Disclaimer: SM rules. I drool.
Chapter Two
Lesson No. 2: 'Befriend the café staff. They'll give you extra food and the good stuff too.'
Bella POV
When Alice says five minutes… she actually means five minutes. I barely have time to scrape my hair back into a ponytail, before my room is bombarded by the little pixie herself.
"Bella, what have you been doing? We're supposed to be leaving like now…Right now."
She looks at her watch and grimaces as though it's a huge tragedy that I'm running a little bit late.
"Hmm what?" I call, still deep in the daydream that has so far been the overriding factor of why I have wasted three of the five minutes, the little Nazi herself; allocated me to get ready.
Although to be fair, it is hardly my fault.
The Sex God was schmokin' hot. Like literally set my panties on fire - hot.
Plus I'd hazard a guess that it's probably a crime in one of the fifty-two states, not to take a minute to truly appreciate his beauty.
That lopsided 'panty-wetting' smirk, his messy 'touch me now' bed hair and those firm muscles.
Yes, the ones that rippled under that tight ass t-shirt whenever he moved. I swear he must have dribbled baby oil over himself, the way they glistened when he rolled that football up and down his sculpted arms. They should be made illegal.
Punishment by licking; All. Night. Long.
"Bella, seriously? Snap the hell out of it."
I glance over at Alice. I'm in a daze and I'm pretty sure I have a stupid gormless look on my face. She begins clicking her perfectly manicured fingers in front of my face and I contemplate biting them for a moment.
Well, before I remind myself that I am no longer six and should therefore be able to think of a more age appropriate violent act.
Like giving her a noogie because that's very grown up. Or not.
"The boys are waiting," she continues, obliviously unaware that she has just escaped getting a Tetanus shot, "and I need some Southern Comfort in my life."
I open my mouth and then close it again. What can I say back to that after all? 'Erm try it with lemonade & lime, it's incredibly tasty?' Cos' I'm pretty sure she's not talking about the actual drink.
Rather a certain blonde headed, fine piece of specimen that she had a good eye fuck with earlier.
My bed dips slightly under her weight.
"Come on in, sit down… be my guest." I mutter sarcastically.
I am half irritated and half ecstatic by this little pixie, who has already barged her way into my life. Maybe it's just her thing? Like an STD? Once Alice is in your life, she never truly disappears...
She rolls her eyes at me, putting one finger out to silence me. My eyebrows raise and I glance at her in confusion.
Oh hell no.
Her hands clasp together and her head dips towards her knees.
Shortie here is praying and I am seriously contemplating calling Rosalie for some backup because maybe she needs some specialist help.
I don't know how to deal with all this craziness.
"Forgive me father for I intend to sin," she whispers. But it is loud enough for me to hear so I figured she wants me to listen. Or potentially even pray along with her? I don't though. Instead I watch on in shock. "Today is the start of the rest of my life as an alcoholic."
I laugh. I can't help it. But it's not like the ladylike laugh I pulled off successfully earlier. It's a full-blown throaty laugh and I'm pretty sure I snort this time.
Is this girl being serious?
"What's so funny Bella?" She asks, as though I'm the strange one here.
I don't answer because I don't need too. I can see the sparkle in her eyes that tell me she's joking.
"Oh man, you're in deep." I laugh. "Good luck with that."
But she doesn't find this too hilarious, so she gives me one of those dead arm things too.
Shit.
Does this girl not know any personal boundaries?
I watch as she stands up and begins to rummage through my unpacked suitcase and though I want to move to stop her, I cant. I'm currently too involved with rubbing my arm and hoping to hell, I don't bruise.
She begins to rummage through my clothes and I gawk at her audacity. For one, I barely know this girl. Apart from the fact that she now fancies herself as a bit of an alcoholic, drunk on Mr. Southern Comfort himself and throws a mean punch.
I don't even know her full name, but I'm gonna hazard a guess that this probably doesn't matter anyway. She's going to be drawing little love hearts with Mrs. Alice Comfort on her textbooks after all.
Plus Alice clearly isn't put of by not knowing anything about me either. I watch as she roots through my clothes pulling out an item every so often to scowl at.
"You need a trip to Victoria's Secret," she mutters when her hands find a pair of my period panties.
Yes, period panties, we all have them. So don't try and pretend you don't.
