x-
You've got everything to lose
Yeah, I'm waiting on you
-x
School was, at best, a place where she could go through the motions relatively unscathed.
Today, however, Lizzie McDonald did not get so lucky.
The bell rang and she waited for the rest of her class to leave, following her reputation as a grade-grubber. It may have been farthest from the truth, but if there was one benefit to it, it was that her peers chose to accept it blindly.
Someone hit her shoulder, knocking the notebook and books on her desk to the floor. "Grubber," hissed the girl, followed by a laugh. She rolled her eyes, leaning over to pick them up.
The fact was, it was easiest to hide in a hallway crowded with kids raging with hormones and the ill-hearted demeanor that seemed to accompany such changes. She spied Edwin amongst them, leaning back, talking to a friend beside him.
His presence outside her class was no coincidence; he followed her around much more frequently lately, trying to get her attention, refusing to let go the change in her behavior as of late.
Unfortunately, like most of her family and her peers, he was not one to fall for the covers she set up so easily. It was within his nature to query and pick apart stories, finding the holes in them.
Once upon a time, she had been the one by his side, playing pretend-detective. It was decidedly not as fun being on the opposite side.
Lizzie slipped into the bathroom, undetected by his searching gaze, letting out a sigh of relief as the door shut. Rounding around the corner where the stalls and sinks were, the form of Erica Mason met her eyes.
Or, in other terms, was more or less her nemesis. Erica was the queen of the gaggle of girls that followed her, and why she had picked Lizzie to spread rumors about was nothing more than a sad attempt to impress her sister.
Blonde, blue-eyed, and every bit as beautiful, she followed her sister's footsteps easily, applying lip gloss carefully with one index finger, sporting a small cut on her knuckle. She put the lip gloss away, the cuts flashing in the light as she peered critically at the skillfully-applied makeup on the rest of her face.
"Oh, didn't bring that math homework?" she cooed sarcastically when spying her gaze from the mirror, "Well, Frizzie Lizzie. Better job on your hair today, I must say, but there are much better places to kiss your brother."
The threat of spreading a rumors of Lizzie and Edwin's secret tryst had only started when Kendra confided in her little demon-sister that she saw Derek (her Derek, she maintained) and his stepsister being rather intimate. The fact that it was nonexistent was unimportant.
Lizzie had managed to keep her quiet by doing her homework, but the forced, fairly-frequent interactions with Erica Mason had tilted the cards in her favor. She had simply been biding her time to reveal the secret she knew the girl was hiding.
"Come to pretend you weren't shoving your fingers down your throat?" Lizzie snapped back.
The blue eyes narrowed ferally, glossed lips in a sneer, sensing the danger behind her words. "You're disgusting. Who thinks of stuff like that? I guess I shouldn't be surprised," she responded sharply, "You always were a total freak."
Lizzie ignored the statement. It was only meant to make her angry, to distract her. "Be careful who you cross, Erica," she said in a low voice, "I might just voice my concerns to that sister of yours. Somehow I think that would be a little more interesting to your friends."
The blonde girl crossed her arms with a glare. "Fine. I'm not responsible for whatever anyone else says about you. I'm not sure they'd believe it anyway, since," she twisted her lips into a dark smile, "you know, there's that story Danielle Fisher has been telling about you from soccer camp."
"The story neglects to mention, I'm sure, that she was the one to initiate it, and I was the one to reject her." Lizzie muttered.
Erica concealed her surprise with a roll of her eyes, her heels clicking as she walked to the door, "Sure, Lizzie. Do keep your mouth shut if you want to protect your brother." The door shut behind her firmly.
Among other things, Lizzie thought to herself, looking in the mirror. Her silent loathing at the reflection made it too hard to look at for long.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Lizzie never went to the cafeteria for lunch, and Edwin couldn't blame her. There were too many people here that enjoyed tearing her down.
He suspected, though, that she mostly stopped going because she feared he would go too far during one of his inevitable interjections with the boys that began joining in.
Where she went, however, remained a mystery.
It was the perfect hiding place, Lizzie supposed, as she watched Edwin's head turn, searching for her. He didn't expect her in the cafeteria, so he wouldn't look.
What he failed to realize, it appeared, was that it was remarkably easy to hide there, since the stage and the cafeteria shared the same space.
All she had to do was sneak through the back entryway, which typically only the staff were allowed to use, and settle down in the darkness off-stage, cloaking herself between the heavy curtains for good measure.
The invisibility was something she found she enjoyed. Her eyes could study everyone to her heart's content, see what food was present that day, mentally calculating every bite they took.
It was like a warped version of voyeurism, a twisted form of window-shopping, and for some reason, she found solace in being able to be around the scent of food, seeing it, and stifling her impulse to have it.
She was strong, she lied to herself, as she nibbled at a cheese stick, she was fine, she didn't need more, having long ago tossed the rest of the lunch away in the woods for foragers.
It did not matter how cold she found herself as of late, or how difficult it was to sleep, or her inability to focus, much less care, about her studies. She pretended the numbness of her toes and fingers was not something that was steadily growing frequent.
It did not matter that her vision blurred, that she found herself on the ground one afternoon, after bolting from the end of soccer practice.
It did not matter that she had long since stopped playing soccer, after her coach asked her if she was all right. Nor that she had lied regarding her decision to quit shortly after, citing difficulties with her academic commitments.
Her father and the rest of her family didn't know yet, though she presumed she would have to mention something before the next game. She liked having the time for 'soccer practice' to herself.
