Flashback: The Fight
On a regular normal school day in December my enemy and I had a showdown. My closest friend Sarah ran into the library where I was studying and told me that Yessica Toledo was reading aloud from my diary. She had stolen it from my drawer. She had also taken some letters from Jacob to me. Cara her twin said Yessica was in the dining hall reading them aloud to a gathering of her followers. Fear, fury, rage, embarassment and a strong desire for violent revenge filled my little body. My most private thoughts and fantasies about Jacob were in that diary. I had begun to use that diary to channel the excesses of desire I had developed for Jacob. I was mentally and academically, closer to 21, but my feelings, my emotions, were still those of a 13 year old girl, who had just gotten her period, was discovering boys and figuring out her identity. I was humiliated by this bitch Yessica and I snapped. My vampire nature came forward. This was the monster Dad had been talking about. "What!" I exclaimed. My heart was beating. My mind was registering all the private thoughts that were in there.
Followed by my friends, I walked with purpose into the large wood pannelled dining hall, stomped up onto the long table and walked over to her. A feral snarl emanated from my throat. I snatched my property back, tossed it to my "second", Sarah who was acting as my lieutenant. She and Cara held back Yessica's friends. Out of control, I kicked Yessica square in the chest and she landed with a thud on the ground from her seat on the bench. Looking back, I could have killed her…but eh.. I didn't care …She was still breathing. "How dare you steal my private things you bitch." I screamed an pounced on her in what others described as really graceful especially in that crazy uniform.
My hands were around her neck pressing and shaking. I wanted to choke her. Part of me wanted to bite her neck… I had no venom but it would be really gross and hard to explain that. I settled for "slapping her silly" like uncle Emmett described. It was as if I had become unhinged. All manner of foul language came forth from my mouth. I kept slapping her. Her friends pulled her up. I was pulled up by my girls who imitated my snarl to perfection to Yessica's friends. Someone in the crowd said "Oh snap Yessie got slapped!" it quickly became a chant. Yessica, to cover up for her humiliating defeat spewed out hateful and horrible things. "You think you are so perfect no one knows you are a slut. You want to fuck your Uncle Jacob. You probably have been being touched by him since you were a little girl. Your crazy family is probably pale from all the inbreeding. You want him to take your virginity. You want your uncle to fuck you!" she said.
Fury came over me in a wave. It was as if she had taken the lord's name in vain. She had dared to say filthy things about my Jacob and I felt the desire to defend his honor. Deep inside I felt he was my man and no one but no one would make the idea of us be dirty or illicit or explicit or something immoral. Others would have run away crying and what she said instead a terrifying smile appeared on my lips I beared my teeth. I was frightening. The image of Jacob working out on his punching bag in his garage filled my head. I channeled his strength and let out a spinning kick to her shoulder knocking it out of place. I stood above her in a kickboxing stance, my hands at the ready. "That could have been your head bitch. You don't talk about my family HOE!"
The dining hall was in a tizzy. Students had stood on the tables to watch. The chanting and shouting was deafening. Teachers and adminstration finally came in desperately trying to push through the circle of students. Everyone was instigating saying "oooh!" someone screamed "Yessica got knocked the fuck out!" I marched into Dean Sherrod's office and sat down ready for whatever punishment would be meted out to me. I really, really, didnt give a flying fuck. I was ready to tell my parents that too. Yessica had made the idea of me and Jacob sound incestuous and I lost it. I then realized everyone in my family would be upset with me. The first rule of being a Cullen is to be inconspicuous and not to risk exposure or let our violent side rule. Crap. I wouldn't let anyone see me cry. I would do this in private. Yessica was brought to the infirmary. Her friends did not accompany her. Apparently they realized my potential to defend myself violently if necessary and Yessica did not look like someone to be followed anymore. Thank heavens for small miracles.
Dean Sherrod entered her office having been apprised of the situation by my friends. Throrough as a prosecutor, she already had multiple statements. The school was abuzz. This had never happened before. I was a quiet kid. I could hear the talking in the halls. Dean Sherrod had my diary and letters in her hand. Sarah and Cara were in our room checking and taking an inventory for theft.
"So Renesme. You have just had your first fight." She sat down gracefully. She was an elegant mixed black woman with the body of a dancer and model. She had long black hair and facial features that hinted at Native American Heritage. She held multiple degrees including two doctorates in mathematics. She dressed her tall coppery brown body in lovely dresses. She was just so beautiful and kind and fair. I looked up to her. She was so elegant. I felt embarrassed. "Tell me what happened." She was Carlisle's friend from a time he had taught at a university. She knew who and what I was. There was a story there of why she was so fiercely loyal to Carlisle but I didn't know what it was. I held my composure for the first two minutes and then it all came out. I sat crying with her and she reviewed my diary and the letters.
