Hello all. Here's the next chapter.
Though she's slept since their conversation on the veranda, Integra still feels restless; Alucard's question has haunted her in her sleep, has plagued her during all this morning and now torments her during this rest she's supposed to be enjoying. The fact she has managed to get any work done has amazed her.
"Unless you see me as something more?" she echoes his question incredulously and shakes her head with a sigh of frustration. She sits in her study at her desk, toying with her cigar still quite unable to relax.
When has she ever given that impression to Alucard? What the devil has put that fool notion into her servants head? She should cut that worms head off before it grows into a snake and becomes poisonous for both of them – Masters and Servants do not see each other as 'something more', it is not done!
Walter enters almost as if to prove her point – she has known Walter since she was a little girl, she has grown up with his support, care and guidance and she values him like the Uncle that she should have had. But though she feels a deep affection towards the butler it has always been clear to her that he values his position as her servant and so he rarely steps out of that role unless he's required to.
This has happened only twice that she can recall; once when her father died and he had to comfort her and helped to ease the pain of the loss, and secondly when he returned from his trip abroad and discovered the peril he'd unknowingly left her in and she'd had to help him compose himself. That is also the only time she has seen the butler visibly shaken and moved to tears – a lack of composure does not suit him and she'd had to reassure him that she was alright at least five times before he'd pulled himself together.
She understands why he was upset; she had only been a child at the time. He must have felt awful for leaving her whilst she was at such a vulnerable age.
"Walter?" she now asks the butler.
"Yes my Lady?" he replies smoothly and walks over to her desk to wait patiently before her.
"Am I…" she falters feeling slightly foolish but she continues "Am I ever unclear with Alucard?"
Walter frowns "No Sir, you've always made it clear what you wish of him."
Integra sighs "No Walter, I'm not making myself understood; have I ever given the impression that I think of him as something more than a servant?"
Walter thinks about it and answers "I would say that you have treated Alucard with more trust and care than most members of this family have ever shown him and such things can be interpreted in different ways depending on the person viewing it, if that helps at all my Lady?"
"Somewhat…" she replies in a flat tone and finally stubs the cigar out into the ashtray feeling she no longer has a taste for it right now.
Walter's looks sympathetic and steps around the table to ask her "Is something wrong Sir Integra? You seem troubled today?"
The woman sighs and considers telling him what's on her mind, Walter's older than her and he's known Alucard longer than her, perhaps he could help… but then she imagines him asking her how she feels about the vampire and she feels embarrassed with herself. No, if she asks him to help her then it implies she does not know how she feels and since she does know and there is nothing there to speak of there's no need to trouble Walter with this matter.
"No Walter, but thank you for asking." She replies after a slight pause.
"Very good Sir." The butler retreats to his former position "Will that be all my Lady?"
Integra looks up and a small grin tugs at the corners of her mouth "Is it too early to eat lunch?" she asks him carefully.
The butler blinks at the sudden change and struggles to keep himself from smiling back at her hopeful face that makes her seem like a little girl again "O-of course not Sir…!" Walter coughs "We shall call this a very late breakfast… and I am glad to see your appetite has returned."
By 'appetite' he clearly means her good mood. Her smile widens into a pleased grin – she knows how to appease her old friend when he worries and now she rises from her chair "Well then Walter, I have decided I shall go for a walk in the garden. Do inform me when breakfast is served Walter."
He bows crisply "Of course my Lady."
As she walks through the gardens all seems well once again in her world, Alucard is an enigma at times but she does know him well. She makes her mind up, she must confront him about that question of his but there's no need for it to be an unpleasant situation. She will try to be reasonable about it and get him to explain himself… if indeed he has got ideas above his station then it would be best to dissuade him from entertaining those thoughts in a gentle way.
She might not be a warm person all the time but she knows how to be sensitive with people, her difficult life and duty have not yet made her cynical or unnecessarily harsh with others.
If he was making fun of her however then she will not be pleased and he will be punished for that because his question did cost her a nights rest when it needn't have and she can't afford that.
She smiles confidently and sits on a bench outside, enjoying the wind and sunlight on her face.
"A beautiful sight."
She turns around with a start; Alucard stands only a few feet behind her and watches her with a broad smile on his face, because it is the day the Count takes certain precautions. An overly wide brim fedora covers his head and he wears sunglasses and a long Victorian overcoat to protect himself from the rays of the sun.
"You were thinking so loudly about me that I couldn't help but see what all the fuss was about." He explains with a helpless shrug.
Integra doesn't believe that; she thinks he's been watching her all morning. It would help to explain the unease she's been feeling.
Her gaze falls upon his gloves suddenly and she frowns at them, the markings are there, black as ink and clear as ever… for a moment she wonders if they have stopped working or that they are forgeries…
"You do amuse me sometimes Integra!" the vampire laughs "That magic can't be undone or removed even by someone as powerful as me. Besides – it was put there by a human, and only that human can remove it."
