Except there wasn't a next chat.
When Jackson messaged Red again, he didn't get a reply.
[07/10, 5:43pm] LC: dude, we've almost been chatting for 4 months now
[07/10, 5:54pm] LC: it's crazy how fast time flies
He didn't think much of it in the beginning. There were times where they didn't respond to each other for hours, because they were either busy or sleeping. When he didn't have a message the next day though, he got a little worried.
[07/11, 7:46am] LC: pls let me kno if u r okay
.*~*.
[07/12, 8:32pm] LC: I mean it.
.*~*.
[07/13, 2:21am] LC: I'M FUCKING WORRIED LSR
[07/13, 5:45am] LC: LET ME KNOW SOMETHING ALREADY
.*~*.
[07/14, 11:58am] LC: Please.
Jackson felt like screaming. He didn't know what was going on, or why Red was ignoring him all of sudden. Was he tired of him? Maybe he finally saw what kind of asshole he was and now he doesn't want to talk to him anymore? He felt like crying. For fuck's sake, he wanted to cry so bad. But he didn't. He couldn't let himself cry over some online guy he likes.
At least not until two days later.
It had been almost a week since he last spoke to Red, and to say he was miserable was an understatement. Jackson felt empty and lonely and dammit why did this guy have such an influence on him. He never knew this person could hurt him so much, how much he depended on him. This guy changed his life though, so it was hard not to.
When he came home from school and went to have diner with his parents, he finally cracked.
He'd been spending every free second he had to stare at his phone's screen, willing it to show that he had a new message. When his mother called him for dinner he put it away, and slowly went to walk down the stairs. As he sat down he felt something build in his throat. He wasn't hungry. He spent twenty minutes just playing with his food until his father finally snapped him out of it.
"Jackson," David said, which made Jackson look up at him, "are you okay?" He wanted to say he was. The words 'I'm fine' were on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't get it out, the lump in his throat prevented him from saying it. All that came out was a sob. And another. And then two more.
And then he was full on crying. His mother dropped her fork and his dad was already by his side, hand on his shoulder and asking what's wrong. She soon followed and hugged him, whispering things like 'it's going to be alright' and 'we've got you'. Jackson felt stupid. He didn't want to cry, and he certainly didn't want to cry in front of his parents. He just couldn't help it. It hurt him thinking that Red didn't like him anymore. So instead of stopping, he cried more.
He didn't even notice that his parents moved him to the living room and sat down on the couch with him until he eventually calmed down a little. His parents waited until he barely even sobbed anymore, and his mother was the first one to speak, "Can you tell us what's wrong, dear?" He noted the frown on her face and worry in her voice. He nodded. He opened his mouth to speak but still nothing came out.
This time, his parents were faster than him. "Is it someone at school? Are you being bullied?" David asked. Jackson shook his head fiercely. "Alright," he said, "Is it a girl?" Jackson let out a half sob and half laugh but shook his head. There was a silence in which his parents traded a quick glance and then his mother asked, "A boy?" Jackson reluctantly nodded. His mother smiled, "You know we still love you the same, right?" He nodded again.
They sat in silence for a little while, his dad's hand on his shoulder and his mom's on his knee. It was his mother who spoke up again, "Will you tell us about him?" Jackson thought about it. He wanted to tell them. He just didn't know how. He nodded though, but didn't speak up immediately. His parents waited patiently.
"A couple of months," his voice sounded raw from crying. He coughed. "A couple of months ago, I signed up at . It's not what you think, please let me finish." He noticed his parent's surprised faces and went on, "It's an anonymous chat site where you can talk to someone if you need to. You can, uh, you can also go and chat with someone for as long as you like. And I did. His name, uh," He took a deep breath, "His user name is Red-Riding-Hood. I just refer to him as Red though. We've been chatting for four months now."
