She was drowning. It was the only plausible explanation. Her clothes were slicked to her skin, and every breath she sucked in felt void of oxygen. It felt like swimming.

Thea pried her eyes open, which was easier said than done. They'd crusted over while she was asleep, the gunk inky black from the eyeliner she hadn't bothered to remove the night before. It was probably streaked across her face, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

She literally had to peel the sheets off her legs. They were saturated in sweat, sticking to her like a second skin. She stripped her sleep shirt and her shorts as well, and walked out into the living room in her knickers and a sports bra. She walked around the couch before sitting down this morning. Her skin felt so sticky she might not have been able to slide.

"Morning," greeted Marnie. She was sitting in the same spot on the couch, wearing the same pyjamas, eating from the same dwindling box of corn flakes. She still did not look away from the news. "Heat?"

"Heat," Thea confirmed. She laid an arm over her eyes to block out the sunlight. "God, I feel wretched."

"You know, that's so weird. I've been freezing all morning."

"You're pregnant. You don't count."

"Excuse me," gasped Marnie, "I do too count! That expecting book you bought me for my birthday says all my feelings are valid and that I need to communicate my needs."

"I didn't know you were actually reading that."

Thea sat up slightly, enough that she could make a grab for the cereal. But Marnie pulled it out of her reach with a pout.

"Ah! If you want breakfast, I'll need you to apologise."

"Is that so?" Thea glowered at her. "How about I kick you out of my flat and you live in the Sainsbury store room for the next six months?"

"Please," Marnie scoffed. "You wouldn't do that to your godson. Or goddaughter. Find a better threat."

"Fuck you. I'm sorry."

Marnie smiled and passed over the box of corn flakes. Thea took it graciously, but paused. She fixed Marnie with a suspicious glare, making her scoff.

"Yes, I've only had the cereal. Strict orders from my makeshift physician."

"You'll thank me later," Thea shot, grabbing the box from her hands. Marnie only giggled. "What?"

"You look like a beautiful raccoon."

Thea smacked her in the tit with the cereal box. It didn't do much except make Marnie burst into laughter. Thea huffed, sliding from the couch seat onto the floor, but Marnie was attempting to grab her breakfast back, leaving them at a standoff.

Marnie tugged at the box. Thea tugged back.

"Don't do it," she warned. "You break this box, the corn flakes go everywhere, and then we'll both be late."

"True," Marnie agreed. "So let go of the box."

"You let go of the box."

"I'm not letting go of the box. I'm pregnant."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Pregnant women always get first dibs on munchies! I'm eating for two."

"That's not how it works, you stupid bint."

"Ah! Insult! Forfeit!"

"Fuck," Thea huffed, releasing the cereal. She stuck her tongue out and pushed herself to her knees, crawling toward the kitchen. "I wanted Pop Tarts anyway."

She ignored the swat Marnie gave her arse. Any more retaliation and she'd be late for service again. As much as she didn't care, she didn't want to deal with a lecture from her probation worker. Tony seemed the type to give lectures, and the type to start handing out punishments when no one found those lectures interesting. Thea would take the path of least resistance.

By some small miracle, she and Marnie both made it out of the flat on time. Thea was sucking on another cough drop, one earbud in as the two of them headed for the Sainsbury's on the main road where Marnie worked as a cashier. Marnie was giving her a rundown of the best Dinner Date episodes from the day before, but Thea was only half listening.

It was normal for her to walk Marnie to work. It was normal for them to bicker and argue in the mornings. It was normal for her to passively listen to Marnie's theses on daytime telly. But Thea couldn't help feeling something was off. Her eyes kept drifting up to the sky. It was overcast—something else that was completely normal. No ominous dark cloud or stray bits of ice. It all looked the same.

"Are you alright?" Marnie asked, grabbing her hand to lace their fingers together.

Thea braved a smile. "Yeah. Just feel a bit weird."

"Hmph. Well I guess that's to be expected. After yesterday."

Her snippy tone made Thea grin. Marnie had not been happy when Thea got home hours early with the excuse that she'd been struck by lightning. She'd been so panicked that she promptly threw up all the Wotsits she'd eaten. The toilet was still stained orange.

