Lee walks and smokes on his way to the studio this time around. He's so eager to get there that he actually walks with a spring in his step, something he always thought was just a figure of speech but can clearly be literal as well, quite the opposite of when he walked this way a few weeks back on the way to the recording of the pilot episode.
When he enters the dressing room and immediately locks eyes with David whose smile immediately widens, Lee's not sure who's mirroring who but he feels himself beam right back. He feels like he's on top of a rollercoaster, edging towards the fall. David makes his way over to him, smile twitching a little as he reins it in, trying perhaps to seem less thrilled and if he's anywhere near as self-conscious as Lee about this sort of thing, and Lee thinks he is if not more so, that would make complete sense.
"So", David more or less chirps as he reaches him. "Here we are again!"
Lee thinks it's really amusing to witness the minute muscle twitches in his face as he finishes up the sentence, interpreting it as a subtle tell that the almost chipper tone he'd adopted to say it felt so far removed from his regular self that it actually made him cringe inside. Lee can't help but to chuckle, but he does it as he replies with a fitting standard comment, Yeah who would have thought or something along those lines, and he thinks he got away with it.
As soon as they're on stage they immediately fall back into the roles they chiselled out for themselves in the pilot and the dynamic between them just sort of happens of its own accord. If possible, Lee enjoys himself even more this time around. By the looks of it, David does too. Even when he goes off on one of his rants there's a twinkle in his eye and as soon as he stops ranting and things move on, he immediately smiles and looks over at Lee, beaming as Lee laughs. Or if Lee jumps in with a countering comment or a oneliner as soon as he's finished, David's the one who immediately bursts out laughing, handclap and all.
I can get used to that, Lee thinks and he feels just as pleased with himself as David looked a minute ago. And he wonders if this is what it's going to be like from now on, the two of them essentially complimenting each other by making each other laugh. Not that he's opposed to the idea, but he's not sure how entertaining it would be for the audience. They seem to be enjoying themselves though, he notes. And maybe that's what the dynamic between them is built on. Is that the word I want, dynamic? Or is itchemistry? Do we have chemistry? The producers seem to think so.
For some reason, once the thought is in his head, Lee feels self-conscious about it. As they all wander off the stage he's starting to feel nervous about maintaining it, as though chemistry was something you had to make happen and either you had a knack for it or you had to work at it, and that he's accidentally managed to create it with this person without knowing exactly how he did it. Logically, he knows that the very definition of personal chemistry is exactly the opposite. But he still feels sure that he somehow can muck it up.
David sidles up to him on the way to the dressing room,and there it is, all shy and humble again, smiling and telling Lee he's had fun, and he's really glad the show is picked up, and it was a good first episode, and thanks for making it so. Lee smiles back, instead of replying, because there's no reply worse than "Me/you too" and David's already claimed dibs on every single thing that Lee could have said.
Once they're out of make-up and in their coats they head towards the exit in an unspoken agreement to walk together. As soon as the fresh air hits them, Lee gets his cigarettes out. David, in true smoker spirit, immediately gets his own cigarettes out,it's like Pavlov's dogs, and Lee offers him light. They both savour their first drags in compatible silence. Lee wonders if the reason he stopped to light a cigarette now, instead of waiting until after he'd said goodbye to David, is just a way of stalling.
"You taking the tube?" David asks.
Even though Lee had planned to walk home, the same way he walked here, he says he is and they walk to the nearest tube station together, chatting, or bantering, the entire way there and then continuing while on the tube. Glancing at their fellow passengers, Lee realises they're putting on a bit of a show for them, unwittingly. At least in terms of their surroundings, but he can't deny that he's deliberately showing off for David, using some of his best oneliners and anecdotes usually reserved for his stand-up routines, despite the fact that they're technically just small-talking. But as he now knows the difference between David's private smiles and eye-twinkles and those when he's performing or has his guard up in any other type of social situation, not that Lee's ever really seen him in a social situation except for the dressing room at the Broadcasting house, but he knows the difference between the way David smiles there and the way he smiles when it's just the two of them and right now he's smiling at Lee as though they have an audience, which, technically, they do. Nevertheless, the point is, Lee's fairly confident that he's not the only one putting on a show right now.
