Remember pt.2
Hello, hope you are having a good day.
4 years later
"Mummy, can you put my hair up?" A girl asked.
"Come here, Alicia." Morgana sighed. She sat down on the couch and Alicia came over and sat on her lap. Morgana put Alicia's hair up. "There, now. Did you make up your bed?"
"No."
"Did you clean your room?"
"No."
"Well, I think you should go do that before your dad gets home from work."
"Yes, ma'am."
Alicia got up and ran to her room. Morgana smiled at her and got up and went to the kitchen. A few minutes later, she heard the door open and close. Then she felt Merlin's arms around her waist.
"I'm home." Merlin whispered as he kissed Morgana's neck. Morgana turned around in Merlin's arms and they kissed.
"Alicia is cleaning her room." Morgana sighed.
"Did she have another bad day?"
"Yeah. The poor girl just keeps getting sick."
"Daddy!" Alicia exclaimed as she ran in. Merlin released Morgana and picked Alicia up and hugged her close.
"Hey, sweetie. How do you feel?" Merlin answered.
"I had another bad day."
"Your mummy told me. Will a cuddle with daddy help?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. So, your birthday is in a few months. What do you want?"
"A baby brother or sister."
"Well, you may not have a sibling by then but maybe your mummy will be pregnant with your sibling by then."
"Ok. Just as long as I know that I'm going to be a big sister."
"Ok. Go get your blanket while I go get changed."
"Ok."
The two pressed their foreheads together and then Alicia got down and did as she was told. Merlin changed his clothes and sat on the couch. Alicia came out with a blanket and jumped on the couch. Merlin covered them with the blanket and they cuddled. Morgana smiled at the two. The next day, Morgana was in town when she saw someone who looked familiar. She went to the grocery store and was looking for a few things when this person came up to her.
"I don't believe we've met. My name is Morgause Le Fay." Morgause greeted.
"My name is Morgana Ambrosius." Morgana replied. "I know this will sound silly, but you remind me of someone. Like I know you from somewhere but yet at the same time, I don't."
"Maybe we have in a different life. Well, I need to get going. I have a lot to do. If you want to hang out or talk. I live right across the street."
"Ok. I think I'd like that."
Morgause walked away. That night, Merlin and Morgana were in bed talking. Merlin laid on his side facing Morgana who sat propped up against the pillows.
"DO you believe in past lives?" Morgana wondered.
"Don't know. I never thought about it. Why?" Merlin replied.
"I met someone in town today. I told her that I felt like we met before and she said that maybe we did in a past life."
"Was she being sarcastic?"
"No, she was serious about it. Something about her tone of voice told me that she knew something that I didn't know."
"Strange."
"I know."
"What was her name?"
"Morgause Le Fay."
"The only person I know with that name is in the Arthurian legends. Supposedly, she and Morgana were half-sisters. Morgause took Morgana after Merlin poisoned her and held her for a year. When Morgana returned, she wasn't the same."
"What did Morgause do to her?"
"Don't know. Some believe that Morgause brainwashed Morgana into doing what she did. Some believe that Morgana was dark to begin with and that she finally broke."
"What do you believe?"
"Everything I've read points to the fact that she was brainwashed. She was kind-hearted and caring. I think the real Morgana would have understood why Merlin poisoned her."
"Why did Merlin poison Morgana?"
"Because she was a vessel. Morgause used her to get to Uther and Arthur. Because of Morgause's enchantment, everyone in Camelot was falling asleep. Merlin found out and the only way to stop it was to kill the vessel. He killed Morgana and lived with guilt for the rest of his life."
"Wouldn't it be weird if we were the Merlin and Morgana?"
"Yeah, it would."
"Ok, let's just say that we are Morgana and Merlin. Would you poison me now?"
"No, just as long as you don't let Morgause trick you into anything. Would you turn into the woman that Morgana became if I did poison you?"
"NO, but I would be upset with you."
"Would you forgive me?"
"Yes, I would."
"Why?"