They'd moved past the subject over children's movies and takeaway, but Marnie's disapproval lingered. She seemed to take it as a personal offence that Thea would get hurt while she was out of the house. As if she'd jumped in front of the lightning on purpose. But it was no use defending herself. She just promised to be more careful next time a horror movie storm cloud rolled into town.

"I guess that's to be expected after yesterday," Thea mocked. "Gosh, you sound like my mum."

Marnie blinked at her, anger forgotten. "That sounds exactly like me! How are you doing that?"

"Doing what?" Thea asked in Marnie's Welsh-leaning accent. "This? I don't know. I get a lot of practice making fun of you. I must be—ow!"

She jumped as Marnie whacked her on the arm, snapping her out of her impression. Thea gaped at her.

"What the fuck, Marnie?"

"Don't make fun of my voice! I can't do anything to change it! It's just a voice! I don't like it! It's not funny!"

Her voice was trembling dangerously, and even though she wasn't making much sense, Thea knew better than to argue.

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry."

She grabbed her hand again and planted a quick kiss to her temple. It seemed to pull Marnie away from her hormonal ledge for the moment, which was the most Thea could ask for. She was still getting used to her friend's new mood swings. She just hoped they could make it to Sainsbury's without a complete meltdown.

The market was pretty slow on weekday mornings. Thea waited around for Marnie to clock in, loitering amongst the produce until she made it behind the till. Then she grabbed a cider and sandwich and headed up to the counter.

"Really?" Marnie scoffed as she rang her up.

"What? It's just apple juice. For adults."

"You—You don't have to p-parade it in front of me." Marnie's eyes welled with fake tears. "I just can't believe you're so selfish. I should've left when I had the chance."

"Don't worry, love," Thea assured her. "After you've had the baby, I'll buy several, big, expensive bottles of wine."

"Thank you."

"Which I shall drink by myself."

"Hey!"

"Sorry," she said with a shrug. "You'll be breastfeeding. Pretty sure alcohol is still a no-go until that's at full stop."

Marnie pouted grumpily as Thea grabbed her bottle. She wrapped it in the plastic bag, popping the cap off the edge of the counter in a manner that showed she'd had far too much practice.

"Besides," she said after a few sips. "I deserve it. Some of us were struck by lightning yesterday."

"I can't believe they're still making you go to service," said Marnie, shaking her head. "If that doesn't warrant a week off, I don't know what does."

"Eh, I don't mind. I feel alright, for the most part. And I'd rather have it done with."

"It shouldn't have to be done at all! It's Tommy's fault your stuck there, not yours!"

Thea took a large gulp from her bottle instead of replying. This was an argument they'd had more than once, and one she'd been sick of before they started. There was no point debating why she was doing community service or whose fault it was or what each party deserved. People rarely got what they deserved. All you could do was deal with it.

"Sorry," Marnie mumbled. "But they should at least strike a week from your sentence. I mean, you were stuck by lightning under the probation worker's watch! Isn't that punishment enough?"

"Pretty sure that's not how laws work," replied Thea with a soft smile. "But I appreciate the support."

Marnie sighed. She glanced at the clock on her screen and reached over the counter, rummaging around in the candy rack. She held up a Mars bar with a grin.

"Chug it and I'll buy you second breakfast?"

Thea rolled her eyes. But she never backed down from a challenge.

Taking a discrete look around the shop, she tipped her head back and drained the rest of the bottle. Marnie went to clap, but Thea held up her finger. She wobbled on her feet, her lips puckered tight to avoid any casualties. Then she burped, and swept into a deep bow.

"And she's ready for the day," cheered Marnie.

She tossed the candy bar, which Thea caught and tossed into her bag. She tossed the bottle in exchange, which Marnie disposed of behind the counter.

"You're a bad influence," Thea giggled, backing up toward the door. "You're gonna make a bad parent."

"Not if you're one first! No. That doesn't make sense. Sod it."

Thea blew her a kiss and skipped out the door.

With one drink under her belt, she was a little less apprehensive about approaching the community centre. Yes, her day was going to suck, but everything was more tolerable with alcohol. She should really start bringing a flask. Strap it to her waist or disguise it as some tampons or something.

She popped in her earbuds, comfortable enough that she thought she'd actually put on music instead of just eavesdropping this morning. She was still deliberating songs when she rounded the corner. She promptly stopped thinking about her music.