Jackson licked his lips. He didn't know how to tell them how beautiful this guy was. His dad spoke up first though, "Why did you sign up there? You know you can always talk to us." Jackson nodded once again and laughed. "It's just-, I needed someone who didn't-, I mean-," He growled at himself in frustration. "I wanted to talk to someone who didn't know me. Who wouldn't, you know, judge. Didn't have, uh, didn't have any expectations. I didn't," He glanced at both his parents, "I didn't want to disappoint you."
He heard his dad take a deep breath and his mom breath out a, 'Oh sweetie', before he was hugged by both of them. "You could never disappoint us, son," David said, "You've already made us so proud." The tears welt up in his eyes when he felt his mother nod against his shoulder. He gulped and whispered, "Thank you."
His mom sniffled when she sat up again, wiping a few tears away. Jackson suddenly knew. "He's lovely. He's sarcastic and sassy and kind of a nerd. But he's also loyal and passionate and I can always talk to him about stuff that's bothering me or stuff that I'm afraid of and he always reassures me. But he also confides in me and," He laughed and sat up straighter, "And he puts up with me being an assho-, sorry, language, with me being not-so-nice."
He noticed his parents smiling again. "He likes to eat chocolate ice cream while watching movies and he's got a Best Female Friend Forever named Lydia, I know it's weird that I know her name but not his, and she's a scary smart fashion queen so Red also knows things fashion thanks to her. You'd probably love to go shopping with him, mom. His mom died when he was young but his dad is in another relationship now, with the mother of his Best Male Friend Forever. His name's Scott. They're like brothers in everything but blood. Oh and dad, he's a huge movie fan. And Marvel. He could probably talk to you about it for hours. And-," Jackson cut himself off.
"And I was rambling, sorry." He slumped down a little again but his mom quickly grabbed his shoulder, "Tell us more, sweetheart!" Jackson blinked in surprise. Both his parents were beaming. So he told them everything. About his stupid first message and how Red still tried to befriend him. How they talked to each other for hours sometimes but also for a couple of minutes, but those couple of minutes were enough. Their sarcastic conversations and their not-so-subtle flirting.
"-and he always looks out for his dad, it's really sweet. He cares so much about other people and I," He deflated a little. "And I'm falling in love with him." The laugh that came out of his throat didn't sound happy at all, "And I'm an idiot for falling in love with him, because now he's gone." He took another deep breath and closed his eyes. "Now he's gone."
David wrapped his arm around his shoulder, rubbing his arm, "You can't know that, Jacks." His mom nodded quickly, "How can you?" Jackson snorted. "He hasn't been online in a week. We talk, I mean talked every day." He rubbed his eyes. "I don't know what to do." There. He admitted it.
When his mom made a thoughtful noise he looked up, "I don't know dear, maybe something happened or maybe he's busy. Isn't he still in school? Maybe he had a big test? He wouldn't just stop liking you and go without saying something if you were really that close." She smiled kindly at him and he couldn't help but return it. He hugged her and whispered, "Thanks mom." When he turned to his dad he was also smiling, "You too, dad. I really, I mean, I needed that." His dad just grinned and ruffled his hair while he spluttered.
Later that night, he decided to send Red a message again.
[07/16, 11:21pm] LC: hey, so I totally flipped out. Sorry bout that. I just want u 2 kno that i'm worried and that i'm here 4 u, okay? But if u don't want 2 talk 2 me anymore or w/e, just say so
[07/16, 11:57pm] LC: I miss u and hope 2 hear from u soon
–
When he woke up the next morning, he wasn't disappointed.
[07/17, 3:45am] RRH: I am so so so so so so sorry omg I feel horrible
[07/17, 3:53am] RRH: going 2 try and react 2 everything now so give me a min
[07/17, 3:55am] RRH: 4 MONTH ANNIVERSARY YEAHHH even though I screwed it up now
[07/17, 3:56am] RRH: Happy 4 month and 1 week anniversary? :D
[07/17, 3:58am] RRH: I am okay now, no worries anymore
[07/17, 4:03am] RRH: I kno u r there 4 me and now I feel terrible 4 not talking 2 u
[07/17, 4:12am] RRH: y would u think I wouldn't want 2 talk 2 u anymore?