I choose to ignore her comment because frankly, I don't want to suffer another dead arm.
I hear her huff once more, before turning towards me with an angry glare.
"Well you definitely can't wear what you're wearing to breakfast. I veto it," she tells me, shooting distasteful looks at my t-shirt. Clearly Alice isn't a fan of the Harry Potter garment and I swear that this baby is going to be locked safely away from her manicured little fingers. I definitely fear an Alice sabotage.
Don't worry baby, your safe with me.
Finally her rummaging stops, so I figure she finally approves of something I own.
She pulls out a pair of Jack Wills Branchill Sweatpants and a plain white vest top, before throwing them towards me, "I didn't take you for the British University Fitters fashion type."
She sounds surprised. Then throws daggers – metaphorically – with her eyes at my t-shirt again. I think she's trying to send a message about my t-shirt. Again.
I want to tell her than I actually like to spend my days wearing quirky and potentially nerdy clothes, full of film and book quotes. But I don't think it will go down too well. Plus she seems pretty appeased at the moment. I figure I can just wean her onto them.
I motion towards the unpacked suitcase on the floor, "my mum Renee, spent some time in London and couldn't help herself. She liked to send 'care packages' of clothes back for me, she thought I'd look good European or something?"
Abercrombie and Fitch, eat my shorts. I'm a Jack Wills 'kinda' girl now.
Surprisingly Alice looks satisfied.
"Anyway good shout Al," I figure I might as well play along, even those these things are actually really comfy. "Here I was thinking you were going to dress me up to the nines."
"I wouldn't speak too soon." She mutters, busying herself now by searching through my shoes.
She hands me a pair of Havaianas flip flops – even though it's Seattle – muttering something, which sounds suspiciously like ' I'm taking you on a much needed shopping trip'. I ignore her comment and begin to strip down, pulling my baby from my head.
I hear Alice cringe again, and I turn around to realize that she has yet to leave the building, so to speak.
"Um Alice, a little privacy here?"
"Oh, you haven't got anything I haven't seen before. Well apart from that bra your wearing. Seriously Bella?"
I glance down at myself. It's a plain, white, no frills basic bra. I don't particularly see what her issue is.
I shrug and she begins to rub her temples as though I'm committing some awful crime.
"I don't think I can take any more of your wardrobe today, I don't even want to know what panties your wearing underneath those shorts," she adds.
I want to point out that I don't particularly enjoy her voyeurism tendencies either because its not like I invited her to watch me get naked.
I hear a loud noise in the corridor and turn to Alice. She pulls her face and moves towards the door. Finally.
"It's Rosalie," She sighs. "When that girl is hungry, you don't want to get on her angry side. I'm surprised she isn't nurturing a food baby or something."
Her hands do a pregnant motion and I instantly feel grateful that my over indulgence of food doesn't make me 'show' either.
She finally exits my room with a dramatic twirl and I cant help but sigh in relief.
I hide my Potter top at the back of the empty wardrobe, because I'm taking no chances and step outside into the corridor.
Alice has already organized a line leading out of the door. "Join on Bella." She calls from the front. Typical.
"Right behind you." I feel as though I'm marching to death row, rather than Breakfast.
Walking into the cafeteria hall is slightly daunting. Okay not just slightly. It is immensely so. Especially when you're the back of a line, which is being led by a 4 ft, something perfectly polished pixie and a real life Baywatch beauty.
Mr. Muscle's stands up immediately and his burly frame stand outs in the crowd. "Fresher's over here," he bellows, not that he needs too – because Alice has already spotted Mr. Southern and his golden locks.
I struggle to keep walking because every single eye is now focused upon us. Though I tell myself it's not me specifically, but Alice and Rosalie and then by default me – because I finish this train.
I feel like the odd one out. Even Lauren is getting attention. Now, don't get me wrong, its not like I lack confidence or anything. But public displays aren't exactly my cup of tea.
I glance over to wear Emmett is and notice Southern Comfort and Sex God sat at the table too. They are whispering and then Southern Comfort punches Sex God on the arm. His face falls back in laughter. He even makes getting hit look pretty.
I think back to the nicknames they have printed on the back of their shirts and wonder if they were chosen by them or for them. Either way I want to know what they mean.
