A/N: Well damn you guys are the best. Thank you so much for the follows and reviews and favourites! I'm so glad you guys like this story! I have so much in store for you guys and I hope you'll stick with me through it all! It'll be a bumpy ride, but I promise it'll be worth it! Here's chapter two; enjoy!
Summary: After the death of a friend, Clare Edwards begins to question everything about herself and turns to books for reassurance. Intrigued by her aura of mystery, Eli Goldsworthy decides to get inside her head by reading every book she's ever read, unlocking secrets to her mind with every page.
As I pass by the front desk in the library, I hold out the book I rented out yesterday to toss in the return slot. Just before I do though, I notice Mr. Strange-boy-with-lingering-eyes sitting at a table a few feet away. I chew on my bottom lip before I grip the book in my hand, forcing my feet to move. For a moment I don't know what I'm doing, but I don't stop long enough to think about it. I make my way over to his table, noticing the ear phones on his head as he taps his pencil to the music. There are papers scattered in front of him, his eyes reading the words from the text book that is placed in front of him.
I stop at the end of the table, watching as his movements pause when he takes notice of my presence. He looks up slowly, his hand reaching up to remove the headphones from his head. I place the book on my end of the table and push it towards him, watching it slide across the table until it hits the corner of his text book.
"It's still in my name, so don't lose it," I say.
He looks at the book for a moment before raising his gaze to meet mine, giving a nod, as if accepting my gesture. I let my gaze wander over the papers in front of him before my eyes catch a word scribbled in the corner of one the pieces.
Elijah.
Strange name for a strange boy.
"Thanks," he says quietly.
I purse my lips and nod once as I rock on the back of my heels. Without another word, I turn on my heel and make my way to my usual table. I scan the shelves until I find a book that sparks my interest and begin to read. Hours pass as I flip page after page, excited to get to the end of the book. Just as I am about to start a new chapter, a movement in my peripheral vision makes me glance up.
That Elijah boy is storming towards me, his back pack nearly falling off of his shoulder, the book I had given him gripped in his hands. He reaches my table and throws the book down on it, his bag falling to the ground.
"A warning would have been nice," he says. I stare at him, blinking in confusion. "I just got to the after part, and I don't know whether I should keep reading or give up because that is the worst thing that he could have ever done."
I realize he's talking about John Green and the direction he had taken in the book Looking For Alaska. He waits for a reply from me, but I'm unsure of what to say.
"I'm sorry," I squeak out.
He stares at me for a moment, blinking as if I had just spoken a foreign language. He sighs and collapses in the empty chair at the end of the table and crosses his arms on the table, letting his head fall to rest on them. I glance around the library, unsure of what to do. This boy just practically incited himself to my table, invading my personal space. But when I look back at him, I can't find it in me to tell him to get lost.
"I don't know what to do," he mumbles.
I find my lips curling at how much he has been affected by the book. I reach over to grab it and flip through the pages.
"You know if you don't finish it you're going to go insane, right? Don't you want to know what happens? Why she freaked out like that?" I ask, watching him.
He doesn't life his head as he says, "Can't you just tell me?"
I grin, "What's the fun in that?"
He finally lifts his head and looks at me. I wave the book in my hands and watch as he rolls his eyes before holding out his hand. I toss the book at him and he catches it without any effort. He opens the book to the last page he was on and resumes reading.
"This better be worth it," he mutters, eyeing me as I open my own book back up.
I smile and shrug as we both return to our books.
A few more hours pass before we're told there's only half an hour left before the library closes. I finished my book a while ago, so I had pulled out my text book and started on the assignment that was due tomorrow. I was just about done when it hit eight forty-five.
My pen slid across the page when I jumped from Elijah throwing the book down on the table and pressing his hands to his face.
"How did I not see that coming?" His voice is aggravated. I wonder if he wants me to answer or not before deciding to just return to my work. He puts his hands down and looks at me.