Lately it seemed all she wanted was to be by herself, because there were less questions. Lizzie refused to admit that her lies had entwined into a larger problem.
She was fine.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Dyke." Erica hissed as Lizzie walked past toward the busses collecting eager students, ignoring the boys who called for her.
"Hey, Roger," she heard her say in a sugary tone to a boy who had presumably been somewhere behind her. Lizzie rolled her eyes. She voluntarily shut out listening to the rest of the conversation.
The bus may as well have been filled with hungry wolves. Lifting her eyes to the sky, trying to gauge the weather, she thought she may simply trek home.
"Hey, Liz," Edwin greeted her with a hand on her shoulder, "No bus."
He watched her look at him curiously, but the way her shoulder felt beneath his hand—small and pointed, as though there was only bone rather than flesh, kept his attention.
"Yeah? Nora's coming to pick us up?"
"Better," he said, with a grin, releasing her from his grip, "Derek."
The girl squinted at him in suspicion. "Why? Derek never offers."
He shrugged. "We came to an agreement…for the rest of the year. Let's just say I had some convincing reasons."
"Hm." Lizzie said, raising a brow, presuming blackmail. Her lips curled into a smile, "Impressive."
Edwin's heart sank, knowing the truth would anger her. But what choice did he have?
She was keeping secrets, too.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Alright, get in, I can't hang around here for long enough for someone to notice," Derek told them as his car idled at the back of the school, giving them an annoyed look.
Casey scoffed, but he ignored her. "I can't believe you would make them wait out of sight like—"
"Younger siblings?" Derek offered with smile, pinching her cheek, "Oh, Casey."
Lizzie rolled her eyes and got in, Edwin settling beside her.
If there was one thing Edwin was always impressed by, it was Derek's ability to remain appearing completely unconcerned and self-absorbed when he needed to.
Casey couldn't know anything, that was his rule. She couldn't know why they had to wait at the back—to avoid the others who would inevitably cause Casey to get angry and protective by hearing what they said to her little sister—and she couldn't know why Derek was picking them up in the first place.
To be fair, he had tried not letting Derek in on it at all when he brought it up the day before.
"Derek," he said, "If I pay you five dollars every school day for the rest of the school year, will you pick me and Liz up from school?"
His brother had narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Ed never simply handed up money so easily, especially not the amount he was offering. "How about you keep the money and tell me what's really going on?"
The younger boy sighed. Fine, he had a back-up plan. "Just some guys giving me trouble on the bus. I promised Liz not to say anything."
"Really," Derek responded flatly, knowing full well Liz was not the secret-keeper he was trying to play her as, not for situations like these. Liz took after her sister—social justice was her calling, and in situations like these, she took after Derek. No one messed with Ed.
But Ed, on the other hand—he was the kind of person to keep Liz's secrets when she told him to, and he knew Liz's ability to ensure that with a good punch or two. But truth be told, she would never really have to worry about that. Edwin's loyalty to her was stronger than anyone else's in the family. Even Derek's.
He would keep her secrets if she asked.
Okay, that may have been an exaggeration—he didn't think of that right away. No, Edwin was simply a horrible liar, with the unfortunate tendency to begin tapping his foot or fingers on some surface as he waited.
Tap. Tap. Tap. His fingers drummed against his desk before he was aware of it and stopped suddenly, forcing a smile on his face.
"You mean someone's giving Liz a hard time, and she doesn't want anyone to know, so you're pretending it's you?" Derek finally asked, eyes fixed on his fingers that were seemingly fighting the urge to begin drumming again.
"…Yes," he responded in dejection, and then pleadingly, "But you can't tell Liz you know. Or Casey. I promised her."
"It's stupid promise," his elder brother muttered darkly, "I'm sure I could set things right."
"They're a group of girls." Edwin clarified.
"Oh, Christ." Derek muttered, pressing his hand against his face, "That's worse. Fine, meet me at the back of the school. Consider this a favor I may need you to return one day."
"Don't tell Casey." Edwin repeated.
He rolled his eyes. "I won't, Ed. Liz won't know I know, either. Trust me. Unlike you, I'm actually good at lying. Be ready at three. Now go away."
It was rarely shown, but he had some loyalty to his brother, one that was different than the big-brother role he took with Marti and Lizzie. He was thankful for it.
"I asked him to meet us there," Edwin lied to Casey, cutting into the glare she was giving him as he drove.
She glanced at him, looking confused. "Why?"
He didn't have an answer for that one. Liz did, though.
"The queen of the school isn't exactly happy her crush said he liked me," she lied, shifting her gaze out the window, "He's vile, though, I'm not sure why she likes him anyway."
"Vile?" Casey asked, a glitter of hope in her eyes that some sort of romance was secretly unfolding.
"He was suspended for beating up a gay kid," Liz explained, "So yes, vile."
That part was true, Edwin knew.
"Oh." Casey said, with a frown, "I'm glad you're ignoring him then."
"He's also gay," Lizzie added, after thinking for a moment, remembering that the guy he had beat up was the same guy she had walked in him making out with off-stage, where she usually went to hide. They hadn't seen her, but heard the door shut and parted ways quickly.
"What?" Edwin asked, in surprise.
Lizzie shrugged, not offering any more revelations about her classmates' secret lives, settling to look out the window instead.
"Ah, junior high," Derek commented cheerily, "Such fun."
If only he knew, Lizzie mused.