"Because anger doesn't get you anywhere. It only causes pain and suffering to not just you and the person you are angry with but with everyone around. If you could do it over again? Would you have still poisoned me?"
"NO, I would have found another way. Even if it meant abandoning my destiny. And even if I did poison you, I would drink the poison with you. I would tell you everything and I would let you choose and whatever you choose, I would do it with you."
"DO you think that the real Merlin and Morgana had the kind of relationship that we have?"
"I think deep down they cared for each other. I don't know if they would have actually loved each other."
Then they heard Alicia start screaming for Merlin. Merlin got up and ran to Alicia's room. He went in and saw Alicia screaming and thrashing on the bed. Merlin picked her up and shushed her.
"It's alright, sweetie. I'm here. Daddy's here. You're safe." Merlin whispered. Alicia eventually calmed down and woke up. "Hey, sweetie. Are you alright?"
"No." Alicia whimpered.
"Did you have a nightmare?"
"Yes."
Merlin checked Alicia over.
"You have a fever, Alicia. How do you feel?" Merlin sighed.
"Not good." Alicia mumbled.
"Let's get you taken care of."
Merlin and Morgana took care of Alicia. An hour later, they went back to bed.
"I wish we knew why she was suffering so much." Merlin said.
"Me too." Morgana replied.
"I know most people will question us about having another child if we can't even calm Alicia down, but…"
"You want another?"
"Yeah and Alicia does too."
"Then we'd better get to work."
When they fell asleep, a blue cloud covered them. Merlin and Morgana started to remember everything from before. The next morning, Merlin woke up and looked at Morgana who was still asleep. She squeezed her hand and kissed her knuckles. Morgana gasped and opened her eyes. Merlin saw fear and pain in her eyes. Morgana woke up and saw love and compassion in Merlin's eyes. She shook her head and got up.
"Morgana, what are you doing?" Merlin asked as he got up and got dressed.
"I can't stay." Morgana answered tearfully.
"Because of everything that happened. Morgana, please, don't go. What am I going to tell Alicia? She needs us together not apart."
"I can't stay knowing everything that I know."
"What about last night? Morgana, everything I said was true. I would have changed. I wouldn't have poisoned you. Please, I don't want to lose you. Let's talk about this and then move on from it."
"Why? It won't solve anything."
"Morgana."
"No, I don't want to hear it."
Morgana tried to walk out of the room, but Merlin stopped her.
"No, if you love Alicia, do not leave." Merlin begged.
"Merlin, please, I need time to think. I just need time alone to think about this." Morgana replied. Merlin opened the door and went to the kitchen. Morgana grabbed what she needed and was about to leave when she looked at Merlin and saw bitterness and pain.
"I thought that you would have understood me. I understand you."
"Do you? Because my memories tell me differently."
"That was then, this is now. To me, it means nothing."
"To me it means everything."
"What am I suppose to tell Alicia?" How am I suppose to tell our 3-year-old daughter that her mummy won't come back?"
"I'm sure you'll think of something. You always do."
"What about work and caring for her?"
"Merlin, please. I just need time to think."
"You keep saying that. Why can't you do that here?! I have to. Heck, you are giving me no choice but to take care of our sick child and work my butt off at the same time. Do you even care?"
"I don't know. I don't know what to think, Merlin."
"I still love you and our daughter. Both of you mean everything to me."
"I have to go."
Morgana walked out of the house before Merlin could say anymore. When the door closed, Merlin took a cup and threw it in anger. When he heard it break, he closed his eyes and winced at the sound.
"Daddy, is mummy mad at you?" Alicia wondered. Merlin turned and looked down at his daughter who looked up at him innocently.
"I don't know, sweetie." Merlin sighed as he went to her and picked her up.
"Are you mad at her?"
"I don't know."
"Are you mad at me?"
"No, of course not. Why would I be mad at you?"
"Because I'm a burden. I'm sick."
"NO, you are not a burden. I am not mad at you and I never will be. I love you more than you will ever know."
