Friends? Back at "home." I also trusted him enough to tell him about Dimitri, and how we'd fallen in love and had everything just... Snatched away from us. In a way, I was glad we never really got together. True love was a lie, a myth just to sugar-coat the harsh reality of life; I had to find that out the hard way.
When I ripped the top of the envelope open, two folded sheets of lined paper fell out. Keyword? Two. Oh God.. Please don't let the second one be from him. Someone else, anyone else!
I crouched down and took the papers in my hand and stood back up. Nervously, tentatively, I chose one at random and placed the other on the table. I slowly unfolded the letter in my hands and turned it around. I was greeted with handwriting I knew all to well. My heart dropped and I felt like groaning in annoyance, frustration and regret.
Though the handwriting was all too identifiable, it was the first word writen in neat cursive that gave it away.
Roza,
I stopped reading right there.
"Dammit." I muttered under my breath. "What?" Ethan and Abe asked at the same time, confusion and concern in their voice. I looked up at them and sighed. "This one's... This one is from Dimitri."
Ethan scowled and Abe looked angry. "Belikov?" he growled and I nodded. "The one and only." I confirmed bitterly. Abe looked really upset. Murderous even. This now was not Abe, it was Zmey. Intimidating, manipulative, could-break-your-kneecaps-in-two-seconds Zmey. The serpent.
"Why is that asshole still writing you? Especially after what he did to you?" Ethan demanded, clearly displeased and disapproving. And yet.. I could see some offense and hurt in his beautiful blue eyes. Ethan strongly disliked Dimitri, from what I told him, and thought he was 'stupid' and 'clueless' as to what he had given up. Even when I did seriously resent and maybe even hate Dimitri, I couldn't, just couldn't hear someone talk badly about him and be perfectly fine or not get bothered.
"Don't call him that, and I don't know." I sighed exasperatedly. Ethan and Abe looked outraged, and shocked. "You're defending the jackass even after he hurt you so many times?" Ethan asked, a look that seemed almost indignant and disapproving on his face.
"Ethan!" I snapped, catching both him, Abe and I by surprise. "Don't," I warned, after recovering. Ethan clenched his jaw and crossed his strong arms over his chest, then grumbled something under his breath. I didn't hear it, but even if I did, I wouldn't have understood it. From what I could make out, it was spoken in his native language, French. But it did sound really grudging and disapproving. I honestly didn't care.
Ignoring my friend's small outburst, I looked back at my dad, who didn't seem all to thrilled about Dimitri's letter, but he was holding off for something. "What does it say, kiz?" he asked and I snorted. "Probably the same or a really similar idea to the rest of his stupid letters." How he regretted hurting me and pushing me away after he was restored, how much he missed me and how I was all he thought about.. And questions to my location and well-being. His letters would always profess how much he claimed to 'love' me. How he was wrong and that his love never faded, and that he loved me with all his heart.
Ha! What a load of bullshit.
If he did regret how he treated me and if he still did love me, it was too late. I didn't love him. I didn't want anything to do with him. He hurt me, repeatedly, and I could never trust him again. Never again.
Without a second thought, I ripped the letter until it was nothing but small, unshaped pieces of thin paper. He had ripped up my heart again and again and I wasn't going to just take all the hits like a punching bag. I wasn't invincible, and that's why I had to harden my heart and not let anybody in. Ethan was an exception. His familiar personality and comfort he offered me when he saw how heartbroken I was over Dimitri's rejection slipped into my heart before I could build the wall up. Ethan's jokes, sarcastic yet charming and bold attitude had become a large part of my world and I couldn't just shut him out.
I wasn't like Dimitri.
Abe and Ethan were obviously not expecting me to rip up the letter before I read it, but I did and something in Ethan's eyes looked relieved, and weirdly enough, that relief irritated me.
"Well," began Abe. "That letter didn't last long." he added as I walked to the trash can to dump whatever remained of the letter in. "I'll read the next one. The one that actually matters to me." I grunted and walked back to the table and picked up the letter from my best friend who I missed like crazy.
Rose,
How are you...
[….]
"I LOVE you, Roza." he breathed as his fingers gently traced my jawline, sending shivers through my body. I looked him straight in his eyes. Those dark, dark eyes that I loved so much. Eyes that reminded me of melted chocolate. "I love you too, comrade." I murmured and he smiled, leaned down and brought our lips together in a passionate, loving kiss that blew me away.
His lips left mine and they went to my jaw, kissing the edge and down my neck. I felt every nerve in my body leap with anticipation and I pressed myself closer to him, if possible. With one hand firmly wrapped around my waist and the other placed on my upper back, he held my body close to his. His lips on my neck went to the base of my shoulder and his mouth opened widely. I frowned. "What-?" and then I felt it. Something, or two somethings, pierced the skin of my neck and sink themselves in. I cried out at the sudden pain, but the cry softened to a soft, almost inaudible moan as a wave - no, Tsunami of joy, bliss and pleasure flooded me, drowning out all my senses. The feeling was exquisite and I lost track of the world - lost track of who I was.
Unfortunately, the perfect ocean of bliss came to an end when I felt something pull out of my neck. I whimpered at the loss but I was still a little woozy from the... What was that? I didn't know what had just happened. But, frankly, I didn't care. All my mind was on was the pleasure and unearthly feeling of being on a cloud I had just experienced. All my mind could process was how much I wanted that rush again. That... Exquisite and amazing feeling. I wanted it. I needed it.
"What...? What happened? Why.." My words were slurred from the high I just experienced and I lazily opened my eyes.
And I almost pissed my pants at what I saw.
