Chapter 1
Existence
Existence – ex-ist-ence: noun: 1. the fact or stat of living or having objective reality. 2. continued survival. 3. a way of living.
Junior Year
February 2009
It was a Wednesday morning and the alarm clock blaring in my ears, woke me up. Like every day of the week I turned over before slapped the off button, to stop the annoying noise. Pulling the covers over my head I groaned from the lack of sleep I had got the night, but I had no choice in getting out of bed. It was five a.m. and I had to go for a run before the school day began. I had to stay in shape somehow.
After rolling out of bed I put on my running clothes and shoes, and I went for my ten mile run, just like any other day. The same run I took every morning since I came back to La Push my freshmen year of high school. As I walked out my front door, I took a deep breath of fresh air. It was the middle of February and instead of snowing like normal places, it was raining a light drizzle. The only time it really snowed in La Push was November through January. After that month it turned back into rain and things would slowly started to become green again, but for right now it was still a little cold. That is one of the many things I loved about bein back in La Push. I hated the snow and the cold, but I did love the rain and the green.
I couldn't help but breathe in the smell of everything around me. A small smile played at my lips when I saw the old man's car was gone – that meant he was at work or at the bar, where ever he was at this time of the day. I put my earbuds in before I pressed play on my iPod as I began my run. As I ran on the trail towards the forest trail near my house, the song In the End, by Linkin Park, rang in my ears. It was one of my favorite songs to run too because it got me pumped for what I was about to do.
Considering it was 5:15 in the morning it was still dark outside. It felt amazing to be out at this time because I was the only one out there, which meant no one was there to bother or distract me from what I came out here to do. That was just the way I liked it. To be a lone. I had been this way for as long as I could remember, which meant I have become accustom to it.
Every time I ran I couldn't help but think nature was like some kind of church for me. Being in nature was the only place I could actually feel free and be myself. I loved being around the animals, plus everything green. Seeing as it rained in the Forks/La Push area almost all the time everything was really green. With the rains help, everything around me smelt good. I loved the smell of the dirty, rain, and moss, as they filled my nose with the amazing smell of Mother Nature. It was heavenly and I don't think I could ever get tired of it.
Because of the rain I ran as fast as my legs would let me go, so I wouldn't be soaked by the time I got back home. That didn't work out as well as I had hoped but I was okay with it. The ten mile run took me about an hour and ten minutes to complete. It was a new best for me. For the past few months it took me about an hour and twenty minutes to finish, so I was pretty proud of myself.
When I got home I went to my room and picked out my clothes I was going to wear to school that day. After finding what I thought was good enough I went to the bathroom and took a shower – before getting dressed – to get rid of the sweat which was still clinging to my body after my run. By the time I was done putting my hair in a ponytail it was about 7:15, which meant it was time to start heading out. School started at 7:50 and it took me about ten minutes to get to there, but I liked getting to school early. That way I knew I wouldn't be late.
After having an apple for breakfast, I looked at the clock on my iPhone to see what time it was. It was 7:20, time to head to school. I put my raincoat on before grabbing my backpack, phone, plus my keys, and headed towards the door. I took one last look to make sure I didn't forget to do anything that would get me into trouble. Everything seemed to be in order so I made my way down to the drive way where my 1994, blue Ford F150 was parked.
Like most things in my life, I had pinched a lot of pennies – since I had started doing the underground MMA fighting in La Push (but I don't know anything about that) – to get this truck with no help from the old man. Though I did get it for a good price from the man about a mile away from where I lived.
It was in great shape considering the price I had paid for it. The body and paint on outside of the truck were in good shape plus the engine ran great. I know, kind of crazy for how old it was. The cab of the truck, on the other hand, was a different story. This part of the vehicle did need a lot of work done, and considering I didn't know anyone in La Push after moving back, I had no choice but to fix it up myself. The radio plus both speakers were busted so I had to buy not just a new radio, but two new speakers as well. The seats had holes in them so I ordered new ones and put them in, with those I got camo seat covers over them. Don't even get me started on the dashboard. The glass was cracked and the pointer on the gas gage was missing a long with a lot of other things. I also had to order everything I needed for that, and like the seats and the radio fixed them up too. I was pretty happy with myself. With the hours of labor and the money put into everything I wouldn't let anyone drive the truck but me. It was my baby which meant I was happy with it.
Making my way down walkway to my baby I noticed the rain had started getting heaver since my run. I groaned as I put the hood of my coat over my head, before jogged the rest of my way to my truck. As soon as I jumped in, I turned it on, after I grabbed the audio cable to hook my iPod to the radio. World So Cold, by Three Days Grace starts booming threw the new speakers, as I put the truck in reverse, and pulled out of the driveway.
As I drove to the school I let my mind wonder little. I couldn't help but think about when my next fight was going to be. The last one had only been a little over a week ago but I was starting to get antes. I had been in so many fights since I started my freshmen year of high school I just couldn't go more than two weeks without being called into one, or I'd go nuts. As if to prove my point my right hand started twitching at my side but it didn't bother me none. It did that all the time, like it was telling me it was time for a fight or because of the nerve damage from years of fighting, I couldn't really say which, either way I was used to it.
By the time I got to school and parked the truck it was 7:30. The twitching in my hand had slowly stopped as I got out of my vehicle but I knew it would be back soon enough. I couldn't help but look up at the sky above me. The sun was peeking out from behind the clouds now so it made it a little warm outside. There was a least twenty minutes before class started so I decided to sit outside at one of the tables so I could read my book.
