Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. I borrow them here out of reverence, with respect, and for fun, not profit. I promise to return them when I've finished with them.
An Ending and a Beginning
"Fresh cuppa?" Spike asked almost brightly.
He leant forward and gathered up their mugs, both still filled to the brim with tea that was now cold.
"Mmm, please," Buffy replied, matching Spike's tone.
Neither spoke while Spike waited for the kettle to boil and the tea bags to mash. When he turned back carrying two steaming mugs, he noticed Buffy had curled her legs under her and was leaning against the back of the sofa. She looked comfortable, relaxed.
"Here'yar, pet." He handed Buffy her mug and, without thinking, sat next to her on the sofa.
"Mmm, thanks."
Buffy took the proffered mug and leaned back.
Not being one for silence, Spike decided to tackle what had just transpired head on. He took a sharp, unneeded breath, "Slayer, we gotta talk."
Buffy looked up, raising her eyebrows in query.
Spike continued, "Dunno 'bout you, luv, but I think things have changed here. Changed a lot since I first came to the Hellmouth to fix up Dru. Then I thought I'd bag me my 3rd Slayer. Then I met you an' your mum. There's somethin' 'bout Summers women."
He smiled almost shyly. "Well any rate, you've made it clear I'm a nuisance to you and now your mum is no longer with us I know I'm not gonna be welcome at the Summer's household. And now this little angst-fest just now is likely to make things a tad more uncomfortable between us.
"I don' wanna outstay my welcome; me mum always said that was rude. I may be a rude, bad man but I was raised a gentleman. 'Sides, I know when my card's marked."
The smile had gone and he ran his hands through his hair, sighing. "I'll leave Sunnydale, Slayer. Get out of yer hair."
Buffy sat stock still and blinked. Spike couldn't tell what was going through her mind. For a man so good at reading people, a trait that had served him well in over a century of dining on humans while attracting little attention from the authorities, he failed miserably to understand the sentiments and motivations of those close to him. Hell, he could hardly work out his own needs and desires.
"You're l-leaving?" Buffy half whispered.
"I reckon it's for the best. You don' want me hangin' around, you made that patent with revoking my invite to your place. Guess it's not like you're gonna make me hot chocolate like yer mum, is it?" Spike stared at his boots, looking thoroughly miserable.
Spike sighed again. "Look Slayer. You've made it quite clear you'll never return the feelings I have for you, not while you're conscious anyway." He intoned with heavy sarcasm, ignoring Buffy's snort. "And I guess you crying on my shoulder just now isn't gonna have you joinin' my fan club any time soon. I may be love's bitch but I'm not bloody stupid. No point in floggin' a dead horse.
"With yer mum gone and you despisin' me there's no reason to stay here. I'll get the hell outta Dodge."
After a short silence, Buffy asked quietly, "You'd do that? Leave Sunnydale? For good?"
"Yeah, Slayer. You want me gone. You'll have yer plate full now and I don' wanna add to your worries. I'll leave you in peace and you'll never see me again, promise."
"You're leaving?
"Yeah. Know when I'm beat, Slayer."
"You're leaving?
"Thought that's wot I just said. Didn' have you pegged as deaf, luv."
"I'm not deaf!" Buffy's voice was only one notch down from shrieking. "I'm not deaf. I heard you just fine. Like I heard my Dad, Angel, Riley. You're leaving! Yeah, I got that loud and clear."
"Hey, I'm not like those gits!" Spike protested, jumping up out of his seat to face Buffy, indignant and confused.
Buffy rose slowly to stand within a few inches of Spike, matching his stance.
"How are you not like them Spike? How exactly? You've all professed to love me. Yet they walked out on me and now you're doing the same. So from where I'm standing I can't see that you're any different from them?" Her voice was low and reverberated with repressed anger.
"I don' understand Slayer. You say you hate me, want me gone. And when I give you what you want you throw a hissy fit! I get that yer upset, with yer Mum an' all, but make up yer fuckin' mind why don'cha." Spike couldn't believe how one minute he had an armful of tearful Slayer and the next she's tearing him a new one.
"Me, make up my mind? Take your own advice, why don't you? One minute you're all 'I love you and I'll kill Dru for you to prove it', then you're all with the Goodbyes."
