Got to Love Your Family
A/N ~ Sorry about the wait.
Summary ~ Pin the tail on the donkey, muffins, pink miniskirts, a fluffy teddy bear, and toothpaste. What does this have to do with the Cullens? Oh well, they still love their Family! Nessie and Jacob will be included. Bella is vampire. After BD
Disclaimer ~ I don't own Twilight or anything affiliated with Twilight. I also do not own the phrase "What the Fuzz" That belongs to fanpirealice.
2. Cooking with Emmy Bear
Emmett's POV
Today was a cookin' day at the Cullen residence. Jacob and Nessie left to do whatever virgins do in their spare time. Wink, wink... Edward and Bella were discussing the pros and cons of chipmunks. Alice was dancing. Duh. Rosalie was being hot. Carlisle was doing Doctor Tricks for stupid unreliable gnomes! Esme was trying to infiltrate a fort. Jasper was riding his motorcycle very nakedly. And I was left alone to do nothingness.
It was dark in the room I was entering. Knives gleamed on the walls surrounding me. There was a faint smell of peanut butter floating through the air. It was a strange aroma, and it led me to believe that all chickens should be made into waffles. A strange conclusion, I noted. Stupid pen! It won't write!
Now I can't spill my secrets to Jimmy, the journal!
I flicked the light on and...THE KITCHEN! A scream rang out! I threw myself into the cupboards. I smashed my head on a box of Cheerios. OUCH!
Nessie and Jacob looked up from the floor. Guilty as charged! Jacob was holding a set of cards.
"AH HA! I have caught you naughty little children! I'm telling Mommy!" I screeched.
Nessie quickly gained a cover up. "Hey, Emmett! I'm hungry! Make me cookies!"
I was struck by the geniusness of this idea! I am a professional chef in my spare time. But sometimes I forget. And then I eat garbage. Which is bad, from what Alice tells me as a bedtime story.
FLASHBACK TIME!
Alice was dressed up as an old Grandma. On her head she wore a white wig. It was curled. She had really thick goggles on. She was wearing a princess dress.
"Never eat garbage, Emmy! You'll get constipated!"
NO MORE FLASHBACKS!
Well, that was weird!
Jacob and Nessie stared at me as if I was chocolate rabbit.
"Stop looking like you want to eat me, Nessie!" I yelled out.
"Well, I'm hungry! Jacob refuses to feed me! He says I'm overweight for a three year old!" Nessie burst in to gut-wrenching tears. Seriously, I had a wrench in my gut. I ate the garbage! I didn't listen to Alice. She was ugly!
"Fine, I'll make you cookies!" I screamed.
I looked at Jacob, "Shut up, Jacobi One - Kenobi!" he stared at me. Stunned. Like a rabbit. Only not, cause I'm the rabbit.
Jacob and Nessie made like a tree. They leafed. And I got out the cooking supplies! This was going to be a mission that is impossible. Mission Impossible. Good God!
I looked at the instructions. Two eggs. I threw two little white fluffy peeping things in a bowl. Peeping things said "Save Me!" in animal talk, but I ignored them, because I don't speak animal talk. But Esme does!
So, I am deciding to skip in time.
3 hours later.
The kitchen was a mess. I was mess. Nessie was a mess. Alice was shocked into dancing. Jacob was on the floor. Rosalie was pissed off, and Edward and Bella were making out. But I had my cookies. Even if they were kinda fluffy.
Nessie took a bite. The cookies peeped. "Save Me!"
Nessie took the cookies out of her mouth. "What was that Alice?"
"I didn't say anything!"
Nessie shrugged and everyone held their breath as she took a bite. She chewed for a second, a thoughtful expression on her face. Suddenly, she spat the cookies out. It landed on Jacob's nose and he started licking at it like a dumb dog! Nessie slammed cookie on the counter top and it began crawling away, but nobody noticed this because of the angry expression on Nessie's face.
For a second, I thought she was going to notice the feathers and the little eyes peeking out at her. I held my breath, waiting for her to start screaming about the little claws.
"GOD, YOU USED SALT INSTEAD OF SUGAR! WHAT THE FUZZ, EMMETT!"
So it's been a long time. Review if you want the poor baby chickens to be saved!