Integra is amazed at her great grandfather's abilities sometimes. Truly he was a brilliant man.
Alucard's face implies he does not quite share that sentiment. Integra flushes angrily and mentally puts her guard up "Stop reading my mind servant!" she snaps angrily at the being that stands behind her.
Alucards looks at her curiously and removes his glasses, he stares at her for a long moment and then nods to the house "Your breakfast is ready. Old Walter will be calling you any moment." His sense of smell is far greater than hers and a second later she sees he wasn't deceiving her; Walter comes out of the rear entrance to the house and starts looking around for her.
She catches his attention and nods that she is coming. The butler bows and goes back inside the house, Integra makes to follow but before she leaves she looks seriously at Alucard "We have to talk." She informs him.
Alucard smiles "I look forward to it then, my Master."
As Integra eats her meal the old Vampire watches from within the ceiling, in the shadows his eyes blink and swim around endlessly. He is unnoticed by both Walter and Integra and so he does not bother to leave them alone. In honesty he is curious about them both, humans fascinate him sometimes. It's been so long since he was one of them that he's forgotten what certain things feel like. He cannot recall the taste of food, nor enjoy the feel of the suns rays without feeling sickness in the pit of his stomach and a crawling sensation wherever the light is on his skin.
However, emotions and feelings are things he still has. He doesn't have them the same way he used to – when you become a monster you become detached from the everyday events of the world and you no longer feel human after a while. Being a monster doesn't just rob you of life's perspective, it robs you of some of the very basic things you take for granted as a human as well; you can still be passionate but the sensation is muted because without the feeling of a racing heartbeat you feel like you are only saying the words and not truly experiencing them, and after a while you forget what it is to love something with your heart.
You can still feel sorrow but the lack of tears for you to shed will cheapen the emotion for you until it no longer seems worth the effort. Alucard only cries now when he has a nightmare, but he cries out of anger at his past which is not the same as sorrow. He cannot recall when he last felt sorry for someone other than himself.
You can still bleed when you get cut, but you won't fear that you're bleeding to death or worry about the pain, because all you can see leaking out of you is food. It's like the headaches humans get which they simply take medicine for to get better before carrying on – once you come to realise most wounds aren't fatal to you and accept that pain goes away after a short while you eventually stop caring about getting hurt and it makes you lose the fear and sense of self-preservation you had as a human.
It's terrible to be a monster if you try to think of it like a human would, so monsters stop caring about all that and embrace what they are.
They find other ways to enjoy themselves and they learn to replace feelings with cleverness and it makes them become arrogant.
Then they finally accept what it is to be a vampire and start getting powerful.
Then most of them start doing whatever they want, without any thought for anyone else other than themselves.
It would be a perfect way to live, Alucard muses to himself, if only you could completely forget what it was to be a human and you can't do that because you live in their world and you look almost exactly the same as them and when you feed off them you get an imprint of the life you just robbed for food.
You can't ever completely forget. That's why vampirism is called a curse. Most people are granted the luxury of forgetfulness as they age and vampires do not get that grace.
Alucard turns away from the scene of Integra eating her breakfast and retires to his chamber, feeling wearier than he has in a long while.
Integra headed down to the chamber the housed her most powerful secret. The walls were dark and the noise echoed down here in an eerie manner. The air also felt too close – it was like breathing in the steam in a sauna. A strange sensation.
She paused at the end of the corridor to inspect the furthest doorway, a tall and heavy door that was faintly marked with arcane symbols in chalks and charcoals. She ran her fingers down in softly, her white gloves not picking up even dust despite the age of the door. The markings also were unspoiled by her touch.
Strong magic indeed to keep even dead cells and skin off its surface. Nothing dead could pass through this door once it was sealed up, and no dark magics would be powerful enough to counter it.
She shakes her head in astonishment, she's heard of wards and seen barriers in action – but this is something that leaves those devices behind, a custom made barrier to hold back a heavily customised vampire.
How it was devised she can only speculate. Abraham Van Hellsing was a brilliant man, even by today's demanding standards.
She doubles back and takes another passage, this one leading to the man she seeks. She paused outside of the doorway, it was still daylight and tonight might offer them a challenge… she shrugged. She had managed a nights poor rest, Alucard could do the same.
She pushed open the door and beheld the Count in his living chambers.
"Good day, my servant?" she asks the man who lounges on the throne that sits facing the doorway.
"It was until quite recently" he replies with a grimace, as he does so he points over to the far wall. Integra's gaze falls on the Police Girl, who gives her a shaky smile. Her Harkonnen is currently lying in pieces around her, the Police girl is clearly in the process of cleaning and reassembling it.
"G-good day Sir Integra" Seras greets her nervously.