If Emmett was an animal he would definitely be a bear. So I guess his nickname is pretty self-explanatory. Well half of it anyway. Emmett is Hench and not even just a little bit Hench. He is Mr. O'mucles and frankly puts that dude from Valentines Day to shame.
If I weren't drawn to a certain Sex God, I'd think I'd like me a bit of Bear Grylls, to play In the wild with or something. But then again, by the way he is almost dribbling over Rosalie, who is enjoying all of this male attention. I don't think I would stand a chance anyway.
I glance up at the table and The Sex God is blatantly staring in our direction too now, although I refuse to acknowledge his presence. I fear that if I linger to long staring at his pretty face, I might trip over and take the whole line down. Alice would never forgive me.
Though I try not too, I cant help but take a few cheeky glances at him when he's not looking and I begin to wonder why he didn't have Sex God printed on the back of his t-shirt; instead of Spirit Fingers. I personally think said nickname sums him up nicely.
Finally we reach the table and I stop behind Alice who is glancing at them expectedly, waiting for an instruction.
"Rosalie, Alice, Bella and… oh hi Lauren…" begins Mr. Southern Comfort. "Please take a seat. I'm Jasper, the cat caller there," he points towards Emmett, "is Emmett – just in case you didn't catch it earlier and Spirit Fingers over here goes by the name of Edward."
I follow Jaspers finger as he matches names to faces and I feel a blush rise in my cheeks when Edward's name is announced.
Edward.
What a beautiful name.
Whilst Jasper is roll calling, Emmett stands up, taking a courtesy when his name is called and I glance at Rosalie who is smirking. She's totally falling for his cheeky charm, but I don't blame her. Edward takes a more gentlemanly approach and extends his hand out towards us.
Even though it's a hand, it's still pretty too. All strong and firm, with lengthy fingers. I blush thinking about what those fingers could do and wonder if that's how he earned his nickname.
I shouldn't really be surprised when Lauren steps forward first, but I can't help but feel jealous. It kind of fits you know? Alice likes Jasper, Rosalie is feeling Emmett and I'm particularly partial to a little bit of Edward.
Edward and Bella.
Bella and Edward.
Bedward.
I glance over at Alice and she is eying up Lauren. Her mouth is frowning at the exchange but she can't see Edwards's facial expressions from where she stands. I breathe a sigh of relief.
To Alice it probably looks like a flirty handshake, considering how neither has actually dropped their hand yet. In terms of hand fucks, I'd say it has stamina. Definitely not a quickie.
But Edwards face tells all. He is grimacing and it is pretty obvious she is the one holding on longer. She's batting her eyelashes and poorly attempting to get him to talk to her. But he just nods, before looking around.
She drops her hand eventually and he sighs in relief.
It is plainly obvious that he is not interested in the slightest. I do a happy jig inside.
He turns to Alice next, then Rosalie before finally turning towards me.
He holds his hand out and for a moment, and I have the most childish urge to go in for the shake before pulling it back, thumb to noise and wiggling it in a, 'I can't believe you fell for it' pose.
He sees my hesitation and makes the decision for me. Maybe he's a mind reader?
Suddenly his soft hand grasps my own, firm but ever so gently and I swear I feel a sharp shock fly up my arm.
Up my arm and straight into my panties.
I don't speak. Hell, I'm pretty afraid to say anything at this point because suddenly I feel as though I'm about to say some stupidly cringey chemistry chat up line. Somehow I don't think 'baby, were like a galvanic cell, there's obviously electricity flowing between us,' will go down too well.
I glance up and realize that I'm still holding hands with him. He probably thinks that I'm a brunette version of Lauren, trying to throw myself at him. Great.
I try to pull away and end the current that I can feel flowing between us, but he grips it tighter, instead bringing it up to his lips.
My knees wobble and my breath catches in my throat.
Holy Fuck.
"Its my pleasure," he smiles, grazing my hand softly with his lips, before gently sliding his palm away.
I. Think. I. Need. A. Change. Of. Panties.
And by the smirk evident on his face, I think he knows it too.
Dammit.
I try to gain some semblance of normal and shrug it off. I don't want him to know the effect he has on me, especially since we've only just met.
I mutter a quick, "yeah whatever," which I will admit, is not exactly my finest moment. But it makes sure that annoying little half lopsided smirk falls from his pretty face.
I instantly miss it.