It was Dimitri. But.. It wasn't Dimitri. His skin was white. Pale. Ice. And his pupils were ringed with red. Something in me snapped awake and I was kicked into full alarm. Oh my god.. Oh my god... No. No. This couldn't be happening. I wanted to scream and cry with my pain, fear and stupidity. What the fuck. Now I got it. Dimitri... Dimitri was a.. A Strigoi. He bit me. That's why I felt that rush. But... How?
My eyes quickly scanned my surroundings. I was in a luxurious room that seemed familiar to me but I didn't have time to investigate. I was with a Strigoi. A Strigoi was in this room. Not Dimitri, a Strigoi.
I was kicked into battle mode, despite the endorphins I just received. I turned against him and struck him with whatever combat moves I could manage in my drugged state. My punches were sloppy and my kicks were lazy, but I couldn't give up, no matter how much a large part of me wanted to cry and sob over Dimitri being Strigoi.
Dimitri easily blocked my moves and even when he too looked weary and affected by the bite, he still fought like a god. "Roza." he growled in anger, frustration and annoyance. I froze for a millimeter of a second. Roza.. The nickname. One DHAMPIR Dimitri had just called me seconds ago, before this nightmare happened. But I realized something. When dhampir Dimitri said my Russian name, his tone was filled with affection, fondness and love. This Dimitri said it with irritance and exasperation - not the good kind - and frustration - again, not the good kind. -
Dimitri firmly and tightly grabbed my arm as I tried to strike him and When I tried to do the same with the other, he caught that one mid-punch too.
Dimitri pushed me back and I went flying with the sheer force and my back hit the wall. "Oomph!" left my mouth in a half-grunt, half-gasp as my back and head collided with the wall, hard. And he barely flicked his wrists.
Pain cracked through the back of my head and entire backside of my body and I crumpled to the floor and grunted again in pain as a wave of dizziness hit me. I was able to look up only a bit, but it was enough to see Dimitri's shoes, walking over here slowly and menacingly. Fear struck me and I froze up.
Slowly, I looked up and saw Dimitri, towering over me with a cold and hard expression on his face. "I do not need you." he said icily and I felt something in my heart crack. Which was stupid. This was Strigoi Dimitri, he was evil and merciless. A monster. "I foolishly thought you'd make a great ally to help Galina's army - but I was wrong." He spat. Galina! Didn't I kill her? Didn't I save Dimitri from this state? What happened? Slowly, memories came back to me and I was more confused than ever. Now I knew where we were and why this room seemed familiar to me, but it was why we were here and why Dimitri was still Strigoi, and Galina wasn't dead that confused the sh*t out of me.
"You have shown me how weak and defenseless you truly are. You are an embarrassment and I am disgraced to have mentored you, when it's clear you have learned nothing!"
Ouch! That truly wounded me and I flinched, but stayed quiet. "For this, you do not deserve to be awakened. I have wasted my time with you. I will have to kill you, and I will still be charitable enough to make it quick." My heart stopped. Death. I was going to die. Well, I'd rather die than be awakened, but knowing Dimitri could just... Kill me and not care was heart breaking.
You've forgotten he's a Strigoi. Evil. A monster.
That's when I said it. The two words that sealed my fate. I'd truly rather die than be awakened. "Do it."
Dimitri gave a chilling smile. "Goodbye, Roza. Eternity will be quite lonely without you." That's when I saw both his hands striking towards where my neck was, I heard a distant crack and pain consumed me for half a second..
And all I heard and saw was..nothing.
I heard a scream. I felt myself writhing and trashing when I awoke, and I realized the scream was mine. I didn't stop though, I couldn't. I also felt myself sweating. Or maybe they were tears. Or both.
Before I knew it, two figures burst through my door and were at my bed immediately. "Rose! Rose! What's wrong?!" asked a familiar voice - my father, I realized. I choked on my tears and the screaming stopped. My heart was hammering in my chest and my breathing was heavy and labored. I sat up and backed myself up to the corner of the bed and I hugged my knees to my chest, cowarding back in fear and panic.
"Rose.. What happened?" asked the other person. His voice was soft and gentle as he slowly and cautiously climbed onto my bed. I stiffened and backed myself further into the wall - if possible. "Eyes..Strigoi.. D-Dimitri.." Was all I managed to get out. I hardly recogized my own voice. I hadn't heard it like this in...months. It was broken, devastated. Full of pain, fear and grief.
The two males' faces hardened at first, but then they softened before I buried my face in my knees and cried. Sobs racked my body and I began to shake furiously.
"Rose." Came a voice, but it sounded faint and distant as I found it harder to breathe. Soon, I couldn't get any air into my lungs at all. I panicked.
"Can't... B..breathe..!" I gasped and began to hyperventilate to get the oxygen into my lungs.
"Rose! What's wrong!?" asked a frantic voice. I didn't listen and I began to gasp desperately for air. "Rose! Rose, listen to me. Listen to my voice. Breathe in and out... Rose!"
I felt a pair of hands on my shoulder and I tried to focus and imitate the man's -my father's- breathing. I couldn't and everything began to darken around me. "Rose! Abe, what's wrong with her!?" asked another voice, filled with panic and worry. Ethan.
I heard more talking but it began to muffle as I grew weaker and weaker and breathing became harder. It became harder to stay awake.
I was exhausted, so I let the darkness consume me.
Then all I saw was black.
[…]
A/N: Hello! Chapter 2 is up... Sorry it's a bit sad! Writing Rose's nightmare was not easy
On another note, we're nine months in, only three more to go!
Did you like this chapter? Let me know!
Xoxo,
||RozaBelikov1996||
NOTICE: My dear friend and co-writer Sarah will be my amazing co-writer that writes the world in our favorite Russian's eyes So any grammar or misspellings or any mistakes are mine.