The windows along the side of the community centre had been boarded up after yesterday's storm. That wasn't news. Loads of shit had broken and cracked yesterday, inside the building and out. But Thea was fairly certain that when they'd left yesterday afternoon, there hadn't been any graffiti on the side of the building. There wouldn't have been enough time. And she was fairly certain she would have remembered walking past bright red letters spelling out IM GOING TO KILL YOU.

"Holy shit," she breathed, walking up to the rest of the group. "The fuck is that about?"

"Dunno," said Kelly with a shrug.

She and Simon were staring at the wall as well. Alisha already seemed to be over the shock, and was leaning against the letter Y while she typed away on her phone.

"Do you think it's for us?" Simon asked in a trembling voice.

"Well, I doubt it's for the monthly knitting circle," said Thea. "But a bunch of young convicts corrupting the youth of England? Yeah, that checks out."

"We ain' fookin' convicts, though," Kelly complained. "We're just doin' community payback."

"Oh, right. So you never crossed the street to get away from one of those jumpsuits?"

Kelly snorted, but did not acknowledge the question.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. It's like Clipboard Man said. People think we're scum, and they'd like to be rid of us."

"Oh my god, will all of you shut up?" groaned Alisha. "It's just someone mucking around. If they were serious they wouldn't be spray painting their threats like a fucking toddler."

"I'm in for spray painting," said Thea flatly.

Alisha blinked at her, unimpressed. "Yeah? And?"

"Why d'ya keep lyin'?"

Thea turned to Kelly, who was squinting at her. She didn't even seem annoyed anymore. Just plain curious. It made Thea's stomach lurch.

"What do you mean?"

"Why d'ya keep lyin' 'bout wot yer in fer?"

"I'm not," Thea insisted. "I was tagging the side of a school, alright?"

"Erm, no ya weren't."

"Well what the fuck do you know about it?"

"I know ya lyin', fa one."

"The hell is this?" Their argument was interrupted by Curtis, who was glaring at the paint on the side of the building. "This is a joke! Did one of you do this?"

"Don' look at me, cuz I didn' do it," Kelly scoffed.

"It's probably her," said Alisha, nodding to Thea. "She just said she's in for vandalism."

"Yeah," Thea laughed. "And my first thought would be to decorate the building I'm serving time in. Give myself a little more work. You know we're gonna have to clean this, right? Why would I do something that dumb?"

"I don't know. I didn't say you were smart."

"Fuck off. I didn't do it."

"I'll tell you who did it!"

They all turned to see Nathan strolling up the walk. He had a cigarette hanging between his lips, and any shock he might've registered looking at the wall was immediately banished with the opportunity to fuck around. He stopped next to Thea, plucking the cigarette back and twirling it between his fingers. He spent a few more seconds soaking in the fact that he had their complete attention before he continued.

"It's that Banksy prick. There's a hidden meaning. It's like that monkey policeman with the banana and the Tesco's bag."

"Obviously," Thea sighed in mock realisation. "Yeah. We're meant to figure out why KILL is underlined three times."

"There ya go," Nathan praised, popping his cigarette back in his mouth. "Candy's got it."

"Maybe someone wants to kill us," Simon suggested, still very stiff.

"Why would anybody want ta kill us?" asked Kelly. She glared at Thea before she could open her mouth. "Besides tha'."

But nobody else it seemed had an answer.

"Alright, come on you lot," called Tony, ambling down the sidewalk to collect them. "Let's get changed."

"Have you seen this?" Curtis demanded. "Someone's taking the piss."

Thea barely repressed a snort. He'd made it all the way down the sidewalk and arrived several hours before them, and Boy Genius wanted to ask if he'd possibly noticed the blood red graffiti on the side of the building. Were all athletes dumb as dirt?

Kelly snorted a few people over while Tony pretended to inspect the wall art.

"Yeah, it's terrible, isn't it? All this anti-social behaviour."

"Oh!" Nathan gasped. "Is he having a dig at us?"

Tony glared at him, but any scolding or reprimands were interrupted by the loud trill of Alisha's cellphone. Thea would've laughed, if Tony hadn't positively convulsed at the sound and immediately began screaming.

"Right! That's it! All of you, just give me your phones! No one's making any more calls today! Now! Come on!"