Turning my back to the table, I call over my shoulder to Rose and Alice, who are both back to the eye fucking routine with Emmett and Jasper. Only it looks as though Rosalie is trying to play hard to get, by the way her and Emmett are sparring with each other.
"Ferrari or Lamborghini?" He asks.
I expect Rosalie to shrug her shoulders and divert the conversation to Gucci or Prada, but she steps up to the plate and I watch on, feeling slightly turned on.
"Hmm, Ferraris are pretty sweet." And Emmett pulls an 'I cant believe you said that' face.
"The racing history alone is one of the reasons why the Porsche can't be rivaled. From the 166M to the 250 GTO to the 333 SP. The results speak louder than well…me during a big O."
Emmett's eyes glaze over and Rosalie smirks. "And that's not even taking into account F1 or even their road cards. The Daytona? The 288 GTO? F40, F430…do you want me to continue?"
Her eyes are smug, her lips pulled into a smirk.
Rosalie can speak Car and Driver.
"Well Rose, I'm more partial to Ferruccio Lamborghinis raging bull supercars if I'm honest." He flexes his muscles and Rosalie rolls her eyes. "I'm talking Miura, Countach, Diablo, Murcielago and Gallardo. Not to mention the LM002 and Espada. The Lamborghini is the true exotic. No competition."
"Ferrari probably wouldn't exist today if it wasn't for Alfa Romeo. Raging bull beats prancing horse any day." He adds.
Rosalie steps closer, one hand on her hip and the other trailing up his chest. His face is in shock.
"Lambo's history springs from tractors Emmett. Ferrari is class, Lamborghini is crass."
She pats him on the chest, before dusting away a piece of invisible lint from his shoulder.
Rosalie has skills, man!
Emmett is still standing where she left him. He doesn't reply and she smiles smugly. I actually feel a little sorry for him. He looks more than a little shocked.
I figure this is probably the point I should step in and make sure a throw down doesn't end up occurring in the middle of the Cafeteria.
"Rose, Al? Want anything from the buffet thing?" I motion with disgust to where the food is lined out, in a buffet free for all.
Plus I'm hoping mention of food will grab Emmett's attention. And it does.
"Erm, yeah sure Bella. Whatever you're having please," Alice replies, her eyes never wavering from Jaspers face.
Rosalie gazes at me as though she finally realizes she and Emmett are not the only people in the room. Though it's a little late for that now. Their little sparring attracted a lot of attention and I can't make my mind up if there are more women or men gathering around.
Rosalie smiles at the male attention and moves away from Emmett towards the table. Clearly their discussion is over. Emmett looks a mixture between half turned on and half angry. He glares at the group of men that are eyeing up Rosalie from the side and they quickly scuttle away.
I wait for a few people carrying trays full of funky looking food to pass me, before making a move towards the line. I don't see him coming up from behind me, but suddenly my body is tingling. A voice whispers in my ear, "need some help?"
It's not just any voice. It's that pure honey dipped voice and my breath catches in my throat. Edward's standing much closer than he was before and it's doing all these crazy things to my body.
I can feel his hot breath against my neck, and I almost step back to flush my back against his body, but I catch myself in time. He's really not making my attempt at being 'cool and collected' around him easy.
I flick my head to the right and reply.
"I'm fine Edward."
My response comes out more sarcastic than I originally intend, admittedly before my brain can actually even filter it. But it is too late. I can no longer feel the current between us, so I check over my shoulder just to be sure and I see him walking away. I've sent him reeling back to his chair. Great.
I don't know what his problem is anyway? Everyone knows the Fresher Reps just want to sex up their Fresher's. It's like a competition, between these guys and my twinkle is staying far away from his peen.
During Fresher's week anyway.
Finally, I make it to the queue where I'm greeted with a lot of what can only be described as gloop. Apparently the Cafeteria Lady thinks my current facial expression is due to actually feeling ill. To be fair, it's just sunk in that I have to spend the next year eating this crap so I am feeling a little bit ill at this minute.
I look up again and attempt to smile at the lady, though I'm sure it comes out like more of a grimace. I'm guessing she's put a lot of effort into making this stuff she serves as food. So I don't want to be rude or sound ungrateful. She looks at me strangely again, before halting the line.
Crap.
"Are you okay there sweetheart?"
