A/N: So… uh… hey. This is the author checking in. Just thought I'd put in an author's note on this chapter since I didn't in the first. Just noticed that every other fanfiction seemed to have one, so since this is my first I figured I'd do the same. Yeah. Not really much to say. Just that any questions about the story or my choice of characterization changes can be directed to the "Review" section of this story. Any suggestions can also be directed there, want more comedy or more serious moments? Now's your chance to get it! Also, thanks to… uh… xspydrz and ThundersnailOP for following this little adventure, you guys are great and this chapter is dedicated to you two. Bet that just makes your day, woohoo… but in all seriousness thanks, it was really awesome to get those two emails. To all my other anonymous fans, step it up a notch! And without more of me wasting your time, here you go!
P.A.N.(Post Author's Note): I guess I'm supposed to suggest you fav/follow/comment something or other, but if you planned to do that it wouldn't need to be suggested, so don't worry about me doing that!
Chapter 2: A Reluctant Knight's Rebirth THANKS FOR READING BROOKE!
Far away from the Shrine and its residents, the bells deep tolls rolled. It passed over the lands surrounding the Shrine all the way to the nearby graveyard. Past cliffs and undead grim reaper wannabees, past Ludex Gundyr and Ludleth pathetically dragging himself toward the Shrine. In the graveyard the sound rattled the very graves that held the Unkindled. It traveled without losing a bit of its volume, loud enough to wake the dead.
And wake the dead it did. The waking groans of two Unkindled emanated from the coffins as the lids were lifted, and without a word, the two figures stumbled toward the Shrine. One pausing to open a nearby coffin and retrieve a sword and shield from its occupant.
It was not until much later that exact occupant was revived themselves. A nameless knight laid in a bare coffin, sword and shield stolen, and armor stripped bare. Beneath a concealing helmet, ash-caked eyes snapped open to find themselves bathing in light again, streaming through a small crack in the coffin. Huh, this is a boring death dream. The Knight thought. The form heaved a tired sigh, only to be forced to stop halfway through as he nearly hacked up a lung in a dust-spewing fit of coughing. As the body heaved contaminated breath in and out the coffin he laid in became covered in ash and dust, and in a desperate struggle for breath he kicked the coffin's lid off as hard as he could. Flailing his arms blindly, he stumbled about the inside of the tomb, hacking up volumes of dust. A choked yelp escaped the Knight as he tripped on the outside of the coffin and he landed in a heap of armor and dirt on the ground. There he lay, continuing to cough until the dust and ash slowly became normal air.
As the last bits of contaminant left his body, the Knight righted himself on the ground in a sitting position. He looked around him, at the cemetery and the dead world surrounding it. With trembling hands, he touched his helmet. He could feel again, and as his coughing fit attested he could breathe again. There was no doubting it, he was alive once more, the world seemed to be falling apart right now, and he really had to pee!
In a frantic scramble, he worked to undo the bare bits of armor that protected his hips and legs, at least until a thought occurred to him. Stopping his struggle he paused and whiffed the air coming up from his armor, he retched in reflex as the scent of… bodily functions greeted his nostrils. "Right," he said, "I died in this armor, didn't I? No point to that now." And with a mixture of shame, relief, and undead apathy he released himself on the ground beneath him.
"Pardon me, but might you be Unkindled?"
With a yell of surprise that echoed through the cemetery, the Knight whipped his head all around himself to find the source of the voice. In reflex, he belted out, the sacred fantasy babble of the Lothric Knights. "No need to worry, citizen, 'tis a Lothric Knight on patrol, doing knightly and chivalrous deeds, and certainly nothing uncouth! Uh, huzzah, hah hah!" Blushing like a schoolgirl under his helmet he gritted his teeth and stopped his bowel movement. He set his hands on his hips and attempted to look valiant. "Now reveal yourself, citizen. No need to be frightened."
"I am underneath you."
The Knight's heart all of a sudden found itself in his stomach and he forced his gaze downward. Below him, laying on his stomach, was a small man wearing a crown, his only clothing a freshly dampened set of tattered robes. Guess there's no point to that shtick then. He thought. "Oh, uh, sorry about that little guy."
