CHAPTER 2: WORDS

Note: This is purely Aizawa's thoughts in episode 2.


"Are you okay?" I throw a glance at Shiraishi. Concern was on her face while asking the fellow I was with earlier.

Yokomine answered, giving Shiraishi a wide smile on her face.

"I wonder if a person who has a motion sickness can become a flight doctor?" I can't help myself. I said sarcastically obviously pointing at Yokomine. The smile on her face disappear and immediately replace by a frown and her usual sour expression when I say something she didn't like to hear.

Shiraishi instantly contradicts what I said, and glance at me furiously. "It's only natural to be nervous on their first mission. Not everyone is confident like you, why are you talking like that?" Just like I predicted.

With my expressionless façade I continue assessing the patient in front of me without even looking at her direction, "Open fracture on the tibia, prepare to irrigate the site." I said while putting the stethoscope on my neck. Pretentiously ignoring her.

"He's not even listening to me." She said annoyingly, creating tensions to the persons surrounding us. I saw how Hiyama, Saejima and Fujikawa exchange numerous glances. My jaw muscle tightened.

I don't have any intentions of disrespecting or irritating Shiraishi, I have nothing to hate when it comes her, but the way the fellows behave and how she is treating and pampering them is infuriating. These fellows deserve to be educated and trained strictly so they can serve purpose to their existence. In that way, they can be more useful to Lifesaving, they can be more useful to her. I understand where Shiraishi is coming from, after everything we experience before, she's trying a different approach in educating the fellows, a way different to what we experienced with Kuroda Sensei. There's a part of me that understand that fact, but still I can't bear to see her taking all the responsibilities in her shoulder while these fellows seems like they didn't even know what being a doctor means.


"What I'm saying is there must be a better way of telling her that. What if Yokomine says she's going quit or something because of your harsh words?" She continues ranting while were heading towards the office. I walk directly to my desk, turn my computer on and pretended to check on something. "What will you do then?"

It's enjoyable to have long conversations with Shiraishi, but not this way. It's way too far from the conversations I envision on my mind. I truly hated disagreeing with her over things and it literally upsets me that we're always having this non-sense repetitive arguments because of Yokomine, Haitani and Natori. I decided to be as cruel as I can be to push the fellows at their limit, for them to learn faster. By that way I can lessen Shiraishi's burden from Lifesaving. But It didn't occur to me that is going to be a hard work. It's hard for me because we always ends up arguing.

"If she's going to quit to that extent, then the earlier the better." I said coldly.

"We must handle the trainees with care. Because there's nothing we can do if they leave. We need to look after them till they can already stand on their own in order to resolve our crisis of being understaffed."

"Huh. What would you do if they were too slow to administer treatments? How are you going to explain to the patient's family if the patients die under their watch, then?" I asserted, thinking fully of her. Knowing her for so long, there's a possibility that she may end up taking the blame and responsibility for them if something like that happen. I'm not sure if she can understand my apprehension why am I being like this. But based on her reaction right now, I think she doesn't have even a slightest hint that I'm doing this for her.

"Then mold them to become excellent from the very start. We have no choice but to do our best with the members we have in Lifesaving right now. So please stop addressing her in such a rude manner." Irritation cannot be hidden on her voice.

"I only came back to Lifesaving because someone begged me to." I said reproachingly. Bad move. I shouldn't told that. I literally regreted what I said. I didn't mean to say something like that but it automatically came out from my mouth. Disappointed at myself, I turn my back from her and walk away.

In a loud voice, she continues. "Oh that's right. I was an idiot to asked you in the first place. How I wish I could do it over and tell myself to give up on you to come back."

Hearing that I'm convinced I really did aggravate her. I let out a long sigh.


I was heading to the station, walking briskly to finish a report for the patient I just examine. It was already late, Fujikawa, Hiyama and most of the morning staff have gone home so I wasn't expecting to see her sitting in front of the computer on the nurse's station where I'm heading. Her eyes were locked on the screen while her fingers moving, possibly typing unfinished reports. She accidentally glanced on my direction and caught my eyes staring at her. I look away quickly and walk towards the desk on the other end.

I sat down, enter my hospital log in and run through the files I'm carrying earlier. I felt anxious and distracted with her presence, the fact that we still haven't fully make up yet, and haven't had a normal conversation until now aside for work related conversations since our argument the other day bothers me.

The talk we had this morning doesn't count as well, because she only came to be in between Yokomine and I, totally expressing her disgust on the method I'm using to train the fellows. She reminded me once more to be careful with my words which I pretentiously ignore for the second time.

I know the way I do things like training the fellows are different compare to hers but I'm doing it so that they can learn faster. It's for their own benefit as well, I want them to be expose and experience tight situations like this for them to be confident, independent and get them stand on their feet quickly. Without us looking after them. I just need time to learn from Shiraishi how to properly express my resolve so I wouldn't be misunderstood.

After a long silence, my thoughts we're distracted when she utters "Good evening."

"Ahh." I said in response. I tried to look as calm as possible. But inside my head I was hoping we can talk again normally. It's not that we talk much, cause we didn't. But the thought that she's mad at me and wouldn't bother to say even a single word is what really bothers me. I stop on what I'm doing and blankly stare at the computer screen, waiting for her to say another word.

She continue tapping on the keyboard and took the files lying beside her after a few minutes. She then stands up and walks towards my direction still with the files on her hand and and sat down in front of the computer behind me.

I continue entering my reports on the system but being mindful of her actions at the same time. Observing her next move at the corner of my eyes.

"I just remember-"

"What is it this time?" I ask trying to hide my nervousness, patiently waiting for the next words that will come out on her mouth. She seems fine now. At least there's no trace of disgust and annoyance on her voice.

"It is wrong for me to assume that you don't have any affection to the fellows."

I turn my head a little bit more towards her direction with my ears intently listening to her.

"You are also trying your best to take care of the trainees." she pauses. "I still don't agree that your way of doing things is correct, but neither do mine. I just want you to understand that if we are not too careful with our words others are still bound to get hurt."
She said. I felt the warmness and concern on her words. Without hatred. without any disgust. One of the reason why I like her... why I love her to be exact.

Then the thought of Fujikawa and Saejima being together hits me. When I heard the news that they're going out and Saejima's pregnant, I did feel something weird. I felt happy for them but at the same time I felt envious towards Fujikawa and his courage to go after Saejima. I may be more competent than Fujikawa but there's a lot of aspects that he can win over me, like having courage to openly express affection towards the one you love. I really wish I had audacity like him.

I let a sigh out and gather all the strength I have to focus on my reports, forcing myself to throw away the thoughts sinking on my brain. I was about to recollect my concentration when Shiraishi say something again that pulled my thoughts back to her.

"And I remember one more thing, when Kuroda Sensei said well done to me before, I felt very happy. A word of praise coming from a senior doctor are magical words to trainees. With just a few simple words like that makes their worries and fatigue disappear in an instant." Reminding me on how I praised Yokomine earlier on saving a critically injured four year old girl without doubting herself. There's no doubt, what she witnessed earlier makes her happy. She then said goodbye and gracefully left.

Realization dawns, after hearing what she said it indeed vanish my worries away. I feel relieved. This must be what Yokomine felt earlier when I praised her. I told myself. Just like my words, her words works like magic for me too as it never fails to left me in awe.


Yay! off to episode 2. It might be boring but I still hope you'll enjoy reading this. I'm just soooo hungry on Aizawa's thoughts that's why I keep on writing on this pattern. Hope the movie will feed us more of him. Comments, reviews and critisms are most welcome. Thank you. :)