Back at her cabin, Patsy found Penny watching TV. "Are you done with my laptop?" she asked. "Yep!" Penny said. "I think I found the perfect gift for Lazlo." Then she looked at Patsy's face. "I see you're blushing. Did you & him kissed again?" "Well, uh..." Patsy stuttered. "Uh huh." Penny said & smiled. "I see that you're trying to get your gift from Lazlo early." "No, I-I'm not!" Patsy said as she blushed. "Yeah, you are!" Penny egged. "Okay, so what?" Patsy sniffed. "Let's just forget about it for now." Penny said as she ran her fingers through her black hair. "How 'bout you do my hair?" "Ok." Patsy said. "I hope you got a few hours to kill, Penny." "I got all the time in the world, Patsy." Penny said as she laid her head back. "Just be careful!" "Don't worry, Penny. I'm always careful with hair. Just look at mine's." Patsy soothed. Penny quickly looked at Patsy's pink hair. "I s'pose you're right. Just wake me, when you're done." Penny sniffed.
Hours later, Patsy woke up Penny. "I'm done, Penny." "I-I'm afraid to ask how I look like." Penny sniffed. "I'll go get the mirror." Patsy said and left to get a mirror. "She probably made my hair pink just like hers. Oh god! That'll be awful!" Patsy finally came back with a mirror. "Here you go." she said as she handed Penny the mirror. She gasped, and then turned to Patsy. "Patsy..." Penny paused and started to twitch a bit. Patsy wondered if Penny was mad at her. "I LOVE IT!!" Penny said as she grab a hold of Patsy. "You made me more beautiful than ever before!" she said as she hugged Patsy. "My hair's curly, bouncy, lighter, and shinier than ever! Thank you, Patsy!" "Anytime cousin! Anytime!" Patsy said as she struggled to breathe. Penny then realize that she was crushing her cousin. "Oh, s-sorry Patsy." she said. "T-That's okay, Penny. This isn't the first time, that someone almost crushes me!" Patsy muttered.
(Flashback)
Patsy was working out at a gym one day. She was lifting weights.
Patsy:(lifting weights) 49, 50! There! Done with my excercises for the day, now time to rest in the spa!
Then a bald, muscle-bound sweating trainer walks up.
Trainer: Oi you! I think you need some more weight lifting!
Patsy: What?
Trainer: YOU HEARD ME?! YOU NEED MORE WEIGHT LIFTING!!! STARTING NOW!
Patsy: But why?
Trainer: BECAUSE, YOUR MUSCLES ARE LIKE THOSE ON A PUNY MONGOOSE!
Patsy: But, I am a mongoose!
Trainer:(yells in Patsy's face) SHUT UP!!! START LIFTING THOSE WEIGHTS!
Patsy:(go back to lifting weights) Oh god!
Trainer:(puts on more weights) MORE WEIGHT!!!!!!! LIFT FASTER!!!!!!!
Patsy's muscles starts to strain.
Patsy:I-I-I can't lift anymore!
Nazi trainer:(yells in Patsy's face again) SHUT UP & LIFT YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING, FUCKIN' SISSY ASS WEASEL!!!!!!
He then puts on more weights. The weighty barbell landed on Patsy's throat. She was changing all sort of colors.
Patsy:(struggling to breathe) H-Help m-m-me!
One man who was watching all this unfold, came over to Patsy, and lifted the barbell off her throat.
Man: Are you okay, miss?
Patsy:(changing back to her regular color) Y-Yeah. T-Thanks!
Man:(turns to nazi trainer) Here you dropped this!
He drops the barbell on the nazi trainer.
Nazi trainer: AGGGHHHH!!! YOU CALL THIS HEAVY!?! I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY!!!!!
The trainer passes out.
Patsy: Fuckin' twat!