I chew on the end of my pen, "You're questioning your existence right now, aren't you?"
He frowns, "How did you know?"
I let out a short laugh and close my text book. "I reacted the same way when I finished, don't worry."
He presses his lips in a thin line and eyes the book that sat in front of me, the one I had just finished reading today. For a moment I watch him as he stares at it, wondering exactly why he takes so much interest in the books I read. Maybe he can't make a decision on his own and decides it would be easier to just take my recommendations?
Still, I have never met anyone else who read as much as I do, let alone enjoys it like I do. Something about him makes me question everything, just like many of the books I read.
I use my pen to push the book towards him, "It's all yours." He grabs it and picks at the corner with his thumb. I purse my lips, "I'm Clare, by the way."
He opens his mouth to say something, but then shuts it just as fast. His lips curl on one side of his mouth, "I'm Eli."
For a moment I'm a bit disappointed that he shortens his name; I like his full name, it's different, much like him. I keep my thoughts to myself and stand to gather my things into a pile. I leave the table and make my way to one of the shelves, scanning them for longer than I usually do. A title of a book that I have been meaning to read catches my eye and I pick it up without hesitation. I make my way back to the table where Eli is still seated and place it on top of my text books.
I throw my bag on my shoulder and gather my books in my arms, watching as he stands and picks his backpack up, slinging it over his shoulder as well. He grabs the two books he has and we both make our way to the front desk. I check out my new book while he shoves Looking For Alaska in the return box. We exit the library and begin walking. He pauses in the parking lot when he notices me heading for the sidewalk.
I watch him as he opens his mouth to say something, but thinks better of it and snaps it shut. He swirls his keys around his finger and presses his lips together before giving me a small wave and hopping in his black charger. I watch him drive away and speed down the road, feeling my lips twist to the side in wonder.
"What a strange guy," I mutter to myself. I turn to walk towards my apartment, my mind still swirling with thoughts of our strange encounter. "Elijah," I whisper, testing the word on my tongue. I smile to myself.
"How are you?"
I scoff, "I hate that question."
Dr. Dawes, my therapist, taps her pen on the notepad in front of her. She tilts her head as she looks at me through her glasses. "Why is that?"
"You don't really care how I am. You get paid either way," I say, my voice harsh. I really hate it here. Stepping into the room I could feel my whole demeanour change, my irritation easily showing. The room has an unwanted feeling to it, silently telling me what I already know; I'm a burden. To Jake, to my family, to the one friend I actually have and she doesn't even really count because she's Jake's girlfriend. I haven't been the same since Cam, and I doubt I ever will be.
"You don't think people care about you?" Dr. Dawes asks.
I narrow my eyes at her and clasp my hands together. "I didn't say that. I have a step brother who cares too much and parents who won't leave me alone in fear of me killing myself."
"Jake is his name, correct?" She asks and I nod. She smiles, "He's worried, Clare."
I roll my eyes. "I know, I know, I know. Everyone's worried that the memories of finding Cam will get too much. They think the guilt will get to me and I'll end up like him."
"You feel guilty?"
I sigh and rub my forehead. "I feel like if I was a better friend he wouldn't have done it."
She nods and scribbles something on her note pad, making me roll my eyes. "It wasn't your fault, Clare."
I grind my teeth. "You know, people keep telling me that he was depressed and that he was stressed out with school and hockey and being away from his family and that's why he did it. I knew he wasn't completely okay, and I still let him walk away that day. If I would have stopped him and let him know that I was there for him and that I cared for him and that he wasn't alone, maybe he'd still be here."
"You have to stop blaming yourself. You said that he told you to never change?" I nod. "Well, maybe he had already considered you in his decision. He knew you would be affected in some way; telling you that was his way of letting you know it's okay to be sad and miss him, but you can't keep blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault."
I shake my head and look at the ceiling. "Don't talk about him like you knew him." The room is quiet for a moment and I glance at the clock. "Time's up. See you next time, doc."