"Well, this is me", David says as the computerized voice alerts them of the next stop. "Are you going on?"
"Oh", Lee says, because he hadn't thought that far. "Yeah. I'm… the next one, yeah."
"Oh right. Well…"
David stands up and moves towards the doors as the train pulls up to the platform. Lee stands up as well, just to say goodbye, that's perfectly normal, "Well, I'll see you."
The doors open and David has to step outside, but he turns back around to face Lee as soon as he has and he opens his mouth to reply, but then the doors start closing with a beep and he simply nods and raises his hand in some kind of paused wave. Lee mirrors the gesture, and then the train starts moving again and before he knows it he's staring at his own reflection in the glass instead.
Getting off at the next stop, Lee tries to decide which is worse, the fact that the only thing missing from that situation for it to be a scene from a melodrama was a pair of white handkerchiefs, or the fact that he just took the tube 5 kilometres in the wrong direction just so he could continue talking to David.
As he crosses the platform and gets on the next train back, he settles on them being equally silly but, because of the fluttery feeling in his belly that lingers for at least four stops, he doesn't really care. He's not too bothered about the butterflies either. He figures it's just an emotional reaction to the comedic chemistry between David and himself, because it's really rare to come across that. The only times he's really clicked with a co-worker like this was during The Sketch Show and recently during Not Going Out, and then only really during rehearsals, both of which were because of Time Vine. So apart from Noel, whom he's never actually worked with so it doesn't count, Tim is the only person he's had this type of chemistry with before meeting David.
It strikes him though that the chemistry he has with Tim, and Noel for that matter, isn't really the same as the one he's begun to form with David, at all. And neither Tim nor Noel make him feel all fluttery like this. But that doesn't mean anything, he tells himself. Different people, different types of chemistry.
As reasonable as that is, somewhere in the back of his mind a niggling doubt starts to fester because, if he's genuinely honest with himself, he's worked with a fair amount of awesome people over the years whom he considers to be some of his best mates, and none of them gives him butterflies. In fact, theonly person, whom he's worked with, that makes him feel like this, all warm and fluttery and light and feverish and insanely happy, is David.
But he keeps that knowledge pushed into the far back of his mind where it can still be a small, niggling doubt. And even that he tries to ignore, because he doesn't want to ruin this buzz, for lack of a better word. At this point he's not sure what it is, but he wants to enjoy it for as long as it lasts.
Next week, Lee arrives to the Broadcasting House with a spring in his step again, eager to face the audience, eager to see David, and Derek and Angus and the guest panellists. He makes his way over to the dressing room and finds it already crowded, so after having shaken hands with all four of the guests he decides to hang back and wait outside the doorway until at least a couple of them are dolled up and clear out of the room.
He spots David at the far corner of the room and makes eye contact with him across the small crowd of comedians. They sort of nod in greeting, and Lee feels his face split up as a huge smile stretches out across it without him really meaning to and, unable to stop it, he basically beams at the other man. David favours him with a crooked smile in return. It's not nearly as wide as his own loony grin but at least it's genuine. Lee can tell by the twinkle in David's eyes and, ironically, by the fact that it isn't a wide one.
"Hi there!" John Barrowman says and steps out into the corridor. He grabs Lee's hand and sort of shakes it, but more than that he squeezes it gently and steps half a step closer.
"Alright", Lee says and smiles back at him.
Barrowman's teeth are impossible straight and white and his face is all cheekbones and perfect skin. So Hollywood, Lee thinks. His eyes twinkle as well, he notes, but they don't come close to David's. Why he was even comparing the two in the first place, Lee has no idea, but he had and now it's done.
Barrowman is a very handsome, and flirtatious apparently, guy and he's radiating glamour and cheek. But it just doesn't ring true to Lee, any of it. At least not compared to David who is pure and raw honesty, even when he's got his poker face on and spins the most believable lies imaginable, there's still a sense of genuine vulnerability to him. No matter how thick his mask gets, there's still a truth to it, he's still David, heart on his sleeve and insecurities on the table. His teeth aren't straight, he's not fit or suave and he can't fake a smile without the corner of his lips quivering. But perfect is really boring, anyway,Lee thinks.