The man gave him a weak smile. "No worries, I've had worse. You are Unkindled?"
The Knight squatted down to be eye level with the man and tried to ignore the stench. "That depends on what an Unkindled is, and who you are."
"I'm Ludleth of Courland, a recent Lord of Cinder, or at least, I think I am. Time is confusing when you've been dead. And you are an Unkindled, or an undead reborn to link the fire. One who's failed before," The Knight found himself vaguely remembering something like that. "Most likely you were too weak-willed to truly fuel the fire's ambition." Right… that had been how he died.
Lord of Cinder, Unkindled, fires. All meaningless vocabulary to the Knight. He didn't even want to be here in the first place. "Right, so how do I go back to not being... here?"
Ludleth beamed up at him, "You unite the Lords of Cinder and link the fire."
"You keep saying that, but what's a Lord of Cinder?"
"Someone who's linked the fire before."
"Then why won't they link the fire? Obviously they're better at it than I am."
"They don't want to."
"Then why didn't the cycle's heir just do it?"
"He didn't want to either, hence the Lords of Cinder."
"Alright, then where am I?"
"Hmm... now I can't say I know the answer to that question. In fact, I wish to know myself. Now questions aside I must humbly ask you to carry my body to the Shrine. As you can see I don't have the strongest legs." He wiggled the stumps of his legs in the air, laughing to himself. "Love that joke."
"Well, wait now. I haven't agreed to do this yet."
"No, not yet. But we achieve nothing by standing in this cemetery. If you wish to refuse your duties it can at least be in the comfort of a bonfire." To bolster his point a frigid breeze blew through the abandoned graveyard, knocking over an undead that had begun walking toward the pair.
"Good point. I'm depressed enough right now." Without another protest, he kneeled in front of Ludleth and the small man wrapped his arms around the knight's neck. Getting up the Knight found himself barely hindered by the man's weight, no more so than by his helmet. They began walking away from the Unkindled graves. "Oh, wait." The Knight ran back toward his grave. "I have to get my sword and shi-" He looked down into the tomb. His weapons were gone. In despair, he slumped down onto the edge of his coffin. "I really liked that shield… damn it."
As the pair walked toward the Shrine, Ludleth piped up once again. "Pardon me, Unkindled, but I completely neglected to ask your name. What might it be?"
The Knight stopped in his tracks and stared straight ahead, he squinted his eyes in concentration. "I, uh, I don't know. I'm sure I had one. I know I was part of the Lothric Knights, that much I remember, so my memory can't be that terrible." He pounded his fist into his helmet in frustration before sighing. "Guess my identity doesn't even matter in this whole thing anyway."
Ludleth rubbed the Knight's shoulder. "Perhaps it will in time. Don't worry now, I will call you Unkindled for the time being."
"Yeah, good enough..." As they continued down trudging through the coiled roots of trees and crazed undead, the Unkindled found himself unable to take the continuing scent of his years-soiled armor. "Before we go I really have do change this armor." His eyes locked onto an armored corpse leaning peacefully on a fountain. "Is that?" In quiet morbid fascination, he leaned down to inspect the warrior. The man was so well equipped but had been defeated so soon, he knew the feeling. He was Astoran too, probably lived his whole life to pursue the dream of lighting the fire. The Unkindled felt a heavy load of empathetic sadness weigh on him. He did his best to brush it aside. "Sorry, about this." He muttered to the corpse.
Mentally reciting the limericks he had been taught in the Lothric Knights on how to undo armor, he picked apart the corpse's armor and then put it on himself. Once equipped he walked to a nearby zombie and tried to see his reflection in the undead's shield. "Nice, I'd always envied the Astorans for this armor." He rubbed the armor's heavily armored left arm. "Especially this part, amazing for shields."
"They did believe heavily in the merit of shields against magic," Ludleth commented.