"Why aren't you sleeping right now?" Integra demands of the young draculina.
"I- well…" Seras gives her master an imploring look and the Count sighs before a sardonic grin creeps over his features.
"She still cannot get used to sleeping in the day. I gave her this task to fatigue and bore her. She has now cleaned both my Casull and her Harkonnen." He explains to his waiting Master.
"I see." Integra lights a cigar up and waves that Seras may continue for the moment. The Police girl gets about her business quickly.
"I was hoping for a chat." Integra tells her servant "But I suppose it will have to wait now she is here."
"Integra, you can still talk with the police girl in here" Alucard teases "She'll stay quiet for once, right police girl?" he asks his well-endowed servant.
"Yes Master!" Seras grunts as she struggles to fit the pieces of her cumbersome weapon together.
Integra glares at the vampire – coincidence or not, he's keeping Seras here to annoy her. What they need to speak about is personal and she doesn't care for people listening in on her conversations.
"Seras" Integra says sharply "I need to speak with your Master alone. Leave that for later."
the young blonde is perplexed, but she doesn't argue and leaves them alone.
The hellsing leader gives her servant a look after Seras shuts the door and her footsteps disappear "Are you done playing games?"
Alucard removes his glasses and hat "Are you?" he counters.
"Yes." Integra replies "Now answer me plainly for once; what do you see when you look at me?"
"I see you my Master." The No-Life King replies.
"And what do you think of me?" Integra demands.
"Ah," Alucard chuckles in amusement "So you figured it out. Was I too obvious with my affections?"
Integra shakes her head "Not too obvious. But what have I done lately to make you think I feel that way?"
"Who says it only started recently on my behalf, Integra?" Alucard rises and shrugs off his overcoat. He stands before her in his suit and boots with his shaggy hair falling down nearly over his eyes "You are so different from the other members of your family. You have been kind to me, you have cared for me. I can only assume this means you must like me in a way none of the others did."
He regards her fondly "Besides, you are quite beautiful and I appreciate beauty." He adds.
"WHAT!" Integra gasps "You-! Youthink I'm being kind to you because I'm attracted to you?" she asks incredulously.
"Well, aren't you?" Alucard grins "You don't seem very sure of how to feel about me these days Master. I heard the deliberation to ask Walter that went on in your head earlier."
Integra feels a blush rising up her cheeks "You were watching me!"
"Always, my dear Master. You are never far from my mind or my sight." Alucard confirms smoothly.
"Listen to me Alucard! I do not find you attractive, I don't know why you feel this way but I do not share your feelings, your freedom is nothing more than a reward for your devoted service! Surely you know that!"
The vampire looks amused "And your confusion and indecision is mere coincidence I suppose?"
Integra has had enough "If I was ever confused it was because I did not truly believe you could be seriously entertaining the notion of courtship with me!"
"And what if I was Integra? What if I still am?" the vampire presses "I need something more than the meaningless existence I currently have to keep me going - you cannot just ask me to ignore my own feelings because it displeases you that I have them."
"If it doesn't please me then I expect you to respect my wishes and learn to live with them!"
"I have had to live without feelings for years and now I find some you ask me to ignore them for the sake of your pride! All I ask for is you to reward me with something I want for a change!" Alucard growls at her "I have done enough for this family to deserve that much!" he spits angrily.
"Forget it Alucard! I am a Hellsing, I am your Master and what you want is never going to happen! I will not disgrace my families honour by sleeping with you! Not for your pleasure and certainly not just because you think I'm attracted to you!" Integra shouts.
Alucard's eyes narrow and his growls "Well then it seems I have an answer now Integra – 'How do I feel about my situation?' you asked me yesterday. I'll tell you how I feel – I feel the same damn way I always have! I feel used without reward!
"And as for what I see in you? I see my Master, the woman whom I should respect and serve, but now and I also see another damned Hellsing who cares only for what she can use me for without thought or care for what I want in return!"
"I could make things far worse for you Alucard" she warns "Do not test me!"
"Then do not toy with me Integra! You are a fool if you think I'll lose anything more to this family than what you have already taken from me!"
"Lose anything more!" she snaps "What more can you lose Count! You've clearly lost your senses – look around you Alucard! What can I possibly take from a man that has nothing left!"
Integra suddenly realises what she just said and puts a hand to her mouth, she did not mean to say that but she knows it's too late to take it back.
Alucard's mouth opens in the smallest gasp and he lets out a grunt as he squeezes his eyes shut. Integra tries to think of something she can do to remedy this situation but suddenly the vampires eyes open, blazing like hot coals in his eyes and his lips pull back to reveal the white serrated teeth in his mouth with a snarl of anger.
"Get out of my chamber!"
Integra hastily speaks "Alucard, I didn't-"
"GET OUT OR ELSE!" The No-Life King roars and advances.
Please R&R
- S17.
