CHAPTER ONE: I never promised you a rose garden.
Amelia had always been obsessed with stars. As a child she'd lie in the grass at her grandparent's house, on her back, staring up at the thousands of constellations. They were her friends; they were her family. Even years later, the obsession never faded. The shingles on the roof of the townhouse she shared with her mother wasn't as comfortable as grass, but it was much less itchy. She hated that she couldn't see the stars in New York. "Amelia?" She heard her mother's voice from her open window. "Amelia?" Her voice grew a little more panicked. Amelia rolled her eyes; she came out on the roof almost every night, and still her mother worried when she saw the open window.
"I didn't jump, mom," Amelia called. "Not this time, anyway."
"Oh, ha-ha." Addison leaned her head out the window. "Come inside; it's time for dinner."
"Not hungry." Amelia's answer was short and simple. She squinted her eyes and tried to focus past the lights. She needed to see the stars.
"You need to eat sweetheart," Her mother retorted, and Amelia, knowing she was fighting a fight she was bound to lose either way, sighed and sat up. "Be careful," Addison warned, holding her hand out to help Amelia through the window. "You're freezing." Addison grabbed Amelia's jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, and the two of them walked downstairs and into the kitchen.
After their plates were served and they were both eating, Addison looked at her daughter, tears in the brims of her eyes. "So, how does it feel to be fifteen? God, I am getting old. You know, when I was fifteen—"
"Mom," Amelia interrupted. "It feels no different than being fourteen."
"Oh, come on! You've got to feel older, or wiser, or… something." Addison smiled. Amelia tried to smile back. Fifteen wasn't a big deal to Amelia. She basically already felt like a grown woman; she was home alone so often. Her mom was one of the most renowned OBGYN and neonatal surgeon in the country. She was working a lot, and often times had to go out of town for work. She was used to being alone.
"Sure, mom." Amelia faked a smile, taking a bite of her food.
After dinner, Amelia went upstairs to do her homework. She was a fairly quiet person who threw herself into her studies. She got that from her mother. Her phone rang, and when she saw who it was, it felt like her heart stopped. Reese. Reese was the kid at school who everyone went to when they wanted information. She knew she could have found the information she wanted herself, but it was easier to not get caught if she went through someone else.
"Hello?" Amelia answered, getting up and crossing her room to close and lock the door. She sat on the edge of her bed and crossed her legs.
"Alright, you ready for this?" Reese's voice was riddled with excitement.
"I've been ready for weeks, Reese." Amelia rolled her eyes. She had paid Reese weeks ago, and he was just coming through with her results. "What took you so long?"
"It's not easy, digging up a person's history, Ames."
"Don't call me that."
"Alright, here we go. Drum roll please." He paused dramatically.
"Reese!" She tried not to be too loud; her mother's room was right next to hers, and it was likely she could hear everything. Amelia pressed play on her iHome remote, turning on music.
"Fine, fine, geez. You take the fun out of literally everything. I can't believe your mom never told you who your father was. He was like, seriously easy to find."
"Reese!" Amelia yelled, and threw her hand over her mouth. "Come on!"
"Your father's name is Derek Shepherd. He lives in Seattle, and is a fucking brain surgeon, Amelia. I repeat, a brain surgeon. He works at Seattle Grace/Mercy West hospital, and he's married with three kids."
"Three?" Amelia couldn't hide the shock in her voice.
"Congrats, Ames. You're a big sister."
"What the…"
"Come on, say it Amelia. What the fuck."
"I gotta go." She hung up her phone and threw it almost completely across her bedroom. Her throat felt like it was closing, and she was having trouble catching her breath. Her father had three children. He left them, left the one kid he had, and had three kids… or did he know she even existed.
"Amelia?" Addison called. She felt a panic attack coming on; she had those fairly often, and she knew this was bound to be a bad one. Her dad had a wife. He had a wife and three children. "Amelia, why is the door locked?" She could hear her mother trying to open the door, but she felt paralyzed. She lowered herself onto the floor and crawled to the door. "Amelia, open the door!" She struggled to reach up and turned the lock, but eventually got it. Addison swung the door open, a look of sheer panic clear on her face. "Baby, hey…" She sat on the floor, wrapping her arms around her daughter and pulled her into her lap. "What happened, sweetheart?" Addison, though still visibly worried, comfortingly pushed Amelia's black curls out of her face. Amelia was hyperventilating at this point, not able to control the tears that were pouring from her eyes. She couldn't tell Addison what she had just learned. For one, she would be pissed that Amelia went behind her back to try to find her father. Addison tried to conceal who Amelia's father was at all costs, going so far as to have all pictures of him locked in a lock box that Amelia had been trying to penetrate for years. Secondly, she'd be devastated to learn that he'd moved on. Addison had flings, mainly an on again off again relationship with Mark Sloane, a man she'd known for years. Any time Amelia would get attached to him and think maybe he could be her new father, Addison would break it off with him for one reason or the other. "Baby, please. You're scaring me. Talk to me, sweetheart." Addison soothingly ran her hand through Amelia's hair, rocking her back and forth like she did when she was a child. It was the only thing that calmed her down when she was this far gone.
"I-it's nothing, mom… I just saw a picture of Henry and it…" Though it was a lie, Amelia started sobbing. Henry was her first best friend. He had muscular dystrophy. He used to take Amelia for rides on his wheelchair or pull her behind him when she was wearing roller skates. The older they got, the closer they got. They'd play a hundred rounds of Mario Party and never get tired of it. The year they both turned eleven, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Amelia saw it as a sick twist of fate. The one person she could open up to, had a form of cancer that couldn't be treated. He died six weeks later. Amelia hid ever picture she had of him. Seeing them brought her back to the hospital room. Her leaning down, gently kissing him. She didn't want him to die never having had his first kiss. He died just moments later, surrounded by his parents, Addison and his best friend.
"Oh, sweetheart. I know. I know. Shhh…" Addison helped her up off the floor, pulling back the bedspread on Amelia's bed and helping her in. She tucked her in and turned off the lamp, turning to walk out the door.
"Mommy, please, don't go…" Amelia hadn't called Addison 'mommy' in years, and though she was upset for reasons different than she had lead on, she needed her mom. Addison looked like her heart broke and climbed on the bed—over the covers—and laid next to her daughter. She wrapped her arm around Amelia and held her close while she let her last few tears fall. Things were often rocky between them—simply because Amelia was tired of being alone, and Addison didn't understand—but Amelia was, especially in that moment, a mama's girl. It broke her heart knowing she had plans that would possibly hurt her mother, but she had questions. And if Addison wouldn't answer those questions, she'd go to the place where she could get those answers.
And, apparently, that place was Seattle, Washington.