I stand from the couch and walk out of the door before she can stop me. Jake is seated in the waiting area, his leg nervously shaking up and down. He stands when he sees me, anxious to know how it went.
"Well?"
I put on a fake grin and sarcastically say, "She really opened my eyes, Jake. Instead of feeling like I'm a burden to my family I fell all warm and fuzzy inside. I'm seeing rainbows and butterflies."
He gives me a look and I drop my smile, crossing my arms. "How do you think it went?"
"You're so difficult."
We begin to walk towards the elevator and Jake pushes the button, and only after a few seconds pass do the doors open. My lips part when I take notice of the person walking out of the elevators. Eli looks up and catches my gaze, his eyes widening like saucers. Our eyes stay locked as he passes me, my body slowly turning to face him as he does. We stop as Jake steps into the elevator, waiting for me.
"What are you doing here?" Eli asks in a low tone.
I lift my chin, "I could ask you the same question."
He lets out a breath of air and runs a hand through his hair, his eyes darting around the room. "Um…"
I hold up my hand, "Stop." His eyes dart back to mine. "I'm not going to tell you my reason, so you don't have to tell me yours." I shrug and I watch as he visibly relaxes.
"Jesus Clare, hurry up. I'm hungry." Jake grumbles from behind me. I don't turn around. Instead, I watch as Eli takes notice of him. He studies him for a moment before turning back to me.
"Have fun," he says, and I take my cue to leave. I give a nod and spin on my right heel before joining Jake in the elevator. He reaches over to poke my cheek and I swat his hand away, giving him a displeased look as he chuckles.
My eyes return to Eli's and we stare at each other until the doors close, separating us.
"So, I'm going back to Helen's and Dad's tomorrow. Katie and I are still apartment hunting. That means I won't be here to force you to your sessions. Promise me you'll go," Jake says as we stand in the elevator.
I rub my face, "I told you I'm fine. I don't feel the need to kill myself and I won't any time soon."
"How can you be so sure?"
I twist my lips, "There are still so many books to read."
Jake lets out a laugh and nudges me with his elbow. "Okay, okay. But I'd still like you to see Dr. Dawes. Just while I'm gone. If I get back and I see that you are, in fact, fine, you won't have to see her anymore."
I look up at him with hope, "Really?"
He nods, "Really."
I turn and wrap my arms around him.
"You're not so bad after all," I say as the doors open. Jake laughs as we exit the elevator.
Jake had stopped by the University during lunch to say goodbye. After a long talk about making sure I go to my sessions and to call him if I need anything, he was off. By the end of the day I had found myself in the library again, deciding to begin reading the book I had rented out two days ago.
I sat down at my usual spot, diving into the book. The first few pages of the book made my breath hitch, my heart rate rise and my eyes sting. I grinded my teeth as I continued to read, thankful when I was a few chapters in. I read until I was a few pages from finishing, taking a break to take a sip of water from the water bottle I had in my bag.
Just as I pick the book up to read, I catch Eli shoving a book into the return box. My eyes follow him as he makes his way to a certain area of library. Before I'm fully aware of what I'm doing, I stand and follow him. I walk beside him on the other side of the shelf, realizing he has yet to notice me. He scans the shelves, his teeth tugging at his bottom lip. As I pass the books on my side of the shelf, one catches my eyes and I grab it. Just as we make it to the end of the shelf, we both turn the corner, his body nearly colliding with mine.
He jumps slightly and steps back. "Jesus," he curses. His hand is placed firmly on his chest as he lets out a shallow breath.
I scared him.
I hand the book in my hand to him. "Here."
He chews on the inside of his cheek as he takes the book from my hand slowly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Without a word, I turn and return to my table. I sit and grab my book before continuing to read. I look up when Eli begins to make his way past me, the book I picked out gripped in his hands. Just as he makes it to my table, I swiftly lift my leg and kick one of the chairs beside me out so it pushes back from the table. I silently hope he would get my hint.
