(Kaito's POV)
I couldn't possibly bring myself to leave Len alone, even if it meant missing a lot of college and of work. During the nights that I was staying there, I only got a few hours of sleep per night, mostly because of how worried I was that something would happen to the adorable boy sleeping in the room with me. When I did sleep, my head was flooded with nightmares.
One particularly terribly dream was of something that made itself a very real, though extremely disturbing, possibility. I dreamt that I had left the hospital for a little while to do something, and when I came back I found Len dead in his hospital bed. Then, the doctor came out and told me that the reason why he died was because I had left him there and that I had killed him. I was immediately taken away, only to be brutally tortured by a bunch of strangers who somehow knew all of my weaknesses and how to hurt me the most. Out of all the terrible things they did to me, the worst of it was by far the knowledge and realization that I would never get to see Len's smiling face again. With that, I woke up, with my breathing heavy and my heart beating uncontrollably.
I woke to find Len right there in front of me, and although it was still upsetting to have him unconscious for such a long time, I was incredibly relieved to see that he was alive and breathing, right there in front of me. I wanted so badly to walk up to him, to kiss his face and to run my fingers through his soft, yellow hair. I knew, though, that I ocular do those things to him and that it was wrong for me to think of him in that way. I never thought that there was anything wrong with two guys loving each other, and since I had never really felt anything romantic for girls or women I knew that it was apparent that I liked other males, but Len was only 14 while I was 18. You could practically call me a pedophile for loving him. It was wrong, dirty and disgusting for me to feel that way, but I couldn't help it.
I also had some dreams that were much better. They were good while they lasted, but I always felt really guilty after them, especially after I found them so arousing and would wake up to find myself very hard. I had watched a few yaoi animes, so I knew a lot about sex, but I was still a virgin so I had yet to experience this for myself. If only my desires could have been aimed at a pretty girl, like Miku or Luka, but I had never experienced any sexual feelings towards girls. I mean, I had some little crushes on both genders, but the only serious ones had been for boys. Actually, the only one I ever felt romantic , intense, passionate love for was Len. He was everything to me. What was I to him, I wondered?
I dreamt one night that Len and I were at my house, and the whole accident had never even occurred. Everything was fine and we were completely happy and content, just like everything used to be, but even better because of what we were doing and the way we both felt about each other. He walked up to me in my room, wearing nothing but a pair of cute, white underwear with an orange outline (Rin had probably hypothetically bought them for him, since orange is her favorite color, as well as her favorite food.). I felt 'myself' get excited right away.
"I want you, Kaito-nii! I want to have you inside of me right now!" he announced.
If it was real life, of course, I would have thought my actions over more carefully, but since it was a dream I acted on impulse and lust alone. None of us exactly have the best logic in dreams...
Following my impulses, I immediately removed his last little piece of clothing and pushed him onto my bed, which was usually lonely and held only me but was now suddenly filled with the warmth of his presence. I put the lotion on and immediately entered Len, thrusting into him very quickly and making him cry out in pure pleasure, releasing little moans every now and then.
"I-I love you, Kaito. I could never live without you, I would die without you." he confessed to me, "Will you be my lover, forever and always?"
"Yes, Len! I love you too, so, so much!" I cried, kissing him and holding him tightly as if I was promising to never let him go.
At that instant, I awoke, although I really didn't want to. As soon as the light hit my now opened eyes, I realized how impure and perverted it was for me to dream of something like that. Why couldn't I just fantasize about normal things, like an attractive female teacher or nurse or something like that? Instead, I was having sexual dreams about the injured 14-year-old boy who I had grown up with and had always considered to be one of my closest friends. What was wrong with me?!
To distract myself, I tried reading a few mangas and books, but it wasn't really working. I kept being reminded of memories that I had with Len before all of this had happened, and it had already been a week and a half. They had attached him to a machine that would basically feed him and keep him alive.
I remembered one time that Len, Rin, Miku, Luka, Gakupo and I went to the amusement park together. We had a great time going on lots of rides, but when we decided to go on a rather big rollercoaster, Len got scared. Rin convinced him to get on the ride, and he sat next to me while squeezing my hand the whole time. I was 17 then and he was 13, and although it wasn't a big deal, it felt good to make him feel comforted. It occurred to me that I had loved him even back then, but I didn't know it yet. There was nothing I wanted more than just to be able to crawl into those memories and go back to a time when everything was so much simpler, when there were no accidents and I didn't carry the burden of loving someone who I knew it was wrong to feel that way about and who might not have even been able to survive.
After snapping out of my daydreaming, I looked over to Len, with his beautiful, sleeping face. I just couldn't stop myself. I bent down over the bed and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. I wanted so badly for him to be able to kiss me back, to hold me and to look me in the eyes. I wanted to hear his gentle voice and his soft, adorable giggling. How long would it be, if ever, that I could?
Author's Note: Chapter 3 will come soon, I have it on paper but I need to type it. The suspense is gathering, I can't wait to see what happens next! Oh wait, I know, I'm the one writing it... Let's hope I'm nice and allow Len-chan to live, we don't want out adorable shota to die AGAIN