(End Flashback)
"Hey, it's back snowing again!" Penny said. "Hey, do you wanna go outside & play in the snow?" Patsy asked her. Before Penny could answer, Stewie got on the PA. "I say, all of you imbelciles report to the lodge, right away!!!" "I guess Scoutmaster Griffin wants to see us." Penny said. "I wonder what he wants, now?" Patsy sniffed as she put on her coat. At the lodge everyone was talking all at once. Peter walks up. "Okay everybody shut up. Alright then, since we got nothing important to do. We're going to the mall to shop for some Christmas presents." "What!? Again!" said some one off-screen. "Hey!" Peter shouted. "Shut up! If some of you got a problem with it, then you can go play with the tank, that Gretchen & Quagmire barrowed from the U.S. Army." "Uh Peter, w-we d-didn't exactly b-barrow..." Quagmire stuttered. "Shut up!" Gretchen hissed as she elbowed him in the mouth. Peter was looking. "Ms. Gretchen, can you stop flirting with Quagmire? I know that you're in love with him and want to have sex with him, but please wait until the meeting is done." Everybody sniggered. "So anyway, the same rules apply. Don't drive my car! I can't stress that enough!" Peter said. "Yeah, yeah. 'Don't drive your car'. Yeah, yeah. We know!" the campers said boredily as they put their coats back on. "Okay meeting's over! The ones that can drive, go to their cars. Everybody else, go to the bus." Peter called.
Outside, Lazlo was just kicking the snow. He was thinking outloud. "What to get Patsy for Christmas." he said as he kicked the snow. "I know! I could get her a fancy bracelet! Yeah, that's it!" Patsy & Penny walked up. "Hey Lazlo. Are you ready to go?" Patsy asked. "I'm sure am, Patsy!" Lazlo said excitedly. Then he looked at Penny. "Boy Penny, I like your new hairstyle." "Thanks Lazlo." Penny said as she giggled a bit. "Uh, who did it?" Lazlo asked. "I did." Patsy replied as she took out her keys. At the enterance, there was some of campers standing there waiting for Cleveland to bring the bus. They didn't want to be on a cold bus. "Dumbasses! It's a good thing that I'm riding with you." Lazlo said to Patsy. "Especially, since my cousin Rollo haven't return my car yet." "What does your cousin do anyway?" she asked as she unlocked her SUV 4x4. "Well, he's, he's,...uh..." Lazlo stuttered. "A gangster?" Patsy teased. "No not that! Well, yes. I think he's also a manager of a radio station or TV station somewhere in LA." Lazlo said. "Pretty neat!" Patsy said. "It sounds like something that Penny does." "What does she do?" Lazlo asked Patsy. "I think she's a award winning rap artist or a manager to the most popular radio/TV station in Detroit or some shit like that. I forgot which." Patsy muttered as she started the engine. "Wait Patsy! What about Penny?" Lazlo asked. "She's taking her ride with Raj & Clam." Patsy said. "Oh! I hope Clam doesn't fuck with her gadgets." Lazlo muttered. "I don't think he will, Lazlo. Because if he does, Penny'll fuck him up bad!" Patsy laughed.
(Cut to Penny's SUV 4x4)
Clam was jumping up & down on the seats. As usual, he's hyped up.
Clam:(yelling)TV! FUN!!! MALL!!! RIOTS!!!!! DRINK MORE COFFEE!
Penny:(turns her head) SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Clam:(not noticing Penny) YOUR MAMA!
Penny:(angry) MUTHAFUCKA, WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Clam:(shakes his fist at her) How would you like one across your lips?
Penny:(laughs) I would like to see you do it! I'll fuck you up!
Clam: Do it then!! I'll rip your arm out of the socket, and beat your mongoose ass with it!
Penny: Come on then!!!! I'll knock you out!!!!!!!!
She then gets out of her SUV. Clam did so also.
Raj: Uh guys, everybody's leaving!
Penny: So? I know where the mall is, Raj. Now please let me whoop this bastard's ass!
Raj:(backs away) Okay then.
Clam: I'm gonna knock you out cold!
Penny:(shouts)BRING IT ON, MIDGET BOY!!
Clam then started doing some fancy footwork, well he was jumping up & down. Penny started laughing.
Penny:(laughs) Come on, throw a punch!
Clam throws a punch at her. Penny swerved her head out the way, and Clam hit his hand against a frozen tree.
Clam: OW!!!!!! My hand!!!!
Penny:(getting ready to throw punch) Okay, time to end this!!! Get prepared to be knocked out!!
She knocks Calm out. He was unconsicous.
Raj: Damn! You knocked the fuck outta him!
Penny: Well, he had it comin'! Shut up, and throw his punk ass in the trunk!