[07/17, 5:02am] RRH: :( i'm really sorry bae, I missed u 2
[07/17, 5:32am] RRH: going 2 try and sleep now, but i'll explain everything later
Jackson stared at his screen. And blinked. And stared some more. After a couple of minutes of more staring, he took a deep breath. All worry and sadness from the past few days leaving him as he breathed out. His mom was right, as always. He worried to much.
He didn't reply immediately. Mainly because he had to think over what Red had said, but also because he didn't know what to say. He decided he needed breakfast first. For the first time in a while his parents were at work and he was alone again, but it was fine. After breakfast he went for a long run to clear his head. Jackson was glad it was a Saturday.
When he got home he took a short but much wanted shower. After that he just kind of stared at his screen again. He didn't know what to do. He needed advice. So he started Skype up.
[Calling... CaliforniaGay]
"Hey! I wasn't expecting a call from you!"
Jackson smiled at his best friend. "Hi to you too, Danny. How are things?"
Danny snorted.
"Things are great, duh."
"You and Ethan still going strong?"
"Going on and strong, yeah."
"That's great, I'm happy for you."
Danny's smiles softened and he winked at the cam, "So what's up with your lovey-dovey life?" Jackson sat up straighter, "The lack of it, actually. That's why I called you." Danny blinked. "Getting straight to the point then."
Jackson took a deep breath. "So, I've been on this online chat-site for a while now. And I made a new friend." Danny's smile was blinding, even through the screen. "Dude, that's great! For how long?" Jackson smiled awkwardly, "For about four months give or take?" The silence was expected.
"Dude," Danny breathed out, "why didn't you tell me?" Jackson groaned as he rubbed his eyes "I was ashamed, I guess. And I didn't want you to feel like I was betraying you. I just, uh, just didn't know how to tell you." He saw the other boy's nostrils flare as he rolled his eyes, "So, what's the rest of the story then? Don't stop on me now, I need details. There's more."
"I like him." As he saw Danny was about to say something, he cut him off, "Not, as in, I mean, not friend-like, but as in I-could-fall-in-love-with-you-like." He groaned and buried his face in his hands, "I feel so stupid, I don't even know his name." The silence was, again, expected.
The laughter that followed, though, made Jackson look up in surprise. Danny waved it off, gasping out a 'give me a second' before he continued choking on his own laugh. Jackson's face slowly turned into a scowl as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and waited for the other boy to be done laughing.
When Danny finally calmed down a little, he raised an eyebrow, "Are you done laughing at my misery yet?" Danny merely grinned, "You're such an idiot sometimes, you know that?" This time when he was about to say something, Danny cut him off.
"Just ask his name! Jeez Jacks, I thought you were smarter than that. If you like the guy so much, just ask his name." "I don't know how to." "How does: 'oh, btw, what's your name?' Sound?" "It's not that easy-" "Of course it is! Just ask the guy his goddamn name and tell him you like him!" "That last part wasn't in the deal before, listen Danny-" "I know, but if you don't tell him you'll become this insecure little puppy that I don't want to deal with." "I know, bu-" "No buts, do it."
Jackson's left eye twitched, "Could you stop cutting me off for a second and just let me talk?!" He half screamed. Danny frowned at him through the screen but nodded. "Thank you. What I was trying to say is, that it's not that easy because he just disappeared on me for a week. He messaged me again this morning, but I don't know what to say or how to react."
He saw Danny absorb this information as he shrugged, "I don't really know what the guy's like, so I can't judge." He could see the sparkle in the other boy's eyes even through the screen, "Unless you tell me about him that is." Jackson gave a grumble of defeat as the other simply grinned. "Fine." He said, as he told Danny everything about Red he could think of.