I wasn't even two pages into it when I heard guys laughing. My head shot up even though I already knew who it was. I wasn't surprised when my eyes landed on the Sam Uley gang – well part of it. This gang was a bunch of young teenagers who hung out together and did things to get into trouble, or at least that's what I heard. They all had the same build, the same tan skin which all us Quileute Indians had. All of them were pretty tall with the same short haircuts, and the same tattoo on their right arms. Even the younger kids had them. I really didn't understand what was with their parents for letting them do this, but there was nothing I could do about it because it wasn't my concern and they weren't my children. I had my own problems to worry about.
One other thing all of these people had in common – which I found the weirdest out of everything else – is they would all disappear for at least two weeks, all at different times. Before they disappeared they looked like normal, like the rest of the tribe, but when they reappeared after those two weeks they changed. They built on more muscles, they cut their hair, they grew taller, and they got those weird looking tattoos. After about that time they all had joined Sam Uley's gang.
I really didn't understand how all of this could happen with in a two week time span. I soon gave up thinking about it though. I usually didn't worry about things I couldn't control or understand. It was just something I had learned to do over the years of living with my father.
Anyway there was usually about ten of them but at the high school there were six. The leader of the gang, Sam Uley, was already out of school and he really didn't do much as far as I heard except work with his gang. Maybe he was a tribe elder… I don't know. If I ever saw him around town I tried to stay clear of him. He wasn't someone that anyone – not even me – should mess with. I may not know much but I knew better then to muddle with any of these people.
Now next was the only girl of the group. Her name is Leah Clearwater. She just recently join the gang – at least that's what I heard – soon after her father passed away from a heart attack. She was already graduated about three years before. I think she was the same age as Sam Uley. From what I heard Sam used to date Leah, but one day he just seemed to change and left her for her cousin Emily. I do remembered seeing Leah around town though. She looked sad and broken, this made her quiet. Plus she seemed mad all the time. I guess I would be hurting too if the guy I loved left me for another woman. Considering this that was one of the many reasons why I didn't try to find a man to be in my life. I couldn't get hurt if I was a lone like I was right now.
Next there's the two youngest boys, Brady Fuller and Collin Littlesea. These two aren't even in high school yet. I think they're only in eighth grade. I saw them around La Push too, before and after they joined Sam's gang. They were so boyish and short before they joined. Now they were muscular and taller than most of the kids in their class. To tell you the truth I didn't even recognize them when I saw them after. I wondered what they're parents thought. Oh well. Not my problem.
Those were the four who didn't go to school with me. Which left the six of them who were old enough to be in high school. These were boys are who I remember the most before I moved away. Five of them are a year older than I am. They were a year ahead of me in school before I skipped a grade when I was nine. Which now meant I was in the same grade as them but still a year younger – of course. Considering I was in the same class as them I had at least one class with one or more of them at a time.
The youngest out of the six boys, who was a freshmen, was Seth Clearwater. Like his older sister, Leah, he had joined the gang after his father's death about three weeks ago. Even though he had just suffered a loss, Seth seemed to be the happiest of the gang. He was always smiling, laughing, and joking around. If I ever decided to have a friend – which I won't – I would choose him. He just recently got a girlfriend. If I remember correctly she is a new girl named Raven McGregor. She's a fourteen year old freshman, I do believe. Seth ran after the poor girl for about two weeks until she finally gave in. Now their inseparable. Kind of sad if you ask me.
Then you had Jared Cameron – year older than me, same grade. He always seems serious unless he's around his girlfriend, Kimberly – also known as Kim – Johnson, or the other gang members. The weird thing about this was, if I remember right, he never seemed to notice Kim until after he joined up with the Uley gang. I can't understand it but I really don't want too.
Next was Jacob Black. He was the same age as me but considering I skipped a grade he was the one under me. Jacob seemed to be second in command under Sam even though he just recently joined the gang, back in January. I remember seeing him around town before he joined up with Sam – just like I remember the others. He wasn't as big as he was now in the muscle department and he wasn't as tall. Now he had a slightly heavier build then the rest of the boys and he was also a little taller. He didn't seem as happy as Seth but he did have laugh lines.
The second biggest was Paul Lahote. Out of all of the people I remember, before moving away, he was the one I remember the most. He looked more familiar to me than any of the people I remember. Maybe it was his eyes. They were almost as black as mine, but his did have a little more brown in them. I did remember them from somewhere, I just couldn't tell you how or where from. One other thing I knew about Paul was he had a temper, kind of like me. The only person that seemed to be able to calm the big guy down was his girlfriend Rachel Black. She – as probably guessed – was Jacob's older sister who was a year ahead of us. All I can say about that is more power to her.
After Paul there was Quil Ateara. Now I couldn't really tell you much about him because I don't recall much. All I know is he is from a long line of Quil Ateara's and he had joined the gang a little after Jacob did. He was in the same grade as Jacob, but that's a far as I can go with him… so one to the next gang member.
Next in line was Embry Call. Like Quil I couldn't tell you much about Embry. All I really knew about him was he was in the same grade as Jared and Paul. I also knew he lived with his mother, because he didn't know his father – a blessing in disguise in my opinion. There was also something else… something about him I couldn't quit put my finger on. I felt some sort of… pull, toward him. That pull seemed to get stronger and stronger every day. I mostly ignored it because I didn't have a reason to do anything but ignore it. Hell the boy didn't even remember me from when I lived here before, let alone my name, so there was no reason for me to feel the pull I felt. At least this is what I told myself on a daily basis. It did help me ignored the tug toward him though. Sadly it really didn't make things easier when I had all but two classes with the guy. It just made my life more complicated.