Then they threw Clam in the trunk.Then Penny drove off.
(End cut)
At the mall, everybody split up. Lazlo & Patsy was sitting at a bench. "I wonder where's Penny?" she asked. "Matter of fact, where's Raj & Clam?" Lazlo wondered. When Lazlo got done saying that, Penny & Raj walked in. "There you guys are!" Patsy said. "Sorry, but w-we had a flat." Penny lied. "Uh, yes yes, a flat!" Raj said in an acting sort of way. "A flat! We didn't hurt nobody!!" "Where's Clam?" Lazlo asked. Raj couldn't take the pressure. "Okay! Okay! WE DIDN'T HAVE A FLAT!!! PENNY BEAT UP CLAM!!!! HE'S IN HER TRUNK, UNCONSICOUS!!!!" he cried. All of Raj's hollering got all the mall's patrons' attention. "OI! SHUT THAT KID UP!!!" shouted one of the patrons. "So?" Lazlo said. "Raj, you should know by now, that Clam gets his ass kicked everyday." Patsy sniffed. "Yeah, three times on Saturdays & twice on Sundays." Lazlo added. "Oh, I forgot!" the elephant said stupidly. "Well, come Penny. We've got shopping to do." Patsy said as she & Penny left. "How, could you forget that Clam get his ass kicked everyday!" Lazlo asked Raj. "I don't know, I'd just did." he answered. "Let's just forget about it, and shop for presents." Lazlo sniffed. "I need to go to the jewerly store." "Good idea, Lazlo." Raj said.
Peter was at the Best Buy. He was watching his favorite Christmas special, 'Kiss saves Christmas'. A Best Buy salesman walked up to him. "May I help you, sir?" "Uh, no thanks. I know how to watch TV." Peter said. "Sorry sir, but loitering isn't allowed." the salesman said. "But, but I'm not loitering!" Peter cried. "I demand to see the manager!" "I am the manager." the salesman said. "Oh." Peter muttered. "I think I'll take my TV watching elsewhere!" "That's fine with me! For now on, you're banned from this store!" shouted the manager as he took out a sign with Peter's face with a red slash. Meanwhile at jewerly store, Lazlo was looking at the bracelets. "Mmmm! Which one suits Patsy?" he wondered out loud. Then a jewerly salesman walks up to him. "Can I help you sir?" "Yeah, I'm looking for a bracelet." Lazlo said. "Which one would you like to see?" the salesman asked. "I would like to see something with real diamonds." Lazlo added. "Okay sir." the salesman said as he showed Lazlo some bracelets. "Oh my god! Look at all these bracelets!!" Lazlo awed. "Take your time to look through these, sir." the salesman said. Lazlo looked through all of the bracelets, until he found the right one. "This is it!!!" he said. "Okay sir. That'll be $90,000, please." the salesman said. "Damn!" Lazlo thought to himself as he got out his checkbook. "This'll be the most expensive thing I've brought since the time I brought that radio station."
(Flashback)
Lazlo was the manager & one of the DJs for the radio staion, HIGH-FM. He was sipping his coffee, plus the room he was in was very smokey.
Lazlo:(coughing) Hello, listeners. (Hack!) Pardon me! You're listening to, 'Crazy Lazlo's old school evening commute'! This program is brought to you in part by, (Hack! Hack!) Pardon me! 'Martin's chicken shack'. Come on in now, to get their barbecued chicken (hack! hack!) wings. The wings are served in a spicy (hack!) sauce, with fries and (hack!) slaw!!
Lazlo's coughing gets worst & worst.
Lazlo:(trying to cough up a lung) This had been Crazy Lazlo. (hack! hack! cuff! hack!) Signing off!! (cuff! cuff! hack! cuff!) I-I'll see ya when I see ya! (cuff! cuff! hack! hack!) I'm sorry!! (cuff! hack! hack! cuff!)
He then turns to his assistant.
Lazlo:(still coughing) C-Can you take o-over? I-I can't take it, anymore!
Assistant: Sure.
The assistant soon got in Lazlo's seat. Lazlo left the building.
Lazlo: Buying this radio station was a waste of my hard-earned cash! It looks like I have to go back to being a nobody.
Then he thought of something.