About their rocky start, and how one rude comment started it all. That they were practically snark buddies and that they both liked lacrosse. About how Red was the most selfless, caring and loyal friend he'd ever had, "Sorry Danny," and Danny just smiled. About his dad and two best friends, his father and that he was happy for his dad to be in another relationship again instead of hating the woman, "Maybe because he and her son are already like brothers or something.." His weird little quirks, "His favorite ice cream while watching a movie is chocolate, Danny. Like, how old are you?" "He's so hyperactive it hurts my head sometimes." "He likes to use post-it notes. Who even uses post-it notes?" And, of course, about how he's always there for Jackson and makes him feel less alone.
When he was finally done he saw the other boy just kind of gaping at the screen. "What? You look like you just saw a ghost." Danny blinked and breathed out, "That sounds like Stiles." Jackson merely raised an eyebrow. "Hyperactive, loyal, the family situation, the post-it notes. It's exactly Stiles."
Jackson thought about it for a second, "The guy who keeps asking you if gay guys think he's attractive?" When Danny nodded, he snorted, "Come on dude, how is that even possible? There are probably way more people in this world who are like that." As Danny pursed his lips, he elaborated, "Didn't you say this Stiles dude was straight a couple of months ago?" Danny nodded again, "Red is gay. I mean, if this Stiles guy was gay you would've known right?" The other boy sighed, "I guess you're right. Where does Red come from then?"
"I only know that he comes from the States, that's it." Jackson shrugged, "So, do you think you can help me with my problem now?" Danny smiled, "Sure, what's the last thing he said?" "I'll copy that part of the chat." Jackson said as he launched it.
[07/17, 3:45am] RRH: I am so so so so so so sorry omg I feel horrible
[07/17, 3:53am] RRH: going 2 try and react 2 everything now so give me a min
[07/17, 3:55am] RRH: 4 MONTH ANNIVERSARY YEAHHH even though I screwed it up now
[07/17, 3:56am] RRH: Happy 4 month and 1 week anniversary? :D
[07/17, 3:58am] RRH: I am okay now, no worries anymore
[07/17, 4:03am] RRH: I kno u r there 4 me and now I feel terrible 4 not talking 2 u
[07/17, 4:12am] RRH: y would u think I wouldn't want 2 talk 2 u anymore?
[07/17, 5:02am] RRH: :( i'm really sorry bae, I missed u 2
[07/17, 5:32am] RRH: going 2 try and sleep now, but i'll explain everything later
He waited patiently for Danny to finish reading as he himself also ready over the converstation for the hundredth time that day. His reaction was, again, unexpected. He snorted, "Why does he call you 'bae'?" Jackson's cheeks turned pink a little, "It's just a thing we do. He calls me bae and I call him loser or babe." He watched as Danny's smirk grew wider on his face and he rolled his eyes, "Shut up."
"Anyway, you could always just react to everything he said? I don't know dude, at least answer his question. Why did you think he wouldn't want to talk to you anymore?" Jackson shrugged, "It's not important right now. So I should just react to what he said?" "Why not? At least that way you won't do anything wrong." Jackson smiled at him, "Thanks, give me a second." Danny rolled his eyes, "Take your time."
[07/17, 4:34pm] LC: u shouldn't feel horrible, I shouldn't have worried so much
[07/17, 4:34pm] LC: it's not like we're not weird anyway, so happy 4 month and 1 week anniversary to you too babe :)
[07/17, 4:36pm] LC: again, you shouldn't feel terrible or anything. Just know that u can still talk 2 me now if u want 2
[07/17, 4:38pm] LC: I dunno, maybe u finally realized that i'm a huge asshole and don't deserve to even talk 2 u or smthng, i'm just afraid of losing u, u know
[07/17, 4:38pm] LC: at least u r back now
[07/17, 4:39pm] LC: i'm really glad about that
He stared at the screen for a couple of minutes before Danny coughed, "You done?" Jackson nodded. "So, tell me more about your 'Ethan' now, would you? I know you've been dying to."
Watching Danny's dimples in full effect through the screen was worth the next few hours of listening to him waxing poetic things about the guy's body.