"So", Barrowman says. "You're my captain for a day…"
His smile curls into a cheeky leer, but there's a laugh lurking close by and Lee gets that he's not really flirting with him, it's just the way he is, with everybody, it's his way of socialising.
"Yep, you can call me Captain, my Captain", he quips, just as cheekily and Barrowman immediately throws his head back and laughs.
Lee smiles. His feet are itching to take a step back, though. Barrowman's still standing an inch or so too close to him and he's not great with physical contact, at least not with people he barely knows. So when Angus and Dominic step out of the dressing room, Lee takes the opportunity to sidle away from Barrowman and walk inside. Derek puts a hand briefly on his arm and tells him he'll be right with him. For some reason it didn't bother Lee at all to be touched by Derek, maybe because it was such a brief touch, or maybe because it didn't feel like an invasion of his personal space, it was just a simple pat on the arm, however gentle and lingering. Again, his brain jumps to David, trying to remember if they've ever touched, even briefly like that. He can't think of a single time, unless he counts the handshakes. He looks over at David and catches his gaze flit away. It makes sense, he figures. David seems to have an equally large personal space as him, and with two people who are anything but touchy-feely, it's not surprising they don't go around putting lingering hands on each other's arms, or hug or anything like that.
He walks up to David to say a proper Good morning and, just as an experiment, he does put his hand on David's arm, or rather the edge of his shoulder, slightly cupping it. David gives him a weird look, so he just rubs his arm a little, awkwardly, then quickly removes his hand again.
"Alright", he says.
"Um… yes", David croaks, the confused look still on his face, but now accompanied by a rather pronounced blush as well. "Hi, h-how are you?"
David flinches at his own question.
"Alright", Lee says again, this time in answer to David's question but that doesn't make him feel any less of an idiot.
Well, this is awkward.
"So", he says brightly, and if David can tell he's trying a little too hard he's kind enough not to show it. "You stoked for the today's show?"
"Yes", David offers meekly.
Thankfully, Derek shows up and rescues them both by pulling Lee's face slightly to the side.
"Don't mind me!" he says, even as he starts dabbing something wet and skin-coloured onto Lee's face with a squishy piece of something that looks like rubber, except it's softer.
When neither of them jump to the opportunity to keep talking, Derek saves them again and takes care of the small talk for them until they're both more or less relaxed again. Halfway through Derek's anecdote about his weekend, Lee and David exchange an amused look and by the time they take their seats on stage, all is well again.
Lee can't help but to wonder, though if David was reacting to the fact that Lee was touching him for no particular reason, or if he was reacting to the fact that Lee felt so obviously awkward doing it.
The show is the best one yet, in Lee's opinion. Granted, it's only the third, the second televised one, but David manages to surprise him by being more hilarious than he's ever seen him. He hadn't thought that was possible, but David's on a roll today. Talking about Madonna's loo seat, he imitates the poor guy who would need to remove it just as soon as she's finished using it and wanting to get home some time before eleven and asking her if she thinks she'll need to go again, and if so, would she consider doing it now rather than later. It's so simple, but it's so simple it's brilliant. Lee feels like he's in the audience watching a stand-up show, abrilliant stand-up show, for a moment.
Lee knows he can't possibly follow that, but when it's his team's turn he gives it his best shot, adrenaline shooting through his body, he lunges head-first into his equivalent of a rant, spurred on by the fact that he can see David in his peripheral, even as he pulls a face and barely sees anything at all. Barrowman tries to join in, but completely misses the point of Lee's joke, so Lee makes a joke about him not getting the joke, all casually like and getting roars of laughter from the audience, and through that the tell-tale laugh that is obviously David's. Lee cracks up a little himself, even as he pats Barrowman apologetically on the shoulder. Not wanting to let the collective mirth go to waste, though he immediately offers up another joke.
Shortly after, he earns another set of laughs for what he essentially feels was a rather cheap joke himself, by acting shocked when Barrowman referred to himself as gay and then stomping off stage. Of course, Barrowman won't be out-staged and he adds another gag at his own expense. The show continues in much the same fashion and about halfway through he's had his ear licked by one team member and his arm more or less caressed countless of times by the other.