Lazlo: Maybe I don't have to go back to being a nobody. Maybe I can still be a somebody! It's time to take a trip to California!
(End Flashback)
Lazlo wrote out the check. "Thank you sir." the salesman said. "Have yourself, a happy holiday." Meanwhile, Patsy & Penny was at a sports clothing store. Patsy was looking at the jerseys. "Mmm. I wonder what Lazlo wants for Christmas." she wondered. Then she looked at some shirts. "I can get him some FUBU shirts." While Patsy was getting some FUBU shirts, Penny was looking at around. "Shit! They don't got any FUBU Fat Albert shirts!" she sniffed. "Looks like I have to look elsewhere." Soon Patsy paid for the clothes, and was ready to leave. "Patsy, can we go to some other store? I still need to buy something for Lazlo." Penny asked. "Of course, Penny." Patsy said. Lazlo sat down on the bench. "I wonder if Patsy & Penny got their presents yet?" he wondered. Brain soon walked up. "Hello Lazlo. Did you do your shopping yet?" "Yep." Lazlo said. Then he looked at the bags in Brain's hands. "I see that you've done a whole lot of shopping." "Yeah. Most of this is Peter's stuff. The greaseball went back to eat all the food in the food court, again." he sniffed. Then he got up & left. At Finish Line, Penny was looking at some shirts. "Ah ha! There's the Fat Albert FUBU shirts." she said as she got a couple of the shirts. "Okay. All I need to get Patsy a mp3 player, and Lazlo a new dvd player." she said as she payed for the shirts.
Little bit later, Lazlo finally met Penny & Patsy. "It's about time you guys finally showed up." he teased. "We have to go to 5 stores." Patsy panted. "And there's a whole lot of people shopping also." Penny added. "Oh. I wonder what everbody else's doin'?" Lazlo wondered. "Who knows? They all probably at the sports bar, loitering again." Patsy said. "I doubt that, Patsy." Penny said. "I've heard that the manager of the sports bar will shoot anybody that's loitering in front of his restaruant now." "So that means, that they probably still shopping or at the food court with Scoutmaster Griffin." Lazlo said. "Let's get something to eat." "Who's gonna pay?" Penny asked. "I was gonna pay, but the present I brought drained me out." Lazlo muttered. "And the stuff I brought from Best Buy, made me broke." Penny said. "I'll pay." Patsy said. On the way to the food court, they bumped into Stewie & Nina. "I say, giraffe. It's that Patsy, hip hop girl, and what's-his-name. Did you guys went just come from that hippie store?" "Come on, Stewart." Nina said. "They were just minding their own business." "Stewart." Penny teased in a sing-song voice. The others laughed at the baby. "Shut up!!" Stewie sniffed. Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny left, still laughing. Stewie turned sharply to Nina. "Listen here, giraffe. I REALLY hate my FULL NAME!!!! Now remember that for next time, if that name ever pops into that head of yours. UNDERSTAND!?!" "Yeah, whatever." Nina said, not really paying attention to him. "Why do I even bother!!!" Stewie sniffed.
After Lazlo, Patsy, & Penny got something to eat, it was time to go. "Okay everyone." Peter said. "It's time to go." Then he turned to Cleveland. "Is everyone here?" Cleveland looked at all of the campers. "Everbody's here, except Quagmire. I think he's still at the sex toy store." "Oy vey!" Peter groaned. "It looks like I have to go get him." "Uh, scoutmaster Griffin. Can I go get him?" Gretchen asked. "Yeah, go ahead. Just don't be late gettin' back to camp." Peter said. "I see you're gonna get some giggety from Mr. Heh! Heh! Alright!" Patsy teased. "Shut the fuck up!!" Gretchen hissed as she ran to get Quagmire. "She'll probably be back at camp around bedtime." Nina said. "Maybe." Patsy said. "I doubt it." Penny added. "I say!" Stewie sniffed. "Less talky, more walky!" Peter said as he pushed them.