As if this day wasn't weird enough already. Spike grabbed Buffy's shoulders with both hands, ignoring her finch as he did so. "Look, you stupid bint, I do love you. I always will. Don't understand it, can't explain it, but there it is. And yeah, I'm leaving 'cause you've made it abundantly clear that you want me gone. You hate me with a passion and I don't have a cat in hell's chance with you. Why would I stay?"
Buffy raised her arms up to bat away his hands. "Why? Why? Perhaps because you love me, perhaps because you don't want to add your name to that long list of men who have declared their love for me and then run for the hills as fast as their lying feet could carry them."
"Lying feet?" Spike smirked in spite of himself.
"Look Mister, you know what I mean. Hell, I just lost my Mom and now you're leaving too and ……" Suddenly angry Buffy was gone, replaced with the one Spike had seen earlier, the one who needed a shoulder to cry on. He fleetingly wondered why he always picked the crazy birds, but then he was easing a tearful, compliant Slayer back down on to the sofa.
"It's ok, nothing bad's gonna happen. I'm sorry I upset you. Bad timing 'n all. I get that. But I thought you wanted me outta your hair. S'only reason I was going – to do right by you."
Buffy sniffed loudly and whined, "They all say that! They all think they know what's best for me." Her voice took on a deeper tone as she attempted to mimic first her father, then Angel: 'You'll be better off with your mother'; 'you need a normal life.'"
A sob escaped her lips before she continued in her usual voice, "Even Riley denied how I felt for him as if only he could know what I'm feeling. No one asks ME!"
"Didn' need to ask you pet, you were very clear." Spike said sadly. Then it was his turn for imitation: "Remember? 'Spike, just go away'; 'why are you still here?' and my personal favourite, 'you're beneath me'."
Buffy turned her head to look at him, her face showing her shock at his words, or perhaps at hers.
"Spike, I …I …"
"No, Slayer. You can't have it both ways. Those other gits, they didn't listen to you. They made decisions for you, made assumptions about want you needed or what you were feeling. I get that. But I listened to you. I admit it took a while for the penny to drop – never claimed to be quick on the uptake. But I did get the message in the end. You want me gone. I'll go. That's what you wanted, isn' it?"
"Yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but …."
"Whoa, hold yer horses, pet! Yer channelling Vicky Pollard there!"
A blank look had Spike making a mental note to lend her his Little Britain DVD.
"Look Slayer, it's a simple enough question. Do you want me to go?"
Even with his vampire hearing, he nearly missed the reply.
"No."
Careful not to knock against the two mugs there, he perched on the edge of the makeshift coffee table so he could look directly into Buffy's face as he asked her for clarification:
"Buffy, do you want me to stay in Sunnydale?"
A small voice answered, "Yes. Please."
"For Heaven's sake Slayer, why did you tell me to go?"
Buffy drew in a large breath, "Because, well, because you can be such a pain in the arse!"
"Er, yeah! Evil here, luv!"
"See!"
"Ok, ok. Let's try this another way, shall we? Why do you want me to stay?"
Buffy's eyes were shimmering as though she was trying not to cry. "I did want you to go, yeah. But everybody's gone now, Riley, Angel, my mom." She bit her lip. "I'm alone. I can't do this alone."
Spike instinctively grabbed at her hands and clasped them in his. "Buffy, luv. You're not alone. You have the Scoobies."
She looked at him pitifully, "But it's not the same. It's not the same as having someone on your side, someone who'll support you, not judge you. I mean I love my friends, I do. But they're all with the judging and the expecting stuff of me. They can't take the place of a boyfriend or my mom …"
Something lodged in Spike's brain but he couldn't break his concentration to grasp what it was.
The tears Buffy had been battling broke through and she pulled her hands from Spike's to cover her face as she sobbed once again. Through her fingers Spike heard her wail, more to herself, "What's wrong with me?"
"There's nothing wrong with you, Buffy," Spike began softly, gently pulling her hands from her face. "You're a strong, powerful woman. There isn't anything you can't do, luv. But you have a stressful life with the world-saving gig and now you've had a bereavement coming on top of the end of a relationship. Not surprising you're feelin' a bit buffeted. Would be surprised if you were'n' knocked sideways by all that's happened, pet.
"An' if it means that much to you, I'll stay. If you're sure, I mean?"
Buffy nodded silently, her tears ebbing.
"Ok, luv, now we've got that sorted, how about we finish our tea before it gets cold again." Not waiting for a reply he handed Buffy her mug and, taking his, he shifted back to the sofa.
