Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or related characters. Writing as an old fan of the show, particularly the McSwarek dynamic, which, I believe is the backbone of the show. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Note: I extend my sincere thanks to everyone of you for your kinds words and encouragement. I would like to respond personally, but due to time crunch, I am taking the liberty of thanking you here. Please know, your opinions and comments are truly appreciated. I would also like to thank everyone who's taking the time to follow, favourite or just read this story.
I do realize that the first chapter was really short, but while writing, that is where I felt the flow had to break.
Oh, and I forgot to mention in the first chapter, this is unbetaed. So, all mistakes are mine.
Chapter 2: Musings
She stood still. Perhaps, one would refer to her stature as numb. But, inside, in her mind, there was a veritable whirlwind of thoughts, memories and feelings, so many mixed feelings of happiness, sadness, sheer joy, gut wrenching grief, complex disagreements and love, a love she has so wanted to deny him and herself. She knew it was a privilege to be allowed to be in the room when the trauma personnel handled Sam's care, but she did not feel privileged. She felt regret, heartfelt regret at the path she had traversed over the last two years.
She had caught him look at her again and again, irrespective of whether she had been in a relationship with someone else, or he had been, and refused to accept the emotions in those eyes. Yes, she had seen the surprising PDAs with Marlo, but when he had tried to explain to her, wanted to rely on her help in dealing with some of the adversities during the last few months, how had she responded? She had helped him, of course; she could give herself a pat on the back for that. However, no way had that been unconditional, she had to accept the harsh truth at this moment, unlike what he had done when he had helped her with Luke, or her Dad, what now seemed like a lifetime ago.
Why had she done that? Was it just a way of coping with his moving on? Helping in giving herself permission to move on? Oh, what does it matter? Not now, anyway.
"He's coding!" are the words that finally brought her out of her musings. The flurry of activity around her seemed to increase in a few seconds as more nurses and another doctor rushed into the room. The crash cart was brought into play, and the process of jolting him back to life began. After three attempts, Sam's heart monitors showed activity again, and Andy released a long breath, she had not been aware of withholding.
In those few seconds, as they had been working on Sam, all she could think was – Sam had to come back to her. Yes, they had had their differences, had hurt each other, but not for one moment had he not been there for her. Even after she had left for Project Dakota, her first call for help had brought him in ready to lend her a hand to get out of the mess she and Nick were landed in at the time. Sam was always there when it mattered. And she had never needed him as much as she needed him now. She needed him to fight. He wanted her happiness above his own. He had to honour his words. He had to come back, because he, and he alone was her happiness, her home, the home she felt safe and comfortable enough to stay, the home she would never leave, if the Universe gave her a choice.
After stabilizing Sam's condition, the nurses prepped him for surgery, as the doctor, apparently the head trauma surgeon in the hospital, led her outside to where practically all of 15 Division was waiting. Andy figured, her teary eyes and the devastation on her face could mislead Sam's and her friends, so she shook her head a little, and managed a tremulous smile. Traci stepped up to her, putting her arms around her shoulders, as Frank stepped forward to speak to the surgeon.
Andy heard the surgeon speak to Frank in some details as to what was going to be done towards Sam's treatment, but she could not tell what that was, had anyone asked her. Dov could understand what she was experiencing, and perhaps needed to focus on anyone and anything but Chloe. He listened carefully to the surgeon, knowing Andy would need to know it once she was capable of processing everything again. For the moment, he would tell her what she needed to know. The best team of surgeons in Toronto were handling Sam's surgery which was expected to be of three hours duration, barring complications. From what he understood, whatever else may have gone horribly wrong in the last year, Sam's physical fitness was the best it had ever been, and that would help him immensely in both surgery and recovery.
And he would need post-operative care in the hospital and thereafter at home. Andy was great at taking care of people, that was just who she was. Dov knew how hard it was to look beyond the pain to positively working towards getting better, for oneself and a loved one. But he knew that Andy would be able to do that, and that's what he would help her focus on.
"Hey Andy" he called, walking towards where Traci still held her.