He advanced on Alisha, who pulled her phone out of his reach with a look of utter amusement. "Are you allowed to take our phones?"

She held up her phone, snapping a photo of his hulking, angry face. She and Kelly both giggled when he snatched it out of her hands. Curtis handed over his phone apprehensively, while Kelly crossed her arms over her chest.

"Wot?"

Tony scowled at her, reaching around to pry her phone out from under her forearm. Simon forfeited his without a fight, unsurprisingly. But Thea made no move to get her things from her purse.

"Sorry," she offered the man with a shrug. "I'm waiting on a call from my mum. She's got a severe medical condition, so…"

"Give me the phone, or I take the whole bag."

Thea rolled her eyes, fishing it out and tossing it to hit his broad chest.

"I'm actually expecting a call from my mum too," Nathan tried lamely. He still managed to look offended when his phone was ripped from his fingers. "Okay! Take a message."

Tony did not reply. He didn't smile, or yell, or give them any direction. He just stood there and glowered at them all, fixing them each with his stare one by one. It was incredibly creepy. Thea had to marvel at how much he'd changed since yesterday morning. Where was the wannabe track coach who wanted to foster their love of the community? Had they really pushed him that far with a couple phone calls and a few scuffles?

She was grateful when Curtis made the first move. He pulled his hood up over his head, nearly shoulder-checking Tony on his way to the front door. Nathan was quick on his heels, and the rest of them followed suit.

"Fuck," Nathan grumbled, lighting his cigarette as they walked. "I really needed my phone. Can't believe that didn't work."

"Seriously?" Thea sneered. "Then next time don't steal my excuse."

"Hey, that was no excuse! I'm really waiting to hear from my mum! What about you?"

"No, of course not."

"Well, ha! Then next time don't steal my excuse!"

"I went first, you dipshit."

"Oh, well aren't you so smart."

He stuck his tongue out at her and jogged ahead. He slowed down just long enough to slap Curtis on the arse, pointing accusingly at Thea when Curtis cried out. Then he winked and disappeared into the building.

"What a twat," Thea grumbled.

Curtis snorted in agreement. Their moment of solidarity bought her enough civility that he held the door open for her. By the time they reached the locker room, they were back to stoutly ignoring each other.

Thea returned to her locker in the corner. She was thankful that it was secluded, hidden from most of the others. It meant she didn't have to try and interact and laugh as they traded insults about the probation worker. The only person who could see her was Nathan. That was troubling enough. Especially as she caught him eyeing her legs when she stepped out of her jeans.

"Can I help you?" she snapped. She realised her mistake just in time, continuing before he had to chance to speak. "Never mind. Don't answer that."

"Now what is that supposed to mean?" he chuckled. "I'm just trying to get an idea of what kind of photos the big guy's gonna find on your phone. But to be honest, your knickers aren't all that exciting."

"Well, if I wanted someone to be looking at them, they would be."

"Ooh! So the ones on the phone are lacy, is that what you're sayin'?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"…well yeah, that'd be why I asked."

Thea frowned, yanking her coveralls up over her legs.

"Um, why would he be lookin' through our phones?" asked Kelly somewhere down the aisle.

"Cause he's probably some kind of pervert," Alisha snorted. "Who else ends up in a job like that? He probably gets off looking at girl's nudies and shit."

"There's gotta be some kinda rules against that," said Nathan, shaking his head. "Laws, hopefully. Is he even allowed to take our phones? He's probably using them to call one of those sex lines."

"Those sex lines will eat your credit," Curtis informed them, making Alisha laugh.

"Call them a lot, do you?"

Whatever his response was, it made her cackle madly.

"I'm telling you," Nathan insisted, "he's out there filming himself on our phones—naked, masturbating."

He punctuated this by pulling off his shirt and winking at Thea. She unintentionally scanned his pale, lanky torso, and quickly turned back to her locker. Intentional or not, she was not giving Nathan another fraction of satisfaction today. She couldn't stand much more of his smug face.

She grabbed her package of cough drops and stuffed them in her pocket, then marched out of the locker room without waiting for the others. There was no probation worker waiting for them in the hallway, but there was a pile of buckets, brushes, and cleaning supplies. It didn't take a genius to figure out what they were supposed to do.