Slayer and Slayer of Slayers sat side by side sipping tea together. Spike mused that if he thought too much about the situation he found himself in, his head might explode. It felt like he was in one of Dru's visions and half expected to see Miss Edith sitting with them with her bone china cup and saucer. If he'd used fresh tea leaves instead of teabags he would have been tempted to check the teapot for a dormouse.
Buffy's voice bought him back from his musings.
"Um, you don't mind staying do you?" She shot him a quick glance.
Spike shifted to face her once more. "No Buffy," he said quietly, "I don' mind staying. Do anything for you pet. You know that, right?"
She nodded.
"But Buffy, here's the thing," he continued, "it's gotta change."
She looked up then. "What? What has to change?"
"The way you treat me, luv. I'm not your personal punch bag. You can't use me to work off your frustrations. I know sometimes your life is frightening, chaotic, overwhelming. But I'm on your side, Slayer. It's against all the laws of this world and others, but there it is!"
"I don't know that I want to be, um, mean to you anymore. You've kinda helped me tonight and I know my Mom really did like you. She didn't put marshmallows in her hot chocolate for just anyone." Buffy smiled weakly.
Spike echoed her smile and offered her his little finger. "Truce? Pinky swear?"
Buffy's smile broadened as she extended her hand to his. "Yep, truce! No more bitch-Buffy!"
As their pinky fingers touched there was a shift in the atmosphere around them. Both of them had been looking at their linked fingers but as they felt the subtle change in the air they raised their heads to look in each others eyes.
"D'you feel that?" Spike murmured under his breath, breaking his connection with her.
The Slayer nodded slightly in confirmation. Then she leant forward and placed a feather-light kiss of Spike's lips.
Spike's eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline.
"Buffy?"
Buffy's cheeks coloured but she held his gaze.
"What, er, why?" he asked without being able to fully articulating his thoughts.
"Um, I just wanted to say 'thank you'. For tonight; for being a friend to my Mom; for staying."
"Yer welcome, pet. I'd do anything for you. Want you to know that."
"I do and I'm grateful. You won't see ungrateful Buffy again!" Another smile lit up her face.
"Don' want gratitude, luv," he said huskily. It wasn't so much a statement of what he didn't want as a declaration of what he needed.
"I know," Buffy murmered. "Give me time?" She craned her head up and kissed his lips again. This time Spike risked opening his mouth and to his evident surprise Buffy deepened the kiss, the tip of her tongue running softly over his upper lip.
Spike's arm went out instinctively to envelope her; hold her safe against him, uncaring now if he would frighten her away.
But she didn't pull back. Instead, her arms came up around his neck as she allowed Spike's tongue to explore her mouth.
When eventually they parted Spike noted that Buffy was flushed, but not from embarrassment this time. She had a knowing smile on her lips that, while striking him as the sexiest thing he had seen, almost made him feel uneasy. And didn't he remember her saying having the Scoobies as friends wasn't the same as having a boyfriend. Did he dare hope…..?
"I liked that," she breathed.
"Plenty more where that came from," Spike replied with a glint in his eye.
"Show me? "
The next moment Spike's tongue was parting her lips and he was pushing her gently to lie back on the sofa.
Lips clashed and tongues parried as hands began a tentative exploration. Spike was half lying across her, one hand stroking her cheek. Buffy moved one of her hands from caressing his neck down to the small of his back. She pulled him closer to her, arching into him, but froze as she felt something hard against her stomach.
Spike understood her sudden tenseness and broke their kiss to whisper:
"S'okay, luv. Won't do anything you don' want me to."
To his surprise, she replied softly, "I know." Then her lips were on his again, open and demanding.
Neither could tell how long they had been kissing; it felt like hours but it also seemed like not long enough. They broke their kiss but continued to lie together looking into each others eyes as if they could read the answers to the riddles of existence there.
Buffy was the first to break the silence. "I, um, I think I, um, might have, um, feelings for you," she mumbled.
If his heart hadn't been dead it would have leapt from his chest at her revelation.
"Buffy?" Spike's voice was hoarse and betrayed his insecurity.
"Don't make a big thing of this Mister!" Buffy smiled. "Just saying I might like to, um, you know, um, see you again."
"Of course, pet. You know I'll always be here for you as long as you want me."
They smiled at one another, an understanding being reached in their gaze.
In the midst of grief at an ending, they had found happiness in a beginning.
FIN