Back at camp, it was getting dark. "Damn! It's only 4:30, and it's already gettin' dark." Patsy said as she got out of her SUV. "That's one of the reasons that I like winter." Lazlo said. "Hell, it starts getting dark around 3:30 back at Detroit." Penny said. "It must be about to snow again." Lazlo added. Then he turned to Patsy. "You're gonna like the present I got you, Patsy." "Is it pretty?" she asked him. "Yes, it is." "Was it expensive?" she asked again. "It sure was." Lazlo said weakily. "I can't wait to see it!" Patsy exclaimed. Then she left. "Uh, so what did you get her?" Penny asked Lazlo. "Penny, promise me that you're not gonna tell Patsy." he said sternly. "I promise." she said. "Okay then. I brought her a bracelet." Then he showed Penny the bracelet. "Oohh, Lazlo. It's so pretty!" she awed. "Yes it is. It costed me every penny." Lazlo said. "Patsy's so lucky to get such a pretty gift!! I can't wait to see the look on her face!!" Penny said excitiedly. "So, what do you wanna do?" Lazlo asked. "I think I'll chill with Patsy until dinnertime." Penny said. "And you?" "I was about to play Iraqi snow war, with Raj & Clam." Lazlo said. "Uh, Lazlo. You do know that Clam's still unconsicous in my ride?" Penny asked. "Yeah." he said. "How are you gonna play without a third person?" she asked. "Well, I'll just ask anybody if they want to play." Lazlo said happily, as he ran to his cabin.
Meanwhile back at the mall, Gretchen was at the sex toy store. "Quaggie! Quaggie!" she called. Quagmire was getting his toys gift wrapped, when Gretchen walked up. "Gr-Gretchen, w-what are y-you doing here?" Quagmire said nervously. "It's time to go back to camp." she said. Then she looked at the gifts."Are those gifts for me?" "Uh, y-yes a-and n-no." he stuttered, then he recovered. "Okay, grab my keys." Gretchen got his car keys. "So, what did you buy me, Quaggie dear?" "Wait & see! It's gonna be pretty good." Quagmire said as he put the gifts in his car. Then he turned to her. "What did you get me?" he asked. "Oh! Um, j-just wait & see." Gretchen stuttered. "Damn! I forgot to get him something!! I haven't felt so pissed off since the time I drank that engery drink!"
(Flashback)
Gretchen is watching TV. A Gatorade commerical comes on.
Announcer: Are you tired of drinking boring old water when you're out playing on the ball court? Are you tired of being weak on the football field? If so, then try Gatorade. This engery drink will power you up. If you don't believe me, just ask celebrity spokesman, Tracy McGrady.
McGrady: Before I tried this, my game sucks. But now my game is better than ever before.
Announcer: That's right, if Tracy McGrady drinks this, so should you! Gatorade: is it in you?
Gretchen: I think I'll go buy some.
(Later)
Gretchen is outside. She's playing football with Quagmire & Patsy. She's also was sweating.
Gretchen:(Pant! Pant!) Losing strength! Need to be recharged!
She pulls out a bottle of Gatorade, and drinks it.
Gretchen: This shit tastes awful!!!!!
She spits it out.
Gretchen:(pissed off) That fuckin' shit is nasty!!! It's no wonder the NBA's startin' to suck, because of this shit!! I want my money back!!
Tracy McGrady pops out of nowhere.
McGrady: Too bad, she didn't read the fine print. 'Does not work on Alligators'. What a sap!