He stops in his tracks, nearly tripping over the chair that now blocked his path. I look up when he turns to look at me, an eyebrow raised in question. I shrug. He sits.
He stares at me for a while as I continue to read. I try my hardest not to look at him, hoping I don't give myself away. I enjoy his company, and I would hate for him to know it.
"What?" I grumble when his staring becomes too much.
"You're not going to ask why I go to therapy?"
I'll admit I am curious, but if I let him tell me his reason, he'd expect one from me.
"It's your business, not mine," I say, turning a page in my book.
I glance at him and see he's fighting a smile before returning my gaze to the book in my hands. He stretches out in the chair and opens the new book I picked out for him.
"What are you reading?" He asks. I lift my book up to flash him the cover. "Is it good?"
I bite my lip and give a nod. I refrain from telling him how much I relate to the book and continue reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. We sit and read for a while. When I finish the book I stay seated with my arms crossed across my chest, my mind too busy swarming with thoughts to force me to get up and grab a new book for the night. I stare at a wall on the far end of the library, thinking about what I'm going to eat for supper tonight.
"Is he your boyfriend?"
I look over when Eli speaks, realizing he's put the book down and is focused on me. I tilt my head in question, "Who?"
"That guy you were with yesterday."
I make a distasteful face at him and shake my head, "Step brother."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
I raise an eyebrow at his bluntness. He doesn't seem fazed by his straightforwardness. I lean forward on the table and clasp my hands together. "Why do you want to know?"
His lips curl on one side, "I'd like to know if I'll be getting my ass kicked by a jealous boyfriend any time soon for hanging out with you."
I roll my eyes and lean back in my chair, "No boyfriend. You're off the hook." He nods his head once and scratches his cheek. "What about you, huh? Should I keep an eye out for a crazy girlfriend looking to rip my hair out?"
He lets out a small chuckle, "Nope. I'm super single."
I clamp my hand over my mouth when I bark out a laugh, my eyes wide at the noise I made. Eli laughs to himself at my reaction as I shake my head, trying to calm myself down. I reach into my bag and pull out a piece of gum for myself.
"I cannot believe you just said that."
"Believe it, honey. I said it, and I regret nothing." He grins at me.
I close my eyes and laugh softly. "You're so strange," I say as I throw a piece of gum at him. He catches it and fiddles with the wrapper.
"I've been called worse."
I watch as he chews his piece of gum, his eyes glued to mine. I tilt my head at him, wondering what he's thinking. He doesn't even try to make his staring subtle, so I don't either. We have a silent staring contest, my fingers absentmindedly playing with the sleeve of my sweater. One of his legs is spread out, the other bent as he bobs his knee up and down.
"Why did you read Thirteen Reason Why?" I blurt.
He licks his lips and thinks for a moment. "I saw you crying." He pauses and looks at me, waiting for my reaction. Already knowing this information, I make no move to even act surprised. He continues, "At first I was going to see if you were alright, but then I realized you were crying because of the book you were reading. I've never read something that moved me enough to make me get emotional like you did, so I figured I'd give it shot." He shrugs and averts his gaze to his shoe.
"Were you serious when you told me you cried?" That question has bothered me for a while.
He clicks his tongue, "Yes."
"How much?"
Eli lets out a small laugh at my curiosity. If he's going to be blunt, so will I. "Just a little. Can we move on?"
I press my lips together to suppress my smile, failing, and nod. I reach for The Perks of Being a Wallflower and slide it to him.
"This is for when you're done that," I point to the book in front of him, the one I had picked out.
"You know, I haven't had much free time since you started giving me all of these books to read."
I raise an eyebrow, "Are you complaining?"
He cracks a grin, his eyes sparkling with mirth and an emotion I can't quite name. "Definitely not."