That was all of the member of the Sam Uley gang. Every day I sat and watched them go into the school for no reason at all. This day wasn't different than any other. I sat there staring at the six boys without even knowing I was doing it. I just realized it when I watched, first Seth, then Jared and Paul get big smiles on their faces. The three of them lifted up their hands and waved in my direction. It startled me for a second as I thought they were waving at me. I was proven wrong when I looked around at my surroundings to see who they were waving at. I shouldn't have been surprised when I saw Raven, Kim, and Rachel run past me into the arms of their beloved boyfriends… Yuck.
Seth lifted his girlfriend up in the air and spin her around before putting her down on the ground. Once she was on the ground he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight. Looking at the expression on Jared's face, I felt a small pain in my chest, because this expression held nothing but love for the girl in his arms. Even Paul looked happy and smiled, that rare smile, down at Rachel as she looked up into his eyes. I couldn't help but feel jealous of what they had, even though there really was no reason too. I choose to be alone. I choose to not have friends or any guy friends who could possibly be more. Everything I did was my choice and it was going to stay that way.
Realizing what I was thinking I soon I shook my head and looked down at my book. I didn't need anybody in my life except for myself. Being on my own was best for me and everyone else around me. All I was labile to do was screw things up for them, make them hate me, and then they would leave. It was better to be alone then risk the chance of having your heart broken.
I ignored the gang as they walked past my table to the front doors of the school. Fifteen minutes after the gang left the bell rang and the rest of the student started making their way to their first period classes. I let out a groan as I closed my book, packed it away in my backpack, and headed to the front doors.
"Just get through the day Elu," I said out loud to myself. "Take one day at a time."
Grabbing onto the handle of one of the doors I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. I just need to listen to myself and get through the day. Stealing myself I opened my eyes and pulled open the door. Could high school just be over already?
-E&E-
The first four classes went great, though the classes weren't what I hated most about school. No, what I hated the most was lunch. Of course, I always sat by myself, not looking at anyone or anything, and read my book as I ate. This wasn't because I was bullied. It was actually quite the opposite. People feared me because they knew what I did. It also wasn't the fact people bothered me, they knew better than that. Lunch was the time of the day where I had way too much time to think. Too much time in my own head. Most of the time I thought about my training, read, or I did my homework to stop what the things that haunted my dreams, the night before, flooding throughout my head. Sometimes it worked, others it didn't.
Today's lunch period wasn't as bad as most previous days until a little more than half way through it. About thirty minutes into lunch a football hit me on the side of my face, before I even knew what had happened. The ball landed on my math homework after making connect with my face, and I couldn't stop the rage spread throughout my body. It really didn't hurt, but that didn't mean I liked it when someone hit me in the head with a football. I clutched my hands into fists and closed my eyes to count to ten. Yea, I didn't get that far. When I got to five, I felt someone walk up to my side and it took every ounce of self-control I had to keep myself from punching that person in the face, right there, in front of everybody.
"Hey," the voice said. "Can I have my ball back?"
Did he really just ask me if he could have his ball back? After he hit me with it? How could anyone have the balls to ask such a thing? Did this kid know who I was? Well I was going to make sure this guy never threw a ball at me, or anyone else for that matter, again.
After hearing him ask for his ball back, my eyes flew open and I jumped out of my seat. I grabbed the ball in my right hand, while my other hand was still clinched in a fist. As I turned around and glared at the boy who through the ball, it really didn't surprise me to see who was standing in front of me. It was Jared and he had a lazy smile on his face. It was like he didn't see a problem in throwing a ball and hitting someone in the head. I don't think he really understood what the problem was but the smile did slip a little when he saw I was glaring daggers at him.
"What was that for?" I growled.
Jared's hands flew up in surrender, when he saw the seriousness of the situation. As I walked up to him, I got to see how tall these boys really were. My nose came to his chest, so I had to take a guess and say the top of my head went to his shoulder. I didn't blame him if he didn't find me intimidating – considering I was only 5 foot 6 inches tall and he was like 6 foot 4 inches – but that still didn't mean I wasn't happy about the whole thing.
"What's your deal?" Jared asked.
"You hit me in the head with your god damn ball, Ateara," I stated. "That's what my deal is."
"That wasn't me. It was Paul."
"I don't give a flying rat's ass who threw the ball. All that matters was it hit me. How would you like it, if out of nowhere, I threw a ball at your head? And before you answer you might want to think really hard about that question because if you can recall we have gym together. I could do what I just said, easily."
There was no smile on Jared's face now, as he took a step back away from me. His hands were still raised in the air showing me he didn't mean me any harm. I really didn't care, I just wanted to show him no one should mess with me, not even the Uley gang. Besides them I was the only person other people didn't mess with around here. They knew what would happen if they tried. The gang should know it too.
"I wouldn't like it," Jared confessed.
"Then how in the world do you think I feel?" I asked.
"Hey look. I get it okay. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
I shoved the football into his chest as hard as I could. He didn't even budge. I didn't think anything of it at the time, because of how tall he and the others were. Like I said they were also more muscular than I was and they easily out weighted me so what should I have thought? I was too angry to think about it anyway.
"It better not," I hissed. "Tell your friend over there he should have better aim, since he used to be on the football team."
I practically fell back down into my seat, just to show him how mad I really was. Yes it was kind of childish but I really didn't care. It seemed to have worked though, because Jared gave me one last look before turning around to walk away. He didn't say anything to me as he left. I heard laughing coming from a few tables away. Taking a deep breath I looked up and saw the Uley gang making fun of Jared as he made his way back to the table. They didn't seem to be looking in my direction as Jared punched a few of them in the arm for laughing at him.