(End Flashback)
It is 9:30 now. Some of the campers are getting ready to go to bed now. Lazlo, Patsy,& Penny was watching TV in the lodge. They were watching the movie, 'The Player's Club'. "Oh shit!" Lazlo shouted."That Lisa Raye sure has sexiest swerves I have ever seen!" Patsy cleared her throat. "Uh, it's the third sexiest swerves I have ever seen." Lazlo smiled nervously at Patsy. "That's better." Patsy said. Then he turned to Penny. "Penny, did you let Clam out of your 4x4?" "Yeah, Lazlo. I did." Penny said boredily. Then she yawned & got up. "Well, I think I'll turn in." "Good night, Penny." Patsy said. "Sweet dreams, Penny." Lazlo said in a sing-song voice. After Penny left, Patsy sat on Lazlo's lap. "So Lazlo." she said switching to a sexy voice. "What are the two sexiest swerves that you've ever seen?" "Well, Penny's the second." Lazlo said. "And the first is..." then he looked at Patsy. She was smiling at him. "The first is...uh..." he stuttered and started blushing. Patsy saw Lazlo blush and put her face closer to his. "Mine's?" she asked in a sexy voice. "Y-Yeah!" Lazlo said as he was sweating from nervousness and turning red from embarassment. Patsy giggled. "I do have a nice ass, don't I?" "Y-Yeah!" Lazlo said, sweating more & more. "You love me, don't you Lazlo." Patsy said, still in a sexy voice. "Y-Y-Yeah, P-P-Patsy!!" Lazlo said getting redder. "I want to eat you up!" she shouted, and grabbed his head. "Kiss me, Lazlo baby!" Lazlo did as Patsy told him. This passionate kiss lasted for 5 minutes, then Lazlo got back up. "Damn! That felt good, Patsy!!" he said. Patsy giggled seductively. "That's just one of my presents for you." she said. "It is?" Lazlo asked. Patsy nodded. "I can't wait for the rest of my presents from you!" he exclaimed as he got up. "I think I'll hit the hay. I know what I'm gonna dream tonight!" "What?" Patsy asked. "That kiss." Lazlo whispered. Patsy giggled a bit. "Good night, sweetie." "Good night, my goddess." Lazlo said as he left the lodge. "Lazlo, wait!" Patsy called. "What?" he asked. "You left your coat. It's still snowing out." "I don't need my coat, Patsy. I-I'm still kind of hot & sweaty!!" Lazlo said. "Oh. Well good night then." Patsy said, as Lazlo went back to his cabin. After Lazlo left, Patsy put on her coat, and locked up the lodge. On her way to her cabin, Patsy thought a bit. "I like the way I was flirting with Lazlo, tonight! Maybe I'll do something like that, tomorrow! Maybe if I keep flirting with him, maybe he'll give me my present early!" she thought as she walked into her cabin.
Gretchen & Nina was already fast asleep, Penny was not. "I see that you kissed Lazlo again." she teased as Patsy entered. "How do you know?" Patsy asked as she took off her coat & hat. "Your tail is wagging at bit!" Penny teased. Patsy turned around to see that Penny was right. "Oh damn!" she sniffed. "Do your tail always wag after you kiss him?" Penny asked. "N-No, I don't think so?" Patsy answered as she put on her nightgown. "Uh huh." Penny said. "Patsy look at me in the eye, and say that!" Patsy looked into Penny's eyes. "Okay, it wags a bit sometimes after I kiss him!! Is that a crime?" she asked. "No, but not tellin' your cousin the truth is!" Penny said as she got up from her bed. "You know the penalty for that?" "Oh no! Not that!" Patsy cried. Penny put Patsy in a headlock and started giving her a noogie. "My noogies!!" Penny laughed. "No! Stop! Y-You're messin' up my hair!" Patsy giggled as she was trying to get loose from Penny's tight ass grip. "Your hair is gonna get fucked up anyway!! Besides, you know you like this!!" Penny said. They both fell onto Patsy's bed. Patsy was trying to grab something to hit Penny with. She grabbed a pillow that was nearby. She hit Penny with it, and Penny let her go. "Now you're gonna pay for fucking up my hair!" Patsy said as she hit Penny with the pillow again. "You want a pillow fight? Well you got one!" Penny said as she grabbed another pillow. The two cousins started fighting. They was having fun. All of the giggling & laughing woke up Gretchen. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOIN'?!? I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP!!!!!" she shouted. "Shut the fuck up, & join in!!!" Penny said as she threw a pillow at her. Gretchen grabbed the pillow. "You gonna die!!" she said as she hit Penny. "No, you both are!!" Penny said as she got three more pillows. "Oh shit!!" Patsy shouted. "Cheatin' bitch!!" Gretchen sniffed. "I heard that!!" Penny said as she hit Gretchen hard. All of the noise woke Nina up. "What's goin' on here?" she asked. "We're havin' a pillow war!" Penny said. "Can I join?" "Sure!" Patsy said as she hit Penny again. "Anyone can!!" Quagmire suddenly popped out of nowhere. "Can I join in?!?" "Sure you can, Quaggie." Gretchen said. "You can be on my team." "Heh! Heh! Heh! Alright!" he said as he got a pillow. So they fought each other all night long, well until midnight anyway.
