Continuing the series, this has Spoilers for 8.2. Enjoy!
Harry: 11 November 2009
Yesterday I met Ruth and tried to tell her I was sorry, but I couldn't. For once in my life I was lost for words. I just asked more stupid questions. It was all very awkward and I mucked it up.
It didn't help when she told me she wasn't actually married, not officially. I'd asked about Nico, and she explained that he had gone back to Cyprus with his aunt. That she had no legal rights as his guardian. I was shocked really. A few days ago I thought she was married, and I hated it. Then I discover that she wasn't, though she might as well have been. She's still furious with me.
Stupidly, I suggested that she could go back to Cyprus too. Why would I even say that? I don't want her to go away again. I told her that I would sort something out, and find her a job, but she wasn't exactly ecstatic. Actually she couldn't even look at me properly, just exploded with a frustrated exclamation.
I seem to be behaving in the most ridiculous manner ever since Ruth walked back into my life. I guess I need to get over it, but I'm not sure how.
Ruth: 11 November 2009
I met Harry yesterday. He's Sir Harry now. Something I rubbed in mean spiritedly when he mentioned trying to sort out my status here in England. He has a knighthood, and I'm dead – there's not much else to say. I couldn't really help myself. I still feel angry with him.
I know he was shocked when I told him George and I weren't actually married. I didn't tell him why we didn't marry though, and he changed the subject.
I could have screamed when he offered to help find me a job. What was he thinking? And then telling me he was trying to do the right thing. Saying that I knew better than anyone how difficult it was for him. Does he really think I know him that well? Am I that person anymore? Is he?
I left him there on the bridge. I didn't want to fight, not anymore than we already seem to be, so I just walked away. I'm sure he watched me, but when I turned back to look, he was heading in the other direction. He was walking slowly, which isn't like the Harry I knew.
Harry: 12 November 2009
Ruth rang and asked to meet me again today. She wouldn't say why, but I would have gone whatever the reason. I am willing to try anything.
I stood there waiting on the Millennium Bridge, and suddenly she was there and said that we needed to talk. I was so grateful to hear her say that. Even more grateful when she told me it wasn't my fault.
I know how difficult that must have been for her. And it is my fault. It's my fault that she got caught up in all of this.
I told her I was sorry too, for everything. When I said everything, I meant George and Nico, for dragging her and them into the whole sorry mess. I'm sorry for the Cotterdam fiasco and ruining her life too.
It turned out that Jo had met with Ruth, and she was the one who persuaded her to talk to me. Apparently I haven't been myself and the team don't think I'm behaving rationally!
I've since spoken to Jo and told her in no uncertain terms that she will not go behind my back again, on pain of deportation. I also asked her to see Ruth again, and try and convince her to stay. I now have the unenviable task of convincing the Home Secretary that Ruth is not dead and that she's not a traitor. It's a task I am determined to succeed at.
Ruth: 12 November 2009
Today Jo phoned me and I met her on the steps of the Albert Hall. I knew it wasn't just to catch up, but it was good to see her all the same. She's definitely changed – an older and wiser, more mature Jo. I can tell she's a good officer. They're lucky to have her on the team.
It didn't take long for her to get down to business though, telling me that Harry wasn't himself, and that it was because of what happened. It's unfair to suggest that he's making the wrong decisions because of the way he feels about me - felt about me. But the Harry I remember wouldn't let a young woman be sacrificed simply for the sake of some gas. I can't help thinking about what he said yesterday, about me knowing him better than anyone, and the look on his face as I walked into that damn apartment where they were holding him. I can tell he blames himself, and it isn't like Harry to let things fester. He used to be able to move on regardless.
So I rang and asked him to meet me at the Millennium Bridge, and I told him I was sorry for blaming him, that it wasn't his fault. The relief on his face was so obvious, and I felt like a little weight lifted from my chest. Jo was right, and I am sorry.
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