She begins pulling off her gloves to reach across the hot heating plates and grab me as though I'm in danger of collapsing or something. Frankly I want to point out that I'd probably feel much better if I didn't eat any of this at all. But she's doing that nice middle-aged-lady act on me and I've barely had a women's influence in my life; let alone get preferential treatment in a dinner queue.
I quickly step back and move out of her reach.
"I'm fine thank you," I reply, turning back towards the food. Maybe if I put my head down she will just leave me be.
I try to shuffle myself up the line but the person in front of me is currently halting the queue by eating – what is attempting to be passed of as scrambled eggs – straight from the metal container.
Not that I know how to make scrambled eggs, but I'm pretty sure there not supposed to look like that.
Apparently Cafeteria lady see's me gag and grabs my hand again, only much firmer this time. She's definitely not letting go anytime soon.
I glance over in Alice's direction hoping she can rescue me from this crazy woman, but I can't see past the first few tables.
With a quick tug, she pulls me between the gaps in the hot plate tables. I guess she's leading me towards a back room.
The room is the kitchen. Its hot, smoky and though I was feeling mostly fine before I was pulled in here, the stench is making my stomach turn.
She places me into a seat, in a motherly fashion, before rushing off to get a glass of water.
When she returns she thrusts the glass towards me adding a; "you're looking rather pale."
Just what every girl wants to hear…
Though this lady clearly doesn't know her sickness from her sickening, I cant exactly berate her for her actions. Instead I tuck away my sarcasm and attempt for a polite response.
"Thank you for the water, but I'm fine. Honestly. I'm just abnormally pale. That's what happens when you live in Forks." I chuckle, trying to make a joke in this very awkward situation.
"Don't I know," she adds before pointing to her own pale face.
I stare at her, my eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
"You're not far from home then?" She questions again, making me feel the need to explain why I haven't moved further away from home. I hate it when I feel this way, as though I should have gone further afield. I like Washington. Most of the time.
"Nope, not really. Couldn't bare to leave Charlie – my dad alone." I Want to add that its also pretty convenient for me to go home and show Charlie how poor his only daughter is, but she's got a funny expression on her face so I guess I should probably shut up.
"I'm sorry I'll…" I point to the door before making a move to stand up. I'm pretty much reaching the end of my sarcasm tether and I don't want to say something that would make us both uncomfortable.
"Charlie? As in Charlie Swan?" She replies, in a slight squeal. Though her squeal almost rivals Laurens, I don't think laughing in this situation would be appropriate. I take the easy route and keep my mouth shut. Nodding instead in agreement.
"Oh your Bella" she smiles, reaching forward to awkwardly hug me and my now half full pint glass.
That's the second time I've been wet in the space of twenty minutes…
"I'm Sue… Sue Clearwater. Your father never mentioned you were coming here. Oh, how lovely." She adds, before pulling me into another hug. I know Forks is small, but not really this small. I suppose being the Chiefs daughter doesn't help either.
"What can I get you? Anything… you name it? I won't have any daughter of Chief Swan's eating that disgusting thing they like to serve as food. How about a nice fruit salad and some pancakes?" She continues, speaking stupidly fast.
My brain shuts down after the word pancakes and I think I actually drool.
"I erm… I don't want to put you out." I argue, although I secretly want to say yes to all of the above. And more.
"Nonsense," she replies, swatting me away affectionately. "Go on, I'll bring them out when I've finished them dear."
Though I really don't want to eat the horrible gloop. I had already agreed to get Rosalie's and Alice's breakfast too. I could hardly go back to the table with goodies whilst I watch them suffer.
But I don't want to be impolite either.
"That would be amazing Sue, but I said I'd get my two housemates food too, so how about next time?" I reply, not wanting to sound ungrateful.
"Its okay Bella, I'm sure I can make a few extra."
She smiles again, before clapping her hands excitedly.
I grin in return, thanking her quickly before exiting the kitchen and walking back to the table where the boys sit munching away on the gloop.
"What's the matter Bella?" Edward speaks up between a mouthful of beans. They look disgusting on the plate, but somehow he makes them look edible.
"Loose your way to the food queue?"
He turns to Emmett who high fives him back.
"Nope," I reply, quickly winking at Alice and Rose's. They stare at me for a moment, before shrugging their shoulders. When I give no further explanation, the conversation quickly changes and I turn to Alice and Rose to talk quietly.