Soon after Jared sat back down to their table the boys started throwing the ball between each other again. I rolled my eyes and groaned. The stupid ball was going to hit someone again and it better not be me. What I just gave Jared was a warning, if he did it again what happened next wouldn't be so pretty.
No it wasn't about me thinking I was a badass or anything. Maybe I was but I really didn't see it that way. People stayed away from me because most of them saw me fight. They knew if they crossed me they were going to be limping away so after. Once in a great while a new girl would think she was tougher then I was, but I would soon show her she had to think again.
I wouldn't start fights in school, though, I was smarter than that. I would always wait till there were no cameras or adults around and then I would teach whoever wanted to fight me a lesson they wouldn't forget any time soon. And it wasn't just girls. There were a few men who thought they could sweet talk me, maybe even get a date or two. Some of them would get mad, after I turned them down so many times, and even tried to take a swing at me, but they wouldn't get much farther than that. I got enough beatings from the old man, I wasn't going to get them from anyone else. No one owned me and there wasn't going to be anyone who thought they could.
My phone vibrating in my pocket brought me out of my thoughts. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked down at the screen. It was Thomas Adams, the man who organized the underground fights.
The guy was twenty-four, maybe twenty-five, and he knew what he was doing. Thomas really didn't care what day of the week it was just as long as he got the money to keep the fights in business. He'd wait and keep the fights quiet till right up to the matches if he wanted too. After they were over the man was really good at picking up after they were over, like they had never happened. No cops or sheriffs ever found any evidence of a fight being at the location. That was a good thing because if anyone did find evidence Thomas, the people who worked for him, me, my old man, and a lot of high school students would be arrested, and to be honest I really didn't want to go to jail.
After finding out it was Thomas I rolled my eyes and I let out the sigh before answering the phone. Hopefully he would say he had a fight for me soon. By the scene that just happened, not more than five minutes ago, I was do for one.
"Whitewater," I muttered.
"Elu?" Thomas muttered.
"Well no shit Captain Obvious. Who else would it be Tom?"
"Don't be a smartass. I've got a fight scheduled for tonight. Don't make me change my mind about putting you in it."
I let out a groan as I ran my free hand over my face. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to have a fight and I knew it was only a matter of time before I had another one, but it was the middle of the week. I thought it wouldn't be until the weekend. I guess the sooner, the better. Plus Thomas and I both knew he would never take me out of a fight that would make him a lot of money.
"Did you call the old man?" I asked.
"Got his voicemail," Thomas replied. "When he didn't answer I sent him a text telling him there was a fight tonight but knowing him, he might not get to the place in time. If he's drunk that is."
"You've got a point there. Okay fine, give me the time and place. Who am I fighting?"
I wrote down the information I was given and the name of the girl who I would be fighting. Thomas did give me a little incite about her too. Her name was Allison and she was from Forks, a town a few miles away from La Push. She was a year older than I was, yet she had only been doing MMA training for about five years. Yea she wasn't going to be easy at all.
After reading the information a few more times the bell rang and everyone hurried out of the lunch room. All thoughts of what happened a few minutes before with Jared were out of my mind. Now my thoughts were set on the fight tonight. I hustled out of the lunch room soon after everyone else was gone and made my way to my fifth period class. The second half of the day was going to take forever to be over.
-E&E-
As the final bell rang I practically ran to my truck. I tried to go the speed limit on the way home but it was so hard. My whole body was on high alert, and I was on pins and needles, more than ready for the fight ahead. The match wasn't until nine tonight, though, but it was still more than enough time for me to get ready.
When I got home I ran up to my room and put on my black fighting gear – which consisted of a sports bra, a wife beater, and shorts. I put my hair up in its usual two French braids, before heading down to the basement to work over the punching bag. After I worked up a good sweat I put my earbuds in my ears so I could listen to music as I went for my second run of the day.
This was my ritual before a fight. It was kind of like my warm up. I would head down stairs punch the punching bag for a few hours, after stretching of course. When I was done with everything in the basement I would go for a four mile run, which didn't take me very long. By the time I was done with all that, it was usually time to start heading to where Thomas had told me to go.
Now a little bit more about Thomas. When I said he was good, I meant he was really good. He made sure the fights were never in the same place consistently. He'd spread them out across La Push – sometimes around Forks – before coming back to the same place. The fights themselves were held in big barns. Thomas would find these barns which could hold a lot of people – which meant more money. It was usually somewhere where no one would expect it to be.
After finding the prefect barn Thomas would pay off the owner – for the barn and to keep quiet – so he could use it. About six hours before the fight was supposed to start, Thomas would call me or my old man and he would tell us where it was and who it was with. Then an hour before the fight was supposed to start Thomas would text twenty people – who were between the ages of fifteen through twenty-five – with the information. The people he messaged would text ten people and so on and so forth. By the time the match were about to start Thomas would have a full house… or barn as the case maybe.
The people who showed up came from La Push and wherever the other fighter came. About fifteen minutes before the fight, the audience would start betting on which fighter they thought would win. The fuller the house, the more money that was to be made. After the fights, if I won – and I have for the past three years now – Thomas would split up the money he didn't give to the spectators. Of course he got a cut, my old man would get a cut, and then I would get a cut but not the cut you would be expecting from the one who was doing all the fighting. Sadly it was about 10% of my old man's 45. Even though the cut wasn't as big as Thomas or the old man's, it was still a nice chunk of money.
After my first seven fights, I remember Thomas had told my father I was the best fighter he had ever seen and he had never had a fighter – my age or older – win more than four fights in a row. I had never lost a fight and I had been fighting in the underground fights since I moved back to La Push. So yea most of the people in my school knew who I was and what I did. That's why they would stay away from me. It didn't hurt my feelings or anything. I was fine with being by myself.