–
When he went downstairs to eat around 7pm, his parents where back home again. "Welcome back mom," he said as he kissed her cheek, "Dad." as he and his dad nodded to each other. He sat down at the table and looked up to find both his parents staring at him. "What?" He asked as he shifted in his seat a little.
"Nothing. It's just that you look so happy today, dear." His mother said as she placed the food on the table. Jackson shrugged. "I talked to Danny about it today." His father smiled, "How is he doing?" Jackson only rolled his eyes, "If I had to judge by the love struck expression he gets on his face whenever he talks about that Ethan guy, he's really great." Both his parents nodded and they started their meal.
Halfway through, his mother decided to speak up again, "So, how is the Red situation anyway? What did Danny have to say about it?" Jackson stopped his fork halfway to his mouth and put it down, "He thinks I should just ask the guy his name." David nodded, "I agree with him, son." "I knew you would dad." His father just smirked at him and continued eating. "Anyway, he talked to me again today and I reacted, waiting for a reaction from him now." His mom nodded and smiled, "That's good. And if I may say so, I think Danny's right. What's holding you back?"
Jackson thought about that question for the rest of the meal.
–
When he finished showering that evening, he got a new message again.
[07/17, 10:22pm] RRH: dude no! U had every right 2 be worried. It was kinda cute ;)
[07/17, 10:22pm] RRH: awww thank bae! (: U r right, we r weird peepz
[07/17, 10:23pm] RRH: r u sure? I don't want 2 bother u or anything
[07/17, 10:24pm] RRH: I love the fact that u r an asshole sometimes because that means I can be an asshole back and those are some of my fav moments of us dude
[07/17, 10:26pm] RRH: u don't have 2 be afraid of losing me, I think that if someone's going to get tired of the other, it's gonna b u
[07/17, 10:27pm] RRH: anywhoozles, i'm also glad to be backwards
[07/17, 11:02pm] LC: u couldn't bother me if u tried, u can always talk 2 me, u should know that by now
[07/17, 11:04pm] LC: I could also never tire of u, so don't worry
[07/17, 11:09pm] RRH: thank god we both got that out of the way
[07/17, 11:12pm] RRH: past week was the week in which my mom died
[07/17, 11:13pm] RRH: instead of not being okay for 1 day, me and my dad both have a full week in which we can't function
[07/17, 11:15pm] RRH: past drinking and eating that is
[07/17, 11:19pm] LC: i'm really sorry, I didn't know
[07/17, 11:20pm] RRH: don't b, u couldn't have known
[07/17, 11:23pm] RRH: it's just.. hard, u know. Suddenly everything reminds me of her & suddenly i'm aware that she's not there anymore and it just leaves me feeling empty 4 a little while
[07/17, 11:26pm] LC: I wish I could help you
[07/17, 11:28pm] LC: even tho I lost both my biological parents, I never knew them. Can't even remember them. Sometimes I wonder if it's better like that or not-so-nice
[07/17, 11:30pm] RRH: I kno what u mean
[07/17, 11:34pm] RRH: sorry about this, and the past week
[07/17, 11:36pm] RRH: now u kno for next year though
[07/17, 11:40pm] LC: u think we'll still be friends next year?
[07/17, 11:42pm] RRH: I hope so?
[07/17, 11:43pm] LC: absolutely
[07/17, 11:51pm] LC: anyway
[07/17, 11:52pm] LC: "anywhoozles"?
[07/17, 11:54pm] RRH: u kno it bae ;)
Jackson finally slept through the night again.
–
Life returned to what it was before. Mostly. He and Red talked most of the time again, and his parents were still home much more than they used to. Now they would just ask about Red from time to time and they'd get those knowing smiles on their faces. Jackson pretended he didn't see anything.
The only thing that was different was that now Jackson constantly walked with a nagging feeling in his gut. He wanted to know Red's name, really bad, but he couldn't ask. Every time he tried he'd become afraid. What if the other heard of him and suddenly didn't want anything to do with him anymore? What if he heard of the other and found out it was a terrible person in real life?