It seems the men are attempting to see who can eat the most sausages and my eyes glaze over watching Edward shove them down. I'm surprised there's not a queue of gay men waiting behind him, because it's a definite turn on.
Jasper gives up first, and then Edward and Emmett stands up in victory. I cant help but smile at their playful banter. I'm too caught up with eying their antics to hear Sue approach me from behind.
She taps me on the shoulder softly. "Here's you breakfast Bella, where do you want the other two?" she adds, peering around the table. Her gaze catches on Emmett, Jasper and Edward and I chuckle. Apparently they make all women feel a little bit hot.
Lauren coughs at my side and I instant feel a little bit guilty. I'd completely forgotten about her and by the way her eyes are roaming all over the new breakfasts. I'd hazard a guess that she definitely wants one.
My bad.
"For Rose and Alice please," I reply, attempting to hide my chuckle by pointing them out around the table. I can feel Lauren glaring at me.
I guess our friendships definitely out of the window.
The whole table stops talking as everyone's gaze flicker between the pancakes, Sue, the fruit salads and myself.
Emmett is drooling, Jaspers looking slightly impressed? But Edward looks pissed. I glance at him momentarily and his eyebrow rises in question.
I want to tell him that I have a House Elf, but I don't want to sound like a nerd.
Sue moves swiftly around the table. Handing out the food, cutlery and freshly squeezed orange juice. I notice that it's a new addition to her menu.
I thank Sue profusely, whilst Rose and Alice look upon her in awe. She simply shrugs her shoulders and batters away all appreciation and I begin to wonder if it's a Forks thing, being so blasé.
She peers around the table once more, her gaze hovering momentarily on the boys again, before nodding once. But its not an 'I'll go and cook you an amazing breakfast nod' but in an 'I've got my eye on you' nod. I chuckle and Edward glares at me again.
"Same again tomorrow?" She whispers in my ear, before scooting off in the direction of the kitchen.
Apparently it was a rhetorical question.
Rosalie nods at me and Alice and I grin back.
"These pancakes are amazing." She begins, running her finger through the syrup.
Emmett sits up straighter, covertly trying to adjust his pants and I try to mask my giggle with a cough.
Alice begins cutting up her pancake and places a piece in her mouth. " I love pancakes…there so fluffy and creamy…in my mouth." She slices off another piece and moans around her fork. I glare at her. I'm pretty' sure my mouth is hanging open but I cant for the life of me seem to close it.
How the hell did she do that? Is there like a book about how to eat pancakes sexily?
Jasper coughs, running his fingers through his hair. His cheeks are flushed. Alice is definitely getting to him.
Alice turns to me and I freeze. I'm going to fuck this up and end up with more food on my face than in my mouth. I eye up the pancake, knowing that syrup equals disaster.
Fuck. What do I do?
I glance back at the tray and notice the fruit bowl. I pick up a strawberry and slowly bring it into my mouth, sucking and nibbling at the end. I feel like such a hussy. I glance up wondering if Edward is disgusted, but his eyes are hooded – his mouth open in surprise. Probably because the juice is running down my chin and because I've actually succeeded in coming across, as an even bigger looser.
Lauren coughs loudly and I look away feeling embarrassed. I cant believe I just did that.
I finish nibbling on the strawberry and then turn to Alice and Rosalie. None of us acknowledge what just happened, but there is a lot of sexual tension going around the table and Alice winks at me.
Finally, we finish our meal and I turn towards Edward slowly. His fingers are drumming incessantly on the table, as though he is growing impatient for an answer. I wait for him to speak but he doesn't. He's waiting for me.
"I think I found my way to the queue quite expertly, wouldn't you agree Edward?" I smirk, before standing up and clearing away my tray. I don't want to give him a chance to reply and break my façade.
I turn around, expecting to see Rosalie and Alice engaged in conversation with Emmett and Jasper. But I'm surprised to see Rosalie and Alice hot on my heels. Talk about Girl Power.
I cant help myself from turning around once more and I get a thrill at the look on their faces. They look angry. Angry and hot and its all making me feel very horny.
"And you call yourselves Fresher Reps..." Rosalie tuts, before leading the way out of the Cafeteria.
AN: Anyone got any horrible food College/Uni related horrors to share? My housemate once ate a carrot sandwich with Tomato Ketchup, because thats all he had in :S