All this and more ran through my head, as I made my way back to my house after I was done with my run. As my house came into view I saw my old man's car was in the driveway. He must have gotten the text message Thomas had left him and decided to come home early so he could make the fight. Not to support me but to get the money I could bring in to the table. Typical.
"You get the information from Thomas?" the old man slurred.
As I was coming up the drive, he was getting out of his car. He looked, smelled, and talked like he had been drinking. I'm sure he had been. Usually when he said he was going to work it meant he was going to the bar. I didn't even know if he had a job. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't. My fighting was easier than getting his lazy ass off a bar stool, to go find a job that paid well.
"Yea," I muttered.
I gave him the piece of paper I had written the information on, and we both started walking up to the front door. He was still reading it when he shut the front door behind us. When he figured out what it said he looked up at me and glared.
"You know where this place is?" he asked.
"Yep," I answered.
"Are you ready?"
"Just have to go and put the right shoes on."
"Hurry up. I don't want to miss the fight because you needed to change your shoes."
He turned his back to me, as I ran up to my room to take my running shoes off. We had never missed a fight once. Well I hadn't missed a fight. He had a few times because he was at the bar and he didn't get Thomas' message in time. Of course that was my fault and I had bruised ribs for a week. I did make him a lot of money that night though so that stopped the pain from getting worse.
I took my ring off and put it on my dresser. I don't know where I got it, I've had it for that long. It looked like barbed wire with three diamonds in it. I think it was my shima. Anyway on to bigger and better things.
After taking my ring off I put my flip-flops on, and I met the old man in his car and he drove, under my directions, to where we were supposed to be. It took us about thirty minutes to get there. Leave it to Thomas to find a place so far out of the way as possible so no one – who shouldn't be there – would find it. When we got to the old barn we still had an hour till the match started. Thomas was already there – with the people who worked for him – getting things ready. The old man got out of the car and made his way over to where the young man stood. I stayed in the car with my earbuds in my ears listening to Headstrong, by Trapt.
This was another thing I did right before a fight even started. I sat in the car, thinking as I let the music wash over me. Music made the noises, the people, and everything else who would distract me, fade away. I watched my old man talk to Thomas without really seeing them. All I thought about was the fight that was only just an hour away. This was what I loved to do. I fought for what I thought was worth fighting for… my sanity.
-E&E-
I didn't know how long I sat there, but it didn't seem very long before I felt a tap on the window. Pulling out my earbuds, I looked up to see who it was. The old man was standing there with the same drunken, disgusted look – he always had when it came to me – on his face. When he saw me looking at him he opened the car door.
"It's time," he grumbled.
I put my iPod in the glove compartment before I got out of the car and started walking away but I was stopped by a ruff hang grabbing my upper arm and throwing me up against the, now closed, car down. As I opened my eyes, after hissing in pain, I saw the old man's face close to mine. I could still smell the stench of alcohol on him breath, and I tried holding my mine so I wouldn't have to smell it anymore. Standing my ground, I looked him straight in the eye.
"I need more money to pay the house payment this month," the old man hissed. "So don't let me down."
'Or in other words,' I thought to myself, 'you need more money to buy more alcohol at the bar with. Come on old man. You're not fooling anybody here.'
These were the thoughts that I would never dare say out loud. I did know his little 'speech' by heart though. He told me this every time I was about to go into the Octagon. I knew the drill by now. The more fights I win the more money the old man gets, and the more money the old man gets the less beatings I have to go through because we ran out of money. Same shit different fight. It was the story of my life and to tell you the truth this story was really getting old.
"Do you understand?" the old man growled.
"As always sir," I muttered.
"Don't be cute and just do your job."
The old man let me go and the both of us walked to the barn. I could hear all the people yelling as they talked to one another or called out bets to Thomas. When the old man and I got to the barn I went to my place behind the bedsheet as I waited for Thomas to call out the fighters. Since I was champion I was always called last.
I watched as my father left me to go tell Thomas that I was ready. Shaking my head I threw all the thoughts about everything – but my opponent – out of my head.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Thomas called out over the crowd.
Everyone was quiet as they heard his voice ring around the barn. You could hear a pin drop, everyone was so eager for the fight to start. I could practically feel the tension in the room from where I stood. This didn't help my eagerness, as I felt my right hand start to twitch for the second time today. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and listen to Thomas as he droned on.
"Welcome to the La Push Underground Fights," he continued. "We have another great fight for you all tonight. Now I know most of you have been here before, but first I have to go over the rules before we start. Rule number one. Once both fighters are out in the Octagon there will be no more bets. Rule number two. You may not switch bets during or after the fight. Last and final rule: you do not speak of anything you may see tonight or my employees will find you and beat your asses. I don't want any of the cops on mine."
Thomas paused so his words could sink in. I could hear the murmurs running throughout the crowd at his last words. If the last rule which was said was broken it was hash, yes, but the warning needed to be said for a reason. Like I had mentioned before if the wrong people heard about these secret fights a lot of people here would be in trouble.
"With that said," Thomas rang out again, "let's introduce our fighters and bring them into the ring, shall we?"
That's when the crowd started to go nuts. This is what they had been waiting for since they got the text message an hour ago. They wanted to see two fighters fight until one became champion.
"Introducing first," Thomas began, "the challenger. Standing at 5 foot 9 inches tall, weighing at 150 pounds of pure muscle. She's been fighting for the undergrown for a few months now with 5 wins 0 losses. She's from Forks, Washington. Give it up for Allison… the Alpha… Gonel!"