Thea grabbed her share of things and headed out front to the graffiti. She tied up her hair and put on her music for real this time. Hopefully some loud hip hop would be enough to drown out the world around her. She filled her bucket from the tap, poured out her paint thinner, and set up shop in front of the very first word.

IM

They hadn't even bothered to put the apostrophe. Truly tragic.

Pulling on her marigolds, she started scrubbing as hard as she could. The music definitely helped, but it was hard to lose herself the way she wanted to when she needed to stay so vigilant of her surroundings.

She watched the others file out of the building from the corner of her eye. It took a considerable amount of control not to flinch or freeze as they passed. The last thing she needed was for Nathan to grab her arse like he had with Curtis. His curly hair disappeared from her line of sight for a second too long, and she was certain that was exactly what he was about to do.

Thankfully, Kelly chose that moment to grab him by the shoulder and drag him past her. Thea could just hear his squawks of protest over her music, and felt the thump in the wall as Kelly shoved him into the word KILL. Then she turned round to catch Thea's eye and shot her a small smile.

Thea smiled back, and made a mental note to thank her later for the added protection.

Satisfied that she was not about to be tackled or groped, Thea allowed herself to focus on her work. It was…boring, to say the least. She wasn't sure there was a good way to scrub paint out of wood. It was fucking wood. The shit soaked into it. They probably would've been better off replacing the boards, or at least sanding it off. But no one was about to trust a bunch of delinquents with power sanders. Scrubbing kept them occupied and out of the way. Even if the whole thing was sodding pointless.

Whenever she needed to stretch and give her fingers a break, she would allow herself a few quick glances at her peers.

Alisha had given up scrubbing ages ago. Although it wasn't really fair to say she'd given up, seeing as she'd never picked up the brush to begin with. As soon as she'd gotten outside, she'd slid off the top of her jumpsuit and slid on a pair of sunglasses. She was currently lounging in a bikini top on one of the picnic tables, soaking up what little sun the weather had to offer.

It was annoying to be slogging away on the graffiti when she was sitting pretty to keep her nails neat, but Thea wasn't about to start a fight over it. It was a losing battle for sure. If she was lucky Kelly might back her up, but she was certain none of the boys would. Not when the alternative was the opportunity to ogle Alisha's tits whenever they wanted.

Curtis and Nathan were clearly taking advantage of the situation. Neither of them seemed to feel bad about enjoying the view when Alisha had so willingly pushed it in front of them. Simon was watching too, but only when he thought no one else was looking.

He was only a few feet to Thea's right, working on the T in TO. That made it easy enough to keep an eye on him. It was easily the most entertaining part of her afternoon. Simon would scrub and scrub and scrub, and then shoot a terrified glance over at Alisha's chest. It was a fraction of a second, barely enough time to make sure she had two breasts, but each time he did it he would scrub extra ferociously at the wall for ten seconds. She wasn't sure if he was punishing himself for peeking or trying to work out his sexual frustration.

She wasn't exactly surprised either way. Simon looked like the type who was wound a bit too tight. If Alisha made eye contact with him while she wasn't wearing a shirt, he'd probably blow his load right there on the side walk.

Thea wrinkled her nose and turned back to the spray paint. She didn't want to have to clean that up.

Thankfully, when something did catch her attention, it wasn't Simon's jizz or Alisha's tits.

There was a loud clang, making Thea jump and whirl around. Nathan's bucket was lying on its side, spilling red water all over the pavement as Nathan stumbled through the puddle. Alisha and Curtis were both laughing, and Kelly was already storming off on her own. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.

Thea yanked her headphones out to glare at Nathan. "What the fuck did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" he protested. "Why do you assume I did something?"

"Because you're a wanker."

"That may be true! But it's beside the point!"

"He didn't even say anything," Alisha laughed, lifting her sunglasses to peer at Thea. "She just shoved him cause she's mental. She's just an angry chav who wants to start shit. You saw her yesterday in the locker rooms."

"Thank you!" Nathan shouted. "And she's in for some Jeremy Kyle shit so—wait, did you girls have a naked cat fight in the locker room without inviting us?"

Everyone ignored him.

"Just leave it," said Curtis. "I'm not about to get extra hours cause I pissed off looking for her."

Thea frowned, but turned back to the wall. He had a point there.