"Is mummy mad at me?"
"NO."
"Then why is she leaving?"
"Mummy and I found out a lot of things and mummy needs time to think."
"Why can't she do that here?"
"I don't know, but until she comes back I have to take care of you and work. So, I will need a lot of help from you."
"OK, daddy."
"Thank you, sweetie. Now, go back to bed."
Alicia got down and went back to bed. Merlin sat down on the couch and looked around. He laid down and let depression take over. Meanwhile, Morgana was back in her old flat. She sat on the floor against the wall sobbing. She eventually, cleaned herself up and went outside. She saw Morgause and went to her.
"Morgana, are you alright?" Morgause wondered.
"I know everything. I remember everything." Morgana answered.
"Let's go talk about this."
They went to a coffee shop and talked. AT the house, Merlin was getting ready for work and Alicia was screaming from a nightmare. Merlin tried to calm her down, get her dressed, get himself ready, and make breakfast. Then he got a call.
"Hey, Arthur." Merlin said.
"Where are you, Merlin? You're half an hour late." Arthur asked.
"Long story short, Morgana ditched me and now I'm on my own with a 3-year-old who is having nightmares and is screaming for her mummy."
"Stop by the keepsake shop. Guinevere would most likely be willing to watch Alicia and we can talk about what to do."
"Ok. I might be there in an hour."
An hour later, Merlin and Alicia arrived at the shop. Merlin went inside and saw Arthur and Gwen talking.
"Is she sleeping?" Gwen asked.
"No, I had to knock her out. Literally." Merlin sighed.
"What happened?"
"Morgana and I woke up and remembered everything from our past lives."
"Oh, you too. Guinevere and I remembered as well. We hoped that the two of you wouldn't. We knew that it would cause a lot of pain." Arthur explained. "And it looks like it has. The others remember too. Gwaine, Elyan, Percival, Leon, and Lancelot regained their memories. I told them to go home and just take today off and try to recover from this shock."
"Eventually, I'll be able to get into a schedule with Alicia, but it will take a while." Merlin answered.
"I know. If there's anything we can do, tell us."
"Thanks. How are both of you?"
"We're shocked but… a lot of things just don't feel the same. We're still trying to think things through. We're going to invite everyone over when we all recover from this."
"Well, tell me the date. I'll do what I can."
"Merlin, don't come to work till 9. You can bring Alicia here. I'm sure Gwen wouldn't mind taking care of here."
"I would love it. She can help me with a lot of things. Morgana tells me that's good at making things." Gwen stated.
"Ok. I'll bring her over tomorrow at 8:30." Merlin sighed.
"I'll be waiting."
Merlin took Alicia home.
Meanwhile, Morgana and Morgause were still talking.
"I just don't know who to turn to. I feel like Merlin wouldn't understand." Morgana sighed.
"And he never will. Merlin is not a very understanding man. Remember, he did poison you." Morgause lied.
"I know. I just…I can't go back to hating him. We're married, and we have a daughter. I don't want to divorce him. It will cause a lot of stress on Alicia."
"Then take Alicia from him."
"I can't. Alicia is ill. She needs Merlin. More than she needs me."
"Keep being hard on him. Eventually, he will give up and then we can get our revenge."
Morgana nodded.
At the house, Alicia woke up screaming and Merlin was doing everything possible to keep her calm. He called Morgana only to get a voicemail.
"Morgana, please, I'm sorry. Please, can we just talk about this? I need you so much and so does Alicia. She's crying out for her mummy. She's crying out for you and I can't do anything to help her." Merlin begged. "Please, call me back."
Merlin hung up and looked at Alicia who was in a corner screaming for Morgana. Merlin went to her, but Alicia pushed him away. Merlin sat down in the living room and began to cry. The next few weeks were very hard on Merlin as he had to do everything at once while Morgana just did nothing. Merlin called Morgana every day until one day, he stopped. Merlin was in town getting groceries when he saw Morgana and Morgause talking. He could tell that Morgana seemed better and looked as though she had gotten over everything. He grew angry with Morgause who he knew was feeding lies to Morgana. He went home and did what had to be done. He took his phone and turned it off so that he wouldn't worry about Morgana calling or texting him. A week passed, and Alicia was much worse. Merlin was unable to work like he was suppose to. Everyone tried to help, but there was nothing that they could do.