Apparently, the zombie did not respect the Astoran's consideration for shields and attempted a swipe at his head. The Unkindled dodged and countered with a brutal punch to the zombie's head. Once on the ground, he began kicking the zombie until it stopped moving. "That reminds me, I should find a weapon."
Going back to the corpse he searched around and found a sword and a blue flask, much like his Estus one. He checked the sword the knight had been holding and was disappointed to find it broken. He decided to take it nonetheless. He stopped to look at the blue Estus flask. He grabbed it and held it up to Ludleth. "Know anything about this one?"
The man shook his head. "No, I can't say that I do. Perhaps you could try it?"
He swirled the contents of the flask around. "I don't really want to."
Ludleth chuckled. "Not as if it can kill you."
Good point. The Unkindled uncapped the bottle and inched it to his mouth. With a quick motion, he tipped it back and allowed the liquid to enter his mouth. He hummed in thought as he swished it around in his mouth, hoping to get a feel for it. It was thicker than a drink, somewhere between syrup and water in consistency. Despite that, the taste was not terrible, somewhat like berries. His eyes widened in realization. This, this was the taste of those berries. Those wonderful berries that had grown inside... her garden. Those days of quiet play and dreams walked across his vision as the essence spread through his body. Finally, he felt the ashen textures of the substance invade the taste and he was forced to swallow it. He ignored the tears pricking at his eyes and turned back to Ludleth. "I think it replenishes my magic."
Ludleth nodded. "That would be useful, should we keep it?"
The Knight looked at the bottle in his hand. His first instinct was to throw it, classic knight training in avoiding emotional intimacy and all that. But, he hesitated, and finally moved to tuck it into the pouch at his hip."Yeah, let's use it."
Taking the shield up and strapping it on his arm he continued once again to the Shrine. "So, Ludleth, how do I get into the Shrine? Is there some test or sacrifice, do I have to be over a certain height, something like that?"
The Knight walked along, pummeling any undead that wandered too close with his shield. "Ah, you see you must defeat Ludex Gundyr. He judges who is worthy to hunt the Lords."
The Knight continued up a hill until he tripped over an unseen obstacle. Facedown in the dirt he directed another question to Ludleth. "What the Izalith was that?"
Ludleth looked back from his spot on the Knight, seeing a lone sword stuck into the ground, surrounded by bones. He chuckled "It's a bonfire." The small man reached out his hand to the sword and it ignited, sending embers spiraling into the air.
The Unkindled sat up to look at the burning sword. "Wow, so those are still around. Good, because I get the feeling I'm going to be dying soon." He got up and investigated the sword closer. He held out a hand to touch the hilt. "You think I could use this thing to fight Gundyr?"
Ludleth shook his head. "Doubtful."
"Great. How about we see what I have to beat with my bare hands then?"
One arm-flailing, scream-filled sprint through the masses of the undead brought them to an arena shaped opening. On one side was a large expanse that fell down into nothingness, across from the pair was a set of giant steel doors. In the very middle of the circular area was a stone statue with a coiled sword impaled through its chest. The Unkindled entered the arena and walked toward the statue to investigate. It appeared to be of a man. If men were over nine feet tall. Kneeling on one knee, he held a large halberd. Bulging muscles appeared to peek through his armor and on the back he noticed what seemed to be a small Pus of Man outbreak. So, in summary, this was going to be easy. Definitely easy.
"Alright, so how do I wake the big guy up? I'm ready to get to this bonfire."
"Just pull that sword out of his chest and he shall awaken."
The Unkindled placed both hands on the sword and began to pull. "This is great! Now I can bludgeon him with this thing! Life is just turning out peach-" The sword exited Gundyr's body and slipped out of the Unkindled's hands. It clattered onto the ground with a pitiful "tink" before rolling away. The Knight blew on his hands and flexed his fingers, ignoring the grinding sounds of Ludex Gundyr awakening. His body becoming flesh and armor again as he rose to his feet."Ow, that was heavy. Jeez." The Knight froze as he felt a moist and heavy breath on his head. Slowly, he looked up to find his face firmly implanted into Gundyr's crotch. "Oh, hello there, good si-" With a resounding clang, the Knight flew from the arena and off the mountain. The cry of "SCREW YOU GUNDYR!" echoing throughout the cemetery.