With my eyes still closed – as the crowed either booed or screamed for joy for Allison – I pictured what Thomas had just described. With both my hands now twitching I let out a sigh and opened my eye. I jumped up and down as I rolled my neck, waiting for Thomas to introduce me next. He waited till the roar in the room died down before continuing.
"Introducing the next fighter," Thomas continued. "Standing at 5 foot 6 inches tall, weighing at 140 pounds of nothing but muscle and rage. The undisputed champion of the La Push Underground Fighting Ring. She's from right here in La Push. You all know her. You all love to watch her fight. Give it up for the one… the only… the Armbar Assassin… Elu… Whitewater!"
Most of the crowd started to scream and yell my name as I burst out from behind the makeshift curtain. I didn't smile at them as I walked out toward the "Octagon". All I had was a serious expression as I passed everybody.
Now the Octagon wasn't anything like the Octagons you saw on T.V. when you watched MMA – if you do. All it was, was an elevated platform – which Thomas' people would build from place to place – with a metal chain link fence wrapped around it, to keep the fighters in the Octagon and the audience out of it. There were two openings where the fighters would be entering from. The openings were on both sides which were across from each other. Thomas did the best he could to make his Octagon look as close as the one on T.V.
I took off my flip-flops, before walking up the makeshift stairs to the opening in the Octagon. Thomas was waiting for me up at the top. One of his many jobs was to make sure the fighters didn't have any extra weapons on them. Even though we didn't wear gloves – like the professional MMA fighters – he still checked our hand and feet. He ran his hand over my shoulders – which made me freeze – down to my perfectly sharp, manicured finger nails. When he looked up at me he raised his eyebrows to me like he always did.
"Won't be a problem," I muttered.
"They better not be," Thomas mumbled.
He then walked back to the middle of his Octagon, so he could referee, – one of his many jobs – and I went to my corner. As I stood there I started jumping up and down again, while flexing my twitching hands, and rolling my neck to loosen up. I looked at the girl across from me and she was nothing like I expected. Thomas had her height and build right but she did have buck teeth and bushy eyebrows. You could see her blonde hair – even though it was up in braids – was frizzy. She also had tones of acne everywhere. Her watery blue eyes glared at me from across the Octagon, which just made me mad.
"Now that we have the two fighters in the Octagon," Thomas commenced, "who's ready for some fighting?"
The whole barn erupted into cheers but I drowned it all out the best I could. Thomas motioned for Allison and myself to join him in the middle of the Octagon. When the two of us got there Thomas put both his arms out so the two of us didn't go after each other as he explained the rules – what we already knew – to us.
"Welcome to the La Push Octagon," Thomas greeted. "You know the rules of the Octagon because I have explain them to you before the fight. There is one more thing you need to know. There's only one round and it will not end till there is only one fighter standing. Now that I have explained everything I want this to be a clean fight. Do you understand?"
Allison and I both nodded our heads at Thomas, to tell him we understood what he was telling us, and we were ready.
"Good," Thomas nodded. "Now touch knuckles."
Allison held out her fist so she could touch them with mine. All I did was look down at them before looking back up at her with a bored expression on my face. I never touched knuckles if my opponent glared at me before a fight. To me glaring was just disrespectful. When I didn't do anything Allison's glare deepened on her face. This was a tactic of mine. I made my opponent as mad as I could get them, so they would be thinking about punching me, instead of paying attention to what I was doing.
"Fighters go back to your corners," he ordered.
As Allison and I walked backwards to our corners she pointed a finger at me.
"I will destroy you bitch!" she exclaimed.
"Good luck with that," I shrugged.
When she glared at me again all I did was smirk over at her. That just seemed to make her livid, which was fine by me. The madder the better. The girl across from me seemed to be snarling as Thomas lifted up his right arm. He looked at Allison.
"You ready?" he asked her.
The fighter's corner started chanting Allison's name, as she nodded her head not taking her eyes off of me. Then Thomas looked over at me.
"You ready?" he asked me.
No one cheered my name as I nodded over at Thomas. The man took one last look at each of us before he let his arm fall.
"Fight," he said.
Thomas moved back out of the way, as fast as he could. This was the signaling the fight has started and I was going to make this girl wish she never took it.
-E&E-
Considering how mad Allison looked, it didn't surprise me when she charged out of the gate. I waited till the last minute before moving out of the way. She barely missed me with a right hook, hitting the chain linked fence right where I was just standing. I could have sworn I heard her growl in rage as I stepped away from her. The girl's head whipped around to glare daggers at me. I slowly back away, with my fists up covering my face. I watch as she stood up straight and started to make her way over to me.
For the next few minutes the two of us "danced" around the Octagon. She was always coming after me and she was also the only one throwing punches. Luckily none of them made contact with my face. Every time she would miss a punch the whole barn would erupt into boos. I could tell they were bored, but I was just waiting for the right time to end this.
"Come on E!" I heard my old man yell. "Finish her!"
I looked at him from the corner of my eye, as he sat in the front row. He didn't look all that happy with me. This was the game we played every time I fought. I would "run" and he would get mad at me for it, but he would never call out to me like he did now and I never looked at him while I was fighting. Until now that is, and it wasn't the smartest thing I had ever done while fighting.
Just as I looked back at Allison I saw her fist coming straight at my face. It seemed to be coming at me in slow motion. I tried to move away as fast as I could but I didn't move fast enough. The fist made contact with the right side of my face, down at the corner of my mouth. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be but I could still feel blood running down my chin as I backed away from my opponent. The crowed barn cried out in boos and screams of joy because the first drops of blood had been spilt.