Morgana woke up that morning and felt empty. She looked at her phone and saw that Merlin hadn't called or anything. She went to the coffee shop and waited for Morgause.
"Morgana, are you alright?" Morgause wondered.
"Merlin hasn't called in a week. I thought that I would be grateful, but I feel empty not hearing his voice." Morgana answered.
"One day, you will not have to worry about him. Now, is the perfect time to attack. From what I hear, Alicia is much worse, and Merlin is completely worn out. Now, is the perfect time to make him pay."
That afternoon, Morgana decided to see Merlin.
At the house, Merlin laid on the couch crying silently as waves of pain over took him. Then he felt a hand touch his. He looked up and saw Alicia crying.
"I want to see mummy." Alicia cried. Merlin wiped the tears from her eyes.
"Shh, I know you do. I want to see her too." Merlin answered.
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. Just tired."
"Is it my fault?"
"No. Not all of it and do not go blaming yourself. You are not to blame."
Then the door opened, and Morgana came in.
"Mummy!" Alicia exclaimed. Alicia ran to Morgana and they hugged.
"Hey, sweetie. Mummy missed you." Morgana greeted as they greeted each other. Merlin got up and glared at Morgana before walking outside and slamming the door shut.
"Is daddy mad?"
"Yes, I think daddy is mad."
"He must be mad at me."
"NO, he would never be mad at you. Go back to bed. I'll go talk to daddy."
"Ok."
Alicia did as she was told. Morgana went outside.
"I spent the past month taking care of our screaming daughter, working, and trying to recover form everything that I just remember only to find that you have been getting friendly with Morgause again and completely ignoring me." Merlin angrily rambled.
"I know you're mad at me, but please…" Morgana tried to say.
"No, I won't listen to you till you listen to me. I have been through hell and back. Our daughter has gone through hell and back and yet you were selfish enough to abandon us."
"Is that why you stop calling? Because you gave up hope that I would ever come back?"
"No, I saw you and Morgause talking. I don't even want to know the lies that she's fed you. She's probably made me look like Satan himself. For all I know you're here to kill me."
"I'm not here to kill you."
"Then why are you here?"
"Because I want to talk but it looks like that will never happen."
Morgana was about to walk away but Merlin grabbed the car keys.
"No, you have had your chance to run off and do whatever. Now, it's my turn. This time, you can go through hell and back taking care of our daughter and working." Merlin said as he got in the car and drove away. Morgana was stun. She went inside and texted Morgause.
Merlin went to town and sat in the car thinking. Then he saw Gaius in his office. He went in and saw Gaius looking through papers.
"Merlin, what can I do for you?" Gaius asked.
"Do you remember?" Merlin answered.
"Yes."
"I just need someone to vent to."
"Well, Vent away."
They sat down, and Merlin explained everything.
"I just don't know what to feel or how to respond to everything. Everyone else has had time to recover from this shock and move on, but I haven't. I never died, Gaius. I became so guilt that I removed my memories and then Morgana came along and we had the time of our lives. Then this happened, and I feel so overwhelmed. I'm feeling guilt, pain, anger, and so much more. I just want to die. I can't do it, Gaius. Morgana came to talk to me and I yelled at her and then drove away." Merlin explained.
"Morgana left you and Alicia for a month, it is reasonable to be upset." Gaius answered.
"But I feel so much hate with myself. I'm so angry for yelling at her."
"It's because it is not in your nature to hurt others. You are kind-hearted, Merlin. You have been through enough. You want to be over this pain."
"Yeah."
"Are you in pain?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"Yes. How long have you had it?"
"I don't know."
"Where is it?"
"My chest."