Lee tries to keep up with Barrowman and play along with his cheeky persona, even when it's distracting him from his usual interaction with David, but it soon escalates when Barrowman tries to banter with him and it turns into an all-out, dramatic shout fest. Cut short, thankfully, by David interrupting them and saying he doesn't understand why they all had to sit there and listen to "this shit". Lee laughs at that, but Barrowman merely smiles. It's not a very genuine smile though, Lee notices. He wonders if it's annoyance at having been robbed of the limelight, or something else. In fact, when he thinks about it, out of all Barrowman's generous laughs throughout the recording, none have been caused by something David has said and when David was interacting with him directly, his smile was definitely strained. Maybe there's history there, Lee thinks, then wonders if it's prejudiced of him to think so, as if two men working in the same business and who both happen to be gay must have had something together at some point.
He forgets about it momentarily when David starts ranting at him for claiming to employ a guy for managing his iPod, enjoying the rush that comes with sparring with David like this, not that you can ever win with David when he's like this, not only is he faster and louder and so funny it makes you lose momentum, he's also wickedly smart, poking holes at your arguments before you've even realised what they were.
"If you're a control freak, then why are you letting someone else do this for you!?" David more or less screams. Damn, got me. "Do you also employ someone to manage your toaster for you? Oh I know nothing about technology! I can't be bothered to learn, I just give him the bread… He does something to it, I don't know what, and it turns into toast!"
"David", Angus interrupts. "David, David… before you get too angry, it is possible that he lying."
"Right", David says, obviously still itching to keep yelling at Lee essentially, but Angus urges him to move on to Barrowman. "Oh, right, alright…"
Lee is once again reminded of the tension between David and Barrowman and watches their brief exchange closely, but David doesn't really give anything away and he can't really see Barrowman's face when he's looking over at the other team. He makes a mental note to see if there's any tension between them later on in the dressing room, though. Then it'll be easier to judge David's behaviour as well, he'll have most of his guard down.
It turns out, though that he doesn't have to do much studying. When you know to look for it, it's so obvious, Lee can't believe he didn't notice earlier. You could cut the air between them with a knife. Most of that is coming from Barrowman, though. David has retired to the far corner of the room again, where he seems happy enough to potter about. Barrowman is still joking around and flirting with the rest of them and it's not as though he's outright glaring at David, but there's definitely chilly air to the way he's very deliberately not looking in his direction.
Lee is about to make his way over to David, when Barrowman intercepts him, all teeth and touches, and tells him a few of them are going to this place nearby for Happy Hour and asks him if he'd like to tag along. Lee glances over at David, who seems deeply focused on looking through his jacket pockets, but there's added tension in his shoulders which makes Lee think that he's actually acutely aware of the goings-on behind him, including Barrowman asking Lee to join him and a couple of the others for drinks.
"No, you're alright, cheers though", Lee says, politely more so than kindly, and carefully moves away from his touch, there's a flash of something in Barrowman's eyes then but his smile doesn't waver. "Another time. Thanks for a good show."
"You too", Barrowman says. "Another time it is…"
Lee walks over to David and just sort of lounges next to him, leaning back against the edge of the dressing table. David gives him a questioning look, but Lee waits for the others to leave before he speaks. David glances over at the doorway as they start to filter out, perceptive enough, and once the last person has disappeared down the corridor, he turns to Lee again, this time with an expectant look on his face.
"You taking the tube?" Lee asks.
David gives him a look that tells him that that's not what you want to say, but answers anyway and tells him that he is indeed taking the tube and yes, he'd love the company. Lee nods, "Okay then!"
He straightens up and reaches for his coat hanging off the backrest of the chair next to him. David is still watching him expectantly.
"Are you alright?" Lee murmurs finally.
David blinks, clearly not the question he'd expected.
"I'm… fine. Why?"
"No, it's just that I couldn't help noticing… you and Barrowman, you know…"
David's eyes widen slightly, or not so slightly actually, but rather comically.
"I mean", Lee hurries to say. "It's none of my business! I just thought I'd better check, you know. And… if you wanted to talk, then…"
He feels his face warming up, but refuses to acknowledge it.
"I mean, I may not be very eloquent, but I'm a good listener… when I focus…"
David half-chuckles, then "You are joking, right?"
"No…" Lee says, feeling a bit defensive, it's not that much of a stretch is it, that he could keep up his end of a serious conversion?