Fifteen Tries Later…
The Knight sat despondently at the nearest bonfire, his head in his hands. "You know, I think that went pretty well. Just a little more and we would've got him."
Ludleth's head poked up from the ground. "You really think so!"
"NO! That sucked! I suck. How am I supposed to defeat him without a weapon…" He trailed off as he looked at Ludleth's small, nimble, light, and quite sword-like body. He kneeled in front of Ludleth and cleared his throat. "Ludleth." He placed a hand on his shoulder. "I must ask a request of you. I realize it is strange, but it must be done to get past Gundyr." He looked right into Ludleth's eyes, locking into his gaze. He spoke in a deep and sensual voice. "May I utilize your underdeveloped body to bludgeon my enemies to death?"
"I don't think that would be effective, Unkindled."
"It's the only way."
"I cannot see what use I would possibly be in this situation."
The Unkindled edged closer, "The most help, you would be a powerful force in my victory. A colossus!"
That bit had gotten to the small man, "A colossus..." He mumbled. "I really don't know..." He trailed off.
The Unkindled's right hand gripped Ludleth's other shoulder. "Please, I only wish to grip you by your stubby legs and swing your small body at Gundyr's face until he dies. And possibly throw you at him in order to retreat myself in case of an emergency."
Ludleth blushed. "Like a kangaroo?"
The Knight nodded slowly. "Just like a kangaroo."
Ludleth turned away bashfully and hid his face in his hands. "I'm not sure if my body is ready for that. This is my first time."
"Think of this as your chance to show the world exactly what a true Lord of Cinder can do. No, what you can do!" He rose up and lifted Ludleth into the air, holding him off the cliff and out past the edge of the mountain. They looked out together, at the world's endless possibilities. He put his face right next to Ludleth's as they watched together. "Can you see it, Ludleth? The endless adventures out there for a mighty Lord of Cinder like you. It'll be great! We just have to get past that one little obstacle, through me beating him to death with your face. We can do it!"
Ludleth's face lit up with excitement and he pumped his fists into the air. "YES! YES! I CAN! I! AM! THE! LORD! OF! CINDER! AHHHHHHHHH!"
"YOU CAN DO IT!
"YEAH, I CAN!"
A sixteenth panicked sprint through the undead brought them in front of Gundyr once again. The Unkindled stood in triumph, his shield slung across his back and his hands holding Ludleth's legs. "Alright, little guy, here we go!"
Ludex started aggressively, swinging his halberd back and forth in front of himself as the Unkindled rolled and dove between the strikes. One swing went too wide and the Knight rushed forward and swing Ludleth at Ludex's knees. With an explosion of teeth and a wail of pain from Ludleth, the blow sent him buckling and he aimed a powerful golf swing to Ludex's skull. Ludleth grabbed on and pulled, preventing Ludex from moving his head. Taking his shield from his back the Knight slammed the edge of it into Ludex's neck and across his jaw. Ending with a kick to Gundyr's groin for good measure he pulled Ludleth back off and retreated slightly.
Or he would have if Gundyr had not gripped him by the shield on his back and pulled him into the air. He threw him up and the Knight fell as he was impaled on the edge of Ludex's halberd. He was slammed into the ground and drug across it. He came off and rolled to a stop in front of a tree. The halberd came after and planted itself above the Knight's head.
"Unkindled, quickly, the flask!" His Estus flask was pushed into his hand and the Unkindled took a quick swig as the halberd was pulled out of the tree again. Scurrying to his feet, the Knight stumbled a bit in dizzyness before sprinting away from Gundyr's looming figure. His halberd was beaten into the ground as he swung it uselessly in rage. One blow caused it to be stuck there.
Seizing the opportunity, The Knight slung the shield from his back and turning quickly he flung the shield toward Gundyr's head. The blow knocked his head back and the Unkindled charged forward again and jumped off of Gundyr's halberd and into the air, slamming Ludleth down onto his head. He felt Ludleth's body tense as he bit into Ludex Gundyr's neck. "Nice one, Ludleth!" The Knight grabbed his shield off of the ground and once more slammed it into Ludex's head.