"Merlin, if I were you, I would do everything possible to rest. Who knows what could happen if you continue to work yourself."
"I know. I'll be careful."
"Go home, Merlin. Talk to Morgana peacefully. Tell how you feel. Tell her everything and do not leave anything out."
"I will."
Merlin walked out of Gaius' office.
"Merlin, wait up." Arthur said as he ran up to Merlin. "You don't look too good. How about we go get some coffee and talk."
"I think I can use some caffeine." Merlin replied. They went to the coffee shop.
Meanwhile, Morgana and Morgause were at the house talking.
"You see, I was right about Merlin. He will never understand you." Morgause said.
"No, there was something about him. He was beyond pale. He looked ill." Morgana realized.
"Then now is the perfect time to attack and get our revenge."
"What do you mean by revenge?"
"We will kill him slowly and painfully. We will make him regret everything that he has ever done to us."
"No, I can't do that. He's my husband. I love him. Besides, it would crush Alicia."
"She's a child. She will recover from it."
"No, she will never recover. I can't go along with your plan, Morgause. Merlin was right. You have been feeding me lies. I just wish I had realized it sooner."
Morgana stood up and looked out the window.
"Morgana, please. Merlin has blinded you. Do what I have planned, and you will never be blinded again." Morgause lied.
"I want you out of the house, Morgause. You are not welcomed here." Morgana replied.
"You will regret this, Morgana."
Morgause walked out of the house.
"Mummy, is she going to kill daddy?" Alicia wondered.
"No, sweetie. Daddy will be fine." Morgana answered as she picked Alicia up and held her close. "Now, let's go give you a bath."
Merlin and Arthur talked for a while.
"I wish there was something I could say, but I'm afraid that I may only make things worse." Arthur said.
"I don't think anything you say could make it worse." Merlin scoffed tearfully.
"Maybe. If it helps, Guinevere and I don't think of you any differently than we did before we all remembered. You are still a very good friend and brother to us and who you are doesn't change a thing. Although, I will do my best to treat you better. The last thing you need is me bulling you."
"Thanks."
"Your welcome."
"I should go home."
They stood up and Arthur pushed merlin playfully. They smiled, and Merlin pushed Arthur back. Merlin went home and saw Morgana looking in the kitchen.
"I'm sorry about everything. You were right about Morgause. She was feeding me lies and I was believing them. I should have been here to help you and I shouldn't have been so selfish." Morgana apologized.
"I shouldn't have yelled at you like I did. I should have talked to you sooner instead of blaming you for everything bad. I should have tried harder to make amends. I'm sorry." Merlin sighed.
"Can we talk about this? Alicia is sleeping peacefully."
"I think I'd like that."
They sat down and talked. They explained how they felt and they comforted each other.
"If you hadn't talked to anyone, would you have come back?" Morgana wondered as she rubbed the back of Merlin's hands.
"Yes, because I can't bear the pain of knowing that I was wrong." Merlin sighed. "If you hadn't talk to Morgause, would you have returned sooner?"
"I don't know. I think I would. Because I feel empty when I don't get to hear your voice."
Merlin pulled Morgana close. Morgana listened to Merlin's heart and could hear how fast his heart was beating. She sat up and looked at Merlin with worry.
"Are you feeling alright?" Morgana asked.
"Yeah. Just tired and shaky." Merlin rasped.
"Let's get you to bed. You must be exhausted."
Morgana helped Merlin to the bedroom. Merlin laid down and Morgana checked him over.
"Are you in pain?" Morgana wondered.
"My chest hurts. That's about it." Merlin mumbled.
"Have you been taking care of yourself?"
"I've tried."
"Oh, Merlin. Knowing you that means that you probably were rarely eating, drinking, or sleeping."
"Guilty as charged."
"Try to sleep. I'll wake you when I get your dinner ready."
"Not too much. I probably won't be able to eat a whole lot."
"Ok."
Morgana and Merlin kissed. When they pulled away, Merlin fell asleep.
TBC