"You love this young man don't you Renesme." she asked sofly. I said yes quietly sobbing. "Does he love you yet?" "I don't know." "Well my dear, that will take some time. You are so very young." She held a picture of him I had stuffed in the diary. "Yessica violated your privacy, but she cannot violate your peace of mind and spirit. He is a very handsome young man." She put her arm around me and said "Its obvious you aren't related to him Nessie. Those comments were said to hurt you. There is nothing dirty about it. This kind of violation has no real punishment, but you kicked the bitch's ass and that's that." I was stunned. She didn't judge me, didn't scold me and seemed to be on my side. "I will have to suspend you according to our rules Renesme. We have a no tolerance policy for fighting. I will be calling your guardians. Think of it this way, its almost Christmas break so you wont be missing much, not that it would affect you academically. You know your grandfather will want you to control your temper better. Go clean yourself up and back your bags."
The next day my "guardians" came and had a meeting with the parents of Yessica Toledo. Dad, dressed impeccably, really did look in his mid to late twenties in that suit. The cut suited him. Mom was a vision in her wrap dress. They were playing this role very well. Dad read the minds of Yessica's simple minded parents and laughed to himself at their desire to press charges.
"Mr. Toledo, I will be pressing forward a complaint on behalf of my ward for theft, bullying, and intent to cause emotional and psychological harm, as well as social humiliation." He said with the grace of a trial lawyer. "It is my understanding that these violations require a minimum of a week's suspension each." Dean Sherrod took out a file on Yessica. "Yes these violations would constitute suspension. However, it has been brought to my attention that these are not the only complaints against Ms. Toledo."
The file was filled to the brim with complaints that only now had other girls been willing to bring. That combined with teacher complaints made for a serious list of charges. With authority and a dignity of bearing Dean Sherrod said "Mr. Toledo, I am sorry your daughter was physically harmed, I wish her a speedy recovery. She will have to do that at home for the rest of the year. I have spoken with the Board of Trustees and it is our belief that it is in the best interest of the school and student body that your daughter be expelled from Eaglebrook school." Dean Sherrod was not fucking around. She had a petition from the kids, other parents lined up and delivered this message cooly and elegantly like a Christmas present.
"You mean this violent animal is not being suspended or punished or expelled but our Yessica is?" Mr. Toledo said angrily. "Did you just call my Nessie an animal?" Mom was about to snap his neck. She was standing at the table her hand in a fist. This would have been funny to me before. Now I knew where I got it. Dad put a hand on her back to calm her. Dean Sherrod stepped in again. "Mr. Toledo, You are speaking about a musical prodigy in all advanced courses and independent study who already speaks three languages. Really Mr. Toledo, the Cullen Family has already wasted enough time and should not be further insulted. It is through the monies they have given that your daughter even received the partial scholarship she has to be here. This expulsion letter is signed by the President of the school. It is non-negotiable. Good day sir." BURN! She stood up as if to dismiss him and shook his hand. He and his wife left. I wanted to do a touch down dance. Mom and Dad shook Dean Sherrod's hand and led me to the car with my bags.
I didn't escape unscathed. Dad and Mom took me to the house in Vermont. We hunted and then I got the lecture and a half by every single person about my responsibility being to preserve our image and not to risk exposure. Only Uncle Emmett thought it was hilarious "You opened up a can of whoop ass didn't ya!" He wanted details of the fight. He laughed and said I had a "posse" and was slapping his knee. Dad was silent as he listened to the details. Aunt Rosalie hit his arm but even she was proud of me in her way. Grandpa Carlisle had me journal out all the feelings I had and reflect on my vampire nature and if any physiological changes could be detected. Great I was a vampire science experiment. "What happens when a vampire hybrid girl gets pissed the hell off?"
In the guestroom reserved for me, the conversation with mom was the weirdest ever. The fight didnt interest her. She wanted to know the truth of what the girl had said to get me that angry. I was embarrassed. Aunt Alice came in and said "Tell her Renesme, she should know you were angry for a real reason and wouldnt have fought the girl otherwise." Sheepishly, I showed them my diary and the letters from Jacob. All his letters were normal regular letters that updated me on his activities as anyone would write. But my diary was all about my emotions and feelings. In its pages, I admitted to feeling sexually attracted to Jacob. Mom didnt flinch. I wondered why. She seemed to regard it as expected.
Mom read some entries and stunned me when she said "Damn,.. you could publish this…" Aunt Alice laughed and so did I. Then I got "the talk". Mom talked about sex as if I was blind to what was always happening around me when I was home. Really now it was the corniest most archetypal birds and bees talk and she was struggling to deliver it. I touched her face and showed her all the images I had stored in my six years on the earth. "Wow… sorry that its been so graphic for you honey. I had no idea." My mom couldn't blush but if she could she would have. The images made it obvious that I had been exposed to sex between several monogamous couples and knew what was going on.
"Seriously mom, I am not blind. When you think I am sleeping I am listening to my MP3 player to drown out your sounds. " I said honestly. Alice laughed heartily as if she was Emmett. Mom apologized to me and promised not to put me in that position again. "Your dad and I love each other but I guess we really havent been discrete. Sex is a natural thing Nessie. And all of those things come at a natural pace. Just dont rush yourself." She patted my head. Aunt Alice got me some ice cream and chocolate and I confessed my changing and weird feelings how I felt when Yessica sullied my image of me and Jake. Mom was mad that Yessica had alluded to incest and sexual abuse. "I am glad we got her kicked out, because it is NOT like that." She said with a huff. She was protective of Jacob's image as much as me.