The Knight grabbed Ludleth off of Ludex's neck and hopped back as Ludex Gundyr began to rumble. In an explosion of slime, the Pus of Man erupted from his back and formed a mass of shining muck across Ludex's upper body. The mass becoming a giant claw, tail, and mouth. The pair had not seen this one before. "Uh… Ludleth? What're we supposed to do about that?" He screamed.
Ludleth turned in his grip to look at the Knight. He said in the most serious tone possible. "Kangaroo me. Throw me at the beast's ankles."
The Knight beamed with pride, "Is your body ready?" Ludleth nodded. Alright…" He cocked his arm back and aimed. "Then Joey that bitch!" The Knight yelled as he flung Ludleth's body at the beast. Impacting against him, Ludleth grabbed on and began furiously biting and clawing Ludex's ankles. The beast began to panic and flailed around the battlefield, knocking into trees and structures. The Unkindled cheered Ludleth on as he sprinted toward the coiled sword on the ground. "Go, Ludleth! You bite those ankles! You bite those ankles like a Lord!" He slid on the ground, picked up the sword and sprinted back toward Ludex, hoisting the sword over his shoulder. "Don't let them hold you down!" The Knight weaved between claw swings, pummeling the coiled sword into any opening he found.
In a wild swing, the beast's claw came at the Unkindled in an upward arc. Sensing an opportunity the Unkindled grabbed onto the hand and swung high into the air. At the peak of the arc, he let go and was flung high above Ludex. "Hey, Ludex…" He aimed the sword below him and came down into a dive. "You want this sword back…" He pulled his legs back to dive faster and grinned in triumph as realization shone on the monsters face. He heaved downward and as he came down onto the beast the sword was impaled violently through Ludex's chest in an explosion of slime and blood. The deed done, the Knight kneeled on the beast's back. "Then take it and die."
The beast groaned in a death rattle. "Not again… every time…" And with that the monster faded away, leaving the Unkindled and Ludleth laying on the ground panting. A message appeared in writing above the pair. Heir of Fire Defeated.
Suddenly a great heat rose up in the Knight and he erupted into embers. "What the hell!" The Unkindled screamed rolling in the water around where Ludex Gundyr once kneeled. "Jesus Pygmy, why am I on fire! I- wait." He paused and sat up in the puddle, gazing at his hands. "Why doesn't this hurt? In fact, it feels really good! Like a bonfire is inside of me. This is great. Hey, Ludleth, what is this?"
He turned to look at the small Lord who had rolled to lay on his stomach. The old man wiped the blood from his mouth and spit out a couple of teeth. He chuckled. "This is what the existence of a Lord of Cinder feels like, Unkindled. Magical, isn't it? Your own personal bonfire. That is the feeling I became so enamored with in my sacrifice. Made all the effort worth it."
"Really, so I can become a Lord too?"
Ludleth smiled sagelike. "If only for a short while, at least until you link the fire."
"Right, right." His head snapped up suddenly. "Say, Ludleth, what happens to you when I link the fire?"
The old man's smile withered a bit. "It does not matter, it is a long way away. For now, let's enjoy this small victory." He rubbed his battered body. "It was quite a battle."
"Yeah, it was." The Unkindled lit the bonfire near him and after carrying Ludleth to it, sat down. They reclined together on the ground and looked up at the sky above. "It really was."
"Yes, I believe we deserve a small rest before we finish the walk to the Shrine."
"Huh, would you look at that, a dragon."
"This world truly is full of mysteries."
A/N: For those who may be confused by the "Like a kangaroo" joke, this gag is based on the real-life survival tactic of kangaroos. Namely that when threatened they will throw their children at the threat in order to attack or distract it. Pretty messed up, but the descriptive gag of a small man being thrown at hulking monsters was too good to pass up. Fun facts!
Editing Notes: Ashen Estus Flask scene edited heavily.