They cleaned and scrubbed for another hour or two. The paint was getting fainter, which actually made Thea feel quite accomplished, even if it was still blatantly obvious what the message said. They worked until the sun went behind the clouds again. With her sunbathing session at a close, Alisha finally decided she'd had enough.

"This is bullshit," she said to no one in particular. "If he's not even gonna check on us, why're we out here?"

"Because we're supposed to be," said Simon. "This is what they told us to do."

"Actually, no one told us to do anything," Thea observed. She was still working on the M. "They just left us the buckets and expected us to do what we would've been told."

"Yeah," drawled Nathan, nodding his head in agreement. "And without specific instructions, how can we really perform our duties? They can't expect us to actually behave. We're a bunch of criminals!"

Curtis laughed, taking a quick look up the street. "Break for lunch?"

Alisha was out of her seat in an instant, strutting wordlessly toward the building. Curtis didn't bother hiding the way he looked at her arse before following her.

"What if Tony comes back to check on us?" worried Simon. "I think we should stay and keep working."

"Well, if Weird Kid thinks it's a bad idea then I'm definitely in!"

Nathan dropped his brush into the bucket with a clang and skipped off after the others. Grateful for the chance to take off her gloves, Thea followed his lead.

The good thing about the community centre being a ghost town was that there really was no one to supervise them. She'd always thought there must've been some kind of staff to keep the place running, but she couldn't think of any job they'd have to do. All the little things were taken care of by the offenders, and the offenders were watched over by the probation officer. And apparently there was only one probation officer. Said a lot about the kind of funding the corrections division must be receiving from the government.

Thea took a peek through the office window on her way to the locker room. There were papers scattered over the desk, and a computer screen that had gone to sleep. Besides that, it was totally empty. Tony must've had better things to do than watch them watch paint dry. Or fade, in this case.

So she grabbed her things and followed the others into the main hall. Not interested in congregation or conversation, she hopped up a set of stairs to the next level, settling herself in the corner so she could eat her sandwich in peace.

"Hey, Candy Floss!" called Nathan, undeterred by her distance. "Interested in a game of foosball? We can play doubles! You and me against Mr. Athlete and Mr. Decidedly Not."

"I'll pass," she said coolly, before popping her earbuds in.

Nathan rested his hands on his hips, staring up at her as she pointedly ignored him. Listening to her stupid music, twirling her stupid pink hair, eating her stupid little sandwich, and then—as if she wanted to seem even more unattainable—she pulled a damn book out of her purse.

"Spoil sport," Nathan grumbled.

"Hey!" Curtis was waving at him from the foosball table. "We playing or not?"

"Patience, man! I'm coming!"

All the boys gathered around the table—Curtis on the yellow side, Nathan on red, with the other one hovering at the end like some strange, bug-eyed referee. Like foosball needed a referee.

"We putting money on this?" asked Curtis, and Nathan scoffed.

"Do I look like the kind of man who has money to blow on table football? Nah, man. This is for pure dominance. Bragging rights! Proof of testosterone!"

"…whatever."

He dropped the ball onto the field and started the game.

Neither of them were particularly good. It wasn't like Nathan came from a high class world of recreation. None of his mates had shit like this at home, and most of the pubs he frequented were barely ritzy enough to have darts. He was overjoyed to find, however, that whatever athletic prowess Curtis claimed to have must've been restrained to his legs. Nathan wasn't particularly good, but Curtis was beautifully abysmal.

Nathan won their first game without breaking a sweat, and nearly flipped the table in excitement.

"Ha ha, suck on that!"

"Shut up," Curtis snapped. "Rematch."

"Alright, man. Your funeral." He stretched out his arms dramatically, unable to stop himself from peeking up at the balcony again. "You sure you don't want in on this, Candy Floss? I'm kicking some serious arse down here!"

If she heard him, she did not acknowledge it.

Curtis was chuckling smugly behind him.

"Yeah, if you want that to go anywhere—you should probably stop calling her that, man."

"Eh, I know," said Nathan, heading back to the table. "But I don't want to use up all my material too quick, ya know? I've got Biker Barbie, but I'm savin' it for a special occasion."

He winked at the weird one, who did not seem to find it funny. He didn't seem to find much of anything funny. He just blinked all the time and made weird, ominous comments like a twat.

