Officer (now Sergeant) James Tyrone of the Toronto Police Department went home after a long, satisfying day at work, which included defeating Caillou, for which he and his partner had both been awarded the Toronto PD Medal of Honor, and promoted to Sergeant in a makeshift ceremony at the police station. He had also gotten calls from numerous world leaders, all offering him medals and/or rewards of hefty sums of money. The Queen of England had awarded him an MBE and knighthood! He had his ceremony next week at the Royal Palace in England. "Sir Sergeant James Tyrone, MBE," he said to himself. "Damn, that sounds nice! Maybe I'll get an honorary Ph.D., too! Then I'll be Sir Dr. Sergeant James Tyrone, MBE, Ph.D.!"
What he had forgotten was that his fiancée Tyra had texted him earlier that day, saying that she had gotten a job in Houston, Texas, and asking him if he would move there with her. He was in a meeting at the time, so he quickly texted back, "Congratulations! I need time to think about it, though." Ooh, wrong answer, Sergeant Tyrone. Wrong answer.
He got home from work and opened the front door of his house and cheerfully called out, "Honey! I'm home!" When he didn't get an answer, he called out, "Honey?" Now he was getting worried. He walked into the living room, and suddenly the lamp was turned on, revealing a very angry Tyra sitting on the couch with her arms folded. "What's the matter, honey?" he asked.
"Oh, you in big trouble, mister!" was all Tyra said back.
"Okay, but what did I do?" asked Sergeant Tyrone.
"You know what you did!" shouted Tyra.
"No, I don't, and you're scaring me," replied Sergeant Tyrone. "Please tell me what's wrong."
"You 'need time to think about it?'" shouted Tyra. "You NEED TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT? Boy, if you puttin' yo' job before our relationship, the only thing you gonna be thinkin' 'bout is how you done screwed up and lost a damn fine woman."
"I'm sorry, baby," he replied. "I was just really busy at work. Did you know I got promoted to sergeant?"
"Oh really?" said Tyra. "Well, congratulations, Sergeant Shithead! If you like yo' job so much, I'll even help you out and give you a crime to solve: 'Who's gonna murder yo' ass?' I'll give you a hint: it's me! You got some explainin' to do!"
"I'm sorry babe," he said. "I was in a meeting at the time, and I didn't have time to think it through. After all, you gotta admit, it is a big decision."
"Bahhh! Wrong answer, Sergeant Assface!" shouted Tyra. "Boy, you lucky I even still here right now! And other woman woulda dumped yo ass as soon as they got that text message."
"Well maybe I would've agreed to move with you if you weren't such a bitch," Sergeant Tryone snapped at her without thinking.
"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch?" shouted Tyra. "I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in guerilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo."
"Alright, babe, calm down," sighed Officer Tyrone. "I'll move to Houston with you."