"I mean about John Barrowman and me, you're not implying what I think you're implying?"
"Oh. Well. I just thought…"
"Oh God, no! There's nothing going on between Barrowman and myself! At all!"
"Alright, alright!… I just couldn't help noticing things were a bit… tense, between the two of you, and I sort of leapt to conclusions and I didn't exactly think it through, I just wanted to make sure you were okay…"
He's starting to feel extremely awkward, and judging by the way David's face softens perceptively, it must be showing.
"Well, thanks", he says, gently. "Really. That's very… But, trust me, I'm as far away from Barrowman's type as is possible. As is he, by the way."
"Oh."
"Yeah, no, I think the tension you picked up on was due to the fact that Barrowman, I think, considers me to be a disgrace to the homosexual community…"
"You what?"
"Well, I think that in Barrowman world you're not out of the closet unless you're shouting it off the roof tops…"
"That's mental!" Lee exclaims, before he's had a chance to consider how worked up he could get over this without it seeming weird. "And besides, what's it got to do with him whether you're out or not, anyway? Meddling git!"
David simply smiles at him and the conversation tapers off after that. They walk out of the building together and Lee walks David to the tube station. Once they get there though, he stops just outside. David gives him a questioning look and he smiles apologetically and comes clean about not actually riding the tube home. David blinks.
"I just, we were talking and so I just hopped on so we could continue talking, but I really live in the other direction, and it's walking distance, so…"
"You idiot", David says, but there's no heat behind it and Lee chuckles.
"Yeah, usually…"
"Alright then", David says and looks towards the stairs leading down to the tube, but then turns back to Lee again instead. "Want to smoke with me before you head home, then?"
"Yeah", Lee breathes out, oddly grateful for the extra moment. "Sure…"
They smoke in silence for a couple of minutes, then Lee works up the courage to ask David what his type is. David almost chokes on the smoke he's exhaling and coughs a couple of times, then splutters out a "What?"
"You said Barrowman weren't your type, so I was just curious, what is your type then?"
"Oh", David says in a rather small voice, still looking unsure but Lee's certain it's not about the question anymore but rather the answer. "I-I don't know that I have a specific type…"
"You sounded like you did", Lee persists.
Why am I pushing this?
"Well, someone intelligent", David starts, then cuts himself off and flustered he adds that he didn't mean to imply that John Barrowman is stupid.
"Well…" Lee says indecisively and David's lips twitch a little. "Alright, intelligent. What else?"
"Kind", David says immediately without breaking eye-contact with him, something flutters by inside Lee's chest, but it's gone before he's even registered it so he doesn't make anything of it.
"Right. And?"
"And… funny", David decides and gazing out across the street.
"Funny?"
"Yeah", David says simply. "Could you go out with someone who didn't have a sense of humour?"
"What sort of funny, though?"
David glances sideways at him, but then looks away again and shrugs. "Just funny."
"Yeah, but funny in what way?"
"Quick-witted", David admits after a moment.
"So definitely not Barrowman then", Lee quips before he can stop himself, but earns a laugh for his impulsive effort so he figures that's alright then. "So, quick-witted. See, I'd have thought you'd go for someone brainy and kind of observational comedy type of person, you know, all cynical and sarky."
"God no", David mutters.
"You did say 'intelligent' though. Nothing intelligent about making gags, is there?"
"Depends on the gags", David counters. "Besides, cynical doesn't necessarily equal intelligent. And it's definitely not a quality I find very attractive."
"Okay", Lee says, feeling oddly relieved for some reason. "You've convinced me…"
David looks at him again then and smiles. They both finish their cigarettes at the same time. David drops his to the ground and grinds it into the asphalt with the heel of his shoe. Lee flicks his into the street. They both watch it crash to the ground like a miniature flare.
"Well, I should be going", David says finally. "And you should be heading all the way back the way we came, shouldn't you? How far do you have to walk after that?"
"Not that far", Lee answers vaguely. "Besides, the conversation's worth the extra distance… I'll see you next week, yeah?"
"Yeah, see you then…"
There's a confused moment where they both seem to be contemplating some sort of physical gesture, like a hug goodbye, but both stumbling over the impulse and in the end they just end up smiling at each other before going their separate ways.