On the other hand, what if that wasn't the case? What if everything was fine and dandy and Jackson was worrying over nothing?
So he didn't ask.
In the end, he didn't really need to.
It was two months after his talk with Danny that said boy called him.
"Dan, it's ass-o-clock, whaddya want?" Jackson grumbled into the phone. "I think it's Stiles." Jackson rolled over and sighed, "I thought Ethan was the love of your life." He could practically feel as Danny rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "Not like that, ass-wipe. Red. I think Red is Stiles." Jackson's half asleep brain was suddenly awake and he sat up in bed, "How can you be sure?" "You told me Red had two best friends, right? What were their names?" Jackson rubbed his eyes, "Scott and Lydia." He heard Danny's sharp intake of breath. "What? Is something wrong?"
"After our conversation, I just couldn't shake the feeling that it was Stiles off me. Sure, I thought he was straight and you said Red was gay, but I wasn't sure about him. But when I noticed that Stiles had been using his phone almost non-stop and smiled at his screen the stupid way you did when you talked about Red, I decided to ask one of Stiles best friends." Danny took a deep breath, "Lydia."
Jackson suddenly felt sick. "What did you, I mean, what did you ask her?" "I asked her why Stiles had been using his phone so much. She said that he'd been chatting online with a guy he really liked. So I said, 'I thought Stiles was straight'. That earned me a look I never want to be at the end of again. Anyways, she rolled her eyes and muttered 'straight as a rainbow slinky'. I can never be 100% sure, Jacks, but I think it's him."
Jackson sat there as he let everything come through to him. There was a big possibility that Red was Stiles. That he knew Danny. "You can't be sure." Danny sighed, "I know, Jacks, I know. That's why you should just exchange names already. Please? That way you can know for sure." "What if it's him, Danny? What if it isn't?" "If it is you could easily come visit us both at once, which is great, and if it isn't then it isn't. You'll see what you can do from there on. Just ask his name, you idiot."
And with that, he hang up.
–
Jackson thought about it the rest of the day. He talked to his mother about it. Who, of course, agreed with Danny. Then he talked to his dad about it, who also agreed with Danny. And that didn't leave him much choice, now did it?
He was already in a conversation with Red when he made up his mind. Apparently his absence of mind didn't go unnoticed.
[09/21, 9:38pm] RRH: dude, r u okay? U've been kinda absent lately
[09/21, 9:40pm] LC: yea, I
[09/21, 9:44pm] RRH: ?
[09/21, 9:46pm] LC: can I ask u something?
[09/21, 9:46pm] RRH: always bae
[09/21, 9:47pm] LC: it's just.. i've been thinking about it
[09/21, 9:49pm] RRH: yeaaaah?
[09/21, 9:51pm] LC: I mean, we've been talking for half a year now
[09/21, 9:52pm] RRH: ur point?
[09/21, 9:54pm] LC: would u, I mean
[09/21, 9:55pm] LC: what's your
[09/21, 9:57pm] LC: screw this
[09/21, 9:59pm] LC: would you like to exchange names and cities or something?
[09/21, 10:03pm] RRH: I thought you'd never ask
[09/21, 10:04pm] LC: u could've asked
[09/21, 10:05pm] RRH: meh, effort
[09/21, 10:07pm] LC: I hate u sometimes
[09/21, 10:09pm] RRH: love u too bae :*
Jackson rolled his eyes as he waited patiently for the other guy to answer his question. Well, if you call feeling anxiety beyond believe and wanting the other to just hurry up patiently, that is.
[09/21, 10:13pm] RRH: my like real name is almost unpronounceable seeing that it's Polish and stuff
[09/21, 10:15pm] RRH: so I have a nickname
Jackson sighed in relief. It couldn't be Stiles, right? He'd never heard Danny say that it was a nickname and it wasn't unpronounceable. Why would it matter if it was Stiles though? Would that really be that bad?
[09/21, 10:18pm] RRH: so, i'm Stiles form Beacon Hills California, nice 2 meet u :D
Well, shit.
Apparently it was.