As I got my bearings back I looked over where Allison stood with a big smile on her face. I brought my right hand up to my lips, and touched where the annoying pain started to make its presence known. When I pulled it back and looked down at my fingers they were covered in dark crimson blood. I was pretty impressed my opponent caught me while my guard was down. That's what I was waiting for. Another thing I did every time I fought. I gave my fellow fighter one punch throughout the whole fight. Once they got their one punch in, it was my turn to take them down.
I looked up at Allison and nodded my head at her. Getting back into my defense position, I gave her another smirk. Her smile faded as she saw I wasn't fazed, even a little bit, by her punch.
"Very nice," I told her, as I held up one finger, "but that's you're one… Now it's my turn."
My opponent growled as she charged forward. I let her do a punch but moved out of the away before it made contact with my face. When she pulled her hand back I made my move. I decided to go for a spinning back kick. I took one step forward so I could gain some momentum. In doing this move I would also be closer to Allison. As I turned I started to spin my body backwards until I was facing directly away from her. I continued to turn as I looked over my shoulder at my opponents face. Soon after I lifted my right knee to my chest, I drove the heel of my foot straight back towards Allison. All of this only took a matter of seconds before I felt my heel make contact with the left side of her head. I heard Allison sick in a breath as she fell sideways. The girl looked up at me and glared. I jumped up and down as I waited for her to get up.
"Come on!" I yelled at her. "Get up!"
I watched as she slowly and shakily stood up to her feet. She wobbled a little bit before charging at me again. I waited till she was right in front of me as she tried for another right handed punch to my face. Again I watched her fist fly towards my face in slow motion, but this time I was ready. Leaning backward Allison's fist moved past my face. As she started pulling back her arm back I grabbed on to it.
Once I had a hold of her arm I jumped up and wrapped my legs around it as well. Allison started going off balance because my weight was too much for her. She and I slowly fell to the ground with both of us were one our backs. At that moment I placed my legs across opponent's chest with her arm still between my thighs and with her elbow joint against my hips. I now had her in a full armbar and now it was time to end this. They didn't call me the Armbar Assassin for nothing.
The crowd cheered louder as I started arching my back off the Octagon floor and Allison's arm began to bend but she didn't tap. All the girl did was cry out in discomfort.
"This can all be over," I told her, "all you have to do is tap."
Allison was into much discomfort to say anything so all she did was shake her head no. I felt her body twist as she tried to get out of my hold, but I had the armbar sunk in and there was no way out of it. I wasn't going to let her go until she tapped. I let out a sigh.
"Okay," I said. "It's your arm."
I arched my back higher off the ground. She still didn't tap so I arched higher until I felt a snap at her elbow. The sound was loud too, I wouldn't have been surprised if Thomas could hear it from where he was standing. Allison screamed out in pain as the barn became quiet again. My opponent tapped the Octagon floor as hard as she could, three times. As soon as Thomas saw her tap he started pulling me off of her. Allison cradled her arm to her chest when I let go of her. I got to my feet and looked down at her.
"I told you to tap bitch," I growled down at her.
My beaten opponent backed away from me with her arm still lying limply across her chest. Thomas grabbed my wrist and lifted my arm up into the air to show everyone in the barn who the winner was.
"And still," Thomas yelled out to the barn, "the undisputed champion of the La Push Underground Fighting Ring…. The Armbar Assassin… Elu Whitewater!"
The crowed once again exploded into screams of boos and joy. As soon as Thomas let go of my hand I made my way over to the opening on my side of the Octagon. I could hear the people from Allison corner make their way into the Octagon so they could get to her. I didn't turn around to see.
I practically ran down the steps, slipping into my flip-flops, and walked to the car. I never staid to watched money change hands. All that did was make me sick. I didn't understand how people could be so greedy. The sad part was, I wasn't any better… I fought for money, but that didn't mean I enjoyed it.
-E&E-
After the fight were over I waited in the car for everyone to clear out and for the old man to get his money, so we could leave. I watched all the people walk out of the barn and pass the car, without really seeing me. Sad thing was this happened all the time. When I was fighting people saw me, but once the match was over no one seemed to see me anymore.
As I watched everyone pass by you could tell who lost money betting and who won. They were easily separated by town. The people from La Push were whoopin' and hollerin' with the joys of winning easy money. People from Forks on the other hand look angry and most had their heads hung low.
The last people to leave before my old man and Thomas was Allison and the folks from her corner. I watched as she walked out of the barn with her hurt arm held up to her chest by a makeshift sling. As she turned her face I could see a shadow across her left cheek. I got her good, not just her arm but her face as well. It was probably a good thing I could see her but she and her people couldn't see me. They had murder written all over their faces. It wasn't hard to see at all, even from here.
A few minutes after they left I saw the old man walking out of the barn, counting cash as he went. When he got into the car I automatically held out my hand for my winnings. I didn't even look at him as I made this motions. He slapped the wad of money into my waiting hand and put his cut into his shirt pocket – which was about twice the size of my wad – before turning on the car. I started counting my share right then and there. There was about two thousand dollars in here in different sized bills. As the old man drove us home, I listened to him mutter to himself. About what I really didn't know or care.
The two of us were quiet the whole way to the house. Once again there were too much thoughts going through my head. One of the biggest ones was… I just snapped a girl's arm in half. I had never done anything so damaging, to anyone or anything, before. The girls I usually fought would tap before I even got the arm bar fully sunk in. They knew they would never get out of it. Allison was someone interlay different. She thought she could get out of it just by twisting around. This was her fault. She was to blame for her broken arm, not me. On the other hand I could have just made it to where the pain was unbearable, not to the point to where I broke her arm.