Curtis dropped the ball onto the court again, and Nathan did him the favour of letting his mind wander. He glanced up to the balcony, where Blondie was sitting with one leg over the edge. She swung it back and forth absently, still reading her book. He watched as she sucked her chocolate bar between her lips. Then she chomped down on it.

Nathan winced. He didn't need reminding of her paint brush demonstration.

"It's a shame more women don't commit crime," he mused, turning back to the game. "Why is that? I was really hopin' for more of a selection."

"Of what?" asked Curtis, like an idiot.

"Of girls, man! I'm just sayin' we're a bit strapped. There's three of us and three of them. Doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room. I mean, one fuck up and you're done for. That's it! Maybe we should keep one of them as a backup, yeah? In case something goes wrong. In that case it's two of them, three of us, and—I'm not being funny—but I'm guessing you drew the short straw. Bad luck."

Both of them stared at him for a moment. Then Curtis snickered, which Nathan counted as a win. He grinned widely at the weird kid, who predictably blinked back at him.

"There was four of us," he said gravely.

Again with the ominous bullshit.

"I'm talking about getting laid," urged Nathan. But it was clear the only one with any sense was the athlete. "So, how're we gonna do this man?"

"Do what?"

"Divide them up! Cause I gotta tell you, the one with all the frizzy hair? I don't see me and her gettin' it on."

Curtis laughed at that. "Cause she's beautiful?"

"No, because she'd be way too much effort," Nathan insisted. "She looks seriously high-maintenance, man. You'd have to treat her really well. Pft! But that other one…"

He trailed off, snapping his fingers in an effort to jog his memory. The pale kid pointed helpfully up at the balcony, and Nathan shook his head.

"No, no. The other one. The one who ran off."

"Kelly."

"Whatever. A couple of Bacardi Breezers, man, I reckon she'll be good to go! Of course, I might need more than a couple myself, but who's counting? That's why I say we leave her on reserve, yeah? Just in case one of the others, you know—does not come as advertised. Chavs are easy enough, and I could go either way. In the meantime, you can work on the princess, and I'll take the rock groupie."

He looked up to the balcony, just in time to catch her eye. He grinned and waved up at her. In return she flipped him off.

Curtis laughed again, shaking his head. "Man, she will eat you alive."

"Well that's what I'm talking about! With the nose ring and all that? She's probably into that hard shit—fast and dirty, loud, hate sex and the like. And a girl like that doesn't tap out. That's the kinda relationship where you fuck and fight and avoid talking about feelings and labels. That's the kind of low-brow shit I'm looking for. Candy Floss is a winner."

"Her name's Thea," Weirdo corrected, which Nathan did not acknowledge.

"And the girls," said Curtis snidely. "Do they get a say in this?"

"Oh yes, alright! It'll all be totally consensual, okay?" Nathan conceded. "But we need a battle plan! The clock's ticking! A group of young people doing mindless shit all day—face it, man! It's gonna happen! It always does! It's biology…or physics. One of those."

He glanced at the pale one for confirmation, but received absolutely no help. Both of the losers were just staring at him. Unbelievable. He had to do everything himself.

"So, do we have a deal?" he asked.

He spat in his palm and held it out to the athlete. Curtis looked down at it in disgust and shook his head.

"No."

"Fine." Nathan frowned, wiping his hand on his jumpsuit. "Then maybe I'll take all three of them, huh? And you're not invited!"

"Yeah, I see that happening," Curtis scoffed.

"Yeah, you will! Then you'll be sorry you didn't accept the deal! And then who's laughing? Me!"

He sneered victoriously at their dumb faces and slapped the side of the table. Then he stamped off to the vending machine. He needed a fizzy drink.

Curtis and Simon watched him go, awestruck by his audacity and sheer stupidity.

"What did he get done for?" Curtis asked, when Nathan was safely out in the hallway.

Simon shrugged. "He said he was done for eating some pick n' mix."

"Prick."

"You can say that again."

Simon and Curtis both jumped, turning round to stare up at the balcony. Thea was still holding her book, but she was watching them over the top with a smirk.

"Could you hear us this whole time?" Curtis demanded.

"Obviously," she said with a snort. "You dickheads are way more interesting than my mum's book club."

With that, she popped the last of her candy bar in her mouth.