I was at war with myself all the way back to the house. After parking the car, the old man and I got out, and started walking up to the front door. I unlocked it and walked through the door and was about ready to start walking to my room but a hand grabbed my arm roughly. The old man spun me around so I was looking straight at him. Next thing I knew he raised him free hand and slapped me across the face. He let me just as I started to fall hard to the ground at his feet. I didn't even have enough time to let out a cry of pain. Feeling the old man lean down towards me I didn't dare look him in the eye.
"You were playing games out there tonight E," he growled. "You kept running away like a little coward, instead of standing up and fighting."
He knew was my strategy for my fighting. I ran so I could ware down my opponent. Well at least I did that with the fighters who were bigger than me. I wasn't going to take my chances of getting hit in the beginning of the fight and not being able to finish it. Yea he knew it. He just wanted a reason to hit me.
"You did make me a lot of money tonight though," he stated.
'I always make you a lot of money,' I thought.
I still didn't look at him as he stared down at me for a few more seconds. He let out an airy laugh before standing up straight. I listened to him make his way to the kitchen so he could grab a beer from the refrigerator, but I still didn't move. I never moved unless I was told too.
"Go take a shower," the old man ordered. "You stink."
'I don't think I'm the one you're smelling,' I retorted in my head.
But I did as I was told. I got up slowly off the floor and walked up the stairs to my bedroom. Before grabbing my pajamas I put my winnings under my mattress with the rest of my cash. I knew I had roughly about ten grand under there. That cash was never spent unless I really needed something. The only time I've really spent any money was when I first got my truck and I needed to fix things on it.
I picked out some pajamas, before grabbing my ring off my dresser, and made my way to the bathroom. After turning on the shower I took off my clothes, and turned my back to the merrier, waiting for the water to warm up. Out of habit, I looked over my shoulder to look at my reflection in the merrier, as I took out my braids.
In a way I guess I was okay with my body and features. I was fairly skinny but I did have the muscles some girls my age would die for. I had flawless skin – which was paler than the rest of the Indians on the reservation – when it came to my face. My eyes were dark black with light brown and gold flakes sprinkled in them. My hair was nothing like the tribes in La Push. It was brown with dark red mixed in it. The curls were at the end, they were also natural. The length of my hair was down to my waist. I'd guess I'd have to say those were the best part of my features and I guess I liked them. The thing I liked more than my hair or eyes was the weird looking birthmark on my left wrist. It looked like heartbeats with a heart in the middle. I really didn't understand why something, which looked like that, could be made on someone's body before they were born. Don't get me wrong I loved it, it was just strange.
I also had tattoos – two to be exact – even though I was fifteen, but my old man never cared what I did as long as I never got 'knocked up'. Those words were his, not mine. Anyway my first tattoo was on the back of my right shoulder blade. It said Shadow. That was my shima's nickname. I got it when I was thirteen. When I turned fourteen I got my second one. It was a bunched of stars that were connected by lines and it said Mum – that's what I used to call her for fun – on one line. I was happy with both of them and I wouldn't never regret getting them. But don't ask me where I got them. Even if you did, I would never tell you.
Sadly the tattoos weren't the only flews on my body. I did have scars which probably should have never been there, and no they weren't from me fighting. One of these scars started at the front of my shoulder. It made its way over my shoulder, going down to maybe half way to the middle of my back, and from there it crossed my spin. That's where it started too traveled to the front of my body. Once it was there, it ended at where my hip started. This scar was from when I accidently broke a glass, while washing dishes. The old man took one of the glass shards and put the tip into the front of my shoulder. After I moved to try to get away and the scar I had now was the result of it.
The other scars were the result of the first one. I had nightmares every night for a very long time after the incident. There were ten scar over my left breast. It looked like someone had tried to claw out my heart with their finger nails. All though that wasn't the case. It was me and no that's not what I was trying to do. In my nightmares the old man would be pressing the glass shard into my shoulder, but instead of turning around to get away I could claw at his hand. This was the outcome. Ten perfect claw marks covering my skin.
These scars were the reason I always wore a wife beater when I fought, while all the other girls would wear their sports bras. The wife beater would cover all of the scars I didn't want people to see. I didn't want anyone to see these reminders of what my life was like. I didn't want to hear them talk about them in the hallways at school or anywhere else they saw me. I wanted them to be afraid of me so they would stay away.
While looking in the mirror I ran my fingers over the scar starting on my shoulder. What did I ever do to deserve these kinds of marks on my body? I asked myself this every time I looked at it. No man was ever going to love this marked up body of mine. It was better to cut all men out of my life then to wait for someone to love me for me.
Feeling the steam consume me, I shook my head to get rid of all the thoughts about boys and what I deserved in my life. I stepped into the shower and let the water wash away the ach in my muscles. After washing my hair and body I stepped out of the shower and got dressed. By the time I was done the steam had disappeared from the mirror and I couldn't help but look at the girl who was standing there in it.
Her eyes were dark, hollow, and sad. Her skin was paler than normal. Her lip was split on the left side, from where she was hit, and it was starting to swell a little bit. This girl had secrets. You could tell by the cocky attitude she put out front when she was around other people. She used this attitude so no one would see the true pain she felt everyday of her life.
I knew this girl, like I knew the back of my own hand. This girl… this girl was me. I fought so I could let out the pain and anger I held against the world every day. This is what I did to keep the people around me safe. This was my Existence. I just wish it didn't have to be.
-E&E-
Indian Names, Tribes, and Meanings
Elu: Zuni: "Beautiful"
Shima: Navajo: "Mother"
-E&E-
Edited
6/10/16
6/15/10
7/5/16
9/21/16
10/31/16
